One of the most important things you can do in your divorce is to find the right lawyer. Your divorce lawyer will be the central manager for the facts, the law, the other people involved, the documents and other evidence, the settlement, and the trial of your case. The lawyer will be the quarterback of your team and the general of your army. It is vitally important to select the proper one. If you decide to hire a lawyer, this chapter will tell you where to find and how to select the right one for you.

You Need a Divorce Lawyer

In days past, most lawyers were general practitioners and every lawyer was a divorce lawyer. But as lawyers have become more specialized, divorce law has become more complicated. Divorce lawyers not only need to know divorce law, but also businesses, contracts, bankruptcy, options, intellectual property, partnerships, corporations, and taxes, which can be involved in their cases as well.

Divorce law is based on equity, which means fairness, as opposed to contract law or tax law, which is based on logic. In contract law, the breaching party has to pay damages to the other party. In divorce law, the breaching party may get half the property, alimony, child support, and attorney’s fees. You need to find a knowledgeable, experienced family lawyer who devotes most of her practice to divorce law.

Word of Mouth

Word of mouth is usually the best way to find a good divorce lawyer. Ask your family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. You probably know many people who have been divorced. Ask them who they used and what their experience was with their lawyer. People love talking about their divorce (once they’ve had a chance to heal and get over it). You may also ask other professionals who interact with divorce lawyers—like accountants, financial planners, and real estate agents. Actual experience is the best way to gauge how good a lawyer is.

Internet

It used to be that attorneys were prohibited from advertising, so the only way to find one was by word-of-mouth. Now, attorneys are permitted to advertise in the yellow pages, magazines, and newspapers; on radio and television; and even on billboards.

Most law firms and lawyers have Web pages. Many publish blogs. You can use a general search engine like Google to identify divorce lawyers in your location. There are a few specialized Web sites that can help you find the right lawyer for your divorce:

• www.avvo.com: Click on “Find a Lawyer,” then type in “divorce” as the practice area and enter your location. This site rates lawyers from one to ten (ten being “superb”), reports any ethics problems, has lengthy biographies, and allows you to read reviews by former clients and other attorneys.
• www.lawyers.com: Lawyers.com is affiliated with the first and oldest lawyer rating service, Martindale-Hubbell. The ratings are strictly from other lawyers. The highest rating is “av preeminent.” The av signifies that the lawyer has been given very high “general ethical standards” and “legal ability” numerical ratings.
• www.superlawyers.com: Super Lawyers uses a combination of editorial research and voting by other lawyers to select the top 5 percent of lawyers in different practice areas in each state. Lawyer profiles are included on the site.

Experience Counts

“The reason I called you, Uncle Pete, is that I thought you might be able to refer me to a reasonably priced attorney that can help me with my divorce,” the caller says.

“It depends on what you mean by reasonably priced,” Pete says to his nephew. “I can refer you to a younger lawyer who charges $150 an hour or I can refer you to a more experienced lawyer who charges $300 an hour but who will do the job in half the time it takes the younger lawyer.”

You wouldn’t shop around for an inexperienced heart surgeon, and you wouldn’t try to get the cheapest brain surgeon in town to operate on you. If the stakes are high, you probably don’t want a lawyer who is just out of law school to handle your divorce. Look for a seasoned professional who has been around the block before and knows how to advise you.

Skills

You want to look for a lawyer who is knowledgeable in the family law of your state. Some states certify skilled family lawyers. Other states do not allow lawyers to claim they are an expert in any one area of law, but you can still find out what percentage of practice a lawyer devotes to family law. Many states require continuing legal education for lawyers but some do not.

Some lawyers are very good at memorizing the law and reciting it when called upon to do so. They seem skillful but lack common sense and creativity. Sometimes, a case calls for a creative solution.

When Alexander the Great entered Gordium in the fourth century BC, there was a chariot tied with an intricate knot. It was prophesied that whoever could undo the knot would become king of Asia. Alexander drew his sword and sliced the knot in half. Hence came the phrase “Gordian Knot” to signify a complex problem that defies solutions except for by the most creative and well trained. Look for a lawyer that can cut through the Gordian knots in your case.

