Many people view themselves as quite ordinary; as if there is nothing all that special about them. There is certainly a great deal of truth in that judgment. There are so many ways we are like each other; so much we have in common.

What you may fail to know about yourself is that you also possess something quite extraordinary. Some people are lucky enough to discover their gift early in life and so live in its power for much of their lives. Others never discover that uniqueness and so live their lives without ever experiencing that sense of being truly special.

It is your extraordinary self that is meant to be the source of power to live your life. It is meant to supply you with material success, purpose and meaning, and a sense of security that you have something to offer that the world needs.

The second step in cultivating a truly meaningful life is cultivating real power. Power can come from many sources. But the power to which we refer is that which comes from discovering your unique giftedness and in fully aligning your energy and passion with it. Your work in life was not meant to be drudgery that you endure because you need to pay the bills. Your work was meant to be the creative expression of your true gifts. When you understand your gifts and work from that place, your work becomes a source of power that provides for your needs but also impacts the world in amazing ways.

It is this power we encourage you to seek.

In 2005, Steve Jobs addressed the graduating class at Stanford University. He told three stories. The first was of his adoption as an infant. The second was of starting Apple in his parents' garage when he was 20 years old. The third story was of being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told he was going to die. He viewed each of these as pivotal stories in his life. Then he gave this advice to his audience:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

—Steve Jobs

Jobs was encouraging all those present to find their power, the thing they were meant to do in life. He believed this to be the most important lesson he had learned from life and this advice to be his greatest gift to those young people who were entering their professional lives.

The Power Element

Your power was with you when you were small, the result of your unique genetics and the influence of those who raised you. From time to time, it became clear to the people who cared about you that you were special in some way. Perhaps a teacher noticed you were a natural leader or a coach pointed out that your ability to throw a baseball stood out. Hopefully, your giftedness became so clear to you that you saw its value, embraced it as your treasure, and began purposefully cultivating and developing it. That child who wildly danced in the rain took tap, jazz, and ballet lessons and just knew she had something special. This seed of dance was carefully tended until it blossomed within a talented ballerina.

But not everyone was this lucky. Not everyone had people watching so carefully and reflecting that which they saw. Not everyone came to know what was so special about her life. And, because she never saw it, that uniqueness was not developed. Instead of living in the passion of her creative ability, her true power, her work is only the means to the end of providing the money she needs for her life.

It is never too late to find your power—it never goes away. Right now it might be showing up in your hobbies and interests; even though you are working as a lawyer, you have the most beautiful and abundant vegetable garden that any farmer would envy. It takes courage to discover and then invest in your power, and it isn't easy to realize later in life that you have been headed in the wrong direction. But the sooner you have that realization, the more quickly you can get lined up with your power—the power you need to live an exceptional life.

There are six factors that comprise the power element.

1. Self‐determination means to establish your own goals and to move steadily toward them regardless of distraction or difficulty. Those who are high in self‐determination are not only clear as to where they are headed, they also know why they are headed there. They possess the ability to discipline themselves to finish what they start. Those who are low in self‐determination either don't set goals or take on goals that might be meaningful to others, but aren't to them. They might be fulfilling their parents' wishes or trying to avoid conflict by going along with their friends' wishes. They often take the path of least resistance that, ironically, often creates more difficulty for them in the end.

How many people actually heed Jobs's sage advice to “have the courage to follow your heart and intuition” and use it to guide their lives? Far too often the story goes something like this:

My job is really boring. It was boring when I took the job and it has been boring ever since. I am doing the same old thing over and over again. I haven't learned anything new in years. I have no idea where our company is headed, if it is headed anywhere. I really don't care what they say when the leaders have those meetings to talk about vision. It always sounds like the flavor of the month. Not only don't I like my job, I don't like the people I work for. It seems to me that they are getting rich on my back. What can I do? It's a job. It isn't supposed to be fun. That's why they call it work!

