INDIVIDUALS WHO GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS, EITHER PROACTIVELY OR BY REQUEST

CHAPTER 8

EXTENDING FEEDBACK

THINKING THIS ROLE I SN’T about you? Think again! Sure, in the feedback world we’re hoping to leave behind, the Extender role has typically fallen to a manager or team leader. But as you and your colleagues accept the challenge to seek first and seek often in our new feedback frontier, all of us should get comfortable in the hot seat of extending. If you are a manager or team leader, won’t it be nice to have everyone else practicing the art of noticing right along with you?

As an Extender, your mission is to engage with anyone and everyone, whether they work with you, for you, or above you. You need to be available when asked and willing to offer when the time is right. Your feedback should be authentic, specific, focused, and free of judgment. That’s a lot of responsibility, but you can tackle this role with confidence and courage once you’re armed with the knowledge and skills needed for successful extending.

CREATE CONNECTIONS

Remember the 5:1 ratio? It tells us that positive connections build trust. The more the merrier, since connections build relationships, and trusted relationships are the Holy Grail of Feedback. As our relationships strengthen, our positive influence on one another intensifies. The quality, relevance, and focus of our feedback is likely to improve. What’s more, our feedback is much more likely to fall on fully engaged and receptive ears.

If all this connecting business sounds like a lot of work, take comfort in the fact that, according to research, connecting is really not that hard. After all, we as humans crave positive connections. This is not scary stuff, it’s feel-good stuff. So what’s the key to making connecting a habit? Frequency. I’m betting you will need to increase the frequency with which you connect with those around you.

To help you get going, here are a few ideas for revving up your connection motor:

TAKE NOTICE, TAKE INTEREST. Be inquisitive and display sincere interest in what’s going on around you. Ask open-ended questions, acknowledge workloads, and praise daily progress.

LET GO OF POSITIONAL POWER. Let others talk first. If you are a leader, don’t automatically take your traditional seat at meetings; mix it up by allowing someone else to sit there, especially if it’s at the head of the table. Ask others, “What’s the most important thing you’d like to talk about today?” instead of habitually pushing your agenda. The conversation that ensues could be the best takeaway from the meeting, and your people will know that their input has real value to you.

GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION. Every time you express positive thoughts, appreciation, or gratitude, you strengthen relationships and build trust. Just make sure it’s real, because cheap is cheap, and people can spot a fake a mile away.

FIND A COMMON POINT OF VIEW. When we seek ways to agree with another’s viewpoint, we validate that they matter to us, and that they can trust us to have their best interests in mind.

PURPOSEFUL COLLABORATION. Take on a tough challenge with a person you have a sticky relationship with and see if you can’t open avenues for trust. When we try to understand another point of view, collaborate with and challenge one another, we begin to understand one another’s strengths, patterns, and emotional triggers. Knowledge of others is a critical component to building trust.

HELP OTHERS. Life is full of opportunities to “carry water” for others. Maybe we help assemble that final report, give a coworker a ride home, or grab some takeout for the assistant who’s too slammed to get lunch.

EMPATHIZE. Empathy is one of the deepest forms of human connection. When you empathize with another, you show that you are trying to understand and feel what they feel. Saying things like “I understand why you’re feeling overwhelmed about making this deadline” tells them that they are connected and that you’re concerned not only with their performance but also with their emotional well-being.

LIGHTEN UP. Make time to have a little fun. Sharing a good laugh over a cup of coffee can dramatically lower stress, increase connections, and build trust.

LEADERS GO FIRST

For a lot of leaders, seeking and receiving feedback is about learning new skills and building new muscles. However, when it comes to extending, it’s more about fine-tuning an already established approach.

As leaders, we’ll need to let go of old habits and traditional practices and embrace a new model, one that’s anchored in our three fabulous Fs:

• Fairness in your approach, free of assumptions and punishment

• Focused coaching for targeted growth

• Frequent, positive connections, light and easy

As a leader, you’re showing the way, setting the tone, and walking the talk of our feedback movement. Sure, this new regimen is good for your people, but there’s plenty in it for you, too. Frequent sharing is helping you build more optimal responses to giving and getting feedback, and it’s also making you a better leader.