A divorce is about money as well as children and the end of the marriage. So, it helps to have a lawyer that is conversant in money issues, such as accounting, pensions, taxes, investments, promissory notes, stock, business valuations, corporations, and real estate.

Trust

The attorney-client relationship is unique. Your attorney is your confessor, champion, and advisor. You must find an attorney you trust.

You are going to be telling your attorney personal information, confidential secrets, and sometimes embarrassing things. You are going to be sharing all your financial information with your attorney, the history of your marriage, and the details of why you are getting a divorce.

You can get a feeling for how much you trust an attorney in your initial telephone conference or meeting. Does the attorney answer your questions directly, honestly, and in plain English? Do you feel comfortable talking with this person?

Attorneys are usually busy people, especially divorce attorneys. So, don’t expect to get one on the phone the first time you call. But it is important for you to note how long the attorney takes to return your call. Is this attorney prompt, reliable, and accessible or is he too busy to give your case the attention it deserves?

Style

Divorce attorneys come in a number of flavors. Let’s take a look at a few:

• The shark:There seems to be at least one lawyer in every town that has a reputation for being tough. This lawyer is described as one who eats nails for breakfast. One lawyer advertised that while other lawyers wrote their agreements in ink, he wrote his in blood. Why would you hire such a lawyer? Because you’ve watched too much TV and believe that projecting strength and intimidation are effective tools in the practice of law. A mean-spirited lawyer is not a good lawyer.

• The new traffic cop on the corner flaps his arms, blows his whistle loudly, and gestures wildly to get the cars to go where he wants. The veteran traffic cop lifts an eyebrow, wiggles a finger, and gets the cars to go where he wants with small gestures.
• So, it is in the practice of law. All that shouting and flapping does not move your case forward. If anything, they will delay resolution of your case and increase your expenses. These types of lawyers are in it for the show. They, at worst, have personality defects or, at best, use their personalities as marketing techniques to sell you the sizzle without the steak.
• Don’t get taken in by the shark. If your spouse hires a shark, don’t fight fire with fire. That only leads to more fire. Divorce is a fight, but it is a formal and civilized fight, with rules of engagement. Good attorneys can argue the facts and the law vigorously and still be polite to the parties and opposing counsel. The more rude and obnoxious the shark becomes, the calmer and quieter your attorney should become. That highlights the shark’s behavior to the court.

• The pushover:On the other hand, you don’t want an attorney who is truly weak in defending your interests and prosecuting your case. Your attorney needs to have self-confidence and a quiet strength. You don’t want your attorney to cave in on every issue. You need someone who can confront disputes head on and say the hard things that have to be said, both to the other side and sometimes to you.
• The technician:This is the type of lawyer you are looking for. She moves your case forward, solves problems, returns your calls, and meets deadlines, and completes the work in an organized, efficient, economical, and timely fashion. She minimizes conflict and disputes over small issues. She helps you identify and prioritize your goals and objectives.
• The zen lawyer: Finally, there is the kind of lawyer that brings enlightenment to your case. This lawyer helps you rise above issues of squabbling over money. Instead, he helps you to focus on long-term issues like preserving the relationship of the children with each parent and keeping a civil relationship with your ex so that you are able to coparent.

People spend hundreds of thousands of dollars fighting over their money in a divorce. After all, it is hard to work, sacrifice, and save for years to build up an estate only to watch helplessly as it is destroyed almost instantly in a divorce. It is tough to let go of money. Yet, that counterintuitive step is the secret of what I call the zen divorce. Walk away from the fight. Value your happiness more than the money. The attitude is summed up nicely by this poem:

Male or Female Attorney?

Does it matter which gender you choose in deciding to hire a divorce attorney? If you are a woman, do you want a male or female attorney, and vice versa? Does it make a difference if the judge in your case is male or female? It is more important to get a good lawyer, regardless of gender. Some good lawyers are men and some are women.

Litigator or Negotiator

One law firm runs an ad that says, “When you’ve absolutely decided not to settle, call us.” Obviously, this firm likes to litigate.

A negotiated settlement in a divorce case is usually preferable to litigation. Some lawyers are better at settlement negotiations than others. They work better with people and have an agreeable personal style. Some lawyers are better at litigation and feel more comfortable making presentations in the courtroom.

