It's at this point that many self-help writers make statements such as ‘get a grip’ or ‘take control’. Certainly, taking responsibility for our predicament is a major step, and one many – even those reading self-help books – fail to make. We can be too busy blaming others for our failures and shortcomings to realize that the only person responsible for our future is us. It's in our hands, as long as we make the decision to grasp it.

Such a decision is a key moment in our journey towards salvation from our unproductive state. It's an epiphany we must experience.

Self-help guru, Brian Tracy, wrote of his own epiphany in Goals! (2003).

‘One night as I sat at my small kitchen table, I had a great flash of awareness’, he wrote. ‘It changed my life. I suddenly realized that everything that would happen to me for the rest of my life was going to be up to me. No one else was going to help me. No one was coming to the rescue.’

Anyone seeking productive organizational competence needs to experience something similar. Disorganization, procrastination, clutter, cynicism – even anger, depression and distrust: all are symptoms of a malaise of our own making in which our poor self-beliefs (however acquired) have been translated into disabling inaction or self-sabotaging action.

No matter what our personal histories, we must realize that we got ourselves into this position and only we can get ourselves out of it. Yet by accepting this – perhaps via some enlightened Tracy-style moment of clarity or, as happened to me, with the friend I trusted finally snapping and shouting some home truths – we're making the first move towards a more productive future. This is the moment we become adults: realizing that, unless we deal with our own disabling attitudes and habits (fostered by our poor self-beliefs), they're going to hinder us for the rest of our lives.

Motivation is the key

Of course, motivation is the key. Motivation regulates all animal behaviour and, unless we have it – and more importantly sustain it – we're going nowhere. So far, we may have been motivated by fear, fuelled by the disabling self-beliefs that tell us our ambitions are mere dreams and that our fate is our current disorganized and demotivated state. Yet that was the past. As for the future – well, nothing's ordained unless we assume it so. Our past dictates our future only if we allow it. Refuse to accept such a verdict and the future is an open book; one we can fill as we please as long as we're motivated to do so.

‘If you are doing something, pursuing something or achieving something, you are somehow motivated to do it, pursue it or achieve it’, writes author Tom Gorman in his groundbreaking book Motivation (2007). ‘Motivation ignites, energizes, determines, directs and explains our behaviour.’

Gorman cites the enemies of motivation as ‘feeling undeserving’ (we are not worthy of progress), ‘fear’ (of failure and humiliation), ‘comparisons’ (with peers or parents) and ‘blame’ (‘it was our upbringing’ etc.). As we've seen, these are our self-beliefs, which may be hardwired into us from past experiences. And developing new beliefs is the most difficult element of any programme towards personal change because there are no words or exercises that can remove these feelings and insecurities – no matter what the claims of hypnotists or acupuncturists or other purveyors of quick-fix solutions.

In fact, our desire for quick-fix solutions – even those found in self-help books – can be a further form of denial: an admission that we think ourselves incapable of change and must, therefore, recruit someone else's power to assist us. Yet, in my view, this is no more than a delayed reckoning. Sure, it may initially work because we've adopted the characteristics of someone with positive self-beliefs. Give it time, however – and perhaps a few setbacks – and our quick-fix solutions will turn out to be no fix at all, just further confirmation of our negative self-beliefs.

Our negative self-beliefs are therefore part of us, which means they're coming with us on our journey. This is an important realization because it may well be these insecurities that have prevented us from taking action thus far. We wait for them to go away – potentially spending a fortune on cures or treatments in our desire to exorcize the demon. Yet they won't go away because they can't.

So, we have a choice: fruitlessly wait for our fears and insecurities to disappear, or accept them as fellow passengers and take them into account as we move forward.

Plan-beliefs replace self-beliefs

What has this got to do with motivation? Well, our negative self-beliefs have acted to kill positive motivation, so we need something to replace self-belief as a motivational tool. Of course, poor self-beliefs must be navigated, or even accommodated – something we can achieve by replacing self-belief with faith in our plans. If we generate a plan for our future, and then invest belief in that plan, it might just allow us to ignore our disabling self-beliefs.