We hope this isn't your story. It certainly doesn't have to be. Your work was meant to be an expression of your creativity, the opportunity for you to do what you love every day. It is here that you will find your greatest success. If your gift is to make shoes, you can become an amazing shoemaker. If it is to teach, you can be an outstanding teacher. Every day will be an opportunity for you to hone your craft, to cultivate your skill, and to indulge your natural interest. You will be living in your power.

2. Self‐efficacy refers to your belief in yourself. Those who are high in self‐efficacy believe they are capable of success in many areas—they know that if they put their mind to something, they can achieve a certain level of mastery at it. In contrast, those low in self‐efficacy often do not attempt new challenges because they lack confidence that they will succeed. Self‐efficacy is often explained by the “self‐determined prophecy” or the aphorism that whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right! It is the belief in self, or lack thereof, that often determines whether a person is actually successful at even the simplest task.

   Not everyone could see my gift. My high school coach cut me from my high school team. But, looking back I can see that it was one of the best things that happened to me. I was cocky, so full of myself that I couldn't see clearly how blessed I was to have this skill. I got over myself and applied myself even more to the game of basketball. Many people told me that I was wasting my time. They kept saying that no one could make a living playing basketball. I didn't care what they said. I loved the game!

   Now, I am playing in the NBA. My career is doing what I enjoy. And I am a star! Who would have imagined that I could have done so well from applying myself to playing a game? Wow!

Do you recognize this man as Michael Jordan? He believed in himself and kept working—eventually realizing his dream. He certainly had the talent and could have been discouraged by being cut but he was not deterred; he knew he could succeed. It is this kind of confidence in yourself that you need to cultivate if you are to live in your power.

3. Achievement‐striving. This trait speaks to your ability to harness your energy and skills in a manner that can produce positive results. Those who have developed this skill are able to maximize their productivity. They use their time and resources judiciously and minimize wasted time and effort. Those who are low in this skill find themselves wishing for things to occur, procrastinating and wasting time. They have difficulty getting their act together sufficiently to make things happen and pursue actions with a lack of direction, focus, and passion.

Almost every successful person, regardless of how you define success, understands the importance of striving. Very few things in life worth having are gained without effort. The greater your ambition, the more difficult the challenges you will face whether you are a writer, a musician, or a mother.

Kobe's professional trainer was fast asleep. Could you blame him? It was 3:30 AM in the morning. All a sudden his phone starts ringing. It's Kobe. He must be in trouble, or in some kind of emergency. His trainer is freaking out, and nervously picks up the phone.

Kobe says that he's doing some conditioning work and could use his trainer's help. The trainer then proceeds to get ready and head over to the gym. He arrives around 4:30 AM. What did he see? He saw Kobe by himself practicing. Drenched in sweat, it looked like he just jumped in a pool. It wasn't even 5 AM in the morning yet.”

—AJ Agrawal

Success takes hard work. It requires focus, determination, and self‐sacrifice. It is not costly to want a better life but it is to build one. Everyone needs to look in the mirror and ask himself, “How hard am I willing to try to get where I want to go?”

4. Zest points to the energy you bring to life. Those who are high in zest exude enthusiasm in all their pursuits. They are “gas pedals” for the world around them, advancing their plans and getting things done with vigor. They are lively and display energy in all they do—some call this having a bounce in their step. Often, those high in zest seem delighted, sparked creatively, and living a life of passion. Those who are low on this scale manifest a lethargy that is difficult for them to overcome. They seem to go through the motions and lack energy; they may be stuck in a rut or appear sluggish, and everything seems as if it is too hard or requires more resources than they have available.

There are many examples of zest, but one that stands out strikingly is from the children's book Winnie‐the‐Pooh. Contrast Tigger, who bounced around happily, with Eeyore, who moped about everywhere he went, and you'll see a clear difference in the zest with which the two characters went about their lives. We all know a Tigger or an Eeyore. It seems clear which one has zest and which one does not.