Ideally, you would like to have a lawyer that is good at settling cases but is not afraid to go to trial if a settlement cannot be reached. An alternative is to find a firm that has both litigators and negotiators.

A mismatch can occur if your philosophy clashes with your lawyer’s. Some people like to fight. Others like to try to reach agreement in a cooperative fashion. Lawyers have different approaches, too. Some will say, “Let’s take her to the cleaners.” Others will say, “Let’s see if we can settle first.” Ask your lawyer about his philosophy in this regard. If you want to settle, don’t hire the attorney who would rather file suit first and talk later. You will be at cross-purposes.

Phone Calls and E-mails

When a divorce lawyer gets a message that you’ve called, it’s likely to be one of a dozen or more messages on his desk. A divorce lawyer spends a lot of time on the phone. It’s a routine part of the job.

But it’s probably not the same for you. You are calling about money, or children, or the house, or some other important matter that you need to discuss now.

Find a lawyer that’s accessible to you when you need to talk to him. There are lawyers who promptly respond to voice mails and e-mails. There are also lawyers that you can never reach. Nothing is more frustrating than a lawyer who won’t call you back.

Fees and Retainers

Attorneys are not permitted to take divorce cases for a percentage of the money received by a spouse or the money saved by a spouse. Also, flat fees are rare except in the simplest of cases because the amount of work involved is unknowable at the outset.

For that reason, divorce lawyers charge by the hour. Rates can be anywhere from about $100 an hour to over $600 an hour. The rate will vary according to their experience and the amount of demand for the lawyer’s time by other clients as well as where you live. City lawyers charge more than country lawyers because the rent is higher in the city. And for the same reasons, the bigger the city, the higher the hourly fee.

Divorce lawyers also require a retainer, which is an up-front payment and is typically $5,000 to $10,000. They are required by law to place this money in a separate trust account that is used to pay their bills as they work. Transfers from the trust account are usually made once a month after the hours are tallied and a bill is prepared. If there is any money left over at the end of the case, it belongs to you. If the lawyers exceed the money in the trust, they will request that you pay additional retainers if you want them to continue working for you.

How to Save Money

Here’s a laundry list of tips you can use to save on legal fees:

