First Meeting with Lawyer and Beyond
You’ve asked around and done your research to find a great divorce lawyer. The next step is to call or e-mail him and set up an initial meeting. This chapter will tell you what you can expect from the first meeting with your divorce lawyer.
Before the Meeting
Usually, you will set up an appointment to go to the attorney’s office and meet her face to face. Make the call to set up the meeting. Your call will be kept confidential. You can give your name and answer questions over the telephone.
Many divorce lawyers are too busy to talk to you on the first phone call. They have the receptionist or paralegal speak with you instead. They will probably ask you your spouse’s name so they can make sure they do not already represent your spouse, which would be a conflict of interest. If someone needs to call you back, make sure you give them a “safe” number and time to call you. You can also set up an appointment by e-mail. Just be sure to use an e-mail account that your spouse cannot access.
A few attorneys like to have a fairly long telephone conversation before the first meeting. That way, they can find out if there are any legal emergencies, get to know a little bit about the case and you, and put you more at ease for the first meeting.
When you make the appointment, get directions to the lawyer’s office and ask about parking. Ask if there is a fee for the consultation. Some divorce lawyers offer free consultations. Others charge for all of their time and advice. Ask what you should bring to the meeting. Ask what credit cards they accept.
Try to relax. Most people are nervous about the first meeting with the lawyer. They are in an uncomfortable predicament. You may be anxious or worried. You may be fearful for the future or tearful over the past. Realize, though, that your lawyer is in the business of solving problems like yours. The lawyer will know what to do and will probably start by asking you some questions.
Think about what you want. Many clients start by asking, “What are my rights?” or “What am I entitled to?” The answer to those questions is the lawyer’s favorite answer, “It depends.” Rather than ask, tell the lawyer what you want and see if it’s possible or likely with the facts and law in your case. You can make a list or an outline of the top-ten things you want. That will help you and your lawyer make a plan to achieve some reasonable objectives.
Copy any financial information you are able to find. Also, copy any letters or pleadings you have received from your spouse or your spouse’s lawyer.
Write down your personal facts. The lawyer will need the names of you and your spouse, your ages, your current address, the date and place of your marriage, and the date of separation. Also, provide the names, the ages, and the birth dates for your children.
Prepare a marital history. This is helpful for the lawyer to understand the timeline and background facts as well as the difficulties involved in your marriage.
Write down your questions. The first meeting will be a time for answering them. You probably have plenty, like the following examples: What about the house? How much support will I get or have to pay? What will it cost? How long will it take?
Tip Write down all the questions you can think of before you meet the lawyer. It will save you money.
What to Bring to the First Meeting
You really don’t have to bring anything to the first meeting. In fact, most people don’t. Your lawyer can get the information from you later or in discovery once a divorce is filed. But you can save some time at the first meeting and help move your case forward by bringing copies of the following to your first meeting:
- 1. Legal documents
- Agreements: Bring any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements in writing.
- Pleadings: Collect legal pleadings received from your spouse or your spouse’s attorney. Also, bring any judgments, garnishments, bankruptcy pleadings, foreclosures, or any pleadings from other pending lawsuits.
- Correspondence: Take any letters sent by your spouse’s attorney.
- 2. Evidence of income
- Pay statements: Bring the last three pay statements for you and your spouse, which will show salary, bonus, commissions, overtime, expense reimbursement, health insurance, tax deductions, and pension plan contributions.
- Tax returns: Gather tax returns for the last three years, including W-2s, 1099s, and other related documents. Tax returns will reveal income and as well as investments. They will give the lawyer an overview of your financial situation. Finances are a big part of divorce. In the process of divorce, assets and debts are divided and income and expenses determine future support for children and spouses.
- Court financial statement: Many courts have a form for each party to fill out for uniformity so the judge can get a quick view of both of their finances. Your attorney will probably give this to you at your first meeting. Sometimes these forms are published on the Internet. If you can find one for your jurisdiction and complete it before the meeting, you will be one step ahead.
- 3. Bank and stock accounts
- Bank statements: Bring the most recent statements for checking and savings accounts or certificates of deposit for both spouses so that your lawyer has current balances and loan information.
- Stocks and bonds: Take along the most recent statement for any brokerage accounts you and your spouse have.
- 4. Real estate
- Deeds: Deeds will show how the title to real estate is held by you and your spouse.
- Mortgage: The current mortgage statements will show the monthly payment and the total balance due on the property. Also, bring any statements from any other loan for which real estate is collateral, such as a second mortgage or home equity line of credit.
- Tax assessments: Real estate tax assessments can give an indication of approximate fair market value.
- Closing documents: If you want to claim a premarital interest in real estate, bring copies of the closing documents and canceled checks for the down payment and closing costs.
- Leases: If you own rental property, retrieve a copy of the lease(s).
- 5. Retirement Funds
- IRA, 401(k), or other retirement and pension plans: Bring current retirement and pension statements for you and your spouse.
- Social security: Find copies of the latest annual report for each spouse showing the earnings history.
