Truth 9. Tone makes—or breaks—your message

One day recently, Tom received an e-mail from a man named Peter, who wanted Tom’s company to hire him to give a presentation for the Human Resources department. It began, “Hey there! I’ll bet your guys haven’t seen this kind of show before, and you’ll be a hero for bringing me in.” The problem was that Tom’s company is a staid law firm with many of the partners and associates in their forties and higher. What was jarring about Peter’s message? Its tone, based on the obvious fact that Peter hadn’t researched his target audience.

When you’re writing something that is simple and not too important, you may only need to consider “goal,” “audience,” and “tone” for a minute. But when your purpose does matter, even a short message should be carefully plotted out. If you’re about to write something substantial, such as a proposal, get your goal and audience ideas in place with care, and the rest will follow far more easily than you’d expect.

Deciding on tone—Think of tone as the general atmosphere and “feel” of your message: Formal? Casual? Friendly? Breezy? Enthusiastic? Motivational? Inspirational?

These decisions will automatically trigger your choice of words and writing style. So how do you know what tone to use? It’s usually a logical outcome of goal and audience.

Let’s look at a fairly simple message that’s important to the writer. Marian needs to call a meeting that will bring together her own boss, someone who reports to her, and a colleague on her own level. Her goal is clear: getting everyone to the meeting ready to play their roles well and advance the project she’s running.

Marian’s high degree of investment means she should think things through carefully. She has three distinctly different relationships with her recipients. So one memo will not work in this case. And the different relationships suggest different tones.

When you write to your supervisor, you naturally write in a different manner than you would to someone who reports to you, or to a friend. Marian needs three customized memos.

To her subordinate:

Dear Mark:

The Project Win meeting is scheduled for Thursday, May 12, at 2 p.m. As planned, I will call on you to deliver the Section A progress report, so please be prepared and bring 10 copies of your handout. If you have any problems developing the report, be sure to let me know ASAP. In any case, let’s go over the gist of your report and the handout together by Monday. Please call Martha to set a time.

To her supervisor:

Dear Alpha:

I’ve planned the Project Win meeting you expressed interest in for next Thursday, May 12. I consulted with Jane about the date, but the time can be adjusted to your schedule. Is 2 p.m. convenient for you? If so, we can begin with the progress report. Or, we can plan that for 2:30 or 3 if that works better. Let me know as your schedule shapes up—thanks.

To her colleague:

Dear Joan:

Can you come to a meeting about Project Win on May 12 at 2 p.m.? A progress report is on the agenda, and I know you want to hear how my department is doing with that. Alpha will join us for part of the meeting. Let me know if you’ll be there, and if you have any concerns—let’s talk about that before the 12th. Maybe lunch?

How do these memos differ? Obviously, the content had to be adjusted for each recipient, but also the tone (the sound of the “voice”). Which is the least formal? The message to your peer—a colleague and equal. Just as in person-to-person contact, actually. Your communication to a supervisor demands a relative formality and should show consideration for her demanding schedule; someone reporting to you also needs formality and must be presented with clear expectations. But you can relax somewhat with your peer, and adopt a more collegial tone, though not so much that you overlook what’s needed to reinforce mutual support.

What’s your guide?—Relationships are your guiding force to shape tone. Consider your standing with the person, add the audience-analysis techniques covered in Truth 8 to tailor your approach to the individual and address his or her self-interest, and you’re sure to get it right. The visualizing trick, where you focus on seeing the person in your head, can be extremely helpful.

Some “nevers” (well, hardly ever)—Always beware of building in the following:

• Emotional content—Anger, hostility, frustration, hurt feelings, resentment, unhappiness—they have no place in a business meeting, and they don’t belong in a memo. If you write an e-mail when you’re angry, save it and review it later before sending. You’ll be surprised at how even a sentence or two can convey a state of mind that you’re better off controlling.

• Criticism—Including personal, negative commentary in a written message is always a bad idea. This is true even if you’re writing to a subordinate and have good reason to complain. Criticizing someone is a delicate human interaction that should be done face to face. If you must write, stay neutral and perhaps ask questions. (“I didn’t see the report on my desk this morning. What’s the story?”)

• Humor—Jokes, quips, and funny references to other people can all be taken wrong—or right. Most of all, avoid irony and sarcasm. These tones don’t carry in written form: They demand the visual and aural cues of live interaction. Trying to use sarcasm or irony in written communication can land you in a lot of trouble.