• Discuss your emotions with your therapist, not your lawyer:Your lawyer is not your therapist. Your lawyer charges you by the hour whether you are calling to ask a legal question about your case, complain about your spouse, or talk about the weather. Emotional stress is part of every divorce, but try to separate your emotions from the legal issues. Instead, talk to your counselor, religious advisor, friends, or family about your emotions. Talk to your lawyer about legal and financial matters. By the way, if you are finding it difficult to control your emotions, getting some counseling may help you obtain a more successful outcome in your divorce in the long run.
• Do some research:Knowledge is power in a divorce. It used to be that only lawyers had access to the law. Now, it is freely available on the Internet. You can also use search engines to do legal research and check up on your spouse. Check the computer, desk drawers, phone and credit card bills, checkbook, and even the trash can for information you can use in your divorce.
• Prepare a financial statement: Use the court financial forms. These will help you and your attorney organize your income and expenses and your assets and debts so that you can present them in settlement negotiations, mediation, or trial. They will also help determine what you will need in the way of finances going forward.
• Determine the value of your house:You will need to know this in your negotiations. You can check one of the online sites like www.zillow.com or you can ask a real estate agent her assessment. For a more formal valuation, you can hire an appraiser to give you a written report for around $400. If you can get your spouse to pay half or pay for it from a marital account, even better.
• Determine the value of your business: If you or your spouse own a business, you will need to ascertain its value. Your accountant can probably give you a rough idea. If you need a formal appraisal for trial, that may cost around $5,000 to $10,000.
• Estimate alimony and child support: Alimony is within the judge’s discretion in most states, but child-support is determined by the state’s guidelines.
• Do your divorce yourself: If your case involves no children, a short marriage, and few assets or other complications, you may be able to do it yourself. Some courts are more user friendly than others, and they will help you with forms and information.
• Talk to your lawyer’s staff: Usually, a lawyer’s secretary, receptionist, and bookkeeper do not charge for their time. Paralegals do charge for their time but at lower rates than lawyers. If you are calling with a simple question, like “Did my pleading get filed yet?” it is cheaper to talk to the secretary than it is to talk to your lawyer.
• Make your own copies or buy a printer: There is a lot of paperwork involved in a divorce. Many lawyers charge you for the time the staff spends making copies. When you are asked to produce documents, go to a copy center and make a copy for your lawyer and a copy for the opposing party. You may also be able to save money by scanning documents to a computer disc or thumb drive. Check with your attorney first to see if she will accept electronic documents or wants paper documents.
• Try mediation or another form of alternative dispute resolution: In mediation, you and your spouse work with a neutral third party to try to reach an agreement using a problem-solving approach rather than an adversarial one.
• Try collaborative law:This type of approach uses another approach to reaching an agreement. You and your spouse meet with two specially trained attorneys in four-way meetings. The attorneys are hired only to settle your case. If you fail to reach an agreement, you must hire new attorneys to litigate.
• Make the best use of your time with your lawyer: Write down your questions before your initial consultation. Stay focused and on topic. Understand how attorneys bill their time. If you call every time you have a question, you will be billed $50 to $100 for every phone call. That adds up quickly. It is more expensive to call your lawyer to say your spouse took the rake out of the garage than it is to buy a new rake. So, organize your questions and your time with your attorney. E-mail may also be an efficient way to communicate with your attorney.
• Let your spouse be the one to file for divorce: If your spouse files the suit, he has to pay the filing fee. There might be strategic legal reasons for you to file first, but usually it doesn’t matter who files first.
• Don’t try to hang on to the house: Sell your house and split the proceeds if there is any equity in it. Otherwise, you will be stuck with the mortgage payment, taxes, repairs, utilities, and insurance expenses. You may also have to pay to refinance it in order to get your spouse off the mortgage. And when you sell, you’ll have selling expenses and possibly capital gains taxes to pay. Sell before the divorce and split the selling costs and you’ll get a bigger deduction for capital gains.
• Don’t overlook the pension plans: These plans have present value even if not vested or only partially vested. The value of IRAs and 401(k) plans are indicated on your monthly statements. But some other plans need to be valued by an actuary.
• Choose the right lawyer: A good lawyer can guide you through the divorce process successfully. The wrong lawyer can increase the difficulty and cost of your divorce.
• Make a budget for your expenses after the divorce: Look at your spending over the past year to help you get started. Are there any expenses that you can reduce if you do not have enough income?
• Try to agree on a settlement with your spouse: Fighting only increases the time and expense required to settle your case. The more money you spend on lawyers, the less money you will have to divide. Don’t cave in if your spouse is being a bully or unreasonable. But two adult, civilized people ought to be able to sit down at the kitchen table and work out how to divide the property they have accumulated during the marriage.
• Work out a custody plan with your spouse: A custody battle over children will double the cost of your divorce. If you are fighting over whether the children should be with dad on Tuesday night or Wednesday night, you are spending your children’s college money on that of the lawyer’s children. If you really can’t agree on a parenting plan or shared visitation schedule, ask a mediator, a custody evaluator, or a parenting coordinator to help you out.
• Listen to your lawyer: You are paying hundreds of dollars for your lawyer’s advice. So listen to it carefully. Your lawyer has done this more times than you have. Whenever you hear your lawyer say, “I wouldn’t do that, but you’re the client and I’m just the lawyer,” it means you are not listening and you will probably be sorry later.
• Divide your stuff:You don’t want lawyers and judges fighting over your pots and pans. The furniture, furnishings, clothing, jewelry, and miscellaneous other things are usually less than 10 percent of the total marital estate. When dividing the furniture, remember what once was Ethan Allen is now just Sticks and Stones. Make list of your things and find a way to divide them, even if it’s just by flipping a coin. Make copies of family photos.

Summary

In this chapter, we’ve given you some ideas on where and how to find a good divorce lawyer for your case, focusing on skills, experience, trust, and style. We’ve also discussed how you can avoid the wrong lawyer. And we’ve given you a few tips on how to save on legal fees. Once you’ve narrowed down your search for a lawyer, you will want to set up a consultation. The next chapter explains what you can expect at that first meeting with a lawyer.