chapter 8

Stick with Your Flipped Script

Since becoming a boss, I’ve struggled with helping others realize just how important their work is. I see how valued they are to our team and organization. But I just can’t quite get them to see it.

But today, I had the best call ever with one of my direct reports! She just completed a project and clearly sees how valuable her work is. And she had fun doing it too. Over the phone, I could hear it in her voice—how excited and proud she was of her own work. It felt like she’d turned a corner and has purpose and meaning that she never saw or felt before. She’s now ready to take on more work and make new goals to stretch herself.

What’s that secret sauce or magic formula so that can happen with everyone all the time?

That phone call was one of the best feelings I’ve had as a boss. My direct report felt energized with her work. She felt her work truly mattered. Looking back, it wasn’t one thing I did, but several, over a long period of time that brought her to that realization. For months I was deliberate in giving her clear direction and outlining her roles and responsibilities. We had several coaching conversations about her current work, and mentoring conversations about her future aspirations. At times it was exhausting and frustrating for me and probably for her too.

And in that one 15-minute phone call, all of that work was worth it. Everything came together for her. Granted, it’s not always like that in every phone call after that one, and there are times it feels like I have to start all over. I still make mistakes in my capacity as a boss. But at least I know it’s possible for someone to feel engaged at work, like they and their work matter. And that I had a hand in it. What an awesome feeling.

The Secret Sauce

That secret sauce, that magic formula? Sticking with your flipped script, the script of the boss everyone wants to work for, and not reverting back to the “It’s not you; it’s me,” script.

Psychologist Robert Eisenberger would likely approve. Arguably best known for his “organizational support theory,”¹ he believes that if we feel our organization cares for us, we “pay back” the organization through our efforts, increased performance and commitment, and by going above and beyond our jobs to help our colleagues and our organization reach goals. The theory holds up as one of the most well-established explanations of employee–organization relationships and why employees do what they do; findings from 558 studies substantiate the theory’s claims.²

So why is this important for you as a new leader to know and understand?

Although employees form opinions about support from their organization, Eisenberger believes they form general beliefs about how much their leaders—that’s you—value their contributions and care about their well-being.³ As a leader, you represent, symbolize, and personify the organization to your direct reports. So those who report to you attribute how well the organization supports them based on how well you support them. Shine the spotlight on others. “It’s not about me anymore.”

Some may be hesitant about that.

She is a rock star. She gets everything done. She reminds me of me. And in many cases, she’s a lot more talented than me, even with a lot more potential. She gets all the credit, accolades, recognition, and opportunities that I used to get when I was an individual contributor not so long ago. Hate to say it, but I’m a little jealous. She may steal my job one day. How is that going to look?

Yes, you may get defensive and insecure. You may even start to think of ways to “undermine the underlings.” It happens to all of us. But those are from the “It’s not you; it’s me,” script. If you have truly flipped your script, you know that “It’s not about me anymore,” and your job is to shine the spotlight on others. You’ll be satisfied and happy with the success of those you lead and serve. You’ll want what is best for them.

If the people you lead and serve are successful, you are successful. Think about it. Maybe you are leading a small team right now. If they are successful, you’ll be seen as a driver of results and developer of talent. You’ll be given more responsibility. You’ll lead more people. If they continue to be successful, maybe you’ll lead an entire department, division, or function one day. The success of those you lead and serve will bring you success if you stick with your script. Don’t go back to “It’s not you; it’s me.” Realize “It’s not about me anymore,” and stick with that.

Other bosses definitely want to provide support and care for the well-being of those they lead and serve. But they think their whole persona must change. “Sounds like I have to start giving hugs to people,” they may say. It’s not about giving hugs (though, if you are known as a person who gives hugs, it’s a normal part of your organization’s culture, and it’s welcomed by the one getting those hugs, it won’t necessarily hurt). But if you give “professional hugs,” things that Eisenberger and his colleagues would suggest—telling people how important they are, for example, or appreciating their efforts, listening to their concerns, asking for their opinions, giving formal and informal recognition of their achievements—then you show that you value the contribution and care about the well-being of those you lead and serve. Support, develop, and attend to the needs of your direct reports, staff, or team. Make them feel appreciated and valued. They need to know that their best interests are your top priority. And there isn’t one blanket way to give professional hugs to every single person. Remember the platinum rule: make others feel appreciated and valued the way they want to feel it. That’s sticking with the flipped script. That’s what the boss everyone wants to work for would do.

Connect the Dots

The bosses everyone wants to work for instill a purpose, motivation, and meaning with every single one of the people who report to them and work with them. The people they lead and serve understand just how important and meaningful their work is to the team and organization. They understand how their lives matter. That’s connecting the dots.