SHARE THE LOAD: BE A FEEDBACK MULTIPLIER

As I deliver workshops around the world, the dread of a thousand weary managers hangs heavy in the room when I ask even more of them: more connections, more feedback, more frequency. They’re asking themselves, “How can I possibly do more when I’m barely able to keep up with the coaching, mentoring, and reviewing I’m already doing?” Here’s the thing: I’m not suggesting managers do it all, but I am asking them to lead the movement and show the way. As leaders, it’s up to them to demonstrate the benefits of seeking more sources of feedback and upping its frequency while encouraging their people to do the same. In this way, leaders will become feedback multipliers. Leaders who proactively recruit those around them to become part of the frequent feedback movement will reap the rewards of the growth they inspire in their own backyards.

KNOW YOUR FEEDBACK SELF

It takes two to tango. That old saying has relevance here. In every feedback encounter, the tone and the quality of the experience is highly dependent on how all of the players show up. As one of the partners in the feedback tango, Extenders need to mind their steps, taking accountability for their approach to every conversation and for their true intentions. To be sure you’re well prepared when the dance begins, take the time to reflect on these three questions:

1. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE INFLUENCE YOUR OWN STYLE, PERSPECTIVES, AND PERSONALITY HAVE ON YOUR APPROACH?

» What seems open and direct to one person can seem harsh and sharp to another. You may get a little juice from a public call-out of your contributions, but your peer finds it horribly uncomfortable. Everyone is unique, so proceed with caution and never assume your Receivers want feedback delivered in the same manner or tone as you do. Answering this question honestly requires some careful self-reflection about how your style and personality influence your thinking and manner. For each of us, there will be times we need to adjust our approach or tone to better suit the individual we’re trying to recognize or help.

2. ARE YOU CLEAR ON YOUR INTENTIONS?

» Sometimes we rush to extend feedback before we’ve really taken the time to check in on why we feel compelled to do so. All of us can fall victim at times to less-than-perfect intentions. Maybe we’re feeling a little bruised from a project that didn’t go well, and we’re wanting to share a bit of the blame; maybe we’re trying to make a point that we don’t think is being heard. We’ve all been there, so it’s always good to pause long enough to consider a few of these questions:

º What am I feeling right now that is prompting me to consider extending this feedback?

º Is this the real issue?

º Is this really just about me and not about the other person?

3. ARE YOU ENTERING THE CONVERSATION WITH A FIXED MINDSET OR A GROWTH MINDSET?

» As discussed earlier, we can have a fixed mindset about ourselves and about others. Knowing this, check in with yourself before you engage. Are you coming to the table with a true belief that improvement or growth is possible? Is the intent of your feedback aimed at that growth?

HITTING RESET: APOLOGIZE IF NEEDED

If you’ve dug deeply enough into your feedback past, you’ve probably unearthed more than a few cringe-worthy moments when you’ve failed as an Extender. News flash: that’s true for everyone. We’re human. It’s okay. And when it comes to reconnecting with Receivers who were left shaking their heads by those encounters, a little humility goes a long way.

Acknowledge and apologize. Hit the reset button on prickly relationships by swallowing your pride and asking for a redo on that conversation you handled clumsily. Sure, it may feel awkward, but a sincere apology can begin the process of reestablishing trust and fairness. Admit that you’re a work in progress and assure them that you’re sincerely seeking to improve and that you believe things can indeed be different. An apology might sound something like this: “I’m sorry I was in command-and-control mode the last time we spoke. I’m trying to get better at feedback and would really appreciate it if you’d give me a do-over. Could you and I talk about our project plan today and give this another shot?”

You can’t take back what you’ve said or done in the past, but you can address it honestly and humbly and then commit to getting better. I’m betting you’ll be surprised by how much goodwill will result from a simple and authentic apology.

Asking is not just for Seekers. When playing the role of Extender, you can set the stage for successful feedback by asking the right questions. Here are a few asks to consider:

ASK FIRST. Offering unsolicited feedback is a high-risk proposition. You might leave the Receiver feeling blindsided, and, intentionally or not, it places you in a position of power over the Receiver. Here are several ways to look before you leap:

• Be gracious. Ask for permission to share.

• Ask if this is a good time or if another time would be better.

• Ask if this is a good place to talk. If it’s not, find an appropriate space, maybe something more private or comfortable where you and the Receiver feel safe and are able to speak freely.

