CHAPTER 12

WINNING WHILE BLACK

ASSIMILATE OR AUTHENTICATE?

A winner is a dreamer who never gives up

—NELSON MANDELA

As a Black woman in corporate America, I grew into seeking and appreciating feedback from the “right” mentoring or coaching sources and not be afraid of it. All feedback is not harmful. I had to find a way to get balanced feedback. I realized as I got higher in my career, the great accolades were harder to come by. But I needed to get feedback to know how I was perceived and performing.

Having good coaches and mentors as a woman or person of color will pay off if they can show you which circumstances you should assimilate into your company’s culture or when you can remain authentic. The goal is to help the company win, and in so doing, you also win. But at what cost? There’s a trade-off and a constant battle between assimilation (i.e., when a minority group or culture comes to resemble a society’s majority group or take on the values, behaviors, and beliefs of another group or organization) and authenticity (i.e., the quality of being genuine or real, being oneself and not trying to be like others.) This chapter explores the challenges of being a person of color in a corporate space and strategizing how to win in these places when others say you won’t.

When you assimilate, you seek to minimize the inherent obvious or subtle differences between a subject and an organization. In doing so, you minimize the aspects of your culture, your beliefs, or your authenticity that may be distracting or uncomfortable for those groups you are seeking to assimilate into. For example, if a person is different in her skin color, her gender, her dress, her ideology, her behavior, and her religion, and if we believe that people feel more comfortable around those who are more like them, then we have a person who is different in six ways. Each of those six ways (or combinations of any of the six) in which she is different will likely cause her peers to be curious, distracted, and disrupted and may display other sentiments that may not help the organization focus and win.

But if that person assimilates, then although she cannot change her skin color or gender, if she modifies the other four aspects of herself to be more mainstream, or to not have those aspects be as visible or known, then she will likely be more accepted and can work more easily with others. But, yes, in truth, she is giving up some part of her true self to fit in. And even then, it won’t be 100 percent.

I’m a member of the Delta Sigma Sorority, Incorporated, one of the first Black women’s sororities in the United States, founded in 1913. Before I could join the sorority, I had to go through an induction process (pledging); however, to be allowed to go through that, I first had to go to a tea where the members meet all the prospective pledgees. I tried so hard to be the person I thought the actual Delta members were when I first showed up to pledge. They were sophisticated, so I tried to show up as sophisticated. They were confident, so I tried to show my confidence. I overdid it, instead of just being me.

They rejected me the first time, because it was clear I was not authentic, and they couldn’t connect with me. Here I was, trying to join a group of women who looked just like me, and I pretended to be something that I naturally wasn’t. I tried to assimilate based on what I thought they wanted to see, and I failed. As Black people, we try hard enough to assimilate in the larger world. Why would I try to assimilate into a group of other Black women? Duh.

The following semester I came back and was my authentic self, and they accepted me into the pledge group. I’ve now been a Delta for more than 40 years.

I believe you should seek to be authentic as much as possible and not change out the core of who you are, but rather improve the core of who you are for the better—for being of service to others, for helping others, for driving your company higher in the market, for developing leaders, etc.; you have a superpower and gifts, and they should be shared with your marketplace. But just as we individuals need to improve our core, I also believe the organization should seek to improve the core of its culture—to train its leaders and employees and ensure its practices and policies drive better diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) so the burden of what becomes “extreme” assimilation doesn’t rest on the woman of color’s shoulders, or be the only way for a woman or employee of color to survive. People of color (POC) are fewer in number as it is and are already feeling vulnerable. When people are not being themselves, they are not thriving; they’re pretending. When you are not honest with who you are, you are out of alignment with your spirit and your mind. Creativity is suboptimized, the free exchange of ideas is not really free flowing, challenging the status quo is rife with negative consequences, etc. and when an integral part of the organization is suboptimized, the entire organization is suboptimized and is not hitting the market with full strength.