Part of the foundation for Adam Grant’s popular work Give and Take⁴ is his early research on generosity, motivation, and meaningful work. Through multiple experiments in the lab and in organizations, Grant exposed the power of meaningful work.⁵ How did he do this? For example, in several studies,⁶ Grant brought into the workplace what he calls “beneficiaries,” or end users who shared their stories of how they directly benefitted from the work of a team. The results? The team’s performance, sales, and revenue all increased afterward.

Obviously, when people clearly understood how they and their work mattered to others, and how their work was significant and provided meaning to others, their dedication and performance increased; they felt more satisfied in their job; and they persisted through tough times. That’s connecting the dots.

The bosses everyone wants to work for stick with the script by connecting the dots. They make it clear to the people they lead and serve how they and their work matter.

You Don’t Know Jack—and Yes, You Should

There’s a lot for you to think about and apply to your work. All I can do is make you aware of why, what, and how to flip your script, and stick with the flipped script, to maximize your chances for success as a new leader. You will never read a leadership book or attend a leadership course that will tell you, “If you do X, then Y will happen every single time with success,” because we are human beings with feelings and emotions and imperfections—including the people who wrote those books or developed those courses.

But think about it. Being the boss everyone wants to work for does not mean you’re always perfect. Rather, stick with your flipped script. Put the spotlight not on you, but on those you lead and serve. If you do that, they will feel like they and their work have meaning, which produces greater motivation, engagement, and better performance. They will believe they make a difference. Like Jack.

Jack has been with our company for 30 years. He started out as a mail courier, moved up to the Print Center, and now works in distribution. There, he makes sure the needs of leaders all over the world are fulfilled by packaging and shipping the publications and materials they need to become better leaders.

In our service awards ceremony, Jack was able to give a speech to mark his 30 years. He acknowledged he’d never be a trainer and help participants. He knew he’d never be able to write a book to help leaders either. But if he didn’t do his job, and those publications and materials never got out, those leaders would never get what they need to be great leaders. You see, Jack understands just how important his job is to our organization. Jack felt his work in the distribution center was just as important in helping leaders become the bosses everyone would want to work for as the work I personally do training them and writing this book.

There are great lessons I have learned just by listening to Jack and his stories and seeing him at work. For instance, he knows exactly how his work matters, how important his job is to the organization, and how he makes a difference in the world. He connects the dots. No doubt, his leaders help him connect the dots as well, telling him just how important he is to them, their team, the organization, customers, clients—even the broader society. So should you with the people you lead and serve.

Jack also told me a story that happened long ago. The president of the organization at the time regularly walked the halls to visit every single department. The president was an old army guy, and this was his way of “visiting the troops.” One day, the president asked Jack, working then as the mail courier, if he could ride along on his mail run.

“The president wanted to ride along with me. Can you imagine that?” Jack said.

During that ride, the president asked Jack’s opinion on a company policy. Back then, the company usually gave bonuses to all workers at the end of the year, but the board had different ideas for how the money should be used that year.

“Well, I told the president that the $100 or $200 we get as a year-end bonus might not sound like much to him or others high up in the company. But to people like me, that’s a lot of money. We depend on it. We need it to survive. It makes us feel valued.”

The president went back to the board, and based on Jack’s insight, everyone got that year-end bonus like they always did.

To this day, Jack believes he made a difference that also helped his fellow employees, many of whom needed the money as much as he did. It was all because the president of the organization asked his opinion on how things were going and listened to what he had to say.

Now, there’s no way we can please everybody, and sometimes decisions will go against popular opinion. But the president asking his opinion and listening to what he said made Jack feel so proud. Still does today. If an organization’s president can do that for Jack, you can too for the people you lead and serve.

You Can Flip Your Script and Stick With It Too

The ultimate flip for any leader, really, is feeling invested in the people you lead and serve more than feeling totally invested in your own success. And if you truly made the flip, you know that’s exactly how you become successful and known as the boss everyone wants to work for. Ultimately as leaders, we are called to serve others, help others grow, and make the world around us a better place. Think about the greatest leaders of all time. Their greatest triumphs and achievements may not be attributed straight to them. And they truly believe that’s the way it should be. They’ve clearly flipped their script.

You can too.

You have the capability and capacity to make others feel wanted, needed, and special at work. You have the power to make them feel valued and appreciated. You can outline exactly what they do and how it matters to you, your organization, and even society at large. That’s a rare commodity in organizations right now, and it is sorely missed. You have the ability to flip your script and stick with it. Don’t take it for granted.

While I hope this book truly has given you a model, a game plan, a blueprint to flip your script and stick with it, more than that, I hope this book gives you hope. You can make it as a new leader. Flip your script. You’ll have more people who feel like Jack, engaged and proud of their work because you helped them feel that way.

As a new leader, you have the potential and ability to be the boss everyone wants to work for.

I believe you can do it. Now, go do it.