When I became a mentor at Techstars, a leading accelerator with a presence around the world, I learned its manifesto “give first,” which means to give without an expectation of receiving (knowing we mentors will still likely receive a lot from the experience). I didn't realize how important this was to my startup philosophy until I encountered ecosystems where that mentality wasn't the case. It made me understand that generosity without expectation is truly the lifeblood of a successful startup ecosystem. There is so much to learn and limited resources to accomplish a startup's mission and goals.

MENTORSHIP POWERS THE STARTUP ECOSYSTEM

I know what mentorship means both to myself as a mentor and to the founders with whom I have had the privilege of interacting. Techstars says that mentor relationships almost always become two‐way. That's definitely been true for me as I have been a lead mentor in Sustainability and Workforce Development accelerators and with Backstage Capital.

One founder I mentored invited me to his baby shower two years after our mentorship relationship officially ended, and we regularly talk about life, relationships, as well as the startup world. Plus, we now send each other original songs about startup life. (Ditto to another Techstars alum and co‐founder I mentored. What is it about music as a way to ease the pressure of the startup world?) Another mentor and I have a more formal relationship, but we have stayed in touch long after his program ended, and I consider all three of these founders as friends. They've helped me with life topics as much as I've helped their companies with their go‐to‐market strategies. That's the gift of mentoring; whether you're aiming to give or receive, know that it'll be something that goes both ways.

MENTORSHIP'S ROLE IN SUPPORTING DEVELOPING LEADERS

Sales leader Mary Carter leads a high‐performing sales team at GoCardless and provides mentorship to many in the industry. She mentors others now, and credits the mentors who helped her with providing advice not only on how to succeed in her role and get promoted but how to balance the demands of work with peace of mind and a sense of home‐life equilibrium.

“I was lucky enough to have a really awesome mentor who taught me the foundations of professionalism and the lay of the land of tech, applications, and players, but also personal advice,” says Carter.

MENTORSHIP IS ABOUT KNOWLEDGE AND CHEMISTRY

Mergelane co‐founder Sue Heilbronner says a good mentor–mentee relationship needs personal connection and chemistry.

“Once you get through specific content and facts like ‘this person has great experience in finance’ and ‘this person could use some bolstering in their knowledge in this area,’ the connection is the thing,” says Heilbronner.

“Mentees are most successful when they think about identifying mentors as people who are already in their world with whom they have a big connection; it's true for mentors also. We have formal structures in accelerators, incubators, and that's all fantastic as a way to facilitate and enhance the power of mentorship, but informal opportunities can be very meaningful.”

MENTORS DON'T HAVE TO KNOW ALL OF THE ANSWERS

I've learned as a mentor to ask good questions and be open to how the recipient wants to navigate their answers, releasing ideas of how I think they “should” handle a situation, and trusting them to be the best judge of their own course of action. Mentors can advise and provide guidance but don't oversteer. There's great power in also knowing that when I receive mentorship, I can choose to listen to what resonates and discard the rest.

For example, I once was talking to a founder about a challenge with one of his co‐founders around their average sales price (ASP) and how he was feeling about their difference of opinion. I didn't try to tell him what to do or even push him to decide what action to take. I had my own opinion about what ASP would work best for their target market, but that wasn't what he needed. Instead of pushing an agenda, I was there to listen to what he wanted to share on the topic and come to his own answers.

He ended up solving his problem by engaging a coach to facilitate some difficult conversations with him and his co‐founder about their company vision and how they wanted to go to market. He found our chats helpful to clarify his own needs and thinking. I'm proud that they took these insights into their next successful fundraising event, now on the same page about the why behind their pricing strategy.

ENLISTING YOUR OWN MENTORS: DEVELOPING A GROUP OF PERSONAL ADVISORS

To get a diverse perspective on your startup role, build relationships with advisors who can serve as a kind of personal board. These folks bring subject matter expertise, leadership experience, as well as motivational support.