- 6. Miscellaneous Items
- Business statements: Locate copies of organizational documents and ledgers and record books of sole proprietorships, partnerships, or corporations.
- Intellectual property: Bring documents related to intellectual property, including licensing or royalty agreements and accountings.
- Vehicles: Collect copies of automobile and other vehicle titles and related loan documents.
- Life insurance: Take with you copies of life insurance policies.
- Frequent-flyer miles or reward points: Bring copies of documents showing total airline-mile awards or credit-card reward points.
- Time shares: Retrieve documents related to any time shares you or your spouse own.
- Country club memberships: Pull out documentation related to any country club memberships or dues.
- Pets: Write down who will get which pets.
- Photographs: Take photograph or videos of furniture, furnishings, or any collections of value.
- Budget: Prepare a budget of your living expenses.
- Separate property list: Make a list of items each of you claims you owned before the marriage, inherited, or was a gift from a third person. Also, list any debts that still exist and were incurred before the marriage.
- 7. Debts
- Credit cards: Bring the most recent statements from your credit card accounts.
- Promissory notes: Take with you copies of any promissory notes you have signed for student loans, loans from banks, credit unions, pension plans, or friends and relatives.
- Loan applications: Gather copies of any financial statements prepared for loan applications made in the past three years.
- 8. Nonfinancial Items
- Evidence: Procure anything you might want to introduce at trial to prove a claim, like adultery or cruelty. This includes photographs, videos, sound recordings, letters, texts, and e-mails.
- Family photographs: Take photos of the children and you together if custody is an issue.
- Questions: Produce a list of questions you want the attorney to answer.
- History: Provide information on previous marriages and a brief outline of the history of your current marriage including any marital counseling that has taken place. Prepare the outline in chronological order so the lawyer can see the timeline of important events in your marriage and determine if you have grounds for a divorce.
- Goals: Write down what you expect out of your divorce.
- Payment: Bring your checkbook, cash, or a credit card in case your lawyer charges for the initial consultation.
What You Can Expect When You Get to the Lawyer’s Office
Divorce lawyers are usually sensitive to the client’s need for privacy. You will probably not have to sign in or sit in a waiting room full of people as you would in a doctor’s office. No one will come out from an inner office and announce your name and say “the lawyer will see you now.” You probably won’t have to wait more than a few minutes. Divorce lawyers tend to schedule client appointments far enough apart that you won’t see someone you know when entering or leaving the lawyers office.
The attorney’s goal at the initial consultation is to obtain information from you about your case. Before he can answer your questions, the attorney must first get the facts. So, he will usually begin by asking you some simple questions like your name, age, name of your spouse, date of marriage, and so forth. He is not only getting to know you but marshaling the facts in your case.
If you have written this information down ahead of time, you can give the attorney a copy of the information you have compiled now and go over it with him. He will use the personal data he collects about you and your family both in a settlement agreement and in a divorce complaint if settlement efforts should fail.
Everything you say to your attorney is confidential even in the first phone call or e-mail and the first meeting. Providing information can be uncomfortable for you since you are telling a stranger very personal details about your life, but the more information the attorney has, the more the he can help you. Each divorce is unique and has its own set of facts, circumstances, and legal issues.
Note Expect to tell your attorney personal, even embarrassing, facts. It will remain confidential, and it will help the lawyer craft a compelling strategy.
The Proceedings
If you have already received a complaint or a letter from your spouse’s attorney, the lawyer will want to see those documents. If your spouse has an attorney, your lawyer will want to know who it is. Some couples have talked about divorce or separation already and are committed to settling their differences as quickly and inexpensively as possible without litigation. Others have already been served with a complaint. Some may be surprised that their spouse wants a divorce. Some may have spouses who do not even know they are meeting with a lawyer. And some may not yet be sure they want a divorce but want to find out what happens if they do decide to get one. Your lawyer will want to know your present situation.
The Marriage
Some of the questions your lawyer will ask you will be about the history of your marriage and courtship. Others will be about your separation. They often include: What are the problems in your marriage? Who did what to whom? How long have you had these problems? Have you tried marital counseling? Has there been any physical violence? Is there another love interest in your life? It is important that you tell the lawyer everything. If you cheated, tell the lawyer. That is the only way the lawyer can help you with your case.
The Children
The lawyer will also ask you questions about the children, such as, Do you think that you and your spouse can coparent together? Where do you want the children to live most of the time? What is the access schedule with your spouse? What are the kids’ names, ages, and dates of birth, and where have they lived for the last five years? Do they have any special needs? Where do they go to school? Are there any emotional or educational problems? What do you think of your spouse’s parenting skills?
The Finances
The lawyer will need to know about financial matters in order to advise you about property division, child support, and spousal support. She might ask questions like: What bank accounts, brokerage accounts, real estate, investments, retirement funds, and other assets do you own? Whose name is each asset in? What debts do you have? What are and your spouse’s incomes? What are your and your spouse’s educational backgrounds and work experience? Are there any medical reasons you cannot work full time? If unemployed or underemployed, what efforts have you made to find full-time employment? What is the standard of living you have enjoyed during the marriage?