We hear about the challenges Black men face in incarceration, healthcare disparities, more severe charges for the same crime as a majority male commits, gangs, murder, etc. In our church in Syracuse, there are far fewer men in the congregation than there are women. In corporate America, you see the same thing. You will more likely see a Black woman sitting on the board, being CEO, or filling any number of leadership roles than you will see a Black man. Black men and women in general tend to be less groomed for financial or profit and loss (P&L) roles, which are natural successors to a CEO. So when we go out looking for a Black male CEO for a board seat, or for a Black male for a CEO position, the same people get tapped on the shoulder repeatedly because the pickings are few and the investment in seeding a more diverse CEO/board pipeline is insufficient.

I call that the case of the “missing senior Black male leader.” I’ve seen the burden of assimilation or the requirement to fit in the culture and be successful seemingly fall on the few Black males that may make it into senior leader roles. I believe they are an endangered corporate species, to put it mildly. The question becomes, how can an organization hire, develop, retain, and promote those who are at risk in society? Even though diversity and inclusion are business issues, what society does and teaches has a social impact on availability and perspective about Black men. I have seen organizations discuss the dismissal of Black men leaders far too casually and not notice the corporate pattern, as if their performance is only on the shoulders of the men themselves and not a shared responsibility with the organization. Like me, Black men are often given the glass cliff opportunity—a nearly impossible job, that if the Black man didn’t do well, at least the company “tried” to bring in diversity.

But the focus on DEI should not be defined in merely a social context. It is truly a business issue. Many data sources exist on this, but an article by Moira Alexander in CIO magazine (September 3, 2021) shows that inclusive teams perform up to 30 percent better in high-diversity environments. Cognitive diversity is estimated to enhance team innovation by 20 percent. With diversity come multiple perspectives. When team members bring together a variety of backgrounds and cultures, they are likely to solve problems and be innovative. When companies really care about winning in the market and ascribe a zero tolerance to letting the corporate culture continue with the less-than-diverse status quo, they will win.

STRIKING THE FINE BALANCE OF AUTHENTICITY VERSUS ASSIMILATION

When you choose to be authentic and therefore different in certain obvious ways, you are telling yourself that you matter and your individual expression is important. Be aware, however, that if you choose to express your authenticity way beyond the norm—to where it may appear disruptive and distracting and where the culture hasn’t been prepared to receive your authenticity—that may create challenges. Extreme authenticity may show others that you believe your authentic self-expression is potentially more important than the team’s culture, shared values, or objectives. I believe you need to be authentic with who you are, while being aware of the written or unwritten guidelines regarding the company’s values and culture. Every company has its own values and approach. Know yours and ensure you live those values—if not, why are you there?

If you look at your cultural fit in the organization and you see there is a gap between what you are willing to assimilate to versus what the company expects, you have several options: (1) you can try and be the catalyst that inspires a culture change—knowing that will take time away from your job, and will likely require you to enlist leadership to join you in this quest, (2) assimilate to what the company expects because this job is truly the one you love, or you have other rationale, or (3) move on and find a company where the cultural fit really fits if that is a critical factor in your peace of mind.

Being authentic does bring challenges, as does assimilation. It is a horribly difficult balance to strike, but it is one that I had to strike. However, when you strike it and you win, you will change the organization just that much more.

I had to decide how much of my identity, culture, beliefs, and inequities I could share with others without seeming like I was protesting the non-Black culture in the office. How I looked, how I dressed, which conversations I had about my race and gender that would not frighten or intimidate people who didn’t look like me. Before MLK Day was an official holiday, I had to make a decision about whether or not I would take the day off on his birthday, which depended on how supportive of DEI I thought the company I worked for was, how visible my absence that day would be, and how that might affect my boss’s perceptions. Would I appear too rebellious? These are things people of color and those that manage them need to think about. Why? Because until we embrace DEI in our corporate culture, the focus will be on gathering of those whose culture/diversity is outside the norm. Our corporate culture goal should be to get to a place where DEI isn’t a special business metric, but that DEI represents how companies win in the marketplace.

