Ah, differences! The spice that makes life and relationships interesting, surprising, and compelling. And the source of irritations that can cause disruption, turmoil, and pain. When it comes to groups, both of these statements are true. Experience in most groups teaches hesitancy about encouraging diverse opinions. Extraordinary groups offer a different lesson. There, members are more likely to lean into their differences. In this chapter, we encourage you to do exactly that—lean in to explore and learn from the wide array of viewpoints and experiences present in your group. We ask you to think more deeply about the tension differences create and the way this tension can become the source of creativity and connection. We report on how differences represent an essential ingredient of extraordinary groups and describe the way that the six Group Needs are met when team members actively embrace those differences. We then offer guidance for how you can first prepare yourself and then encourage your groups to learn from and capitalize on the rich diversity brought by members.
When a group forms, each person's age, skill, gender, relationships, religion, ethnicity, personality, sexual orientation, professional background, style, upbringing, education, physical capacity, and life experience arrive at every meeting. This broad range is on display as members consciously and not so consciously attempt to meet their Group Needs. In ordinary groups, there is a well-recognized pattern: in pursuit of what joins people together, members often skirt over what sets them apart. They avoid their separate edges in an effort to create a harmonious experience. In extraordinary groups, the opposite takes place. Members are curious and want to know more about their differences. Individuals are encouraged to contribute their unique knowledge, skills, feelings, and opinions. They speak passionately to points they see as important. They step into this hard work of careful listening and setting aside personal bias or the desire to be right. They open themselves up to the often messy, confusing, and scary exchanges that can presage a creative group outcome. They know that their ability to build on those differences creates a unique advantage for their group. They understand that embracing differences is not about resolving conflicts or winning a debate; it is about welcoming and holding differences in a nurturing way, so that they can be seen, understood, and used as a resource to achieve a group's Purpose and Impact. Full engagement requires this approach. Without embracing differences, collaboration and innovation are impossible.
We are more frequently hearing phrases such as "cross-functional groups" or statements such as "we need to make sure we've got the full range of perspectives included." There is increasing recognition about the value of intentionally including differences when inviting people to join a group. We are learning to not just face the Reality of difference, but also build on it. This trend makes it even more important that all those unique perspectives inform the group and spark creativity. Obviously, taking advantage of the diversity brought by members is much more difficult in groups where people back away from the challenge of being open to different points of view.
Extraordinary groups cultivate a positive mind-set about differences, choosing to see them as intriguing, informative, and essential—rather than irritating, divisive, or threatening. In two-thirds of our collected stories, people identified the differences within their groups and the ability to express and work with these differences as critical to their success. The gist of their stories is this: First, since no two people are alike, group members necessarily see the world differently. Second, these differences cannot benefit the group when they stay in the background or threaten members when they enter the foreground. Third, if you want an extraordinary group experience, you must legitimize these differences; you must hold the differences for the group's consideration. And you must do this in ways that allow people to move forward together rather than pull the group apart. This capacity is a core distinction—a pivot point—between ordinary and extraordinary groups.
Before we offer our suggestions for how to build this capacity in your groups, we want to highlight two important concepts:
Commitment to Purpose allows sorting out differences.
Working with differences meets Group Needs.
To help us explore these two points, we offer another story from our field study.
In 1995, Nancy's company started losing customers to foreign competition. She was invited to join a cross-functional team that would redesign how their products were sold globally. Fifteen handpicked individuals were pulled from their regular jobs for this effort. "Subject matter experts in different fields were locked behind closed doors for three months." These individuals, with huge differences in background and position, immersed themselves in reams of information related to the product, the market, the organization, its systems, and input from customers and executives.
In the end, they recommended "completely revamping the structure of all units associated with sales." As their recommendations were accepted, Nancy recalls, "This design team morphed into an implementation team. We each started out wearing our functional hats and together became the pinnacle of what a team can achieve." She continued, "It was transformational at many different levels . . . it was like the blinders had been taken off. I saw that the world was bigger than I had previously thought. This required a flip in my thinking." Listening to Nancy, we could hear the depth of change this larger view of the world represented for her—and to all members of the team as they both respected what each person brought and created something larger than any one of them could have done alone.
