INDEX
Accountability, 90–91, 208–209
Acknowledging clients, 142, 143–149
purpose of, 144
rules for, 145
specific actions and character traits in, 146–149
Action
as key to gaining referrals, 21–22
taking in spite of fears, 94
Activity, role in improving performance, 19–20
Adding value, 40–42, 45, 47, 67–68, 101, 138–139
Advertising, leveraging good relationships versus, 7
Advice from clients
Ask the Expert approach, 162–168, 177, 183
in coaching referral sources, 172–176
in keeping control of referral process, 69, 143, 176–178
on specific referrals, 162–168, 177, 183
Advisory team, 206–210
advantages of, 128
importance of, 127
sample agenda for initial meeting, 131–132
script, 132
tips, 129–131
Aggressiveness, 88
Aladdin Factor, The (Canfield and Hansen), 89–90
Altruism, making referrals in, 6, 38–39
Anderson, Chris, 161
Anthony, Mitch, 51
Anxiety, creating, 71–72
Asking for referrals, 79–107
avoiding neediness in, 85–87, 190–191
becoming your own fan, 79–85
benefits of, 4–12
habits in, 199–204
obstacles to, 72–78
reasons for not asking, 89–90
Referral Mindset in, 83–85
responsibility in, 67–70
strategies in (see Strategies for referralgetting)
tips for conquering fear, 87–95
Ask the Expert
advice from clients on specific referrals, 162–168, 177, 183
Like List and, 116
Astaire, Fred, 63
AT&T, 23
Attitude, in determining success level, 8
Attraction, law of, 27
Attractiveness
role in success, 13
in Rule of Liking, 28–29
Authenticity, in Likeability Factor (L-Factor), 25
Automatic Referrals (Horsesmouth, LLC), 8–9
Baker, Dan, 198
Beckwith, Harry, 26–27
Beethoven, Ludwig van, 63
Beginning with the end in mind, 200
building empowering, 65, 79–82, 91–92
changing, 76
importance of, 14
as key to gaining referrals, 21–22
mistaking, in not asking for what you want, 90
outdated, 73
power of, 76
in Referral Mindset, 83–85
relationship between results and, 77
role of, 76–77
Bell Canada, 23
Bernstein Global Wealth Management, 141
Be Your Own Life Coach (Harrold), 198, 205
Blanchard, Ken, 52
Blue Book Modeling Agency, 63
Boundaries, 43–44
Bowles, Sheldon, 52
Brandon, Nathaniel, 27
Branson, Richard, 62
Breakhouse, 23–24
British Telecom, 23
Burg, Bob, 42
Burress, Tim, 117
Business Leaders and Success (Walton), 54
Camp, Jim, 190–191
Canfield, Jack, 22, 27, 89–90, 96
Capone, Al, 65–66
Cards, greeting, 30
Carnegie, Andrew, 202
Cates, Bill, 149
Centers of influence
adding value to, 40–42, 45, 47, 67–68, 101, 138–139
developing and utilizing, 69
Charitable causes, 30–31
Child prodigies, 18
Choice, importance of, 57
Cialdini, Robert B., 28–30, 42–43, 114, 119, 144, 167, 182, 183, 185, 191
Clifford-Beckwith, Christine, 26–27
Clifton, Donald, 145
Coaching
being coachable, 21–22
of clients, 68, 143, 172–176, 178–179
examples of, 174–176
reasons to coach referral sources, 173
role of advisors in, 206–210
Cold calls
conversion into business, 3
leveraging good relationships versus, 7
nature of, 2
Colvin, Geoff, 15–20
Comfort Factor, 26–27, 123, 124–125
Comfort zone (Tichy)
moving out of, 70–72
Commitment
in developing good ideas, 11–12
difficulty in determining dedication, 184
power of client making commitment to refer, 183–184
public declaration of, 183
Rule of Commitment and Consistency, 164, 182–186
Communication style, developing, 21
Compassion, in Likeability Factor (L-Factor), 27
Competence, 48–51
ignorance as bliss and, 49–50
just starting out, 49
keeping current, 50–51
lifelong learning and, 48–49
Compliments, in Rule of Liking, 30
Concerns, identifying unhelpful, 74–75, 76
Confidence
