Couples told us that they had to chart and navigate a new course when they became empty-nesters. It’s the same with rewiring. It’s about defining his, her, and our needs for the future. The challenge is to not make any assumptions about what your partner is thinking. Create a dialogue. You might not initially be on the same page about the future, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get there. We discovered that many couples have difficulty communicating with each other and that talking about their hopes, fears, and dreams was difficult. Other couples admit that starting the conversation was challenging but was worth it just to find out what their partner was thinking. They reported that conversation helped them better understand the situation and their individual expectations.

We’ll use a variety of Real People stories to illustrate the relationship realities. Our research shows that sharing other people’s stories helps people see pitfalls and opportunities within their own relationships.

Carl, 60, a recently retired chemical engineer, was surprised to learn that his wife had many possibilities that didn’t include him. He said he was hurt at first and wondered if his marriage was in trouble. He viewed his wife as his social director and realized she didn’t want the job. After two months of puttering around the basement and garage—and trying to make his wife feel guilty—Carl realized that his wife had given him the freedom to become the musician he had always dreamed of becoming. Now, Carl feels a little vulnerable and has accepted that he might never become a great musician, but he’ll have fun trying. His biggest surprise was that he had assumed his wife would create his fun for him.

Bob, 62, is a partner in a technology consulting firm he’d started nine years earlier. His wife, Toni, 59, is a retired computer consultant. On a dare from a friend, they worked through the rewiring process and discovered that Bob had identified only one possibility: he wanted to cut back to working only four days a week. Toni, who had six possibilities, was upset to see that Bob was not ready to sell the business and rewire. She accepted that his work gave him great driver fulfillment but asked that he think about an eventual exit strategy with a time frame. Bob said he felt that Toni finally understood how important business success was to him.

In our couples seminars, we overheard wives telling their husbands, “You can’t follow me around the house all day.” “Don’t ask me what I’m going to do.” “Go out and get your own life between 9 and 5.” The messages might sound hurtful at first, but this doesn’t mean the wives don’t love their husbands. They are simply saying, “We need a plan for you, me, and us.”

Elizabeth was in one of our seminars and introduced herself as the wife of a recovering flunked retiree. She thought she and Al would travel in retirement, but instead, she said she watched her energetic, social husband retire to a reclusive life of watching TV and reading the paper. She described herself as growing sad, frustrated, and angry until she realized that Al had lost his purpose. He had always complained about the number of e-mails he got at work, and now he was complaining that he never got any! After two years in retirement, Al rewired and went back to work part-time for a former supplier. Elizabeth says they now take long weekend trips to accommodate Al’s new work schedule. She admits the travel isn’t what she imagined, but she views it as temporary, and Al’s new purpose totally worth it.

Managing money in retirement can be a challenge, especially as we live longer. One of your possibilities might be to pursue a new career. Your action plan might call for you going back to school for a degree, new training, or a certification. This could lead to a discussion with your partner about using your money to invest in yourself. Be prepared to show how spending the money and the time on the pursuit of new work will positively impact both of your futures.

Bernice, now 72, initially retired at 64 from an accounting firm. After 23 months, she decided that golf and sitting on a corporate board were not giving her enough driver fulfillment. She was a leader without a cause or a challenge. Her psychologist daughter realized she was getting depressed and suggested she find a new purpose. She was thrilled to become the executive director of a nationally prominent nonprofit.

Her husband, Cal, however, wanted to travel and spend time living abroad. Every time he raised the subject, Bernice had an excuse: too busy in her new role, too expensive right now, we will do it when I really retire. Cal became frustrated but started to travel with his golfing buddies or alone. “Now,” Cal says, “I’m 74 and Bernice is finally ready to pack. I’ve already done my trips. I wish we had communicated better early on. We could have blocked out a few months after Bernice retired and tried living abroad.”

In each of these situations, partners need to have realistic expectations of the other. Assuming your spouse will change is not a good rewirement strategy.