From here on, it's no longer about us. It's about them: our plans, which are unemotional projects involving objectives and tasks.

For this to work, however, plans must – indeed – be motivational, which means they must reflect our values. They also need to be detailed and credible. But, as we shall see, such elements are easily added. It's execution that throws up the difficulties, although even here our progress is eased with the aid of some strong plans.

Certainly, believing in our plans makes a world of difference. Plans get us off the starting blocks and give us direction. They also give our actions meaning, which can help overcome fear.

But effective plans must start with an objective. And that requires goals.

‘Goals move you from the realm of dreams into reality’, says Gorman (2007). ‘Goals focus your motivation on things you can achieve and obtain in the real world, [not] things you think that you would do if only the world, or you, were different.’

No matter how many books I've read on motivation, or on becoming more productive or achieving success or simply improving my life, not one has contradicted this message. Goals matter. Goals get us up in the morning and act as motivational fuel to see us through the setbacks and frustrations. Goals also give us judgement (something many of us previously lacked) by acting as a benchmark for our decisions. And goals give us belief because, if we know where we're going – and are motivated to go there – how can we fail to take the necessary steps towards our destination? Steps, what's more, that – over time and with strong self-reinforcement – help us make progress despite our poor self-beliefs.

Seven key steps for goal-setting

In his landmark book, Motivation and Goal-Setting (1998), lifecoach Jim Cairo sets out his thoughts on goal-setting. I've added my own thoughts, as well as those of Brian Tracy, Anthony Robbins, Tom Gorman, Stephen Covey and many other self-help gurus, to offer what I see as the seven key steps for goal-setting.

Finding flow

Goals are therefore vital, which is – of course – an easy thing to write. Becoming goal-oriented means changing behaviours that have reinforced your poor productivity over many years, which is why you need to return to your emotions as drivers. And this means revisiting Daniel Goleman's important work on emotional intelligence.

In both Emotional Intelligence and his follow up book Working with Emotional Intelligence (1998) Goleman cites examples of people who are not only productive but at their peak of productivity: giving everything with every fibre of their being focused and engaged on their productive pursuits.

For instance, he quotes a composer describing the mental zone in which he's most creative:

‘You yourself are in an ecstatic state to such a point that you feel as though you almost don't exist. I've experienced this time and again. My hand seems devoid of myself, and I have nothing to do with what is happening. I just sit there watching in a state of awe and wonderment. And it just flows out of itself.’

And while Goleman cites musicians and athletes and chess champions, he also cites engineers and filing clerks and, in Working with Emotional Intelligence, a railroad welder called Joe who, after 40 years fixing every machine at his depot in Chicago, still finds his work exhilarating.

‘The key to that exhilaration is not the task itself’, writes Goleman. ‘Joe's job is often routine – but the special state of mind Joe creates as he works, a state called “flow.” Flow moves people to do their best work, no matter what work they do.’

When our skills are fully engaged; when we're stretched and challenged but remain confident of progress; when we're concentrating so hard we're unaware of the distractions around us; and when we're nimbly moving between tasks or handling equipment with agility and dexterity – almost without thinking about it: that's ‘flow’.

Flow is a pleasure

With flow, there's no need for motivation, says Goleman. It's built in. Our fears are forgotten, our disappointments history, our creativity unleashed.

‘Flow itself is a pleasure’, he writes, while ‘the work is a delight in itself’.

And, in what Goleman calls a ‘neural paradox’, he writes of the fact flow involves performing the most demanding tasks while expending the minimal mental energy. It just seems to happen. Meanwhile, when we're bored or apathetic, the brain is an exhausting frenzy of poorly focused activity with ‘brain cells firing in far-flung and irrelevant ways’.

‘But during flow, the brain appears efficient and precise in its pattern of firing’, concludes Goleman.

Flow is one of those concepts I wish I'd been aware of all my life. Certainly, I can look back and recall what caused flow and what didn't: maths (no), essay writing (yes), building surveying (no), history (yes), journalism (yes), banking (no). But to have known that flow was my path to fulfilment, my beam of light – and to plan my route accordingly – would have prevented nearly all of those damaging career diversions and dead ends.