crisis in, 71–72
identifying times of, 112–113
as a magnet, 102
Consistency
in asking for referrals, 96
inconsistency as undesirable personal trait, 184
power of wanting to be seen as consistent, 185–186
Rule of Commitment and Consistency, 164, 182–186
Constraints, 18–19
Contact, in Rule of Liking, 30–31
Continuous self-improvement, 48–49
developing, 5
of referral process, 69, 143, 176–178
Cooperation, in Rule of Liking, 30–31
Cosby, Bill, 19
Cosby Show, The (TV program), 19
Courage, 57–61
of Martin Luther King, Jr., 59–60
of Aung San Suu Kyi, 60–61
of Raoul Wallenberg, 58–59
Covey, Stephen, 33, 41, 46, 57, 137, 198, 199–201, 202, 205, 209
Craig, Jenny, 187
Credibility
doing business together, 116–117
establishing, 101–102, 116–117
personal introductions and, 4
professionalism and, 25
Crisis in confidence, 71–72
Daniels, Paul, 26
David, Peggy, 160–161
DeAngelis, Barbara, 62
Defense mechanisms, 22
Delegation, of follow-up calls, 194–195
Desire, in determining success level, 8
Differentiation
in earning referrals, 35–36
through expectations discussions, 136–137
personalization, 36, 44–45, 47–48
Disney, Walt, 63
Dweck, Carol, 13–15
Dyer, Wayne, 209
Earning referrals, 33–39
avoiding the ordinary, 34
being resource to clients, 38–39
customer surprises, 36
differentiation, 35–36
exceeding expectations, 34, 51–54, 101
passions of clients, 37
Ebony magazine, 29
Eichmann, Adolf, 58
8th Habit, The (Covey), 33
Eker, T. Harv, 79
E-mail, 118–120
of agendas, 129
asking for e-mail addresses, 97
in coaching referral sources, 174–176, 180
as disposable, 118–119
fear of rejection and, 118
mass, 120
in persuasion process, 119
supporters of, 120
in updating referral sources, 188–189
for virtual warm-ups, 120
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 109
Emotional bank account deposits, 5, 46–48
applying knowledge of, 47–48
concept of, 46–47
expectations discussions in, 137
importance of making, 37, 97, 103
Employees
delegating follow-up to, 194–195
treatment of customers, 53–54
Empowerment
building empowering beliefs, 65, 79–82, 91–92
in following up with prospects, 196
Enthusiasm, in Likeability Factor (L-Factor), 27–28
Entrepreneurs
great ideas of, 10–12
persistence of, 19
“Eureka” moment, 19
Excuses, responsibility and, 65–70
Executive Benefits Network, 160
Expectations
as challenge for success, 209–210
for client referrals, 165
in expectations discussions, 133
low, 73
Expectations discussions
beginning the conversation, 134–135
importance of expectations, 133
key ingredients, 135–137
prospect expectations, 68, 133–139
in referral conversation, 98
your expectations, 137–139
Experience, in gaining referrals, 15
Failure
being willing to fail, 92–93
defining, 65
following with success, 62, 64–65, 92–93
Favors, 44–45
Fear
awareness of other people’s, 56–57
as constraint, 18
in not asking for what you want, 90
of people, 55–57
tips for conquering, 87–95
Feedback
in coaching process, 208
getting positive, 104–105, 142, 149–154
role in improving performance, 19–20
Feeding people
referral requests over meals, 104
in Rule of Liking, 31
Ferrazzi, Keith, 145, 206, 207
Ferriss, Tim, 10
First things first, 200
First Things First (Covey et al.), 41, 202
Fishing for referrals, 121–125
Comfort Factor in, 123, 124–125
FORD approach, 123
listening for opportunities, 122
specificity in, 121–122
Flade, Peter, 53
Flattery, 30
Follow-up, 187–210
delegating, 194–195
goals and, 198–199
habits and, 189, 199–201, 202, 203–204
importance of, 35–36
system for, 69
thanking referral sources, 157, 189, 196–197