5. Acceptance. Contrast the words willingly and reluctantly and you will have a good understanding of acceptance. Those who are high in acceptance are open to life as it comes to them. They understand that the world is constantly changing and, if they are going to stay relevant, they need to be changing as well. Hence, they welcome new opportunities, adventures, challenges, and circumstances as opportunities to learn new things, to grow, to expand. They invite feedback, regardless of how it is given or how critical it is because they hope to see themselves as they are seen by others and to identify blind spots that limit their effectiveness.

   Those who are low in acceptance resist almost everything new and different. Change feels threatening and so is avoided. They are far more interested in maintaining the status quo than in looking for the next new opportunity. Seeing their limitations can be especially threatening, so they rarely ask for feedback and can become very defensive and angry if challenged or criticized. Resisting the natural change of life makes it difficult for people who are not accepting to keep up with the challenges of life.

Far too many brave servicemen and ‐women have come home from war with some devastating disability that has changed their life forever. After their wounds heal, they face the challenge of acceptance. Can they let go of the way they thought about how things would be and step into new expectation, challenges, dreams, and hopes? Such acceptance demands tremendous courage. It must not be easy. But, with acceptance come new openings. Their life has not ended, but it has changed in very big ways. Without acceptance, there is no moving forward. All that is ahead is a life of anger and pain.

We hope that none of you will have to face so profound and sacrificial a challenge. But, in much smaller (and easier) ways, life calls you to the same issue. As you age, you lose some of the ability you had in your youth. You lose a loved one and must move on without the person you cherished. You get sick or hurt and must adapt. Acceptance is the quality that allows you to flex with life and move forward. It is such a wonderful skill to possess.

6. Self‐discipline. Those high in self‐discipline are able to do the things that need to be done. They can regulate their behavior, that is, they can do things that are not always enjoyable or that are hard but that must be done in order to reach their goal. John F. Kennedy gave a speech that spoke to this ability, saying that we choose to do difficult things “not because they are easy, but because they are hard; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone.” Those without self‐discipline are not able to take on challenges that are difficult. Instead, they take the easy road, the one that steps around difficulty and avoids effort. But in so doing, it misses the development of character.

Self‐discipline has two parts. The first is the ability to make yourself do what you might not like and isn't necessarily easy, but is absolutely necessary to get you where you want to go. It requires an assortment of tools including the ability to encourage yourself, push yourself, hold yourself accountable, reward yourself, and even punish yourself when necessary. The second is the ability to deny yourself things you want but would get in the way of what you are trying to accomplish.

Everyone has wrestled with self‐discipline many times. You are determined to lose 20 lbs. and the process for doing so is pretty simple. You need to eat more of the right stuff, eat less of the bad stuff, and exercise on a regular basis. Now, comes the hard part. You must get yourself to do it! It isn't good enough to eat more of the good stuff while not eating any less of the bad stuff. It won't help much to exercise unless you have your diet under control. Practicing self‐discipline every day in small things makes it easier to apply it to bigger projects.

Power Chapter Summary

Power is a very important, but often overlooked, topic. Until you have found your power, you do not know the source of your uniqueness, the thing that truly makes you special. You have not discovered the gift that makes work fun, interesting, and deeply satisfying. You may have glimpses of your power from time to time. It might show up in your hobbies. But until you have made it the center of your life, you are missing out on a great adventure and a wild ride.

Each of the six factors can increase your power through:

1. Having self‐determination that manifests in taking charge of all aspects of your life and leaving nothing to chance or under the control of someone else.
2. Demonstrating strong self‐efficacy in the high level of confidence you have in your ability to not only get where you want to go but also in overcoming every challenge you face along the way.
3. Showing achievement‐striving in the ambitious goals you set for yourself and the amount of effort you are willing to expend to achieve them.
4. Filling yourself with zest that radiates to everyone in your enthusiasm, vigor, vitality, and optimism.
5. Accepting your life as it comes to you, the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult, the happy and the sad, with openness and grace and seeking to learn from every circumstance in order to make yourself even more effective.
6. Mastering self‐discipline so you can reliably follow through on your intentions and avoid temptations that could distract you from your path.

