Earn, Don't Demand Loyalty

The way I work is to identify the problem, find the right individuals to do the job, then let them go to it. I've found this invariably brings outs out the best in people. They seem to rise to their full capacity, and in the long run you get more done.

—Ronald Reagan²

Your influence as a leader should not be based on coercion or blind compliance. The goal is to earn sincere and genuine loyalty as a leader so that others will be inspired by it, committed to it, and contribute to it. Loyalty born and built upon respect and trust will not only be gained and retained but is more likely to be sincere and passionate.

Your leadership should lend itself toward effectively persuading others to participate in the completion of tasks, culminating in the accomplishment of a specific goal. In other words, as a leader you should be able to motivate and inspire others to do something, not just inspire them to believe something.

From a sheer organizational standpoint, what are some of the reasons that would motivate others to participate in your vision and the work surrounding its implementation? One reason might be that they perceive you to be in a position to reciprocate the favor on an equal or greater level. This is, however, less effective than other methods because it depends on your role or perceived power within the organization, which can change and therefore alter or remove your effectiveness to wield this type of influence.

The more effective way to earn support and apply influence is to appeal to a shared value or concern. If others care about something you are championing or advocating, they will be more likely to be loyal to you and support your efforts. The key is to build allies, starting with those who share your passion or conviction. If they genuinely share your beliefs, they will be a loyal follower of your vision and participate in the process of implementation.

Inspiring others through your leadership is far more effective than leadership by edict.

Dream Sharing

I've always believed that a lot of the trouble in the world would disappear if we were talking to each other instead of about each other.

—Ronald Reagan³

Nearly every opportunity I have had in life began with someone else helping me. Some may call it calculated luck, but I call it “dream sharing” and honestly believe that if you tell enough people, share your dream enough times, position yourself appropriately, meet the right people, and do the work necessary to prepare, you can wait for “the luck part” to kick in. Results come from hard work—and a little dream sharing.

Virtually everyone who knows me has heard me dream share. I cannot help people if they do not share their dream with me—if they do not tell me where they want to be—and they cannot help me if I do not share my hopes and dreams with them.

Dream sharing is not the same as networking. When you network, you look for people who can benefit you or your business. When you dream share, you make an intimate connection with another person with a desire to help them, regardless of whether it can be reciprocated.

Instinct and Emotional Intelligence

There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect.

—Ronald Reagan⁴

The buzz in the corporate world recently has been emotional intelligence. Leading research institutions across the nation continue to present factual, statistical evidence supporting what many of us already know—academic and intellectual knowledge, in and of itself, is not enough to produce a successful leader. Instinct and intuition are required for excellence, not just technical skills and training.

Such studies serve only to underscore the emotional and relational traits that mark the difference between a mediocre leader and an effective leader with lasting impact. Some studies even suggest that up to 75 percent of the competencies that set apart the average leader from the outstanding leader come down to social and emotional intelligence, not academic intelligence. It is the outstanding leader who genuinely inspires others to wholly commit to a unified, collective group goal and inspires the contribution of their complete individual potential at the same time.

Long before there was the term emotional intelligence, there was an emotionally intelligent leader named Ronald Reagan. A fortunate few are born with similar emotionally intelligent traits of leadership. For the rest of us, we can be learn, practice, and thoughtfully integrate these traits into daily life, both professionally and personally.

Many companies have discovered the hard way that just because an employee has been successful in sales or another department, it does not automatically make that person a great manager of others. Leadership requires emotional intelligence, interpersonal wisdom, and savvy in navigating the intricacies of relationships within the business environment.

Although there is great variation on the technical research-based characteristics of emotional intelligence, we are going to discuss it here in a general sense, defining it as the ability to read, anticipate, and modify or control the emotional response and actions of yourself and others.

Intuitive Leadership

The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things.

—Ronald Reagan⁵

A person's overall intelligence and level of ability goes far beyond his or her IQ. There is a personal and a social component in addition to test scores or academic performance that either contribute to or undermine a person's overall individual success and leadership effectiveness.

Acknowledging and navigating the complex personal challenges of managing your own emotions and actions, along with identifying and understanding the interpersonal intricacies of relationships with others, are key components of your ability to build coalitions, earn loyalty, and make insightful decisions. The initial focus for managing others should be an introspective look at how you are currently managing your own life, your own emotions, and your own actions.