timing of, 196
tracking system for referrals, 189–193, 195–196
updating referral sources, 187–189
weekly planning in, 189, 201–204
Foot-in-the-door technique, 184
Forbes magazine, 29
Ford, Henry, 144
FORD approach, 123
4-Hour Workweek, The (Ferriss), 10
Freedom from Fear (Suu Kyi), 60
Frequency of asking for referrals, 97–98, 102
Friendliness
importance of, 24
learning something personal in, 30
in Likeability Factor (L-Factor), 24–28
Gates, Bill, 64
Gebhard, Nathan, 92–93
Generic specifics, 161
Get Control!, 117
Gitomer, Jeffrey, 24, 25–26, 35, 52
Goals
in mastering the big picture, 198–199
weekly planning and, 201–204
Goals! (Tracy), 198
Go-Giver, The (Burg), 42
Google, 121
Gordon, Joanne, 92–93
Green Bay Packers, 38
Greeting cards, 30
Gretzky, Wayne, 89
Guinness Book of World Records, 28
Habits
follow-up with referral sources, 189, 199–201, 202, 203–204
making asking a habit, 95–99
in mastering the big picture, 199–201
starting new, 71–72
weekly planning and, 201–204
Hansen, Victor, 89–90
Hard work
importance of, 21
(See also Persistence)
Harry Potter books, 64
Hearn, Barry, 90–91
Heiting, Eric, 160
Helping others
adding value to client centers of influence, 40–42, 45, 47, 67–68, 101, 138–139
being a “go-to” person, 6, 38–39, 78
finding out how you have helped, 47
in getting what they want, 39–42
human research on, 39–40
making referrals in, 6, 38–39, 78
in succeeding, 40
Hill, Napoleon, 205
Hitler’s Final Solution, 58–59
Holden, Robert, 62
Holidays, 48
Horsesmouth, LLC, 8–9
How Full Is Your Bucket? (Rath and Clifton), 145
How They Started (Lester), 10–12
IBM, 64
Ideas
being coachable, 21–22
developing good, 10–12
“eureka” moment of, 19
Ignorance
as bliss, 49–50
not asking for what you want, 67, 89
Independence
developing, 5
as key to gaining referrals, 21–22
Influence (Cialdini), 28, 42–43, 185
Integrity, referrals in developing, 6
Intelligence, in gaining referrals, 15
Introductions (see Personal introductions)
Jargon, 51
Johnson, Cameron, 91–92
Johnson, John H., 29
Johnson, Spencer, 148
Journal of Political Economy, 148
Keeping in touch, 35–36
Keeping your word, 51
King, Martin Luther, Jr., 59–60
King, Stephen, 144
Kiyosaki, Robert, 72
Landmark Education, 96
Landmark Forum, 96
Law of attraction, 27
Leads
asking about source of, 3, 112, 129
buying, versus leveraging good relationships, 7
following up with (see Follow-up)
tips for responding to, 3
Learning zone (Tichy), 18
Lester, David, 10–12
Lewis, Stephen, 141
Lifelong learning, 48–49
“Light” approach, 26
Likeability Factor, The (Sanders), 24
Likeability Factor (L-Factor), 23–32
authenticity in, 25
Comfort Factor, 26–27, 123, 124–125
Rule of Liking, 28–32
tips worth sharing, 25–26
Like List, 114–117
Ask the Expert option, 116
doing business together option, 116–117
tips for developing, 114–116
LinkedIn, 117, 118–119, 121, 160, 180
Listening
in asking directly for specific person, 157–158
in fishing for referrals, 122
Little Red Book of Selling, The (Gitomer), 24, 25–26
Logan, Dave, 209
Loverine, Matt, 146–147
Make-a-Wish Foundation, 31
Mandela, Nelson, 55
Manet, Edouard, 63
Marget, Pat, 160
Marketing expenses, leveraging good relationships versus, 7
Marketing to the Affluent (Stanley), 162–163
Marriner, Mike, 92–93
Mary Kay Cosmetics, 57
Mass e-mails, 120
McCardell, Nate, 93
Meals
asking for referrals during, 104
feeding people in Rule of Liking, 31
Measurable results, through leveraging good relationships, 8
Mediocre mindset, 70–72
Meetings
asking for referrals after, 106–107
