Signs and Signals

36 Hand Gestures and Other Physical Signals

Body language, hand gestures, and facial expressions are all signals. The signals you send are as important as the words you use.

Pointing, for example, is a key signal to people. Sean Hannity, a television news issues interviewer on Fox News, has what I like to refer to as an “attack finger.”²² During one interview, the person actually moved away from him every time Hannity pointed during questioning. The gentleman reacted as if he thought the finger was loaded.

Hands play a major role; open palms up, palms down, fist pounding, prayerful hands, folded hands—just be aware that your hand signals are consistent with whatever question is being asked.

This is not a text on how to translate body language—we all signal in some way with our hands every day of our lives. The issue when considering a question is the possibility of sending mixed signals with your hands when conducting an “interrogation.” Here are five ways in which managers misuse hand signals when asking questions:

• Crossing your arms when asking open questions.

• Asking for an open-ended question like “Tell me the whole story” while making brackets out of your hands as if to contain the response within some virtual barrier.

• Hands held as if saying your nightly prayers, while asking about facts. One manager I knew would always hold his hands in that manner during financial discussions. I was never certain if he was praying for the numbers to somehow be “healed” or if he was just giving thanks that they weren’t any worse.

• Hand waving.

• Sweeping motions of your hair or hand in the direction of the person you are addressing or flicking lint off of your trousers could be considered a dismissal of whatever that person is saying.

Hand waving has become a kind of physical business slang for “bullshitting”—and from my experience, these terms are interchangeable. Hand waving just sounds polite. The more signaling required during the asking of a question, the more obtuse the question is, and the more likely it is to encourage a confused response. Hand waving does not add meaning, because most managers are amateur hand wavers. If you want to learn from professionals, watch them. I recommend watching presidential press conferences, when the press is shown, to learn a few of the basics and how hand signals are used when asking tough questions.

There was a commercial on television in which a young employee is ignored after he makes a recommendation in a meeting. He is astonished when his words are repeated verbatim by a more senior person who delivers them with an aggressive hand motion—signaling resoluteness. When the guy claims he said it first, everyone is quick to point out that he did not say the same thing. “You didn’t say it like this,” another person said as he used the same hand motion. Although this pokes fun by using something so blatant that it is an amusement, it does have an element of truth.

I was invited to sit in on a meeting with two executives and a one of the best-known business consultants in the world. Problems had arisen between the two organizations these men managed, and the consultant, who happened to be in town, offered to spend an hour with them to determine whether he could be of any assistance.

He asked each to speak for five minutes before he would say anything. I was to sit quietly, saying nothing in spite of the fact that I had been invited by both to work with them on problem identification. After each had spoken, he announced that he had the answer. He was going to go buy me a cup of coffee while these two guys talked to each other for the next 45 minutes. With that, he stood up and motioned me to follow him out of the room. He closed the door on their protests that he was to help them.

Business consultant: Where can we get some coffee or tea?

Me: Right down the hall. I missed something. What just happened?

Business consultant: Did you see what Bob was doing while John was speaking?

Me: What do you mean, what he was doing?

Business consultant: Did you watch his hands?

Me: Yes, he was brushing something off his trousers.

Business consultant: He was dismissing everything John was saying. While John was speaking, Bob was picking the lint out of his trouser cuffs and brushing it off his pant leg.

Me: Now that you mention it, he did that the entire time John spoke. And John sat with his arms crossed while Bob was talking.

Business consultant: The body always signals what the mind is unwilling to say out loud. They don’t need you and they don’t need me in that room. They need to talk to each other. Their problem is that they talk past each other and don’t hear a word the other says.

We returned 45 minutes later. Bob and John were having a discussion. It might not have been the friendliest conversation, but they were talking to each other. They had to; there was no one else in the room.

The hand signals by each one of these executives disclosed their inner thoughts without the need for a single hostile word. As a matter of fact, the discussions between the two had always been pleasant.

If you have an interest in the study of body language, a few sources are listed in “References” at the back of this book (refer to Martel, Finlayson, or Haydock and Sonsteng). A few basic rules can be applied to help your nonverbal questioning hand-signal language that can help your verbal questioning skills:

• Check your hand and arm positions to see whether they match your words. Open arms and open hands for open questions.

• If you are uncertain whether a hand motion is appropriate or what hand motion is appropriate, keep your hands still.

• Avoid pointing, gesturing, or motioning to one person in a group setting even if there is only one person who can answer your question. If you want to hear from a specific person, use the person’s name. It engages the person in the discussion.

37 Eye Contact

There is general agreement among all sources that I have checked that eye contact is an extremely good habit to acquire when asking a question. Maintaining eye contact with your respondent is important (selected target, the person being quizzed, victim, or other) when you ask, as well as when the respondent answers. Do not stare, but look at the respondent. If you are asking a probing question, and it is a contentious discussion, you definitely want to look the other person in the eye.

I once had to confront an employee who we discovered was getting kickbacks from some of our vendors. He tried to engage in a staring contest, as if this would make the data go away (or perhaps to intimidate me into believing whatever story he was prepared to serve up). Instead of asking him the direct, closed questions I had planned and he had obviously prepared for, I changed tactics after asking one question. I asked open-ended questions.

Our discovery of his misappropriation was quite by accident. His mother had suddenly and unexpectedly become deathly ill, and he had run out of town in the middle of the night to be by her side when she passed away. That morning, a substitute secretary signed for an express delivery package. Thinking it was important, she opened it and delivered the contents to me. Inside were invoices and account summaries for his review before submission to the company. It appeared as if he was receiving a “commission” based on volume purchasing by the company from this particular vendor.

Auditing was notified and, as heartless as it may have appeared, we had a meeting his first day back.

Me: Joe, why do these vendors show checks made out to you?

Joe: I have no idea what you are talking about. Show me. (This terse response was accompanied by an extremely hostile stare, complete with clenched teeth.)

Me(now looking at him): Joe, tell me about your relationship with these guys.

(He was speechless. He had brought with him a number of files and papers, but was unprepared for an open question.)

Me(now looking right at him again, right in the eyes): Joe, what were the circumstances that led up to this situation?

He opened up. I listened to a description of billing errors along with an explanation of how he was assisting these vendors outside of the workplace. His discussion was incoherent. He was also looking away the entire time. He did not admit to any unethical or illegal behavior. Joe left the office in the middle of our chat and returned the next morning to resign.

This was an extreme eye-contact situation—uncomfortable for both parties. The point is that even under the most stressful situations, adhering to the basic rules of questioning is likely to produce the desired results.

38 Demeanor, Body Language, and Facial Expressions

A CEO of a small company actually used to take a step backward every time he was about to ask a question. Do you think the people in his company provided him with open answers? Do you think they worried about his reasons for asking?

If you want open, act open. If you want interest, lean forward and act interested. If you want firmness, use hand gestures to show you are firm (not intimidating). In one sense, the answers you get mirror the questions you ask—and the way in which you ask them.

This is not an exposition on body language, nor is it a discourse on appropriate facial expressions. If you have passed through high school, you have reached a point in your socialization where you can tell the difference between an expression of anger and one of amusement. What I want to emphasize here are basic rules for asking that will help you meet with all situations where you will need to ask questions. You can always add to your ability to “act as you want.”