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Many people don’t pursue what they really want because, at their core, they believe they will never get the help that would bring their vision to life. Once we define a mission, vision, and purpose, however, our success is purely based on the quality of help we get from others. The most successful people in the world either intuitively or consciously understand that if they are going to realize their dreams and ambitions, they must get the right people to help them. For example, when a long-term executive decides to start their own business, an entirely new support system is in order. Mentors, teachers, coaches, vendors, and administrative, business development and financial support all come into play when someone makes such a big life change. Those who don’t understand this fact of life are basically walling themselves off from their best and highest usefulness. In the modern world, those of us who believe we must do it all on our own often find ourselves running in circles and chasing our tails. Support and collaboration are key success drivers in our increasingly complex world.
The concept of building success through building meaningful support systems is so elusive that we sometimes mindlessly put down the process in front of our children. For example, the Emmy, Academy, and Grammy Awards represent an extraordinary opportunity for us to point out how the most successful people in media made it to those podiums. However, we complain as the award winners go on and on thanking all the people who helped them by generously giving their time, putting their necks on the line, and otherwise investing blood, sweat, and tears into the success at hand. Many of us assume they bought that support system once they became rich and famous rather than pointing out to our children they became rich and famous because of that support system. Large swaths of talented people aren’t engaged, don’t change, and become paralyzed with fear because they don’t have a reliable support system and don’t have the skills to build one.
When I began the Inspired Work journey, doing everything myself was the norm. Designing work solutions for others brought the unexpected reward of ending my lifelong experience of pushing an egg up a hill with my nose. How ironic, right? The purpose of this first program was to “[i]nstill an awareness of the work we were born to do and recognize the skill sets that bring the vision to life. We don’t abide by the standards of average; we stand with Irrevocable Happiness.”
I finished the first two-thirds of the curriculum in less than a week. Bringing people to personalized visions came naturally to me. Then, I ran into a brick wall. At the time, my natural inclination to bring a vision to life, to make it a practical reality, was simply to work harder. Without a mindset intervention, this was my natural pattern. My adoptive father was a Russian immigrant who had worked in a labor camp where the community had a favorite saying: “Work tastes better than food.” He became a medical doctor. As a former concert pianist, I worked in practice studios for so many hours that I often had blood coming from the edges of my fingernails. In our Inspired Work programs, that magic moment arrives when someone announces a breakthrough, a new career, a new business, or a commitment to learning new behavior. I ask the question, “What are you going to do now?” The response is usually some form of “work harder.” When we come from that mindset, at best we are going to burn out, but usually we will simply fail.
I was climbing the walls looking for answers about how to complete the curriculum. The Academy Awards show was on television. Driving Miss Daisy, Jessica Tandy, and Oliver Stone were having quite the night, with newcomer Daniel-Day Lewis grabbing an award for My Left Foot.1 Suddenly, it hit me:
• Everything of value in this world is done through collaboration.
• We can live in the delusion that we don’t need support for many years.
• If we are going to succeed with any form of a unique career path, our success can only be derived from getting others to help us.
• Perhaps best of all, people want to help.
This was a turning point that got passed on to thousands of our participants. Not only do many of us have inadequate support in our careers, we can also extend that deficiency to our healthcare, love lives, finances, social standing, image, childcare, personal development, and continuous education. From the lens of inadequate support, we live with problems that seem to have no solution. We work harder to get past them, but we don’t get anywhere. Or, we get there while other vital aspects of our lives suffer. This is no optimal way to live.
The entire learning and development field works to help organizations provide their talent with certain forms of growth support, but how many spend time teaching their people how to acquire the right forms of support? It seems a bit counterintuitive that to become self-sufficient, we must learn how to identify, recruit, and manage help from others, doesn’t it? And yet, that is exactly how success works.
Our critical thinking mind would probably accept these views as basic common sense, yet we have been conditioned from the current work world to view requests for help with a variety of strange, unhealthy, yet relatively common beliefs such as:
• If I ask for help, people will think that I don’t know what I’m doing.
• If I want something done right, I have to do it myself.