ASK HOW. One way to bring more fairness to your feedback is by simply asking people when and how they want to receive feedback. In the Receiver chapter I gave you a feedback guide to complete. When you’re in the Extender role, ask those you’re working with to share their guide with you. This will help you learn the nature of the feedback they’ll value most, what tends to push their buttons, and how to get the best from them. Teams and peers who are encouraged to extend feedback often find it helpful to be armed with some boundaries and guidelines for how to connect with one another. It typically takes no more than 10 minutes to validate how an individual wants to receive feedback, and it sets your relationship up for success. Give it a try!

COME WITH QUESTIONS, NOT ANSWERS. When we fully embrace the Fine Art of Noticing, we have observations to share that are extended without judgment or evaluation. Whether we’re sharing because we were asked by a Seeker, or our offer to share was accepted by a Receiver, we can enhance the quality of the conversation with well-placed questions. Powerful and focused questions help the Receiver move toward progress and away from a defensive stature. They help us, as the Extender, check our assumptions and learn how we can be of more value to the Receiver.

SHARE THE GOOD STUFF

Now that you’ve given some thought to the concept of the Gottman 5:1 connection ratio and the Fine Art of Noticing, I’m betting you’ve tuned into the idea that positive, fact-based noticing, combined with genuine and positive connections, should happen at a rate that’s five times greater than challenging or correcting feedback.

When sharing the good stuff, be heartfelt and effusive. However, facts and details are important here. People only trust praise when it’s anchored in descriptive fact and offered without judgment or labels. No one’s going to object to hearing, “You’re the best!” But let’s be real: it’s a subjective judgment, a label, it’s not very clear, and it doesn’t help anyone understand how (or why) to continue to be “the best.”

When sharing the good stuff, consider these tips:

DESCRIBE THE GOOD. Instead of general praise, how much more skillful and effective would it be if descriptive facts were added? It might look like this: “Great job on the Wilson account, Yoshi. I noticed it came in under budget and on time, and you were responsible for three new client testimonials on our website.”

MANAGERS AND TEAM LEADERS SET THE PACE. Nearly every manager overestimates the volume and influence of their positive feedback. Research tells us that managers are rarely as effusive and impactful when it comes to sharing the good as they self-assess.¹ As noted in chapter 2, leaders are also likely to overestimate the importance that sharing improvement feedback has to their people and their leadership brand. In the end, we know the real power for leaders is in sharing positive feedback. Upping the volume and frequency on recognition of progress, successes, strong performance—in short, contributions both large and small—is a leader’s best strategy for influencing the performance of their team and raising their own leadership brand in the eyes of those who work for them.

BUILD GREAT TEAM HABITS. Establish team and peer feedback opportunities and encourage everyone to seek and extend feedback that moves the team forward. Make sure you recognize teams and groups, and that you share appropriate kudos publicly while not forgetting that some people prefer private recognition. I’m a big fan of building team habits for recognition and feedback as it builds our collective feedback muscles and begins to anchor this behavior as a group norm.

FOCUS YOUR INTENT AND AVOID THE SH*T SANDWICH

Most of us have been exposed to the feedback staple we call— ahem—the sh*t sandwich. In fact, the concept is so prevalent that it’s defined in Wikipedia.

People tend to avoid giving others “critical feedback.” It’s uncomfortable. It stirs up our fears of being disliked, disregarded, or disowned. So, when faced with the challenge of sharing something we fear might be tough to swallow, we think it may go down a little easier if we sandwich our tough feedback between two soft, tasty slices of compliment.

If you’re slapping a sh*t sandwich together, especially if you’re known to do it repeatedly, the Receiver will have no problem sniffing it out. Everything you’re sharing becomes suspect. You’ve created distrust and you’ve unintentionally tainted future interactions.

When we receive a genuine compliment or offer of gratitude, connection happens. It’s straightforward and unambiguously honest. Trust increases and fear decreases. The problem with the sh*t sandwich is that the good stuff on the outside is fouled by the nastiness in the middle, even when it’s genuine.

So how do we avoid the urge to slap together this mess?

• Focus. When you need to focus on a tough conversation, just do it. Do it skillfully, using fairness and focus. Your feedback will be far more effective, and the Receiver will probably appreciate your honesty.

• Share the good stuff, often and freely and for its own sake. Don’t tuck it away in the cupboard only to be used to surround something that’s much less appealing.