Nancy's story fits with a pattern in extraordinary group experiences: Commitment to team Purpose creates the context for members to set aside their personal biases and self-interest for the good of the whole. When team members would find themselves caught up in their disagreements, "someone would say that we needed to step back and remember what we were all about. The objective was a real rallying point. The market place and the customers had shifted. We now had formidable competition forcing the complacency and arrogance out of our system. We were suddenly aware that we didn't have a divine right to 80 percent of the market."
Nancy saw that "people were willing to put the identity and success of our team ahead of their own sense of importance and individuality. The old hierarchy from Sales started to reduce their egos. A real eye-opening moment was when some of them realized that they would get to a certain point in the selling process "and then throw the sale over the fence." In other words, they would assume their job was done and let others who came next in the sales process fend for themselves. "At that point, there was an awareness of what it was like to be in another person's shoes. They finally realized that 'I am not the only one; this is not all about me!' People gained a sense that we don't do this alone." Bingo! Another shift in perceptions due to common Purpose. But notice that group members did not gain this insight in a splurge of generosity and team Purpose. No, they got there by initially putting themselves forward and facing the differences among the team.
When asked about how the group faced those differences, Nancy remembers that it wasn't necessarily pretty. "It included shouting matches and people storming out of the room. When that happened, we'd take a break. Sometimes we'd retreat into our reading material. When we reconvened, we'd acknowledge what happened, admit that there were no hard feelings, and get back into it." What enabled people to do this? "The integrity of each person, the sense of obligation to do this task—to sink our teeth into something really important for the company. And the recognition that no one was happy with the way things were. Everyone involved was trying to do what was best for the organization." Again, the importance of commitment to Purpose.
In our extraordinary groups, members made their way through sometimes volatile and messy clashes by reminding themselves that something marvelous could happen if they could just see it through. At some level people knew that fantastic results could not be achieved by a follow-the-rules-and-avoid-conflict approach. When asked to name three factors that made her team experience so outstanding, Nancy cited its quick ability to surface disagreements; letting go of right-and-wrong and ego; and a willingness to explore. As we examined other stories where diverse views and conflict were cited as important contributors to great results, we saw how the willingness to face into differences was a powerful means of meeting all six of the Group Needs. Prior to this recognition, we knew that commitment to Purpose was hugely important. But we hadn't seen so clearly the full power of embracing differences. We continue with Nancy's story to demonstrate this discovery about the five other Group Needs—Acceptance, Potential, Bond, Reality, and Impact.
Nancy says that in an experience like hers, "You learned about yourself, how you show up, what your behaviors do to others. I was in a room with all these talented people. Some days were very humbling and I wondered 'why am I here?'" Later in the interview, she acknowledged, "I have a tendency to be my own worst enemy. But this experience showed me that I truly did belong with this team. It gave me an amazing sense of self-worth."
"There was such a willingness to explore. It felt like we were sitting on the edge of a new frontier, doing the cutting-edge thinking." Nancy knew this team was expanding her Potential. Also a musician, she knows "what the creative process is like in an arena that is expected to be creative. I hadn't experienced the creative juice in an organization before being on this team." As the team talked through members' different views of the future, "There was an amazing exploration to all the thinking and research we did. It was grad school level." When asked the degree to which this experience enabled her to learn new things in order to realize some of her Potential, she rated it as "a 38-point font! I thrive on learning new things and am interested in so many different things. Our experience really fed that part of me." Notice how tightly Nancy's fulfillment of her Potential is bound to the team's exploration of its differences. We heard this often in our field study.
Nancy saw her diverse team bonding as a whole and how their ability to challenge each other was a part of that process. "It was amazing to see how the team moved. The respect, enjoying each others' company, bringing out the best in each other, challenging each other. There was a real depth of feeling, a sense of 'I want to know more about your world and about you.' " As to her own experience, she simply stated that "It gave me a sense of belonging."