It would be disingenuous for me to talk about transformation without acknowledging what this journey means for me as a Black woman and what winning when they say you won’t looks like specifically for people of color, from my vantage point.

As Black people, Black women, or people of color, we have been told we will be required to be overprepared and overqualified and will need to overdeliver and achieve at such higher standards just to be recognized as merely minimally qualified. It appears that the very first Black female Supreme Court justice has qualifications that when compared with those of the other Supreme Court justices are double or triple theirs. Is that required of a minority in order to achieve at a higher level? Two or three times as qualified? Why the double standard? It appears the only thing Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson has not done in the field of law is build a courthouse from scratch with her bare hands. The mindset of the majority culture has continued to view Black people, Black women, and other people of color as inferior and incapable of meaningful achievement. When we do achieve, it is viewed as an aberration or is because we are unicorns. My goal is that we will use tools that are twice as good to win and not have to work twice as hard or be twice as good, unless being twice as good gets us to go twice as high as those we are competing against.

I was asked recently to lead a talk at a major university, and while the leader of the university and I were preparing for it, he told me I was a “unicorn.” He proceeded to share that he didn’t know any Black people who had my combination of capabilities. I didn’t feel like asking him where he had looked; I decided I didn’t have time to get into teaching at that moment.

Then, before he took the time to listen and learn the skillsets of this unicorn, he continually attempted to dominate the planning process for this event. He finally calmed down and let his micro biases or presuppositions take a back seat to the reality of my expertise. I was able to lead the planning meeting for the talk I was doing. And the event was a hit!

Many women and women of color live with this every single day and endure even more outrageous actions and reactions just to their very presence in the room. This occurs whether they sit on the top leadership team of their company or are on a project team as an analyst.

Even the female justices of the Supreme Court have been talked over while they are speaking, both by their peer justices and by male lawyers who are petitioning the Court. The Supreme Court has made changes in the process to address this disrespect. But you can appreciate that fact that disrespect really happens, no matter how high in organizations women may be. We cannot afford to take these things personally. Some of the men don’t know better, and we have to teach them through our actions that we won’t get upset at how women are treated. Rather, we will take the their actions and use them as data, then follow a business approach like EDIT, and no matter who is saying what to or about people of color, the strategy has been defined for how to deal with the bias—not by taking it personally, but by taking it strategically, and personally executing one bodacious objective at a time.

IF YOU’RE NOT AT THE TABLE, YOU’RE ON THE MENU

It is said if you are not sitting at the table, then you are likely on the menu. If we are not able to be in the room and at the table—where decisions are made about policy, the succession pipeline, procurement, pay, and other issues—it will be difficult for us to be able to influence those decisions to represent the values of all stakeholders more appropriately. We need to be at the table. Not for social reasons. Not for fairness reasons. Not for equity reasons. But for business reasons. The diversity of the input, when done correctly, will improve the quality of the output. If diversity isn’t at the table to craft strategy, then diversity will be “optional,” and will be carved out of the business strategy.

As a Black woman, I look up to Harriet Tubman as one of my long-time inspirations, motivations, and role models. When I look at how much she accomplished versus how much she was supposed to accomplish, I find pride in her achievements. I was given limits and labels by my high school counselor when he told me that I would be nothing but a secretary. She was given many limits and I-can-only-imagine so many labels. What I call her “push-and-pull” process was highly effective. She pushed forward into new and dangerous situations every single day, carrying not much more than a shotgun and a lantern and few things to sustain herself. That was nothing short of courageous and would be to me an example of overdelivering. She pulled the slaves along with her, led them, mentored them, and coached them to freedom. With few resources. Think of how much more people can do when equitably given proper tools, training, resources, and support.