These are a few roles to consider recruiting to your personal advisory board:

• Peers (around the same career tenure). Share common stories and comradery. I call up friends who are dealing with the same issues and we help each other navigate success.
• Someone five to ten years more experienced than you are. This may be a peer, but ideally someone who has been there and can reflect back on what you're going through now without being too far removed.
• A Board member. Either from your board or someone who sits on a board and can teach you how boards think.
• A domain knowledge expert. Someone who knows your domain well, or perhaps an area you're weaker in (e.g., accounting if you're in People Ops and don't have that background).
• An executive coach. Someone who can coach you on specific leadership areas and is motivated to help you grow.
• Mentors for a specific area or your business.
• Industry analyst. Someone with industry domain experience (e.g., cloud, FinTech).

MENTORS CARE ABOUT YOU PERSONALLY AND CAN KEEP YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

Startup sales leader Mary Carter's mentor reminded her to take care of her personal needs in addition to those of her role.

“He said, insurance is a vital part of what you get with your job. What if you get hurt or sick, you need to fall back. The quicker you get this done, the quicker the administration work is out of your way and you can focus on other things. It taught me to prioritize health over work. Work is always going to be there.”

Carter says now, as a leader who oversees the growth of others on her team, she tells her reports to put wellness and family first.

“That's not always a popular opinion,” says Carter. “It's in our culture and society to work until you're exhausted and tired. Always being busy. But for me, if you really want to have longevity in your life, you have to enjoy what you do. You can only enjoy yourself when basic needs have been met. Prioritizing those things first. If you're sick, take a day off. If you're stressed, take a mental health day. That's the motto I've been living by. If you're with a good company, they'll support you. Some companies aren't that flexible. That may be a company someone wants to work for.”

Carter encourages aspiring startup leaders to champion their growth and proactively seek help from their mentors.

“I was dedicated to upward movement, and I worked hard for it,” says Carter. “As a woman of color in startups, I am proud to be paid what my work is worth, and it hasn't always been easy.”

Before her first startup leadership role, Carter spent her time, in her words, “grinding,” sometimes doing many sales calls per day, including technical demos, technical QA, legal calls, and working very long hours to close International deals.

“What that meant for me was yes, I was tired, yes, I had to say no to parties or friends or vacations, but it got me a title change, and it got me three promotions. You have to prove you're worth it. You have to show and quantify the work you've done in dollars, and that's not arguable,” says Carter.

Mentors can also push you to “go for it” when you may not see that opportunity for yourself right away. This was also the case for Carter, who has been rapidly promoted multiple times, often preceded by the gentle push of her mentor to put her hat in the ring for new opportunities.

“My mentors have often seen things in me that tell them I'm ready before I have seen it myself, and then it's my job to go make it a reality,” says Carter.

SEEK MENTORSHIP THAT PROMOTES EQUALITY

Trier Bryant is co‐founder and CEO of Just Work, a strategic executive leader with distinctive tech, Wall Street, and military experience spanning over 15 years. She's previously held leadership roles at Astra, Twitter, Goldman Sachs, and served as a combat veteran in the United States Air Force as a Captain leading engineering teams while spearheading diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives for the Air Force Academy, Air Force, and the department of defense. She says that as a Black woman, finding mentors who “guide her the same as a white man” is important.

“When I was in the military, a white man general told me he was going to mentor me ‘as if I was a white man,' because he told me ‘that's who you have to compete with.’ Oftentimes, people will filter their mentorship, guidance, and sponsorship through their own biased lens,” says Bryant.

SIGN UP TO MENTOR AT AN ACCELERATOR

I've learned so much from mentoring at Techstars and Backstage Capital accelerator and deeply value those relationships. I proudly use my swag from their organizations and refer other mentors regularly who could be a good fit for the programs. If you want to get involved with mentoring in a more formal way, offering your departmental expertise and/or industry expertise to founders at an accelerator is a great tool. You also get to see what it's really like to be an early‐stage founder in case that's something you'd like to do. I think this is also a great way to disqualify the role; you see how much pressure founders are under when you're meeting with them regularly outside of the company, without any need to appear to “have it together.”