Nancy remembers the hard work that was required for some members to get beyond their well-established view of how things worked. People gradually came to understand that "this work was going to make a big difference—and that it was really about changing the corporate culture. And this was going to be really hard work!" The team's work "challenged people to think in terms of the whole process—from the first point of customer contact to the delivery and servicing of the product. Misconceptions were brought to light. People were so used to living in silos. They got to see what the world looked like from another point of view." Nancy saw the transformative Impact of examining the Reality of different views and how it triggered another "flip in thinking. That's what I was really watching. Some people were very uncomfortable and had a hard time. Some left because they couldn't handle the change in thinking. Those that stayed were willing to shift." Without the exploration of different views, they would not have been able to see the whole picture, the whole Reality.
The cross-functional membership of Nancy's group assured that different perspectives of the whole process would be at the table so that their recommendations would be credible and actionable. Out of those built-in differences and the way in which the team faced them came important results. For the first time in the company's history, a documented process that would allow that process to be intentionally managed. A decision to co-locate all those involved with the process including sales, marketing, contracts, customer engineering, and customer services. And perhaps most important, a restructuring of all included functions around certain customers. In Nancy's words, "At the time, this was all huge and revolutionary."
Imagine the effort required to hold an appropriate and creative tension between the unique contributions of the individual members and the shared pursuit of results by the whole group. This is something of a "sweet spot" for extraordinary groups. To employ differences to their advantage, members need to believe that it is possible to grow from those differences; they then need to be willing to engage with each other so that new understandings can be gained. Then they will be ready to act. As we two know from our collaboration on this book this is not easy work. But it is essential to an extraordinary group experience.
Enhancing your ability to hold and build upon differences begins with what goes on inside you—how you feel about the differences you see and what you do because of them. You will be far more effective at helping your group be open to differences if you have found your own center first. What good is it to go into your group off-center or unbalanced, especially when it comes to issues that can inspire strong opinions and passionate debate? You will therefore notice that all of our questions and most of our actions in this section focus on what you could do alone or outside of group meetings. As with Chapters Four through Six, we encourage you to pick up your journal and take notes; follow through by applying some of the actions we highlight. By doing so, you will increase both your self-awareness and your skill.
Think about, write about, talk about, observe yourself with five suggestions in mind. Consider your willingness to
Consider your commitment to your group's Purpose and the people involved. The level of your commitment determines your willingness to openly explore the differences in your group. High commitment means you are capable of inspiring others and encouraging the group to capitalize on its diversity. Moderate commitment may build as the group gets under way, but depends on the level of commitment of others in the group. Low commitment is not likely to lead to an extraordinary experience; you won't have the focus and energy required and will have a harder time appreciating and learning from the group's diversity.
Consider the importance you assign to your group's Purpose.
How important is your group's Purpose to you? Why? What is your sense of how others in your group view the importance of your collective Purpose. What causes you to make this assessment?
Consider your history with addressing differences in groups. Describe for yourself the roles and actions you have taken. What successful patterns do you see? What have you learned from those experiences that could be useful now?
What risks are you willing to take to help this group have an extraordinary experience? What would you be willing to deny yourself for the sake of the group?
Continue to reflect on your commitment to your group's Purpose through actions that push you into greater understanding.
Describe what your group does when differences emerge. Particularly note any patterns in behavior and feelings expressed.
Based on what you have read here, and your related thinking, list actions you are willing to take to promote your group's ability to embrace its differences. Picture yourself taking each those actions. Pick at least one and follow through with your group.
Think of someone from your personal life who you care deeply about and with whom you also have differences. Identify an issue that exists between the two of you. Meet with that person with the intent of suspending your judgment and increasing your curiosity. Seek to understand that person's views more deeply. Make no decisions or judgments; just listen in order to better understand. After this conversation, take note of your experience and any insights you might have gained.
How would you increase the likelihood that your group could become exceptional if you operated from the belief that it will? If you aspire to be extraordinary in your group interactions, how might your behavior influence others? We encourage you to follow this line of questioning by operating from the assumption that your group could be amazing, fantastic, extraordinary! Since most of us go into groups with some kind of unconscious bias, choose a positive bias and see what happens as a result. Choose to see differences within your group as intriguing, informative, and essential to fulfilling the group's purpose. This mindset will help you see and build on the diversity of strengths other members bring. It will help you engage in disagreements as a learner—not as someone who already knows the "right" answer.
Go below the surface of some of your conscious patterns to examine the values or beliefs that influence your behavior.
What is your "natural" bias toward organizations, work, and groups? How has that been evident to you and others? What does this suggest about developing a positive bias?