HIGHER FREQUENCY = HIGHER LEARNING

The more frequently we check in, address questions, share a reflection, or explore an idea with the people we’re working with, the more we all learn. It’s unlikely that we’re even aware of the subtle progress we’re making together, the relationships we’re forming, the understanding we’re building, one connection at a time.

Two words of caution here: One, don’t let your routine begin to look like you’re checking a box, leaving your people thinking, “Here she comes again, same time, same place, crossing us off her list” Shake it up, make it informal and authentic. Two, be careful not to wander into micromanagement territory, or they’ll be saying to themselves, “Once again, he’s leaning over my shoulder, telling me how to do my job” Connections should come in the form of “How’s it going?” and “Where can I support you?” while avoiding a strong evaluative or instructive flavor.

BITE-SIZE IS THE RIGHT SIZE

When you’re in Extender mode, remember to keep feedback focused on bite-size bits of information. What is one suggestion, one possibility, one goal the Receiver can consider and focus on?

Why just one bite? Feedback competes with the other million bits of nonstop stimulus bombarding us constantly in the modern world and workplace. Our brains suck up information like a vacuum cleaner, and it all spins around in the canister (i.e., our short-term memory) until it is processed and either chucked out or sent to long-term memory for storage. Of course, our brains are much more sophisticated than that, but the point is that they can only handle so much information at once. Research varies, but most confirms that the human brain can only effectively process three to seven items at once. You can test this with the three-second rule. Listen to someone talk and see what you can repeat. It’s unlikely you can repeat more than three seconds of content. That’s all most human brains can recall at one time.

Our processing capacity is reduced even further when we’re stressed. If we’ve triggered anxiety and fear while we’re extending, then the Receiver’s capacity is even more limited. Professor Amy Edmondson of the Harvard Business School suggests that fear is one of the biggest capacity killers at work, noting, “When people are interpersonally afraid, they have capacity issues. . . .”³

As Extenders, we have the power to help the Receiver take it in and fully process what we’re sharing. Keeping it bite-size is a lighter lift for us Extenders as well. Light and easy, short and bite-size: that’s the name of the extending game!

FOCUS ON THE FUTURE

Many of us will struggle to make the shift from the traditional “direct and solve” style (affectionately known at my firm as “yell and tell”) to a coaching and connecting style of feedback. A powerful strategy to make this shift is to encourage dialogue that creates a shared vision of success.

When you create a shared view of the Seeker/Receiver’s desired future, and you truly commit to joining forces in working toward that outcome, you build trust, and possibly even a lifelong relationship. Here are a few additional recommendations to consider:

IMAGINE WHAT COULD BE. A shared vision of future expertise, skills, or behaviors is about the possibility, the dream, the vision—and these are the ideas that drive commitment, energy, and passion.

IT’S THEIR FUTURE, NOT YOUR AGENDA. When we as Extenders merely summarize our vision of the future state as “I want you to develop your skills as a Level 3 programmer,” we can give the impression that we have an ulterior motive: I’ve got a gap to fill; we’re not finding Level 3 programmers in the market, so I’ve tagged you.

STAY THE COURSE. This commitment means you’ll tackle the ups and downs together. Success is a journey that’s rarely free of a few setbacks.

Anchoring conversations and connections in a shared view of the future sends a strong message that your Extender energy is focused on success.

PROGRESS, NOT PUNISHMENT

There are times in this fast-paced, hero-worshipping, social media-saturated era that we forget that achieving true expertise and proven know-how takes time. No one becomes the best at anything overnight. In the context of feedback and helping each other grow, this is a truth we cannot forget. We need an approach that plans for, supports, and recognizes progress toward those longer-term visions of success. Something like this:

BREAK IT DOWN. As an Extender, you often find yourself in a coaching role. Embrace it and help those around you consider what progress would look like against their longer-term aspirations. For example, ask a simple question like, “What steps are needed to get you there?” Once you’ve agreed to those steps, then make a habit of noticing how they’re doing against their planned progress.

RECOGNIZE FORWARD MOTION. When progress is successfully demonstrated, take time to discuss what you noticed about their progress, all the while remembering to celebrate. Recognizing progress is a powerful motivator for more growth, and it helps keep us all in a growth mind frame.