How in tune are you with yourself; how do your staff and others view you? To put it humorously, let me ask you this question: Do you have CEO disease? Regardless of whether you are the president, an executive, a vice president, manager, or team leader, or a parent, after a conversation, do you walk away thinking, “They love me and they think I am hilarious!” All the while, however, the people you just finished talking to are thinking, “I'm sick of hearing about his golf game because I could never play golf with all of the overtime I put in here. I am sick of hearing about his 80-foot yacht because I do not have one—and never will. I am sick of hearing about his kids in private school because I could never afford to send mine to private school on the amount of money I'm paid.”

We spend so much time critiquing others throughout the day, but when is the last time we turned the mirror onto ourselves to see how we are perceived by others? Unfortunately, you may not like the initial impression you see in the mirror.

Self-examination and management begins with a willingness to candidly examine how you are perceived by others. Are you recognizing and appropriately responding to the cues that others are giving you? Without taking this to the extreme or becoming oversensitive to every word or look, you need to be aware of your environment and your place and your role in it. Although you cannot and should not constantly bend to the whims and opinions of others, you do need to be aware of what others think about you so that you can manage from an appropriate framework and know where the starting point is for your leadership.

If you question your ability to accurately self-assess, be willing to seek feedback from trusted sources. You can simply say, “I am trying to be the best leader I can be and need help to get there. What should I do more of? Less of? Add?”

Integrating input from others into your life is much like trying on a new coat. It may fit and be exactly what you need. Or it may need some adjustments to be a good fit for you—take it in a little bit, let it out a little bit. You may also “try on” that feedback for a while and decide that it's not quite right for you. You have to be willing to adapt to lead more effectively, but you need to know where your leadership stands in the first place, and that can come from the feedback of others.

I personally do this, even with my family, and it has worked well over the years. Sitting down with my oldest son, I said, “I want to be the best dad I can be. How am I doing? What can I do more of? Less of? Add?” He once answered, “You know that joke you tell about me all the time? Don't do that. It is embarrassing.” I replied, “All right. I'm sorry. You won't ever hear me say it again.” And he never has.

The same question asked to my youngest son had slightly different results. He said, “You could give me ice cream all the time.” This time, however, that request was not granted; being a good, loving, responsible parent would not result in providing ice cream 24/7 to my son, although I did applaud his creative attempt.

When you ask those three questions, and wait patiently for the response, what do you think that does to you and the relationship with that other person? It strengthens it because they feel their input is valued and their relationship is important to you. They are part of your improved leadership and have become a trusted contributor to your growth.

Periodically step back and judge your progress and your performance, and identify your strengths and weaknesses. Pinpoint what is moving you forward and what is holding you back, and celebrate your progress. Take pride and satisfaction in the process, not just in the result. Positively affirm your efforts and your achievement.

There are many diagnostic tools you can use for objective evaluation, but your best feedback will likely come from those around you who are invested in your leadership success and are willing to be brutally honest with you. If allowed to speak candidly without recourse, the people around you can be influential and essential in encouraging you in your personal growth and expanding your leadership effectiveness and excellence.

Strong Sense of Self

We Americans have never been pessimists. We conquer fear with faith, and we overwhelm threats and hardship with courage, work, opportunity, and freedom.

—Ronald Reagan⁶

Ronald Reagan had a great sense of self and used an appropriate amount of humor, often self-deprecating, to break uncomfortable tension, make a serious point in a memorable way, or defuse a hostile opponent. He would often take an accusation aimed at him and turn it into an acknowledgment of the criticism, while not embracing the ill-will or the substance behind it.

One well-known example took place during the 1984 presidential campaign debate between Ronald Reagan and Walter Mondale. Mondale was trying to imply that Ronald Reagan was too old and tired to be an effective president for another four years, yet Ronald Reagan successfully defused the issue of his age by responding, “I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience.” Many think that was the moment in which Ronald Reagan's reelection was secured. The audience roared with laughter, and even his opponent was unable to contain his amusement over the president's reply. Ronald Reagan had enough self-awareness and self-confidence to acknowledge those who were skeptical of his advancing age, yet he deflected that concern in a way that was humorous, surprising, and politically disarming.

Morton Blackwell, founder of the Leadership Institute, often says, “Don't make the perfect the enemy of the good.” Many of us, especially within leadership roles, make perfectionism the enemy of our own achievement or accomplishment. Although we should continually strive to do our best, and then a little bit more, the all-or-nothing, critical, unrealistic, and defensive tendencies of the perfectionist within often works against us. Do not allow a fear of failure—or falling short of the perfect result you desire—keep you from moving continually and consistently forward toward your goals and vision.

If you believe in yourself, don't take yourself too seriously, allow humor to play a role in your life and don't “make the perfect the enemy of the good,” you ultimately can achieve greater leadership success.