What are times in your life when a positive bias paid off to your advantage? What did you gain because of this positive bias?
If you were to act even more positively in group situations, what would that look like? What would you be doing that you are not now doing?
What are the consequences for you of holding low expectations of the groups you are part of?
Bring insight about your natural biases to your interaction with others in your life or in your group.
Ask a friend or close family member about how they see your approach to work and groups. What do they pick up about your attitudes given what they hear you say or see you do? What effect does your approach have on what happens in the groups—as they see it?
Make notes to yourself on what positive expectations could do for a particularly important group. Use those notes as a basis for what you say in your group.
Go out of your way to know members of your group; find out about their backgrounds, training, experience, likes and dislikes. Share the same about yourself.
Talk with group members about how you could better play off each other's strengths in order to advance your Purpose and increase your Impact.
The Group Needs model reminds us that individuals thrive in settings that help them learn and grow. Learning often comes when different viewpoints meet each other in a group discussion. Or learning can come if we take the first glimmers of confusion, frustration, or irritation as opportunities. Guide your thinking—and the group's—toward learning from the differences within the group. To do this, notice when you are about to judge another person wrong and declare yourself right. Replace your judgment with curiosity; get curious about other possibilities and open up to differing points of view. Behave in ways that show your respect for other perspectives and experiences, knowing that respect does not equal agreement. Actively seek information that will help you learn about another's opinion, what's behind it, its implications, and how it might support the group's Purpose.
Consider your patterns around judgment.
What, if any, particular behaviors of others tend to push your hot-buttons? When your buttons get pushed and you slide toward judgment, how do you behave?
What might you say or do to set aside your judge and reclaim your learner-explorer?
Think of a time when your curiosity was fully engaged in a group. What enabled that to be so? Could you apply any of those factors in current situations in which you are inclined to judge rather than learn?
What could you do to better demonstrate that you hear the views of others that are different from your own?
These suggestions will help you become more conscious of your inclinations to judge or learn from others.
Notice when your judging-self emerges in a group situation. How does that affect your ability to learn? What could you say in the group that would release some of your judgment?
List phrases, statements, or questions that help you stay in the learner-explorer role. Examples: "Your point is that we need to. . . ." Or "I'd like to hear why you believe that is so important." Or "I've never thought of that." Refer to that list when you find yourself tempted to abandon the learner for the sake of your judge.
List phrases, statements, or questions that suggest you are judging. For example, "We ought to. . ." Or "That's wrong." Or "I think we are done with this." Pay attention to how frequently such phrases make their way into your group interaction.
Notice what allows you to accept the views of certain people and not others. How does this affect your group behavior? What might you do to accept more people? Is there any connection between what you have difficulty accepting in others and what you find hard to accept in yourself?
Extraordinary groups commonly talk about going places no one has gone before. Those we interviewed used words or phrases such as Nancy's "revolutionary" or "breakthrough" or "never been done before." Risk taking is always required in these circumstances. Keep in mind that when a group regularly chooses not to risk, nothing especially noteworthy is being aspired to or likely to happen. This is not horrible, but the chance that this will become a great group is significantly reduced.
Use these questions to gain insight about your willingness to undertake actions that carry risk.
How would you describe yourself in terms of willingness to risk? What increases your willingness to risk?
When has risking been particularly successful for you?
What are some of the riskier elements of the work you do right now?
What do your answers to the questions above suggest about how you want to approach the groups you are part of?
Think about your group and the degree to which risk taking is necessary to become extraordinary.
Remind yourself of your commitment to the group's Purpose. Describe a risk you would be willing to take to advance the group's Purpose.
Assess yourself and your group against the indicators of extraordinary groups in Chapter Two. Which actions does your group commonly demonstrate? Which would you like to get better at? Which actions seem particularly risky? Why might it be important to take that risk? What can you personally do to encourage others to take those risks?
Assess your group's willingness to risk. Describe risky actions taken and readily supported. What else might the group do in the way of risk to make itself more effective? Ask others in your group what they see as useful but risky behavior.