• There is something wrong with asking for help.
• What will people think if I ask for help and how will they talk about it?
• No one will want to help me.
This is not the inner dialogue of successful people, nor are these sentiments common in our highest-performing organizations. In fact, our most successful entrepreneurs, CEOs, political leaders, and media figures surround themselves with the smartest advisors, mentors, and teachers. It is part of their success equation.
During the Inspired Work program, we help people define and craft a mission that is so personally compelling that they become invested in doing whatever it takes to make it happen. We also guide them into the crucial awareness that all will come together, in part, by assembling the right help.
How do we bring the right kind of help into an organization? How do we create a model that isn’t paternalistic, doesn’t break the bank, is self-sustaining, and grows over time? We do it by building a transformative mentor-based culture.
The Mentor-Based Culture
The world’s most successful leadership development organization is the United States Marine Corps. The world’s most effective mentoring organization is Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). There is great value in studying why the constructs of these organizations work so well and are so effective.
The Marines are highly successful in leadership development because they practice and live by values on a day-to-day basis. AA also succeeds through the continuous practice of values, however it is their mentorship model that bears much closer examination. AA is the world’s largest recovery “organization” and yet it has no formal infrastructure. It doesn’t market. There are no dues or fees. It began with two individuals and now has an estimated membership of more than two million alcoholics and drug addicts around the world. Throughout the AA community, you will find countless individuals with years or even decades of sobriety. AA’s effectiveness is based on values and mentor-ship. Mentors are those who learn how to use the program and provide the committed guidance that most human beings require in order to achieve long-term behavioral change. The mentors are not paid, yet they are attracted to become mentors because it deepens their own member skills and helps them to stay engaged. They experience great rewards by watching others flourish and thrive with their support. These are characteristics that many organizations should strive to achieve.
We apply these examples by creating a mentor-based culture that takes the early adopters of the skills, principals, values, and practices outlined in this book and encouraging them to become mentors to others. The mentors will help others grow the skills of change and engagement. They remind others to engage in regular self-inquiry and help their fellow colleagues deal with blind spots and old behaviors that need to be replaced. They help their colleagues find the right learning resources and support systems for their particular areas of growth. Mentors support and encourage their colleagues while they continue meeting the responsibilities of their own work. They manage their time effectively.
Mentors also celebrate progress at every turn. They become even more successful themselves because they are taking their own learning and growth to an entirely new level. They become valued allies. As the mentor base grows, the foundation and bench strength of the entire organization transforms. As a result of building this mentor-based model of working, overall productivity, morale, and engagement increase, developing a culture of excellence and caring.
When we build a mentor-driven culture, we establish an entirely new form of organizational performance by orchestrating the expansion of everyone’s abilities to change and engage. It will inevitably lower turnover and establish a true democratic environment in which anyone with initiative can build life-changing skills and help others to do the same. People want to work in environments like these.
The Mentor
Mentors have one of the most honored roles in our society. They have reached success and have a generosity for helping others do the same. The payoffs in becoming someone’s mentor include special recognition and a deepening of the skills they also find so valuable. But, there is another, even more precious, payoff.
One of the erroneous beliefs in our culture is that service isn’t valuable unless it is selfless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Service to others changes our sense of self-worth and chips away at negative views about ourselves we too often dwell on. When we practice service, there comes a time when we look in the mirror and are more proud and happy about the person we have become.
In a democracy, everyone engages in the agreed-upon practice. Mentors are the ones who adopt that practice first and successfully. They are also the ones who support long-term behavioral change. These mentors will then become one of the most valued assets in producing robust engagement, strong talent development, and enthusiasm throughout the culture.
At certain points in this narrative, I will be using words such as “mentor,” “teacher,” and “coach.” The differences are quite simple:
• A mentor is contributing his or her experience, skills, and influence as a gift. In other words, they are giving their time. The reward is that it helps their continued growth.
• A coach does much the same but sends a bill.
• A teacher provides learning experiences, usually around specific topics.
Mentors have the capacity to support others without setting aside their core professional responsibilities. In other words, they manage their time effectively and continually work on their capacity to produce progress and accountability in others.