REFRAME. If they’ve gone off track—maybe their behaviors or actions are getting in their way—don’t dwell on what’s broken and how to “fix” them as a person. Steer the conversation toward contrasting what’s happening now and what needs to happen to get them where they want to be (current state versus aspirational state). Explore improvement or change without leaving the individual with the sense that they’re being judged or punished.

JUST THE FACTS, MA’AM

Descriptive, data-rich, neutral, and direct feedback informs and enlightens us.

Here are some pointers to take to heart as you practice your new extending style.

SHARE THE FACTS. For feedback to be fair, we need it to be descriptive, true, and grounded in relevant fact. As you’re preparing to extend feedback, be sure you’ve noticed and gathered real information, not assumptions. If you’re unsure, ask yourself:

» Is it true? How do I know?

» Do I have an example or illustration that helps me convey the facts?

» Is the observation I’m sharing my own? Is it relevant?

KEEP IT NEUTRAL. Keeping the tone neutral doesn’t equate to being either a marshmallow or an emotionless robot. Neutral means factual and descriptive feedback that’s free from evaluation, assessment, or judgment statements about the Receiver. When Luke asks you for feedback on how he communicated with others in the group meeting yesterday, and you tell him that he was overbearing and that he sucked the air out of the room, then, yes, you’ve given him some detailed noticing, but you’ve also embedded a judgment and a label. When we label or judge, we trip the fear switch and the connection shuts down. By judging and labeling Luke, you’ve assumed the power, and he’s likely to be too caught up in defense mode to hear much of the conversation after that.

NO GRIT. Just the facts means dropping the gossip, rumor, innuendo, and triangulation. These behaviors bust trust and credibility. Make sure the feedback you share is directly observed by you, that it’s anchored in facts, and that it’s rich in helpful details. Statements that begin with “People are saying . . .” “Word around the office is . . .” or “A little mouse told me . . .” will inevitably breed paranoia and resentment. And how unfair is it to let yourself off the hook by pretending to be the innocent messenger?

SHARE EFFECTS AND EXAMPLES. Extending relevant and timely feedback should entail sharing the effects or impacts of the behavior. This adds to context and helps the Receiver understand the relevance of their actions and where to focus in the future. Did you notice something great? Share your thoughts and feelings along with the effect their actions have had. Did that process improvement your frontline employee suggested lead to a great customer satisfaction score? Don’t just give them a verbal slap on the back like “Nice job on that process improvement idea.” Go one step further and share the positive effect their contribution has had on your enterprise. The more we can help people connect the dots between the feedback they get about the work they do on a daily basis and how it impacts other parts or people of the organization, the stronger their emotional commitment, resilience, and willingness to change will be.

Back to Luke: If you observed another attendee shutting down during the meeting in question as Luke continued to talk, then simply share that observation, not your assessment of Luke that’s based on that observation. Present the effects of his performance as you observed them and allow Luke to connect the dots and be an active participant in finding solutions that will make him a more effective contributor to the next meeting.

It’s also worth noting that sharing the effects on a more personal and human level is likely to trigger the Receiver’s motivation to take in and act on your noticing. For example, in a study cited by Adam Grant, organizational psychologist and New York Times best-selling author of Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, radiologists were assessed on the accuracy of interpreting scans. The study found that when a picture of the patient was presented alongside their corresponding X-ray, the diagnostic accuracy went up by 43 percent. Grant said, “You now know you’re not just sort of looking for a fracture, you are trying to help a living breathing human being.”

I’M RIGHT, YOU’RE RIGHT, WE’RE ALL HUMAN

Because the human brain is bombarded with information, it’s evolved to take shortcuts in making choices. For example, we default to sorting people into our own mental piles: competent and incompetent, worthy and unworthy, trustworthy or suspect. Unfortunately, this very human tendency to categorize can lead us to make snap judgments about a person or group without even realizing it. As Extenders dedicated to a movement founded on fairness, we have a duty to acknowledge and challenge these biases that influence our thinking.

How do you begin taking stock of your own biases?

• Take the Implicit Association Test (IAT), created by researchers from the University of Washington, Harvard University, and the University of Virginia.⁵ This test measures the strength of the links you make between concepts like race or sexuality, and how you evaluate stereotypes. It can be very enlightening.

• Choose your timing for feedback carefully. If you’re feeling tired, rushed, or stressed, your biases are more likely to come into play.