Drive toward Success

I, too, have been described as an undying optimist, always seeing a glass half full when some see it as half empty. And, yes, it's true—I always see the sunny side of life. And that's not just because I've been blessed by achieving so many of my dreams. My optimism comes not just from my strong faith in God, but from my strong and enduring faith in man.

—Ronald Reagan⁷

You have just one shot at life—why not make it great! Beyond just meeting your own standards of excellence, there should be a desire to exceed personal goals and tangibly reach and surpass professional goals. Successful and sustainable leadership is ultimately impossible without this progression. Setting impressive, lofty goals is admirable, but without the drive and desire to actually implement, achieve, and surpass those goals, they are just theory, not reality.

While focusing on yourself, you need to see beyond the details of the day-to-day operations and visualize a bigger, better future for your business, your team, your family, and yourself, and work tirelessly toward it. Go above and beyond the standard expectations, and focus on the next step once that work is done. Press for ongoing innovation, and be willing to take calculated risks. Do not work for the sake of working; work harder, longer, and smarter toward a specific goal, then reevaluate, refocus, and move continually onward, personally challenging yourself to learn, do, and achieve more.

On your drive toward personal success, don't allow emotions to derail your efforts or undo everything you have worked for. Although emotions have great influence over us and can often override our intellect, work diligently to maintain appropriate control over them and do not allow them to control you.

Sometimes the most effective emotional response may be to show anger or displeasure, but even then you should get mad only on purpose and do so on your terms and with appropriate restraint. You can remain in full control of your emotions, yet use an emotionally charged response to elicit attention, response, and action. It is important to not allow emotions to drive you, but to always drive your emotions toward action and success.

Empathy toward Others

They say the world has become too complex for simple answers. They are wrong. There are no easy answers, but there are simple answers. We must have the courage to do what we know is morally right.

—Ronald Reagan⁸

Regardless of how self-aware or introspective you are and how much you invest in your own personal development and growth, ultimately your leadership capacity will be determined by your ability to engage, motivate, and inspire others.

An example of the importance of this occurred recently when Christine, the vice president of one of my companies, asked to see me, and I was shocked at how upset she was. I had never seen her this way. She said, “There is a closing that was going to happen this morning, but the man I am supposed to be closing with cursed at me for an hour on the phone last night. He said things that no person should ever say to another human being. I do not have to put up with that. There is no way that I'm going to do this closing. Period.”

I replied, “Christine, we are in a tough market. You need to go close that deal. Be professional and close it,” and I walked out to attend an off-site meeting.

I left the building, got in my car, and had driven about 200 feet down the road before I pulled over. Christine had been unfailingly loyal to me since day one. She had never refused any task set before her. I had been so focused on the closing and, yes, the money we stood to gain from it, that I had completely disregarded her thoughts and feelings about the hurtful way she had been treated. I immediately felt overwhelmingly sick about it.

I could not dial my cell phone fast enough and called her from my car. “Christine, first of all, please accept my deepest apology. I support you 110 percent. Nobody is going to treat you that way. I will call the guy right now to let him know why we are not going to be closing this deal today—and why we will refuse to do business with him anymore.”

There was silence. Christine then said, “I'll close the deal.”

I said, “I don't think you understand, you don't have to close the deal.”

She responded, “I perfectly understand. I will be professional and make it happen.”

I offered to turn the car around, cancel my meeting, and stand outside the conference room door. I told Christine, “If he even looks at you wrong, if he makes your blood pressure rise, stand up, leave the closing, and I will physically escort him from the office.”

Her response was, “Okay, thank you.”

So I immediately turned my car around and went back to the office.

What did Christine really want? She wanted support, she wanted empathy.

And your ability to be aware not only of what others are doing and saying, but what they are feeling, is crucial to your success.

As leaders, we deal with people, not robots, so we need to include emotional awareness in our management of others if we want to connect more effectively with those around us.

Situational Awareness

Now, what should happen when you make a mistake is this: You take your knocks, you learn your lessons, and then you move on. That's the healthiest way to deal with a problem.

—Ronald Reagan⁹

Responding appropriately in every situation requires an ability to assess and gauge all the underlying dynamics, backgrounds, and even the unique cultures that are different in every environment.

I was talking about this at a conference, and when I got to this point, one of the participants took issue. He said, “Dan, we live in this politically correct world where you cannot freely say anything. I am fed up with it. I am just going to be who I want to be.”

I said, “Okay. Fair enough.”

