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Who Do You Want to Run Your Life?

You really can make a major difference in your life. But to do so, you need to make a deep-down, fundamental choice about who you want to run your life—you or someone (or something) else.

Being in charge of your own life means basing your behavior on your own conscious choices and accepting responsibility for the consequences of your behavior. It means not blaming circumstances or others for your actions or results. It means living your life from a proactive stance rather than a reactive one.

This is one of the most important choices you will ever make in your whole life. Forget your past. Today really is the first day of the rest of your life. Choose who (or what) you want to run your life from here on. You have the personal power to make this choice. What’s it going to be?

   1. I choose to run my own life! I choose to make conscious choices about the course of my life and to take actions that support my choices. I choose to be personally responsible for the consequences of my actions.

   2. I choose not to run my own life! I choose not to make conscious choices about the course of my life. I choose not to be personally responsible for the consequences of my actions. Instead, I choose to have the following people or circumstances run my life: _________________________________

I certainly hope you chose option 1. If so, say it again, this time with feeling: I absolutely, positively choose to run my own life. I choose to make conscious choices about the course of my life and to take actions that support my choices. I am personally responsible for the consequences of my actions.

Great! Now say the following out loud and with deep-down conviction that convinces you and everyone else in the universe: “Yes! I am totally committed to running my own life!” This may be a choice you want to make every morning for the rest of your life. Imagine the possibilities just doing that would create for your life!

Supporting Actions

Some actions that will support your choice to run your own life are as follows:

1. Live your life with personal integrity. Be true to yourself, to your most deeply held values. Act in a way that expresses who you really are. Be authentic. Do what you know is the right thing to do. Be honest with yourself. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Do what you say you are going to do—live by your word.

“To thine own self be true,

and it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

—William Shakespeare, Hamlet

2. Live your life with courage. One major obstacle that can keep you from taking charge of your life is worrying about what other people think. There’s always going to be someone who won’t like what you do or say. It takes real courage to be true to yourself regardless of what others may think. Likewise, it takes courage to make your own choices—to dare to be different, if that’s what’s involved. It takes courage to do what you feel is truly right when that might run against the corporate culture, current practices, or norms of the people you are dealing with.

Many executives, managers, and professionals cling to a false sense of security for fear that things could get even worse. They don’t make waves, they don’t rock the boat, they don’t speak up. They don’t contribute their great ideas. Instead, they trade what could be a more exciting and satisfying life for a life of fear and dissatisfaction.

Courage is the ability to acknowledge fear and anxiety and to walk through it on the way to your goal. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s human. Fear can be a great help by making you more alert, more open to alternatives, more focused on effective action.

It takes courage to face life’s big tests. It takes even more courage to face life’s little tests—the little things that block our path to where we want to go or keep us from being whom we want to be. Be courageous. Have the courage to be yourself, regardless of which way the wind is blowing. Have the courage to change, to stay the same, or to bend when that’s the right thing to do. And have the courage to take good care of yourself, to care about your life.

3. Live your life with a commitment to action. What is it that allows some people to overcome enormous obstacles to become successful, happy, and healthy while others give up and barely survive? Action. The people who are successful are not always the smartest, the fastest, the strongest, or the richest. The people who are successful are those who make conscious choices about what they truly want and take action—consistent, persistent action—to make it happen.

Commitment is unwavering determination to produce the results you say you are going to produce. Committed people rule out excuses. They just won’t allow any barriers, any problems to keep them from following through. They kill off possible obstacles to their success (e.g., by leaving extra early to get to the city for a critical meeting, or by not bringing “fat food” into their home). They are convinced they can do whatever needs to be done, and they make the extra effort. They do their homework. They’re well-prepared. They take action.

A person with a commitment to action doesn’t “hope” to have a better relationship with the family and doesn’t “try” to increase productivity or quality. He or she just does it. Commitment to taking action will conquer all the reasons and excuses why “it can’t be done”. Commitment to action transforms dreams into reality.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. . . . The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: ‘Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.’ “

—W. H. Murray

The Scottish Himalayan Expedition

How committed are you to taking action that will improve your personal effectiveness? Your health? The quality of your life? You can start exercising and strengthening your commitment-to-action muscle, if it’s really out of shape, by making a commitment to do something small and doing it. For example, commit to greeting your spouse after work with a hug and kiss three days in a row—and then do it. Or commit to take the garbage or recyclables out on time—and do it. Or just make any promise and keep it. Live your commitments!

To check on whether you are actually living your commitments, periodically look at your actions. What do your actions say about your commitments? If you have no actions to match your commitments, then in reality you have no commitments.

4. Live your life in control of yourself. Stay in control of what you can control—your thoughts, your emotions, your actions. No more “they made me do it.” No more “she made me so angry.” No more “I’m just a poor, helpless victim.”

Being in control of yourself facilitates getting the results you want. For example, if you are in control of yourself during mergers, downsizings, or restructurings, you can be an effective, productive, healthy, and happy employee (if those are results you desire).

Start acting like an empowered individual. Learn to replace the words “that’s life and there’s nothing I can do about it” with “that’s life and there is something I can do about it.” Be an “inner winner.” Stay focused on creating the results you desire most in your job, family, and personal life and don’t waste your time and energy on negative thoughts, emotions, and actions. Be a powerful person, truly in control of your thoughts, emotions, and actions and in charge of your life. Live your life proactively, in the create-your-own-life mode.

5. Live your life consciously. Wake up! Be alive and alert. Be aware of what’s going on in your life, aware of what shape you are in. Be aware of what you truly want from your job, your family, and your personal life—of what you value most. Recognize what’s working for you and what’s not. Consciously choose to look at, think about, and deal with events in a way that will help you achieve what you want, not hinder you. Consciously choose to use your energy wisely in specific situations.

If your actions are not effective in producing the results you want, living consciously means asking someone else for help. When faced with a situation you don’t know how to handle, one great choice you have is to ask for help. Listen, workaholics and extremely self-reliant types, John-Roger, coauthor of Life 101, said in an article in Your Personal Best: “I ask for help when I need it. I don’t think there’s anything great about being a martyr to get a job done. What’s wrong with being smart enough to ask for help when you need it? If I’m doing my personal best and things still get beyond me, I ask for help. To me, that’s being good to myself.”

A Visible Sign

Go ahead. Make my day. As a sign that you are emotionally ready to do what is needed to live your life in a cool, calm, collected, positive, productive, and healthy manner, sign the following personal commitment to action:

I AM COMMITTED TO RUNNING MY OWN LIFE!

I dare to care about me! I care about the quality of my life, and about my capacity to be of service to others.

I choose to be in charge of my own life, to make a difference in my own life. I choose to live my life with personal integrity, courage, and a commitment to taking action that will create the results I truly desire in my job, family, and personal life.

I choose to be in control of what I can always control—my thoughts, emotions, actions. And I choose to live consciously, always alert to the results I want in my life, to what’s working and not working, and to asking for help when I need it.

I am committed to learning and doing whatever is needed to live my life in a cool, calm, collected, positive, productive, and healthy manner!

_____________________________________

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I want to acknowledge the fact that you have read up to this point in the book. This accomplishment is evidence of your commitment to being a more effective, healthier, and happier you. You have already made the most difficult choice. You’ve chosen to take charge of your life, day in and day out. You’re emotionally ready to put together a Personal Effectiveness Plan that will empower you to create a really great life for yourself. Congratulations!