Each of the same six factors also can decrease your power in the following ways:

1. Until you have mastered independence it will be impossible for you to put your unique power to full use. You are likely to avoid seeing it clearly or be unwilling to fully embrace it because you are not sufficiently self‐determined.
2. If you are low in self‐efficacy, it will be difficult to believe that you have the power to make positive changes in your life. Hence, you will easily succumb to just getting by and accepting mediocrity.
3. Without sufficient achievement‐striving you are likely to set goals too low to be worthy of your greatness or to lack the willingness to work as hard as is necessary to achieve them.
4. Lower levels of zest, enthusiasm, vigor, and vitality mean decreased life energy. Your enthusiasm and vitality are the gas in your tank. If these are low, there is not sufficient energy in your life to make the changes necessary to shift to your power.
5. Lack of acceptance means you find yourself constantly fighting against whatever is occurring. You have set yourself up to resist the opportunities and challenges that must be embraced for you to have your power.
6. If you lack self‐discipline if will be difficult or impossible to stick with the course you have set for yourself. You will become easily distracted by whatever issues pop up in your day and will lack the will and determination to consistently move toward your best self.

Steps to Increase Self‐Determination

1. Make a list of those areas where you are allowing someone or something else to determine your life choices. These could include your boss, spouse, friends.
2. Write next to each item on your list what you gain from not taking ownership of this area of your life. You might be avoiding conflict, responsibility, or risk.
3. Write next to each item what you stand to gain if you take over ownership of this area. You might become more independent, free, expressive.
4. Pick one item on your list that you are ready to own.
5. Express your intention to whomever or about whatever currently has control of you in this area.
6. Make yourself important enough to take over control of this issue. Don't let the fear of conflict or the opinions of others hold you back from making constructive change.

Steps to Increase Self‐Efficacy

1. Notice where you lack confidence in your ability to have the life that you want. Make a list of whatever comes to mind.
2. Check to see if these areas where you aren't confident are important to you or if you think they should be important. If they aren't important to you, let them go.
3. Write down as clearly as you can what you understand your unique gift to be. If you are unclear, make a list of those things you do where you have the most success and from which you gain the most satisfaction.
4. Notice the power and success you have when you are doing what you love.
5. Begin to apply your power to the issues in your life where you want to succeed. In other words, consider how you approach the issues from your unique perspective and with your strengths.

Steps to Improve Zest

1. What did you do today that drained you of your energy? How can you avoid doing those things tomorrow?
2. When did you feel delight today? What were you doing? How can you do more of those things tomorrow?
3. If you followed your delight, where would it take you? What can you do to move in that direction?
4. List all the things you did today that engaged your creativity.
5. Design the perfect job to fit your creativity, bring you the greatest joy, and interest you the most.
6. See what you can do to alter your job to fit your perfect job.

Steps to Expand Acceptance

1. Notice where you are resisting what life is bringing to you, whether it is some change, opportunity, or obstacle.
2. Imagine what positive outcome might be on the other side of this change. If nothing positive comes to mind, be more creative.
3. Consider the thought that life is your friend and has good things in store for you. Remind yourself of this idea throughout the day.
4. Invite at least five people to give you feedback as to how they experience you, both good and bad. Accept whatever they say without resistance.
5. Extract one lesson from the feedback you receive and make a change based on that feedback.

Steps to Increase Your Self‐Discipline

1. Make a list of goals that are important for you to achieve.
2. Next to each item on your list, write down what you need to do in order to achieve it. List the steps from what needs to be done first to the very last step. If you have many goals, pick only one or two for this exercise.
3. Make a list of temptations and distractions that you are likely to face as you move toward your goal.
4. Create a list of rewards you will give yourself for the successful completion of each small step in your plan.
5. Create a list of punishments you will impose on yourself when you stray.
6. Learn to accept that straying from your plan doesn't mean you have failed. Simply recommit to your goal and get started again.