Truth 18. Rhythm and transitions make writing move

Base your writing on straightforward, simple sentences. Teachers used to call these “declarative” sentences. For example, “John broke the stick.” “Amanda is going to the overseas conference.” “I want to tell you a story.” “Mr. Macklowe needs the report tomorrow.” “Most immigrants learn to speak English in two years.”

But, you say, if I use only sentences like that, won’t my writing get boring and choppy? Yes. You’ve only to look at a textbook to see something like this:

John Black was a Pilgrim. The Pilgrims suffered from oppression in England. Black emigrated to America in 1654. He bought land in Massachusetts. He built a large house. He was elected town governor in 1666.

How can you avoid this mind-numbing effect? Easy…

Alternate the simple sentences with longer (compound) sentences that have two or three sections, or clauses. It’s just as simple to write: John Black was a Pilgrim. Because Pilgrims in England suffered from oppression, he emigrated to America in 1654. He bought land in Massachusetts and built a large house. In 1666, Black was elected town governor.

Still not riveting, of course, because the content is dull. But by varying the sentence length and fooling with the wording a little, you at least have a paragraph that flows reasonably well.

Here’s a work-a-day example:

Hi Mike:

Thanks for inviting me to the meeting on Friday. It definitely sounds interesting. I’d like to learn about Socratic selling. However, I’m starting my vacation on Thursday. I’m sorry that I can’t be there. Please keep me on the distribution list. I’d like to come next time.

Versus

Hi Mike:

Thanks for inviting me to the meeting on Friday. It sounds interesting, especially because I’ve always been curious about Socratic selling. However, I’m starting my vacation on Thursday. I’ll have to miss this meeting, but please keep me on the distribution list so I can come next time.

Again, some changes were needed to adapt the sentences to the new structure. What’s been accomplished?

This technique gives you rhythm—try the “reading-it-aloud test” with both versions—and it pulls the reader along. Moreover, hasn’t the message become more convincing in expressing appreciation and regret? The stilted version sounds like the writer is just going through the motions of responding.

Pay attention to transitions

First, check to make sure every sentence connects to the next one. If it doesn’t, try to alter the wording or the order of ideas so that it does.

For example:

We’ve found four problems with the new software. It was purchased from Dann Associates, and we got a break on the price. The backup system doesn’t work…

Better

We got a price break on the new software from Dann Assoc., but we’ve found four problems. First, the backup system doesn’t work…

In the first example, a reader is thrown from one point to another—from “problems” to where it was bought/price break and then back to “problems.” In the second version, the connections are clear—notice that the word “problems” at the end of the first sentence in the second version leads right into the list of problems.

It’s all about relationships. Each sentence should follow logically from what precedes it, and the part that relates to the following sentence should be put as close to it as possible.

You may need transitional words to make connections clear—we used but in the preceding example.

Here are some other transitional words: and, while, although, however, nevertheless, because, moreover, instead, alternatively, otherwise, further, additionally, sometimes, similarly, again, as well as, meanwhile, specifically, for example.

Phrases can also provide transitions: on the other hand, in spite of, to the contrary, in line with, not only, and so on.

Using transitions to suggest sequence is often helpful. Ideas can be numbered, for example; you can introduce them as “first,” “second,” and so on. You can profitably make the logic of even a short e-mail clear with sequencing techniques and an introductory sentence:

We see four problems with the new software:

First…

Fourth and last…

This lets people know how much is ahead of them and gives them a sense of satisfaction as they progress through the sequence—especially as the end approaches. Good speakers use this technique all the time to keep us listening to them.

Pay close attention to the transitions between paragraphs, too. Each transition needs to link logically to the next one. Gaps force readers to figure out the connection you didn’t make. Wherever the paragraph ends is where the following one should pick up. Transitional words are useful here, just as they are between sentences.

You don’t need to know what a document is about to see how the following phrases might connect a paragraph to the one preceding it or following it:

In that case, however, how did they end up in trouble?

With passage of this regulation, the industry climate changed.

Here’s the background.

But this is not a strategy for success.

Here’s another way to see this.

In spite of this experience…

I see three ways to accomplish the goal.

In conclusion…