Interestingly, his daughter was a participant in the meeting as well and was about to be married. I walked over to her and said, “I hear you are getting married next month. Congratulations. You must be very excited.” Then I asked, “Would you be candid with me for a moment? Are you at all concerned about what your father might possibly say over the four-day period surrounding your wedding that may embarrass you or your friends?” The dead silence that followed got her father's attention.

“Are you worried I will embarrass you?” her dad asked.

“Well, Dad, you do tell some off-color jokes sometimes when it is not appropriate.”

Her father was stunned. Moments ago he wanted the freedom to say whatever he wanted to, but he didn't realize that sometimes what he said was embarrassing or hurtful to those he loved—primarily his daughter. Sometimes being who you want to be and saying what you want to say may not come across how you intend and may be perceived in a way that alienates and isolates others.

Awareness of the unique environmental dynamics will help you determine when it is appropriate to say or do something—and who it is appropriate to do so in front of. This is not just for the benefit of others; it is essential for your growth as an effective, respected leader.

Ronald Reagan intuitively had an innate ability to appropriately assess the dynamics of a situation, which was exhibited in many ways, even in his sense of humor. He was a great storyteller and always had a joke or a lighthearted story to share with his guests and visitors. Yet even in those situations, there were jokes or stories he would share only in groups of men and those that he knew were appropriate to share in front of women, too. Although none of the stories were in and of themselves inappropriate, he always carefully selected what he would say in mixed company versus what he would tell when he was just “one of the guys.” And the impressive part was that even when it was “just the guys,” he always remained a true gentleman, appropriate and respectful.

We, too, should be careful to monitor what we say and the words we use, ensuring that our words don't detract from our ability to lead and earn loyalty from others.

Timing and Approach

Things like faith, love of country, courage and dedication—they are all part of the inner strength of America. And sometimes, they do not become self-evident until there is a time of crisis.

—Ronald Reagan¹⁰

Within any group there is power that lies outside of the official head of the organization. Learning to identify and tap into those unofficial power sources shows great intuition and will pay dividends often beyond what can be accomplished through the standard chain of command.

I once met with a philanthropist who had amassed a fortune in excess of $4 billion. The goal for this particular meeting was to secure a half million dollar donation for the nonprofit organization I was representing.

I walked into his 2,000-square-foot personal office, which had three separate rooms and a putting green. There was a giant flat-screen TV behind a massive desk with stock information streaming by. I introduced myself, thanked him for taking the time to see me, and asked how he was.

He responded, “I don't know. Two of my businesses that were doing $500 million last year are doing only $200 million this year. Two more are in bankruptcy, but one is treating me mighty fine, so I guess I'm doing good. How about you?” What an introduction!

A few courtesies were exchanged, and we began discussing the purpose of my visit.

“I know you genuinely believe in the mission of our organization as your support has been unfailing. For that we are grateful. Today, though, I would like you to consider a very generous donation of $1 million to continue to build our programs.” Then I stopped talking. At that point, the first one who talks loses, right? He knew that as well, and we both just looked at each other. I was in no hurry. I had all day—and the view of downtown was breathtaking.

Finally, he said, “You did not just ask me for a million dollars! What is my biggest donation so far? $250,000? No. There's no way. I'll give you half a million. Not a penny more.”

Doubling his largest donation was extremely generous, and was exactly what I had been asked to secure, but it was still short of my own personal goal of what I thought was possible. I said, “Let me just send you a proposal. All I ask is that you look at it before making a final decision.”

“All right. You can send me a proposal, but I make no promises.”

I thanked him for his time, and on the way out, who do you suppose I talked to about that proposal? His personal assistant. His gatekeeper. The person sitting right outside his office all day every day. Why did I talk to her about it? Because she is in the closest proximity to him and in a position of extreme influence over his time, schedule, and decision making. I had taken the time to get to know her as well, not just her boss. I had built a rapport with her in the months leading up to the meeting. I recognized and acknowledged the position of power she held. She knew it and appreciated my recognition of her influence.

I said, “No one knows your boss better than you do. If you were sending over a proposal that you wanted to be well received, when would be the best time to send it?”

She said, “Hmm. Interesting question. No one has ever asked me that. I would send it over at 8:45 AM on Thursday morning. He gets a financial report every Thursday morning about 8:00 AM that always puts him in a good mood.”

The following Thursday morning I had my e-mail ready and was counting down the minutes until 8:45 AM when I could send it. The organization ultimately secured the $1 million donation because I understood and applied an awareness of the power structure and the importance of timing within that organization. I understood who made the decisions and who had the most influence and not only recognized those factors at work but maximized them for beneficial good.