• Check your facts and assumptions. Use the Fine Art of Noticing, and describe actions, intentions, and impacts clearly. Ask yourself, do I know this to be true, or am I making an assumption about this person?

• Expose yourself to ideas, images, and words that challenge any stereotypes you might hold.

Make no mistake, discriminatory and biased feedback breaks trust and can breed depression, disengagement, and a toxic environment. These outcomes alone are reason enough for me to implore leaders, managers, and peer Extenders of feedback to actively work to root out assumptions and judgment in their feedback conversations, while embracing greater inclusivity and diversity.

THEY’RE NOT LOVING WHAT YOU’RE SAYING?

I’m betting we’ve all experienced one of those moments when, in the midst of sharing feedback, it becomes evident that the Receiver isn’t comfortable with your message. When you find yourself in that situation, don’t pretend you’re blind to this response. Instead, consider these options:

PRESS PAUSE. When someone objects to feedback you’re offering, even if you haven’t finished “delivering” it, then it’s time to pump the brakes. Chances are that fear and anxiety have side-swiped the Receiver, so rambling on is not going to help. “Just let me finish” is a statement you don’t want to deploy at this point. If you’re standing, walk slowly to the other side of the room. If sitting, scribble in your notepad or take a sip of water. 4-7-8 breathing helps here. It may only be a brief pause, but those few seconds can allow both of you to work toward collecting yourselves.

ACKNOWLEDGE. You don’t have to agree with any skeptical or dismissive remarks, and you don’t have to retract your feedback if you feel it’s fair and accurate, but you should acknowledge the concern shared by the Receiver. Empathy comes into play here. Say something like “I understand why you might feel that way,” or “I see how that might be something you’re concerned about.”

REFRAME THE OBJECTION AND ASK CATALYZING QUESTIONS. Try framing the objection into a question and let the conversation flow from there. Above all, let go of the need to be right. For example, if the Receiver says, “I’m not crazy about the way you showed up during that project, either,” reframe that as a question for her: “Can you help me connect my behavior to what we are talking about here?”

ASK TO HEAR MORE. When someone immediately reacts negatively to feedback, chances are that they need more information to understand what you’re trying to communicate. You may also need more information in order to see their point of view, so ask for it. Try, “Could you tell me more about the problems you see with our working together?” or “When you say you weren’t supported during the project, can you explain specifically how and when you felt let down?” Typically, this opens up the dialogue, allowing you to move the conversation forward and on to what to do about the feedback, and how to position the Receiver for future success. For example, you might reply to their responses with something like “Okay, now that I see what you’re going through, let’s take another pass at this so we can find the best solution forward for both of us.”

HIT RESET. If the Receiver is clearly appeasing you by waving the white flag of surrender with statements like “Okay, whatever you say,” or “Fine. I’ll do it your way,” then allow them a cooling-off period to formulate a more authentic response. Tell them that no firm decisions need to be made immediately, then make a plan to revisit the conversation in a couple of days. (If the issue is too pressing to wait a couple of days, then you’ve probably waited too long to have the conversation in the first place!)

DON’T LET THEM STEW. When connecting with a Receiver who chooses the option of going silent and stewing in their displeasure, a good prompting question is simply: “Will you tell me what you’re thinking?” This gives the Receiver the power to move the conversation in whatever direction they choose (ideally, a positive direction). If their heels are still dug in, I’d suggest going back to the top of the list, pressing pause, and giving them time to prepare for a more productive conversation, whether that’s a few minutes or a day.

MAKE A PLAN

Have you picked up the theme throughout this chapter that success in the Extender role is about letting go of old ideas and habits and forming new ones? Hmm, that sounds to me like a change. And every successful change needs a plan. As you set your course as an Extender, ponder these five questions:

• How can I increase my connection quotient?

• Where will I start?

• Do I need to hit reset with anyone?

• What commitments am I making to myself and others?

• What shifts do I need to embrace (i.e., old habits to quit and new ones to ingrain)? If I’m not sure, who can tell me?

Write it down, reflect often, update it as you go, and be kind to yourself as you learn and grow. Finally, make it your mission to demonstrate to the world, starting with those around you, the power of extending focused feedback that’s frequent and fair, light and easy, and that celebrates progress toward a better future.