asking for referrals during, 103
e-mail versus, 118
Memories, in gaining referrals, 15
Mental constraints, 18–19
Mentoring, 43–44
Merrill, Rebecca, 202
Merrill, Roger, 202
MGM, 63
Middle Class Millionaire, The (Prince), 206
Milwaukee Brewers, 38
Mindset (Dweck), 13–15
Mistakes, learning from, 20–21
Monet, Claude, 63
Monroe, Marilyn, 63
Moriarty, Thomas, 185
Morton, Sam, 95
Motivation
in developing good ideas, 11–12
in growth versus fixed mindset, 12–15
for making referrals, 6, 38–39
Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, 18
Name-only calls
conversion into business, 2
as ineffective, 3–4
lists of names for, 3–4
nature of, 2
Naturals, in gaining referrals, 12–13, 14, 15
Nazis, 58–59
Neediness, avoiding, 85–87, 190–191
Negative association, in Rule of Liking, 31–32
Negative mindset, 70–72
Networking with Millionaires (Stanley), 30–31
“New car” conversation, 161–162
Nobel Peace Prize, 60
Nonprofit work, 30–31
Nonverbal cues, 119
Note-taking
in asking directly for specific person, 157–158
in client making commitment to refer you, 183–184
in positive client feedback, 151–152
Notre Dame University, 22
Objections, 178–182
client asking about follow-up process, 171
client has given name and card to prospect with no response, 180–181
client has spoken to prospect with no response, 179–180
client need for confidentiality, 171
client wanting to speak with prospect first, 178–179
countering, in expectations discussions, 136
examples of, 169–171
prospect is already working with someone, 181–182
Obligations, 44
Obstacles, 72–78
being a better resource to others, 78
beliefs and, 76–77
challenge of, 74
fear as, 74–75
following own example, 77–78
identifying unhelpful concerns, 74–75, 76
solutions for, 75–78
types of, 73–74
One Minute Manager (Johnson), 148
Opportunism, developing, 5
Optimism, in Rule of Liking, 31–32
Ordinary, avoiding, 34
Outdated ideas, 73
Overachievement (Eliot), 35, 199
Overdelivering, 51
Panic zone (Tichy), 18
Passion
acknowledging client, 146
clients talking about, 37
in developing good ideas, 11–12
growth of, 19
Passivity, 88
Peak performance, 35
Performance
peak, 35
Persistence
in asking for referrals, 21–22, 98–99
difficulty in determining dedication, 184
of entrepreneurs, 19
as key to gaining referrals, 21–22
Personal Best (Rock), 198
Personal introductions
asking for, 4
coaching referral sources in, 174
conversion into business, 3
Personality
referrals and access to similar, 7
role in developing personal style, 21
role in success, 13
Personalization, 36, 44–45, 47–48
Persuasion process, e-mail and, 119
Physician Wealth Strategies, 160
Planning
importance of, 69
preplanning asks, 95–99
Positive association, in Rule of Liking, 31–32
Positive feedback, 104–105, 142, 149–154
examples of conversation, 152–154
important aspects of conversation, 150–152
key factors in, 150
Positive people, law of attraction and, 27
Positive recognition (see Acknowledging clients)
Practice in gaining referrals, importance of, 13, 15–17
Practice types of activities in, 16–17
Presley, Elvis, 63
Presold contacts, 5
Pride, in not asking for what you want, 90
Prince, Russ Alan, 206
Professional associations, 30–31
Professionalism, in Likeability Factor (L-Factor), 25–26
Prospects
agenda for first meeting, 131–132
asking for source of lead, 3, 112, 129
expectations discussions with, 68, 133–139
following up with (see Follow-up)
script for first meeting, 132
Psychology of Sales, The (Tracy), 56
Pushiness, avoiding fear of, 87–89, 93
Qualified referrals, 158–159
personal introductions, 3, 4, 106