Once the lawyer has marshaled the facts of your case, he will be able to sort out the legal issues and answer any questions that you have. Don’t worry if you cannot produce all of this information at the first meeting. The lawyer will know how to get additional information.
Asking the Lawyer Your Questions
The first meeting is also a time for you to ask the lawyer questions about your case. If you write down your questions ahead of time, you will not forget any of them.
Parents will want to know about the children: Are they going to be taken away from them? How will custody and access be determined? How much child support will be received or owed?
You will also want to know about alimony: How much will you receive or have to pay? How long will it last? Will it be modifiable or nonmodifiable in the future?
Here are some other typical questions:
- What about getting health insurance for yourself and the children? What about life insurance?
- What will happen with the house? Who will pay the bills?
- How will the property be divided?
- What is the process for getting divorced? How long does it take? How much does it cost?
Know What You Want: Goals, Objectives, and Priorities
Knowing what you want is half the battle. You will probably come out as the one who is most successful in negotiations if you go in knowing what you want. At the same time, you must be willing to compromise if you want to reach a settlement. Your lawyer will be able to tell you whether what you want is achievable or not and help you develop some reasonable goals and objectives.
Tip Know what you want out of the divorce. The more you know, the better the chance that the negotiations will work out in your favor.
Knowing what you want will also allow you to recognize success when you get it. Believe it or not, some clients say no even after their spouse offers to settle for everything they could get by trying their case before a judge. Some people want a judge to place blame on their spouse for the end of the marriage. This rarely happens and is probably not a reasonable objective.
The issues to be decided in a divorce are custody of the children and an access schedule, child support, alimony and property division. Each of these can have subissues, for example the house and retirement plan would be subissues under property division.
One way to figure out what you want is to list all the issues on a piece of paper and then make three columns: best case, worst case, and middle. Best case is what you ultimately want. Worst case is the minimum you could accept without walking out of settlement negotiations.
Then, to determine your priorities, go down the list and number the issues in their order of importance to you. In most cases, what is important to one party is not that important to the other. If you find this to be true in your case, it will allow you to make trades in negotiation.
Legal Advice and Counsel
After you and your lawyer have exchanged questions, the lawyer can then advise you about what to expect with regard to custody of the children and sharing time with them. Many parents are afraid the children will be taken away from them. Unless you are an unfit parent, as your lawyer will probably assure you, the courts favor the maximum amount of time possible and practical with each parent.
Child support is calculated from guidelines in most cases, and your lawyer can run through these and give you a good estimate of the amount of child support to be paid at your first meeting.
Alimony is a little harder to determine, but as your lawyer will probably also tell you, you won’t go broke paying it or become destitute receiving it.
At the first meeting, the lawyer can give you a rough idea of how the property is likely to be divided if you go to trial and alternatives you can work with if you settle.
First Consultation Free! After That . . .
Some, but not all, divorce lawyers offer the first consultation for free. At that meeting, the lawyer will discuss legal fees for going forward with your case.
The lawyer will tell you about hourly rates and retainers. He will also give you a written agreement setting forth charges and costs in detail. But although he may give you an estimate of what your case will cost, that is just a guess, not a guarantee.
If you decide to hire the lawyer, after the first meeting you will be charged for any time he works on your case, including telephone calls and e-mails.
The lawyer should keep you informed of each step in your case so that you can actively participate. You should also receive copies of all pleadings, letters, e-mails, and discovery documents.
Don’t Let Them Switch Lawyers on You
Most divorce lawyers practice on their own and not in a firm. But a firm that has several lawyers is able to assign work to different lawyers in the firm. Frequently, a partner who conducts the first meeting then assigns the case to an associate lawyer. This is not necessarily bad as long as you are satisfied with the associate and it doesn’t come as a surprise that you are being referred to her.
At the first meeting, you will want to ask who will be working on your case, who will be supervising the work, which lawyer will be your contact with the firm, and who will be the attorney responsible for the case. Most law firms will honor a client’s request to work with a specific lawyer.
Heed Your Intuition: Fire a Bad Lawyer Fast
Just like in every other profession, there are good lawyers and bad lawyers. Some lawyers will procrastinate. Others are hopelessly overworked and cannot give your case their full and prompt attention. Some will not return your phone calls or answer your e-mails.
No lawyer is perfect. But if he makes a mistake, he should stand behind his work and correct it immediately at no cost to you.
If you have doubts about your lawyer, listen to your intuition. Get a second or third opinion about your case from other lawyers. It is easier to change lawyers early in your case than later. If you wait until just before the trial to change lawyers, the new lawyer will not have had a chance to prepare your case, conduct depositions, or interview witnesses.
Summary
Now you know what to expect from your first meeting with the lawyer. It is time to begin your education about the important issues in your divorce. First, we’ll discuss issues pertaining to children. If you don’t have any children, you can skip to Chapter 10 on alimony.