Space to a group can mean the place it holds its meeting. But it can also refer to the psychological space—or safety—that is necessary to talk about differences. When people fear that talking about certain issues creates too much of a risk to take, they believe that moving into that conversation will result in some kind of reprisal or loss. They worry that "things will get out of hand" or "someone will get emotional!" With such feelings, they are less likely to make the space to talk about the issue at hand. At such moments, a desire to control the group or the conversation can ooze on to the scene. In extraordinary groups, members sense enough open and safe space for them to express their unique perspectives.
Consider your patterns of behavior in groups. How often do you want to be in control or do you avoid emotional encounters? If your answer is "much of the time," this may be a development opportunity for you. You've got plenty of company in these patterns, but less among members of extraordinary groups. If you want to help create an extraordinary group, behave as they behave. Support your group by encouraging it to find the space it needs for creative and passionate communication. Remind yourself of how amazing groups behave and be patient with your group when it moves in that direction, even if those behaviors cause you discomfort. Know that breakthrough thinking often comes from these more authentic and even chaotic moments. Support your group in loosening up rather than ratcheting down.
Give yourself permission to explore the question of control and how and when it might show up in your group behavior.
Do you have tendencies to want to be right, to be first, to control, to avoid conflict or passionate interaction? If no, why not? If yes, why? How does any of these behaviors show up in your group meetings?
What are the consequences of a group moving forward without your regular intervention to shape, manage, or control? What might happen in the extreme?
Notice what your answers above suggest about the group's capabilities and your capabilities. How does this fit with your thoughts about you and your role in other groups? What clues, if any, do your answers offer about what you might do more or less of in the future?
Think about your group and your commitment to its Purpose and its members. Ask yourself: How likely is it that my worries or fears will come true?
Watch how the issues of space and control manifest themselves in your group.
Notice yourself in your next group meeting. Do nothing differently except notice and note your reactions to what is going on. Notice when you find yourself wanting to be first, to be right, or to win. Ask yourself what you would do if you were more of a learner-explorer than a judger.
Notice others in your next group meeting. Notice the more passionate members: How do they give voice to that passion? Where does it come from? How effective is it with others? How do others respond?
Notice how much time or psychological space is provided in your group for exploring differences. What happens because it is there—or not? Make notes on the space available and how it is used and might be increased.
With these questions and actions, we complete our guidance on what you as an individual can do to prepare yourself to be more open to challenging differences in groups. That practice, mostly outside your group, prepares you well for stepping into the group to affect how it embraces its differences. And that is what the rest of this chapter is about.
There is no lack of literature on interpersonal communication in group settings. A subset of that writing pays particular attention to conflict management; we strongly urge you to develop skills in this area. Pay particular attention to the writing that emphasizes, as we do, the opportunities embedded in diverse perspectives. There's no escaping the diversity of viewpoints in a group, so why not build upon them rather than pretend they will go away? From this point forward, we present and elaborate on three suggestions that increase a group's ability to hold differences:
A quick clue before looking into Reflection Questions and Sample Actions in each of these three areas: it's all about modeling. By that we mean be the group member you want others to be. Do so with our three suggestions in mind. But more important, behave in ways that you truly believe will help join members of this group, make best use of its resources, and move it toward its desired outcomes. Over the long term, this is your best way to influence the group. You can begin today by emphasizing each of our three suggestions.
Openness and authenticity are about intention, not skills. You intend to fully engage, to be candid, forthright, and to be open to other points of view. And you intend that others in the group are this way too. This intention translates into behaviors such as clarifying your intent and asking others' about theirs; expressing what you want and asking others what they want; asking questions and paying attention to the answers; expressing how you feel and asking others how they feel; listening to learn and expecting others to listen too; being willing to change your mind and believing that others will do the same. All of which help embrace differences.
Do not worry about whether you are doing all of this perfectly. If you insist on worrying, worry more about whether all ideas have been heard so the group can act in an informed way. No, you don't have to express everything you think or feel, but do put relevant information on the table. Be honest, be clear, be respectful, be curious as you express yourself and encourage others to do the same. Authenticity is not a license to damage others or the group.
Invite your group members into a process of reflection about the level of candid communication in the group by asking these questions at an appropriate moment.
As we work together, are we getting all the relevant thoughts and feelings on the table? What might we do to make that more likely?
