CHAPTER 4

A FRESH START FOR FEEDBACK

WE’RE STARTING FRESH. We’re launching our movement, all pulling in the same direction as we set our course to a new world of feedback. To ensure our success, we’re letting go of the outmoded thinking and bad habits. To help us do that, we’ve armed ourselves with some scientific background on what’s responsible for our dysfunctional relationship with old-school feedback.

And now we turn our focus forward. To the new. To creating a shared vision and a strong commitment to rebooting feedback. As we wipe the slate clean, we’re going to chalk it in with a new definition for feedback, a common language, and new ideas and perspectives on what feedback looks like when it’s good, impactful, and offered with the best of intentions.

A NEW DEFINITION OF FEEDBACK

If we look at the Oxford Dictionary definition of “feedback,” we find this:

It’s not horrible, but it’s not great, and it’s certainly not inspirational enough to usher in a new era of feedback. It doesn’t say information shared to make you feel inadequate, labeled, or a disappointment, even though this is a common perception. It is, however, far too narrow and limited for our purposes, given the focus on performance, tasks, and improvement. And that word “reactions” feels a bit aggressive, doesn’t it?

So let’s set that old definition aside and found our movement on a new definition. A definition that will shift our perceptions, reactions, and engagement with feedback. A definition that is more specific and speaks to the outcomes and future we are seeking. Something like this:

As with all definitions, the words have been carefully chosen. Let’s break it down and get a deeper understanding of our new definition and its intended meaning:

CLEAR AND SPECIFIC. Shared information needs enough specificity to make it meaningful, providing clear understanding and inspiring action as appropriate.

SOUGHT OR EXTENDED. Feedback is as much about soliciting as it is about offering, with the aim of bringing information into a shared conversation.

SOLE INTENTION. If the feedback isn’t intended to help individuals or teams thrive and grow, then why offer it or seek it? If it doesn’t meet that sniff test, then don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s feedback.

IMPROVE. When a behavior, approach, action, attitude, or other factor is getting in the way, then the time might be right for some improvement feedback. Improvement-oriented feedback should help the individual know what to change and offer ideas for testing new approaches or techniques. It’s best when offered with a perspective on what’s getting in the way of better outcomes, and with a view to the future rather than dwelling in the past.

GROW. In our new definition we’re applying growth in the broadest sense, recognizing that we can grow every day as we increase our awareness about who we are and how the world around us works, develop new talents, expand our networks, learn and test new approaches and ideas, and so much more. Growth is a never-ending journey, and when pursued with purpose it helps us become a better version of ourselves every day.

ADVANCE. While advancement requires growth, it also encompasses the idea of movement: stepping up to that next rung on the corporate ladder, taking on a bigger account, or accepting a broader role within the organization. We each hold our own views of growth and advancement and place differing levels of importance on each in our lives and careers. In our shared vision of the future we need to accept that we are all seeking growth, but also that we’re all free to choose our own relationship with advancement. In short, some of us may choose to grow in place and leave the focus on advancement to others.

FEEDBACK: YES, THIS, NOT THAT!

When I’m trying to wrap my head around a new concept, I find it helpful to contrast what something is to what it isn’t. Here’s a little “is and isn’t” comparison that should help flesh out our new definition of feedback:

WHAT FEEDBACK IS AND WHAT FEEDBACK ISN’T

ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE

There’s a phantom word that floats in front of feedback. Can you guess what it is? If I say, “I have some feedback for you,” where does your mind go? To the negative, probably. I’ll wager that what you heard me say is, “I’ve got some negative feedback for you.” You wouldn’t be alone if you did, since the majority of us are likely to mentally insert that dark word into what should be a harmless phrase.

How do we move past this almost instinctive impulse to assume that feedback is negative? We can start with our new definition, which doesn’t qualify the nature of the feedback, and doesn’t state whether the feedback is likely to be perceived as positive or negative by the recipient. That’s on purpose.

At this point we need to clarify our thinking on positive and negative feedback. One common misconception is that the best way to really change a person’s behavior or approach is to point out what they are doing wrong. Most of us share this belief, especially those of us who were raised in Western cultures. For years I thought this was true, and like many others I believed that sharing feedback the “right way” was a matter of summoning my courage to make some strong points about things that needed “fixing.”

Boy, was I wrong. And if you still believe negative feedback is the most powerful option in your feedback playbook, then I’m afraid you’re wrong, too. (Yikes, there’s a little negative feedback for you!) Negative feedback (“improvement feedback” will be the preferred term in our new movement) does serve an important function: it may be vital when something or someone is really going off the rails. I’m talking about when the actions or behaviors of the individual or group is causing serious concern for their future or significantly impacting those around them. If you’re witnessing someone about to go off the high dive into an empty pool, then by all means, stop them. Call it out, discuss it, keep your focus on the impacts, and present your case without judgment. Take it on because you care, not to make a power play or demonstrate how right you are.

As you work side by side with your colleagues, your bosses, and your teams, how often are the people around you that far off track? Not that often. So devote your energy and focus to delivering positive feedback—it’s where you’ll have the most power and influence, by far. Positive feedback tells people to keep doing the good stuff, do it even more frequently, do it well, and hone their strengths and contributions. Positive feedback is inspirational; it elevates us and gives us the impetus to try harder. It creates focused energy, and focused energy drives improvement, growth, better outcomes, and greater impact.

POSITIVE FEEDBACK VERSUS RECOGNITION

While we’re building clarity on our definitions of feedback, let’s also take the time to differentiate positive feedback from recognition. If we recognize an individual with a general statement like “I really like working with you,” then we’ve said something kind and encouraging. It’s a great form of recognition, and we should say those things often. But that statement is positively not positive feedback. Why? It’s not specific. It’s not actionable. It doesn’t tell that person why you like working with them or what elements of your collaboration you value most. Alternatively, if you say, “I really like working with you. I’ve noticed how your ability to take my ideas and advance them really impacts the quality of the marketing ideas we’re bringing back to the team,” that’s both positive feedback and recognition. It’s communicating both what you value and how it’s impacting results.

My advice is to do more of each. Take the time to recognize those around you, and also think about where you can provide specific and actionable positive feedback. Those you work with will thank you for the effort—on both fronts.

SEEKERS, RECEIVERS, AND EXTENDERS

Our fresh start calls for not only a new definition of feedback but also a shared language that clarifies the different players in the process of feedback. At any given time, we may find ourselves playing any one of three roles in a feedback conversation: Seeker, Receiver, and Extender.

While this may seem pretty straightforward, it’s important that we agree on common definitions for each of these roles:

Given that we all switch from Seeker to Receiver to Extender so frequently, we’ve devoted a full chapter to each of these roles to examine the unique challenges and fixes associated with them. But first, let’s talk about how we lay the foundation that our success and effectiveness in any of these three roles depend on.