Many retirees have elderly parents or grandchildren who may require their time and attention. Planning for these responsibilities should be factored into your rewirement plan.

Many husbands and wives believe that creating a rewired life with less stress can be a tonic to a renewed sex life. But it doesn’t always happen. Viagra has altered couples’ expectations about sex. As one man put it, “Now Grandpa wants to play with Grandma, but she only wants to play with the grandchildren.”

On the flip side, without rewiring and finding new purpose, many individuals can fall into a funk and experience a loss of self-esteem, which can lead to depression and a decline in everything, including sex. If you or someone you know is having difficulty, suggest they speak to a physician or therapist.

Ageism exists both in society and in our own heads. And both have to be dealt with if you are to succeed in your rewiring. As research has shown, older workers are more expensive (because seniority tends to lead to larger salaries) and are disproportionately let go in economic downturns, despite legal protections.^[1]

Although society won’t change its negative impressions about aging overnight, we are beginning to see real cracks in the “silver ceiling,” the point at which age becomes a serious obstacle to employment. There are still stories in the press about it, but they’re declining. In fact, some companies are retaining their mature workers and others are recruiting older employees into new organizations because some younger workers don’t have the necessary skills required for the job—something mature workers might have. The shift to age appreciation will be gradual and will probably depend on how drastic the skills shortage actually is.

There’s widespread controversy about what’s the best approach to dealing with society’s negative attitudes about age, and we found that opinions varied. Some people recommend avoiding direct confrontation about age. Others seek legal redress. Many people report that age has never been a problem for them.

Through our research, we have seen many people inadvertently playing into society’s negative image of aging. A 90-year-old woman we met takes the blood pressure of senior citizens because she “likes to take care of old people.” She saw all seniors, except herself, as old. We have come to conclude that we are all ageists to some degree and shouldn’t be. Don’t play into it by using any of the negative words about age—at any age!

Age is a great excuse. Listen carefully when people start to say things like “I can’t do that. I’m too old.” As noted career counselor Helen Harkness says, “Without realizing it, our chronological age can unconsciously and automatically block our thinking about our future.”^[2] It’s important to not let yourself get caught in this negative trap. If you begin to see your age itself as limiting, it will be, and the limiting attitudes may keep you from achieving the life of your dreams. If you’re in this position, evaluate the role negative thinking is playing in your plans.

Rewirees who are more focused on their functional age are more successful when they rewire because they don’t let their age limit their choices. Successful rewirees never give up pursuing their goals and dreams, no matter what their age. They don’t go around believing that they’re too old to do what they want. Instead of believing negative age stereotypes, successful rewirees believe it’s never too late to chase a dream.

Although the Bureau of Labor Statistics says there will be a labor shortage of 10 million workers by 2010, not everyone agrees. More importantly for rewirees is that there’s no guarantee that an ultimate shortage will be in your industry or in your skill set. Research conducted by The Conference Board, Merrill Lynch, AARP, and others indicates that organizations are at all points on the spectrum in recognizing and preparing for this anticipated shortage. If “working in retirement” is one of your selected possibilities, you need to know what organizations are doing or not doing.

On the good news front, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) recently announced a proposal to amend the ADEA (Age Discrimination in Employment Act), which “... would permit employers to favor older individuals because of age.”

Many industries are already experiencing skills shortages and have special programs in place to recruit and retain experienced workers. The industries include aerospace, defense, health care, nursing, oil, gas, energy, transportation, and retail. (See Appendix B for specific resources.)

Low unemployment, competitive wages, and employee requests have compelled organizations to consider work options that offer increased flexibility. We listed several options in Chapter 2, including flex-time, freelancers, contract workers, consultants, and part-time. Additional work options include independent contractors, project workers, free agents, project managers, seasonal workers, flexible workers, and temp and interim workers.