At Techstars, we first meet the founders of each cohort and hear their pitches in what's called “Mentor Madness.” It's basically a half‐day of hearing back‐to‐back 10‐minute pitches where you get to see if you both have chemistry. Whether in‐person or virtual, I always end the day exhausted, because I'm an introvert, and it requires being “on” with a lot of new people in one day. Yet it's satisfying to get to help early stage founders and companies find their way.

I mentor at Sustainability and Workforce Development accelerators at Techstars, two areas I have a passion for. There are now many accelerators around the world that specialize in different things and markets. Chances are, there's an accelerator near you that includes companies tackling something you care about and can provide value to. It's worth a shot if you feel it would be fulfilling.

MENTOR THROUGH AN OFFICIAL ORGANIZATION

Mentor Spaces founder Chris Motley believes in mentorship's power to transform lives. Through his platform, professionals from underrepresented backgrounds can support others and get support for their own career growth. Motley's organization works with the National Black MBA Association (NBMBAA) and other organizations. Other organizations to consider becoming a mentor at include Lesbians Who Tech, Girls Who Code, and other affinity groups.

FIND COMMUNITY AND SHARE MUTUAL SUPPORT AS A “PEER MENTOR”

Nicole Wojno Smith says finding peers and building a supportive community around you is paramount to finding and succeeding in an executive role.

“The biggest thing that I've found is that it's lonely,” says Smith. “Most of the time, your CEO expects you to know how to do the job. You can't really go to them and say, hey, I really don't know how to do this. When you were director, you had your VP to ask these questions or you might have had three other peers on the same level that you could just chat with about some of this. It's kind of like overnight some of that goes away,” says Smith.

Smith is a member of Pavilion, a membership‐based organization that provides peer mentorship to revenue leaders at tech companies.

“You have to build your board of advisors or Executive Board of Who You Can Count On,” says Wonjo Smith.

Smith asks her global group of CMO peers how to handle situations, sending them messages when in doubt (and fielding them from others). When she owned a new function within marketing recently, she turned to this group for counsel, and they are always willing to get on calls or answer messages to help her succeed.

AFFINITY ORGANIZATIONS

Having people whom you can trust to turn to outside of your company when you don't know something or just need support is crucial, especially if you're a member of an under‐represented minority. Groups like People of Color in Tech, Lesbians Who Tech, or other affinity groups can help you find like‐minded peers and mentors with whom you can draw and give support. Scale‐up startups often have organizations like Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) around identities like LGBTQ+, Latinx, Black in Tech, Women in Tech, and more that you can join and be a part of.

OTHER TYPES OF SUPPORT: SPONSORSHIP AND COACHING

DON'T DISCOUNT INFORMAL MENTORSHIP

According to Rand Fishkin, “I think a lot of people hear the word mentorship and they think I will find a mentor and we will get on the phone every week or two weeks or month or something and have an hour or 90‐minute phone call and they will sort of be like a therapist‐type person. That's fine. But you can also be an ally or friend to someone and mentor them informally while spending time together, and that's great too.”

I have so many informal mentorship relationships, I've lost count. I think everyone in the startup world can be an ally to me, and me to them, if we're willing and have time. I especially appreciate informal mentorship in the form of friends in the startup world who share their stories, including triumphs and setbacks, because it normalizes the journey we all go through. Never underestimate what you can offer someone else outside of an “official” container.

TAKE MENTORSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL: SCALE YOUR IMPACT

“Mentorship means having a conversation with people who have more experience, who choose to share their lived experiences to help you accomplish your goal more, effectively more efficiently,” says Mentor Spaces founder and CEO Chris Motley.

Motley's perspective is that everyone is a mentor and everyone needs a mentor. His vision is to scale mentorship by creating a mentorship economy where professionals build career currency by giving mentorship, getting mentorship and growing in their careers, one conversation at a time.

Full disclosure: I was one of Motley's Lead Mentors at Techstars for his company Mentor Spaces, which means we had a lot of conversations about mentorship over the course of the program (and stayed in touch after). His insights about the value of scaling mentorship through educational materials contributed to my writing this book. It really does all come full circle.