Sure, we may need time to calculate what generates our personal flow and what doesn't – and this is certainly no treatise for an early surrender when finding something difficult. As adults, however, we should have enough experience to discern what can get us into that wonderful state, as well as how we may be able to engage those skills profitably. And, if not, then we now know where we need to start: by looking for what, within us, is capable of generating flow.

Encouraging flow

But is there anything we can do to encourage flow – any habits we can adopt and changes we can make? In my view, yes. As someone that experiences flow regularly, but has also too much experience of the apathy at the other end of the spectrum, I can outline my own experiences:

• Open your mind to flow. Attitude is half the battle. If you want to find flow, you can. If you don't, you won't. If you don't look for it, or if you assume it's not going to happen, your disinterest or disbelief will be self-fulfilling.
• Focus on (or find) your talents: Flow doesn't emerge from the formalized work that your parents or seniors have forced upon you. It comes from what you're good at. And, if you think you're not good at anything, then you must realize that your destructive self-beliefs have been lying to you (not for the first time). We're all good at something – focus on that (or focus on finding it) and worry about its profitability later (more on this in Part Two).
• Be motivated. In fact there's no need to write this – if you're good at something, you'll love doing it, which will give you all the motivation you need. Ignore any dissenting voices telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing. It's your life. It's the only one you'll get. And no one else is going to live it for you. So spend it doing something you love. If you do, you'll find flow. Not only that, once you've found flow the world will conspire on your behalf.
• Set challenging goals. While you should always focus on the immediate next steps, and concern yourself with achieving them, such steps must lead you somewhere you want to go. I mean really want to go. Flow comes from having direction – building your confidence step-by-step as we move towards truly motivational goals. This is no time to short-change yourself with a ‘reality check’. Be bold. If you're pursuing your talents you'll find a way of making it sustainable.
• Reduce your leisure time. Studies at the University of Chicago (analyzing flow) found that the most common emotional state recorded during leisure time was apathy. This is a dangerous state because it can quickly feel normal, meaning we cannot motivate ourselves to restart work. If you're now motivated to do what you love – cut out the TV (or pub or golf course) and do it!
• Kill destructive behaviour. In fact, don't stop at killing TV time. Playing games with your blood-sugar levels through too much alcohol or from a poor diet can also lead to apathy. You must take responsibility for your physical as well as mental state and realize that neglect in one area feeds neglect elsewhere. Believe in self-improvement – starting with better habits. I cycle to work, I use the gym every workday, I gave up smoking and alcohol, I never take drugs, I reduced the amount of fat in my diet. Every single one of these moves has incrementally improved my ability to find flow (more on habits in Part Two).
• Focus on one task – removing all other distractions. Multi-tasking is the death of flow. You need a laser-like focus on one task. My task now is to finish this chapter. But I also need to call a client, chase a payment and prepare for a midday meeting. Yet I'm reading these tasks from a to-do list in front of me (more on to-do lists in Part Two). I'll get to them – sure – but my only focus now is on finishing this chapter. Nothing else matters.
• Create a sense of urgency. This is an interesting one because most self-help literature talks about reducing stress. Of course, too much stress is counterproductive but – if you've set yourself time-based milestones to achieve your goals – you need to meet them. Urgency matters. You've spent too much time in an unproductive state – while others have motored ahead due to their focus. Well here's where you start catching up, so there's no time to lose. Goleman writes about good stress – when the adrenalin flows and the brain is attentive, interested and energized. Time pressure can generate that adrenalin rush so – within reason – you should let it.
• Record your progress. You have to sustain this behaviour over a long period (in fact the rest of your life), not just a week or so while its novel. And the best way to reinforce your progress is by writing it down. I use an A5 page-per-day diary with my ten-year goals stated at the back (in the ‘notes’ pages), along with my milestones. Meanwhile, my journey towards them is recorded daily. I also record my feelings at the time – even apathy – and my progress towards controlling destructive behaviour. It doesn't always work – I occasionally fall off the wagon (usually with food) or become overly self-condemning after a setback. But recording this also helps me rationalize it and, importantly, move on. I'm soon back on track, after writing down the lessons – and plotting a new path in my diary.