In service to our Purpose and the group itself, what are we more or less comfortable talking about together? What could we do to increase our comfort with a broader range of issues?
When did we do a particularly good job of getting all our viewpoints expressed—even though they differed widely? What allowed that to work? How could we do more of that?
Here are some more detailed actions related to the authenticity in your group; they compliment the reflection questions above.
When disagreement emerges in the group, ask the parties involved to clarify their intentions as they put forth their ideas. Ask the group how the intentions are similar and different. Summarize what they have in common; see what happens next.
When you find yourself confused about what is going on in the group, say, "I'm feeling confused . . . Where are we going with this conversation? Can anyone help me out?" Your candor is likely to call out others having a similar experience and the group can adapt to this.
When you find yourself worrying what you see going on in the group, say aloud what you are worried about. Again, your willingness to name your concerns will help others do the same. Once out, these feelings will help the group make a conscious decision about how to proceed.
When your commitment is high, tell the group your feelings. Similarly, if you are particularly pleased to be able work with others in the group, let them know that individually and collectively—along with your reasons.
As your group deals with its differences, consider the Group Needs model as it applies to each person in the group. Notice how the creative dynamic among the six can surface as conflicts or paradoxes:
A person is highly committed to the group's identity (Bond and Purpose) and loves to shine individually (Acceptance and Potential) by representing the group to the community at large.
Another member is committed to the mission of the group (Purpose and Impact) but is frightened by what he might be called upon to do (Acceptance and Potential) along the way.
Someone usually shy about speaking up in group meetings (Acceptance and Bond) contributes enthusiastically when the group is at work (Purpose and Impact).
A member aggressively asserts opinions to influence the group direction (Acceptance and Purpose) but does so in a way that causes others to distance themselves (Bond).
When you see the Group Needs being expressed by someone, think first about how you might help meet those needs. Even when tempted to pull away, recognize this person has a real need and that backing off does not meet that need. When you hear someone say something that indicates she might be looking for validation and support, say, "I support you" if you do. If you don't agree with her views, paraphrase what she has said so that she knows you have understood her position. When you think someone does not feel included, include them by name in what you say. When someone is going on and on about what the group is supposed to do, tell him you appreciate his commitment to this group.
It's amazing how effective small actions like these can be. Use your needs-oriented view to get beneath what was said; help everyone hear the Group Needs as they are expressed. When you hear and make relevant the hopes, concerns, or needs of group members, you nudge your group toward excellence.
Help your group be more responsive to the six Group Needs that members bring by posing these questions and encouraging discussion about the answers.
After listening to all we've said, what do you think this group needs most right now? How much of this is about what we want individually or what we want together as a group? About what we do or how we do it? How do we make sure all of our needs are being addressed as we work together?
What can we do in this group to help each of us bring our energies to the group, to connect with our Purpose and each other, to make us more hopeful about what we can do in the world?
Do our needs conflict in any way? If so, how? Do we want or need to do anything about this conflict?
Think about the Group Needs model as a powerful template to recognize what other members are expressing and then do your part to meet those needs. Here are some ways you can use it with any of your groups.
Put the Group Needs model before the group on a flip chart or white board. Around the sides list examples of the needs that are met in your group's experience. Ask what else might be done to meet more Group Needs more often. List those ideas and through discussion determine which are most important. Ask how the group might accomplish these things together in meetings. Make commitments to move ahead.
When you see the group drifting, arguing, seeming disjointed, ask: What is going on right now? Hear responses and then ask: What could we do that would meet more of our collective needs?
Ask group members to read Chapters Four, Five, and Six before an upcoming meeting. In the meeting, ask: Which Group Needs seem most prevalent in this group? How do we meet them now? How might we better meet them?
People behave differently when asked to work within a new framework, and this can be especially useful when encouraging others to embrace differences. By "structure" we mean shaping the context within which work is done. That includes altering the place the work is done; the design within which people work; the roles people play while they work; the ground rules they follow as they work. Alter any of these elements and people behave differently. Apply these suggestions about structuring in the spirit of just-enough rather than too much structure. Do so in order to help members be more open to group differences.