Here are the overall characteristics of a strong mentor:
• Supports the development of engagement and change skills in their mentees.
• Actively engages him or herself.
• Develops the skills of personal change.
• Quickly sets aside cynicism, contempt, aimlessness, resignation, and frenzy, and helps others do the same.
• Continuously engages mentors to support his or her own personal growth.
• Develops the discipline and balance of meeting their core work responsibilities as they also support others.
• Is a champion for others in personal growth, change, and engagement.
• Gently leads their colleagues into continuous growth and education.
But what do they actually teach? What do they do and remind others to do?
Self-Inquiry
Periodically, a mentor will ask his or her colleague to engage in an in-depth self-inquiry exercise regarding career fulfillment, as well as to update their personal mission, vision, and purpose. Self-inquiry will then be tied to new educational needs and any necessary adjustments to their support system.
Mentors will periodically observe their assigned colleagues are disengaging or falling behind in development. When this happens, they will ask their mentee to engage in the appropriate self-inquiry exercises or connect with the right support systems. In some cases, simply providing support to that individual will help them “snap out of it.”
Skill-Building
A good mentor evaluates where their mentee stands with respect to overall skill-building needs. For some, aspects of skill-building will bring out fear and discomfort. This is normal, but can be managed in the conversation. The mentor will encourage and inspire their colleagues to move forward, often by sharing their own stories in how they overcame their fear, embraced change, and succeeded in the learning process. Mentors will discuss learning options and keep them in a growth process. The endgame will be in producing successful colleagues with strong skills in sales, presentations, social networking, and building effective support systems.
The Support System
For many, building an extensive support system will represent a new territory. The mentor helps fellow employees identify and build a support system that fits their professional mission, vision, and purpose.
Together, they will discuss how to build support both internally and externally. For example, external support systems can include finding effective educational program, locating specialized healthcare resources, and finding external mentors within the industry. The mentors do none of the footwork. They guide the activities of the mentee and provide suggestions.
There is a code of conduct among the world’s great mentors and teachers. They expect their students will listen, respect their input, and follow their suggestions. Period. If the mentee or student can’t or won’t, then it is time for them to find a new mentor or teacher. Mentors are never expected to give up their success in sacrifice to someone they are supporting. They use support to bring them greater success and satisfaction in their work. Once again, if you are getting supported from a mentor, do the things they suggest, respect their time, and reward them with praise when their support turns into gold. Sometimes the mentee and mentor relationship will not work. Just move on, and don’t take it personally.
It is so important to establish this expectation throughout the organization and within the mentorship as well. Time is precious. Respect is critical to our collective success.
The Development of Courage
A good mentor or coach is effective at enticing their clients to accomplish more than they would accomplish on their own. They also know when not to push too hard. They don’t want the individual to implode and understand this could cause backtracking in their progress. When we help people move beyond themselves, however, we will find their fear and discomfort. But when mentors bump into these places, they will acknowledge the fears and promote courage in the face of them. They will take a stand for establishing the willingness to take action even when frightened, and this will become a source of personal and organizational growth. At this point, the relationship with a mentor becomes even more valuable because risk-taking happens more easily when we have someone to comfort, guide, and educate us.
During the course of the last 26 years, I have learned the single greatest reason people fail is isolation. The mentor is critically important in helping others rise at these key moments where courage is needed to transcend to the next level. Perhaps their most valuable role is to remove the isolation by helping everyone connect and stand in the light. What an extraordinary opportunity this is to create a caring and supportive culture without losing the individual or collective edge.
The Praise Game
It is virtually impossible to build a strong support system without becoming skilled and generous with praise. Common sense dictates this as obvious, yet in reality, many of us are not very good at routinely recognizing the contributions of others or graciously accepting the acknowledgements that are directed towards us. We have been strongly socialized to be humble, and though being humble is honorable, it is over-applied. We all require worthy praise and it is a healthy practice we can all be better at.
