Chapter 18. Introduction to the Core Protocols
Roy asked me if I wanted to write about the Core Protocols (www.mccarthyshow.com/online/). I’ll start by explaining where these protocols originated.
This story starts in 1995. Jim McCarthy wrote Dynamics of Software Development (Microsoft Press, 1995). After this book was well received in the software community (I see it as one of the predecessors of agile), Jim and his wife Michele decided to leave Microsoft to hold workshops on team-building. They designed these workshops to be experimental. The course wasn’t presented like a typical class; it was a simulated one-week project. Part of the assignment was for the students to come up with their own team rules.
After a year Jim and Michele realized that some team patterns kept getting great results. They decided to write these rules down and give them to the students attending the next workshop. They’ve done that for the last 13 years. These patterns are now called the Core Protocols.
Some—heck, most—of these rules feel strange at first. You might think, this will never work...
- In my company
- In my country
- With my wife
- With my kids
- In my team
I’m asking you to suspend your disbelief and try out a few of these in a safe environment. You don’t have to believe in the sea to get wet. You only have to get in.
In this note, I’ll cover the Check-In Protocol portion of the Core Protocols. One of the most effective and, consequently, one of the most controversial protocols is Check-In.
In presentations, when I ask the audience, “Who has worked with a colleague who hides emotions?” almost everyone raises their hand. When I then ask if this has hindered productivity at work, almost all the hands stay up.
Yet a lot of people are still convinced that showing their emotions at work isn’t “professional.”
I find that the Check-In Protocol offers a powerful way to express emotions in a mature way, both at work and in my personal life. During a check-in, we state how we feel using four basic emotions: mad, glad, sad, and afraid.
Let me give you an example. I’m checking in:
I’m GLAD that Roy has asked me to write these guest posts. I’m AFRAID, too. I’m GLAD I can ask for help. I’m AFRAID that the power of the protocols can only be understood by using them. I’m AFRAID, SAD that people will turn away without trying them. I’m GLAD to know that some people will probably accept my invitation to try them. I’m IN.
In this example, I used the protocol to the letter. When I use the protocols with people not familiar with the Core, I might say something like this:
Hello, welcome to this training, I’m Yves Hanoulle. I’m glad to see a packed room. I’m afraid that this puts pressure on me to make it great. That’s OK because I’ve done this a lot of times. I’m mad because my replacement phone doesn’t work here in Canada. I’m sad because delivering this workshop means I’ll miss my kids for 5 days.
If you think that this won’t work in your company, in your country, or with your spouse, then you aren’t alone.
I had a similar reaction about using the protocol with my oldest son. I was having a chat with Michele (McCarthy). She asked me to try check-in with him. I told her that he was three and a half years old and that I thought he was too young. We finished the conversation with my promise that I’d try it. I was still convinced it wouldn’t work. The next day Joppe came home with a card from school with these four Check-In Protocol emotions on it. I realized I was the reason it wasn’t working; he already understood the four emotions. I’ve been using it with him ever since.
Using check-in with Joppe has taught me a lot. One night he said, “I’m MAD, SAD that the babysitter will be here, and you guys are going out.” At that time, my partner and I went out to dinner every Thursday. It was a Thursday, but that day we weren’t going to go, and we hadn’t told him. Typically, we only told him when we were going out on the day we did. He’d already made the connection, though, that Thursday equals babysitter. I realized that evening that Joppe might only be four years old, but he was much cleverer than I was giving him credit for.
Now for a work story.
One morning I had an argument with my partner before leaving for work. The discussion was stuck in my head as I drove. On top of that, a crazy truck driver almost drove me off the road. When I arrived at work, I realized I wasn’t my rational self because of these two events. When I came in I told my colleagues, “Sorry if I overreact a little today; I had a discussion at home before leaving; I’m still puzzled about some of the things we said to each other. I’m also mad about a crazy truck driver who drove me off the road.” Right then my colleague gave me 10 minutes of slack time. Also, because I’d checked in, I immediately forgot about what had happened. I didn’t remember until I got back in my car that evening. Without checking in, I would’ve been stuck on those thoughts and feelings all day, and my productivity would’ve been a fraction of normal.
I propose you try the Check-In Protocol at work and at home, and see how much more bandwidth you can create in your communication lines.
As a bonus, once you’re skilled at using it, it keeps working over email or chat.
Roy’s analysis
The Core Protocols are still a mystery to me. I admit I haven’t tried the Check-In Protocol. Writing this analysis feels a little strange ... and uncomfortable.
Here I am, writing the second edition of this book, after a few years of forcing my wife and three kids to travel the world through countries that took us completely out of our comfort zone (Israel, Norway, USA East Coast and West Coast), and yet I’m still afraid to try this one little practice.
Add that to the not-so-short list of things I’m still afraid of trying, and you can see why I feel a bit of a hypocrite. Maybe that’s not a bad thing.
The key to learning is to get out of our comfort zone and become uncomfortable, and yet I find that this feeling is a large part of the human condition (Google “Imposter syndrome”). Once you get over this feeling, it’s comforting to know that at any point in time you can choose to get out of yet another comfort zone, and jump into one of the many ravines that you know await you, lurking. Many rivers to cross, the road’s the goal, that sort of thing.
In a sense, this note is about discovering a possible ravine you might want to challenge yourself to dive into one day, after you’ve maneuvered ravines of your own.
It’s on my bucket list to try, but not soon. I have several other ravines I plan to dive into before that, and you should have a small list in your head, too.
Exercises
- What ravines do you have planned for yourself in the coming weeks? Months? Years?
- Are they truly ravines? How do you know? How much does it scare you to try them? How much risk is there? What’ll you possibly lose besides your ego?
YVES HANOULLE is a virtual project coach. You can reach him at his training company (www.paircoaching.net/) or follow him on Twitter (http://twitter.com/yveshanoulle/).