Take a group out of its accustomed place of work and members immediately start behaving differently; this is one reason for the popularity of group retreats. Attend to the aesthetics of the meeting space; how can it be made more attractive and inviting? Getting out of the office for a picnic or business-related trip can help members discover their shared humanity and learn about each other on a personal as well as work basis. Shared experiences in a comfortable setting place member's differences in larger perspective. Meeting in a new setting supports creating new options.
Long-established groups become accustomed to their meeting formats and agendas, all of which can produce a giant and silent yawn. Designing a meeting differently energizes the group and mixes their talents anew; a good design can cause everyone to learn about others in new ways that increase the creativity of the group and allow appreciation of differences. It can be as simple as focusing an entire meeting on all that has made the group successful; or bringing in a provocative speaker and then having a discussion about her ideas; or picking a recent challenging situation and debriefing it together to mine the lessons-learned. We offer additional thoughts about meeting design in Chapter Nine.
Just as we become accustomed to the format of our meetings, so we become accustomed to the roles each group member plays. Shifting roles shifts perspectives, often reducing conflict as people better understand what is expected of others. For example, when leadership of group meetings is shared, rather than constantly held by one person. Or when everyone in the group is expected to think and act as one leader among many in the group. Or asking one or two people to observe the meeting dynamics and report back their observations to spark a discussion near the close of the meeting. Or sharing the responsibility for taking and distributing meeting notes.
Groups work within explicit and implicit rules; members think they all know what the rules are—even though they may each express the rules differently when asked. Ground rules have huge impact. For example, imagine a simple ground rule that says, "We will hear from each member before making group decisions." For many groups, that would open up a whole new way of working. This is not to recommend establishing particular ground rules necessarily, but to emphasize the impact of relevant ground rules. Think about the potential of ground rules for managing differences and embracing disagreement. All groups have such agreements, whether they know it or not. Extraordinary groups are more explicit about what norms they need in order to succeed. This includes ground rules that encourage differences to surface and be explored.
Help your group think about the way it can be more intentional about location, meeting design, roles, and ground rules so that different perspectives are encouraged.
How does the physical location we meet in positively or negatively affect how we interact and our intended outcomes? What other locations might also work for us, and how might they affect our outcomes?
How does the structure of our regular meetings affect what we accomplish? What alternative structure would enable a wider range of ideas to come forward and energize us?
How could we shake up the roles we perform in a way that results in more creativity, excitement, and learning?
What are our implied rules that allow us to be so effective? And what rules block our work together? What rules do we need in order to help us be more open and curious?
Build upon the insights gained from group reflection by changing some of your structure so that you can more effectively engage around your differences.
Together assess your regular group meetings, their effectiveness for the group and for individuals in the group—within the context of your Purpose and desired Impact. Particularly attend to what the group does to call ideas forth, to put an array of ideas beside each other, to decide what to do with all the group has learned.
Look at the way your group "always" goes about doing whatever it does. For patterns that seem entrenched, suggest doing them differently. For example, consider changing the order of the standing items on your agenda, rotating the responsibilities for facilitating your meetings. Try changing seats if certain people always sit in the same place. Discuss how such changes impact the group.
After successfully facing unexpected adversity, look at what you did together to address this unplanned, emergent issue. Use your next meeting to properly celebrate, taking time to honor people's contributions and efforts. Talk about what you've learned, what you'd like to forget, and how this experience served the group.
Meet in a new place, a place that most agree is likely to work but is still significantly different from the "old place." It may be a room with a view or a coffee shop or someone's home, but new it is and it will make a difference. Try including a meal; food has a remarkable communal effect on groups. Discuss how this variation encouraged openness and the ability to work with differences.
For your review, one more time, here are the eight suggestions to help you and your group engage fully and even joyfully with one another around your exciting, provocative, intriguing, thought-provoking, and powerful differences.
Commit to your group.
Maintain a positive bias.
Be a learner and explorer.
Lean toward risk.
Provide less control and more space.
Model authentic communication.
Meet Group Needs.
Structure the group's work.
Embracing differences has particular meaning for us as your co-authors. During our three-year collaboration, we gradually developed and then intentionally applied each of the above suggestions. Our experience influenced what we have written here. See Appendix C, in which we describe how our small group of two went about embracing our differences while writing this book. Since many group collaborations are a collection of one-on-one interactions, you might find our lists helpful.