One of the basic drivers of success and fulfillment is in knowing that our lives make a difference. Mentors will find that developing the skill of praising within everyone becomes one of the more pleasurable aspects of their role. Praise generates gratitude, enthusiasm, loyalty, high performance, and being focused on positive rather than negative outcomes. Praise often gets cast aside due to our general busyness as well as a fear of being visible. But when we tell those in our support systems how they made a difference in our work and in our lives, they become even more committed to supporting us.
In our social networking training, we tell our participants to not ask for professional endorsements. Instead, we advise that they give them! For example, LinkedIn provides a feature that allows us to write endorsements for people in our connections. I have developed a practice that when I am having a bad day, one of my favorite activities is to write endorsements for other people. When writing them, it is good to be genuine, specific, and generous. Not only does it lift my mood immediately, but within a few moments, the recipient is having a better day as well. When they receive and read the endorsement, LinkedIn suggests that we return the favor by writing a recommendation for the sender. Writing an endorsement in a state of gratitude often produces far better acknowledgements than when we go out and ask for them. Try it yourself and see what happens.
A few years back, I was working with a group of medical doctors who were running a surgery center. They were in a market that was fiercely competitive for nurses and their turnover with nurses was almost 40 percent per year. In evaluating the environment, it became clear that the center operated with a high level of stress from the case-load as well as the nature of the work.
Self-esteem is based on an awareness of one’s productivity and worthiness. These nurses were productive, but the only time they got feedback was when they did something wrong. So we trained the physicians to praise their nurses and give them positive feedback. Turnover plummeted to 8 percent with this one easy yet powerful difference.
In a world fixated on short-term gains, we can too easily join the flurry of activity to try and meet the seemingly endless need to keep up, only to find ourselves on the proverbial hamster wheel of existence. But simple, ample praise can humanize the experience and connect us to the side of ourselves that is positive, that feels optimistic, and that grows in strength throughout our workforce. The praise game ought to be practiced at every opportunity possible. There is literally no downside.
There is also another side to praise that determines if our support system grows or falters.
As mentors praise the people they work with, it is important to pay attention to their mentees’ responses. If they give some form of genuine “thank you,” then simply move forward. But, what do we do if they say, “Oh, it was nothing.” When we give someone a gift and they respond, “You shouldn’t have,” what are they actually telling us?
“Don’t pay attention to me.” “Don’t’ look at me.” “I don’t deserve this.”
Good mentors will remind us that a simple and generous “thank you” is the response of choice. Indeed, the more generous we are with thanking someone, the more probable is they will do something nice for us again and again. Some of our great public figures have also shared their differing points-of-view about praise. Collectively, their voices are incredibly insightful:
• “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” Oprah Winfrey2
• “The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” Norman Vincent Peale3
• “Nothing is more effective than sincere, accurate praise, and nothing is more lame than a cookie-cutter compliment.” Bill Walsh4
The Jump Start
So how do we begin the workplace transformation? Simple. Give everyone a copy of The Workplace Engagement Solution. Start a book club where employees are reading and discussing its principles of change and engagement. Encourage feedback and welcome individuals who want to become early adopters to step forward and lead.
Launching an effective mentor development programs begins with selecting candidates that demonstrate a high degree of initiative, are eager to grow, and that have an optimistic outlook. In particular, pick people who will be grateful to become a part of your initiative. Get them involved in the solution’s self-inquiry exercises. Have them work with each other until it becomes their natural behavior. Praise them for their efforts.
Invest in skill-building programs that hone expertise in consultative sales, presentation skills, and strategic social networking. As they realize the personal benefits of developing these “courage skills,” they will be more capable of helping others do the same. The timeline for this initial development process can take place during the course of three to six months. This gives a long enough window to become really engaged in the learning process. We don’t need masters of each characteristic and skill, but we do need enthusiastic buy-in and an overall understanding of what we are going to accomplish and why. Most importantly, because we are discussing a practice, we must understand that it never ends; it only grows, deepens, and broadens. It becomes a way of life.
As your mentors grow in their effectiveness, so will your culture. You’ll be bringing a series of new dimensions into the workplace, and at the core will be mentors who gain the enormous personal benefits that can only be derived from uplifting others.