qualified referrals, 158–159
Rapport, establishing, 85–86
Rath, Tom, 145
Raving Fans (Blanchard and Bowles), 52
Reading
to keep current, 50–51
in lifelong learning, 50–51
Reassuring clients, 68
Recession-proof business, through leveraging good relationships, 8
Recognition (see Acknowledging clients)
Referral conversation (see Six-Step Fearless Referral Conversation)
Referral Mindset, 83–85
Referral requests, narrowing down, 68
Referrals, 33–54
asking for (see Asking for referrals)
avoiding reinventing the wheel, 20–21
conversion into business, 2–3, 9–10
defined, 1
deliberate practice of, 13, 15–17
earning, 33–39
emotional bank account deposits, 5, 37, 46–48, 97, 103, 137
expectations for, 165
goal setting for, 10
helping others get what they want first, 39–42
as learnable business communication skill, 13, 15–17
“musts” for developing, 20–21
“naturals” in gaining, 12–13, 14, 15
responsibility in asking for, 67–70
Rule of Reciprocation, 42–45
superior performers, 17
unsolicited, 9
in virtual communication, 174–176, 180
Rejection, fear of, 55–58, 118
Renoir, Pierre-Auguste, 63
Repetition, role in improving performance, 19–20
Reputation, referrals in developing, 6
Resilience, knowing how to bounce back, 93–94
Resistance, reducing, 143, 168–172
client asking about follow-up process, 171
client has given name and card to prospect with no response, 180–181
client has spoken to prospect with no response, 179–180
client need for confidentiality, 171
client wanting to speak with prospect first, 178–179
examples of, 169–171
importance of, 168–169
prospect is already working with someone, 181–182
Responsibility
in asking for referrals, 67–70
of client in referral process (see Six-Step Fearless Referral Conversation)
as habit, 199–200
making excuses and, 65–70
Responsibility Scale, 66–67
Rice, Jerry, 16
Rice University, 35
Roadtrip Nation (Marriner et al.), 92–93
Robbins, Tony, 72–73
Rock, David, 198
Role models, being your own role model, 69
Role-playing, 98
Rowling, J. K., 64
Rule of Authority, 182
Rule of Commitment and Consistency, 164, 182–186
Rule of Liking, 28–32
advice from clients on specific referrals, 164
attractiveness in, 28–29
compliments and, 30
contact and, 30–31
cooperation and, 30–31
Like List, 114–117
liking yourself in, 92
negative and positive association in, 31–32
similarity in, 29
Rule of Reciprocation, 42–45
advice from clients on specific referrals, 164
boundaries and, 43–44
gifts and favors, 44–45
obligation and, 44
Rule of 20 percent—60 percent—20 percent, 8–9, 86–87
Sanders, Tim, 24
Sandler Sales Institute, 2–3
Scripts, 68
first prospect meeting, 132
Self-esteem
building empowering beliefs, 65, 79–82, 91–92
in not asking for what you want, 90
Self-image, low, 73–74
asking for referrals versus, 6, 82–83
recommending someone else versus, 7
Sernovitz, Andy, 6
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, The (Covey), 198, 199–201, 205
Sharkey, Joe, 50–51
Sharpening the saw, 201
Silverman, George, 37
Similarity
in referrals process, 7
in Rule of Liking, 29
Six-Step Fearless Referral Conversation, 6, 43, 69, 99, 141–186
acknowledging clients, 142, 143–149
coaching client to warm up referrals, 143, 172–176, 178–179
getting positive feedback, 104–105, 142, 149–154
getting specific, 94, 98, 142–143, 154–168
keeping control of process, 143, 176–178
reducing resistance, 143, 168–172
Social media, 117–119, 121, 160, 180
Social proof (Cialdini), 167
Specialization, 174
Specificity of referrals, 94, 98, 142–143, 154–168