For example, as an independent contractor, you might be able to work as a consultant paid a fee. If you qualify under IRS rules, you become a self-employed independent contractor. This works well for very short-term assignments. And CVS, The Home Depot, and other companies have created seasonal worker programs that permit you to work where you want, when you want. If you live in Maine in the summer and are a snowbird in the winter, these companies allow you to do the same job in different states. If you need flexibility, investigate who else might be offering seasonal jobs.

There’s no standard definition for phased retirement. A pre-retiree told us he’d like to phase or “downshift.” Many organizations are testing phased retirement models that are legally compliant and meet employer and employee needs. The government is seeking to enact legislation that would permit flexibility within the federal government that could affect the private sector as well. Look into what your organization, vendors, and customers are doing. You may get some new ideas.

Your former employer(s) or the company you retired from may rehire you. Companies have historically done a poor job at knowledge transfer, so when employees retire, they take their job knowledge and expertise with them, leaving behind an information gap. To close this gap, companies are rehiring retirees who know the company, the job, the equipment, the people, the informal communications network, and the shortcuts that save time and effort.

It used to be that if a retiree were brought back full-time, the individual would have to suspend collecting his or her pension. But a new type of employer called the third-party employer permits the collection of your pension and a paycheck at the same time as you work full-time. One such company—and a fast-growing one at that—is ZeroChaos in Orlando, Florida. Here’s how it works: you become an employee of the third-party company and then work on-site at your former company. The third party payrolls you, in many cases offering benefits, including health care and a 401(k). The third-party employer remits the payroll taxes to the proper authorities and provides human resource support to assist with any issues that arise.

Adecco, Kelly, Manpower, and Spherion are major staffing companies that supply workers to a wide clientele. Today, staffing companies supply a whole range of unskilled and skilled workers, including lawyers, accountants, graphic designers, engineers, etc.—the list of jobs offered is as vast and varied as the clientele. Staffing companies are also becoming more creative in how they access and support their workers, including retirees.

Smaller staffing firms are recruiting mature workers, too. They usually focus on specific job categories, such as lawyers, accountants, information technology professionals, etc.

Some offer free training programs that can lead to job certifications, and flexible schedules may be a possibility. You might even be able to try out a new job as a temp and see if you like it. Go to the websites of the major staffing companies, and see if they are actively seeking to have mature workers and retirees register as part of their labor pool (see Appendix B).

People of all ages complain that they’ve applied for jobs online and never heard from anyone. The reality is people are getting hired, whether through company websites or sites like Monster.com, Execunet.com, Hotjobs.com, Careerbuilder.com, retirementjobs.com, or retiredbrains.com. Opportunities in the not-for-profit sector can be found on idealist.org and volunteermatch.org. See Appendix B for others.

You can use these websites for many purposes:

But note: websites should not be your only source of information.

The federal government estimates almost 3 million business owners are over the age of 55—an increase of almost one third since 2000.^[3] For many, having their own business is a dream come true. For others, the dream can quickly turn into a nightmare. More than 50 percent of all new businesses fail in the first four years. “There’s a myth that entrepreneurs have special traits that distinguish them from other people,” says Raffi Amit, academic director of Wharton’s Goergen Entrepreneurial Management Programs. “There’s a myth that entrepreneurs are risk takers. But research has shown that they try to manage risk.”

If you decide to go the entrepreneurial route, ask yourself a long list of questions, including these:

Many colleges and adult education programs offer courses on starting your own business.

Some people rewire into the not-for-profit sector, which includes paid and volunteer work. Some of them become social entrepreneurs. According to Ashoka.org, “Social entrepreneurs are individuals with innovative solutions to society’s most pressing problems.” Social entrepreneurs start organizations to change for the better the way society functions.

Nonprofits are realizing that while individuals want to rewire to volunteer activities, they don’t always have the financial flexibility required to work for free. Some organizations are subsidizing the cost of transportation and paying hourly wages.

Volunteer work is not what it used to be—here or abroad. Private and nonprofit organizations both are offering opportunities that combine service with vacation.