In business, when there is an expectation of you and you do not deliver on that expectation, whoever had that expectation (your boss, your family, your client) is typically disappointed and dissatisfied. This can be expressed in a simple formula:

Disappointment = where expectations > delivered results

When there is an expectation and that expectation is met or exceeded, your client (or boss or family) will typically be delighted and highly satisfied, which can be expressed as:

Delight = where delivered results > expectations

Like Harriet Tubman, you can win in whatever your industry is, in spite of the odds, and you have an opportunity to delight, surprise, and satisfy those who don’t expect much. Men don’t expect much from women. My high school guidance counselor and society didn’t expect much from me. So when I delivered over their low expectations, it was almost a cakewalk. It actually would have been a cakewalk, except not only were expectations low for me, but people went out of their way to make my life harder and results more challenging to reach. I’m OK with folks having low expectations, but sabotage is unnecessary and wrong.

But it is in the surprise and achievement of objectives that we win. It is in having a businesslike approach to situations that may appear personal or targeted against us that we win. It is in having strategy, OKRs, plans of action, and the ability to be resilient that we win. Anytime I surprise people with my performance, I win. And so do my people, my gender, my family, my company. So prepare to win, not complain. Prepare to have a plan, not anger. Prepare to show your superpowers, not shrink into the wallpaper.

I don’t believe in “getting in where I fit in.” If I do that, I don’t stand out. And to win, you need to pull away from the competition and lead. If I don’t rise to the top and stay there, I am like a crab in a barrel, or marbles in a jar, and I will not be in a position to lead. If I do that, I won’t be in a position to speak truth to power or to empower the disenfranchised, because I would be one of those disenfranchised people trying to fit in, blend in, be invisible. As women, we need to put on our big-girl pants and remember that “no one said it was going to be easy, and no one was right!” The victory comes from achieving what no one else said we could, and it comes from helping others win when things around us may be failing. Our contribution lifts others up so they can follow our cookie crumbs we left, and be better, badder, bigger winners than we ever were.

DO MORE THAN JUST HANG ON—WIN WITH PERSEVERANCE!

There’s a saying that “when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it, and hang on.” As a Black woman in corporate America, I continually felt like I was at the end of my rope. I was discouraged, and I was continually questioned about how I achieved my level of success. I was told that I looked too young to be a senior vice president. Even when I was asked to lead a team of leaders on how to define the digital DNA for GE in my last position at General Electric, I was often talked over or had my suggestions take a few minutes too long to be accepted, while other suggestions, from those who didn’t look like me, as crazy as they were, got nearly instant consideration. Corporate America isn’t designed for people like me to win. When businesses started with men like Carnegie, Rockefeller, etc., they didn’t envision women or Blacks sitting in their office. So how they work has been exclusive from the start. It’s been a setup from the beginning. Some of my former bosses, HR leaders, and even the head of diversity at various points in my career seemed not to understand why the focus on diversity or inclusive leadership was important for business. Power at nearly all companies is reserved for the SWGs (same white guys). I give a high five to the many white male and female CEOs who have reached out to call members of the Black and/or POC community not to ask for what white people can do, but rather, how they can learn more. But hanging on to the knot of the rope was a skill I learned, and as a Black woman, the following three things really helped me stand tall:

1.   Remind myself of my achievements. My achievements were real. The hundreds of millions of dollars my team and I saved companies over my career were real. The improved productivity, market share, and customer net promoter scores were real. The implementations of impactful solutions to drive predictive maintenance for in-field equipment were real. My awards were real. Developing leaders who became VPs was real. My comments, articles, and recognition in CIO magazine, Forbes, and Savoy magazine were real. The recognition and the acknowledgment I got from industry peers and organizations were real. The requests I received to facilitate a panel, or keynote an event, or speak at numerous organizations, schools, and clubs were real. At the end of the day, I rested in the knowledge that I was the real deal. No one could take away my accomplishments, or my brand, from me. I knew the value I had, and I continued to learn, do, and transform. Remember, “first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

2.   Maintain a strong growth mindset and toolset and deliver. I was so blessed to have been sent to leadership development training, new manager orientation, second-level leadership development, Harvard Business School, Smith College, Stanford, etc., for numerous classes, technology development seminars, IBM business fundamentals, and strategic planning courses. Because of the amount of learning I did, and the infusion of strategies, tools, and approaches, I knew as much as if not more than, the people around me. That knowledge kept me on my feet.