asking directly for specific person, 156–162
Ask the Expert approach to, 162–168, 177, 183
avoiding fear of, 155
in fishing for referrals, 121–122
generic specifics, 161
importance of, 155–156
improving responses, 165–167
list of prospects for potential referral source, 159–161
nature of qualified referrals, 158–159
“new car” conversation, 161–162
Stanford University, 13–15
Stanley, Thomas J., 30–31, 162–163
Start with No (Camp), 190–191
Storyselling for Financial Advisors (West and Anthony), 51
Strategies for referral-getting, 109–139
analyzing referral sources, 109–114
e-mail, 118–120
expectations discussions, 68, 133–139
“fishing” for referrals, 121–125
Like List, 114–117
nonthreatening wording, 125–127
virtual communications, 117–121
Success
in aiming higher, 10
attitude in determining, 8
defining personal, 65
desire in determining, 8
expectations as challenge for, 209–210
following failure with, 62, 64–65, 92–93
helping others succeed, 40
Success Intelligence (Holden), 62
Success myth, 61–65
demystifying, 62–64
following failure with success, 62, 64–65, 92–93
Success Principles, The (Canfield), 22
Support
advisory team as, 206–210
coaches as, 206–210
developing support system, 64, 205–210
role in improving performance, 19–20, 22
Suu Kyi, Aung San, 60–61
Synergizing, 200–201
Talent Is Overrated (Colvin), 15–20
Target marketing, 38
Telephone conversations
asking for referrals during, 103–104
e-mail versus, 118
follow-up calls, 190–191
scripts for voice-mail messages, 191, 193–197
in updating referral sources, 188–189
“10,000 Hour Rule” (Gladwell), 18
“Ten-Year Rule” (Colvin), 18
Thank-you notes
in coaching referral sources, 174–175
for referral sources, 157, 189, 196–197
Think and Grow Rich (Hill), 205
Third-party endorsement, 7, 174
Thomson, Peter, 90–91
Tichy, Noel, 18
Time
agendas and, 130–131
saving, through warmer calls, 8
Time management system, 197
Timing of referral requests, 100–107
credibility and, 101–102
follow-up calls, 196
during formal meeting with client, 103
gut feel in, 104
in keeping control of referral process, 143, 176–178
over a meal, 104
after meeting is over, 106–107
on the telephone, 103–104
Tipping Point, The (Gladwell), 1
Tracking system for referrals, 189–193, 195–196
Tracy, Brian, 29, 56, 66–67, 88, 89, 144, 198, 201
True, Herbert, 22
Trump, Donald, 72
Trust
expectations discussions in developing, 139
21st Century Media, 95
Underpromising, 51
U.S. Olympic Team, 31
University of Michigan, 18
Unsolicited referrals
extent of, 9
solicited referrals versus, 9
Value, in Likeability Factor (L-Factor), 25
Virtual communication, 117–121
e-mail (see E-mail)
social media, 117–118, 121, 160, 180
virtual warm-ups, 120
Volunteer work, 30–31
Wallenberg, Raoul, 58–59
Walton, Sam, 53–54
Warm calls
asking for, 4
coaching client to warm up referrals, 143, 172–176, 178–179
conversion into business, 3
e-mail for virtual warm-ups, 120
time-saving through, 8
Wealth Expo, 72–73
Weekly planning, 96, 189, 201–204
West, Scott, 51
What Happy People Know (Baker), 198
Who’s Got Your Back? (Ferrazzi), 206
Williams, Serena, 144
Winget, Larry, 35
Win-win, 200
Woods, Tiger, 18
Wording
alternatives for “referrals” or “recommendations,” 130
nonthreatening, 125–127
Word of Mouth Marketing Association, 37
Word of Mouth Marketing (Sernovitz), 33
Wow customer service, 34, 51–54, 101
Yes! 50 Secrets from the Science of Persuasion (Cialdini, Goldstein, and Martin), 43, 119
You, Inc. (Beckwith and Clifford-Beckwith), 26–27
You Call the Shots (Johnson), 91–92
Zaffron, Steve, 209
Ziglar, Zig, 192