I once told this story to a group of CEOs. One of them raised her hand and said, “I just had an ah-ha! moment. I just lost a major deal because I was selling to the owners and they were not the ultimate decision makers—it was the manager who made all the decisions. And I had ignored the manager.”

In politics, in business, and in life, it's important to identify the ultimate decision maker because your success often is based upon your ability to do so.

Ronald Reagan didn't always want a diplomatic attaché negotiating on behalf of him and his administration. Whenever possible, he believed in the value and benefit of personally getting in front of the actual decision maker himself to negotiate and directly make his point to those with the power to influence and affect change.

Trust and Teamwork

Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with conflict by peaceful means.

—Ronald Reagan¹¹

Teamwork is the unified efforts of a group of people toward the accomplishment of a common goal. Depending on the type of business you are in, teamwork may or may not be essential for base productivity, but sustainable growth cannot ultimately be achieved without employing and mastering it.

As a leader, you must function on two levels of teamwork, unifying your subordinates and gaining their loyalty while working effectively among your peers and other leaders as well.

Facilitation of teamwork is impossible where there is no trust, collectively and individually. Not only must there be accountability for the team as a whole, but its members must be individually accountable as well. You must cultivate a consistent environment of respect, tolerance, and loyal interdependence throughout your organization in order to foster teamwork and camaraderie.

Although numerous companies and facilities are exclusively dedicated to team-building experiences, enhancing the bond between employees does not require elaborate or expensive activities. In my office, we have held our own Office Olympics with events we designed ourselves and paper plate award ceremonies. In less than five minutes on the Internet you can discover hundreds of activities from which to choose, which will enhance your team's engagement with one another and build a stronger, more unified team of employees.

This is not meant to be just playtime and fun and games. It is an investment in the development of trust, mutual respect, and possibly even friendship among your team members, all of which will strengthen their trust in one another, increase their loyalty to your organization, and ultimately solidify their commitment to your leadership and vision.

Beyond the team as a whole, as a leader you need to invest individually in each person who makes up that team. Peggy Noonan was one of President Reagan's most notable speechwriters. It has been widely told that the first speech she ever wrote for him was supposed to be five minutes in length. She has said that she expounded on her given topic for 15 pages, and submitted it for his review. President Reagan crossed out a majority of it, handed it back to her, and said, “I love it. It is a great speech. Thank you.”

Discouraged, Peggy turned to one of the veteran speechwriters and said, “He said he loved it, but he axed everything! The majority of it is gone. There is practically nothing left! And this was good work.”

“Well,” said her colleague, “you have just been ‘schooled’ by Ronald Reagan.”

President Reagan would never beat a person down. He always took what he was given and found the good in it, even if it was only a small percentage. Peggy Noonan was smart to take her “schooling” and examine closely his comments and apply them to future writings. She realized that she learned more by looking at what he had left in her speech than by focusing on all that he had taken out.

Peggy Noonan ultimately accepted—and valued—Ronald Reagan's ongoing praise for her efforts and moved forward successfully to help him craft some of his most memorable remarks.

The Great Communicator brought the best out of a new staffer, inspiring her to become her personal best and one of his most valued assets, while also accomplishing his goals. By extending respect to her first and showing appreciation for her work, President Reagan enabled Peggy Noonan to add further respect, power, authority, and credibility to his presidency by helping him to communicate greatness through his speeches and public statements.

Leading by Example

Beyond intellect and the ongoing pursuit of knowledge, true leaders need to expand their intuitive leadership and realize that instinct, insight, and inclusion will also play key roles in their growth and success. My challenge to you is to examine and evaluate your emotional competencies and learn to manage your actions and emotions, having awareness and sensitivity toward others. Dream sharing with others expands opportunities for helping others achieve their goals and dreams, while also potentially inspiring participation in your own personal and professional vision.

Ronald Reagan modeled the synergistic power of creating alliances with others and showed the contagious optimism of successful implementation of policies that work. He demonstrated the importance of maintaining control over his emotions, using them when and how he chose, and he also showed us the greatness that can result when you invest personally in the lives of those around you as an emotionally intelligent leader.

Anyone who works with other people realizes the value of emotional intelligence. Great leadership requires much more than education—it demands emotional and relational traits. Do you show empathy? Have situational awareness? Strive for inspirational leadership? By elevating your commitment to being the best leader you can be, and seeking ways to improve your emotional intelligence, not just your technical ability, you can expand your capacity to model excellence and inspire excellence in others through leading by example.