It is said, “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” In our case, the one-eyed woman is queen. Having great knowledge, excess capacity, and energy also kept me on my feet. I wasn’t the smartest person in the room, but I knew a lot and was able to share wisdom, experience, and knowledge clearly and empathetically. More important, I knew I didn’t know everything, but together with my team, we knew a lot. And what we didn’t know, we tried to have a continuous learning mindset—lest we stagnate.

As product managers, we have to always seek to improve our product and if our mindset about our product says it’s perfect and complete, we will then begin the erosion to obsolescence. We must keep our mindset toward improvement and growth, so we stay relevant and useful.

3.   Fortify my life with my faith. Even though knowledge kept me on my feet, my faith and humility kept me on my knees. I relied on my relationships with various pastors, and no matter what city I was living in—in Milwaukee, it was Pastor Monica at Mount Zion Temple of Healing; in Miami, my friends Pastor Keith and Chanel Moore; in Syracuse, it was my husband, Pastor Max—I never forgot who I was and whose I was. Sometimes you have to pull from a place that is stronger than you, bigger than you, and more divine than you. My F for faith lifted me up when I was down, and it helped me realize that I didn’t know everything, and that I didn’t need to know everything. My faith and God’s grace were sufficient to see me through, put the right people in my corner, and help me stay humble.

These three things are what I do. If you believe in them, then ingrain these three concepts in your life and create more truths about yourself. Control the narrative about you; don’t let anyone else do it for you.

Sometimes as people of color, it can be very easy to blame “the man,” the justice system, or whatever political party that’s in power. Far too often, we can get into the bad habit of pointing fingers at someone outside of us as the cause of where we are, or where we are not. Being a victim is rarely how anyone can win. When you are a victim, you get pity, and you may get a handout or a court settlement. But as a woman who is determined to win when others say you won’t, you don’t want a handout. At most, you want your turn at bat. You want the same opportunity that others have, and you want an opportunity to show your strength and capability to help the team win.

Also, it isn’t only about you winning; it’s about how you help other people win and achieve their objectives, while you achieve yours. We are not here by ourselves, and we are not here only for ourselves. We are here to contribute to life and let our environment be a product and recipient of us—our gifts and our presence. The question is not “What do we want out of life?” That will provoke the wrong answer. Our answer should describe “What will life get out of us?” It is the answer to that question that keep me going to my next EDIT.

But oftentimes the protagonist is us. It is the history of women being raped. It is our history of minorities being assaulted. It is our history of coming from a motherless or fatherless home. It is our history of low self-esteem that has forever been suggested by people who don’t look like us. Far too often, we embrace these lies and misperceptions that have been fed to us, to keep us in our place—and we wear them like a mink coat. Similar to what happens when we face the bitter winter winds of Chicago or Milwaukee, we seem to pull that coat of lies closer around us because it’s familiar, and therefore we figure it must be helpful.

I have lived a life where I didn’t believe I was good enough, and at times, in truth, I still wonder if I am. I can easily think of 100 reasons why I may not be good enough. But then I put on my big-girl pants, speak to my mentors and friends, and realize there are 110 reasons why I am.

Even through the negative cues I received in my life, and my feeling that I was anything but an authentic winner, I had to tell myself that my purpose and my desire to win was greater than any negative crap that someone had thrown at me. When people threw crap at me, I had to muster everything I had to not throw it back at them, but to be more resourceful, more business-minded, cooler, and more resilient so I could win in the larger game of business and in my life.

You have that opportunity now to choose your response to what life or people throw at you. My fundamental belief is that your willset and mindset are where it all starts. If your will is broken and your mind is closed, you will have a hard time achieving and transforming, because you won’t believe you can.