The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, and to have a conversation—or a relationship.

—DEBORAH TANNEN

Kate, a competitive rower in the United Kingdom, was much shorter than the other seven women in her boat, yet she was equally passionate about rowing. To gain her seat, she trained harder, longer, and more intensely than the others, who had an easier time because of their height. Everyone showed up differently prior to a race. Kate was focused and quiet, some chatted and giggled, others wandered off alone, and one energetically tried to rouse team spirit. Those differences stopped them from rowing as a team. The seven felt pressured by Kate; she felt they were blasé. After losing a race for the first time in more than a year, everyone was upset.

The coach encouraged them to examine their personalities and realize that they each offered something special. Kate could assist others in getting “into the zone” before a race, and the others could assist her technically and emotionally by helping her relax and enjoy the race. All it took was an understanding and patient conversation. They went on to have a blistering win-loss record that season, and the relationships remain strong to this day. Kate learned three lifelong lessons:

• There are several different ways to achieve the same goal.
• A team must work together even if the members work differently.
• Patience and learning produce mutual success and, just as important, fun.

How you react when you encounter people with different points of view defines you as a leader. Leaders who recognize the significance of today’s multicultural workplace embrace diversity as a strategic necessity. They understand that an organization that welcomes and respects people regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, age, or other characteristics has a strategic advantage because it will attract top talent globally. They have seen how organizations that tap into diverse perspectives routinely produce better products, grow faster, and deliver superior customer service. In contrast, some executives see diversity as an altruistic concept that rewards people based on factors other than results. Most executives are somewhere in the middle. They acknowledge the human benefits of diversity, but do not know how to use it to drive superior results and separate their organizations from competitors. This chapter offers pointers to assist you in embracing diversity and inclusion.

Open Your Mind

Leah, a high-potential executive responsible for enterprise growth in an accounting firm, described her reaction to meeting new people:

“I look for people to teach me new ways to reach our goals. I get especially excited when I’m with people from different backgrounds who have a new perspective about delivering services and building the firm. In fact, my job is to stimulate innovation by coaxing new ideas out of them. If I’m not meeting new people every day, I’m not doing my job properly.”

Leah’s open mind helps her arouse creativity in others and recognize the value they contribute. Her attitude shows new people that she values her time with them. To be open, you do not have to change your mind, but you must be willing to do so. Closed-minded executives often listen with negative body language that looks like a neon sign on their forehead flashing no. Their people feel devalued and eventually stop providing ideas. Open-minded executives lean into a conversation (sometimes physically) to learn more. They ask insightful questions and build relationships by respecting the ideas of others.

Being open is especially challenging for those who operate in a purely management mindset and focus on deadlines. Leadership flexibility is required to suspend judgment and consider a new idea at the eleventh hour. When an idea at first does not appear to make sense but is passionately presented by one of your people, take time to understand her thinking as well as how the idea fits the big picture. Look for the link that could produce a major breakthrough. Ask why instead of telling her why not.

For example, a new product manager was assigned to women’s brands in a large consumer products company. By the end of his first day, he was somewhere between nonplussed and angry, as he knew little about the women’s brands but felt very knowledgeable about brand-name products for men. Afraid that his marketing career might end before it started, he found the courage to ask his boss how the company could make such a mistake. He participated in his first leadership conversation that day when his boss said, “It’s not what you know that counts. It’s hearing what each consumer wants that successfully positions a product. How easily could you keep an open mind were you to manage products that you use every day?”

Although the new product manager never found a reason to use the products himself, he spent days watching women use them and asking what they preferred and disliked. Thanks to the effort of the entire marketing team, his product went from number three to number one in its category. Had he followed his initial instincts and insisted that he be assigned to men’s brands, he would have missed the building blocks of building relationships: be curious about differences, ask questions, and listen carefully.

Encourage Diversity and Inclusion

Understanding the principles of diversity and inclusion and being able to build relationships and connect with people who are different from you are critical to success. Historically, executives have not been adept at inclusion, so it is not easy to find great mentors in this area. At the same time, the emphasis on diversity and inclusion is intensifying because populations are becoming more diverse, international affiliations are expanding for many organizations, and government mandates require organizations to accommodate ever-broadening types of diversity.

There are so many types of diversity that it is easy to unknowingly or unconsciously offend others or trample on their beliefs. Some areas of diversity, such as age, gender, language, race, and disability, are easy to identify because we see or hear them. Other areas—nationality, sexual orientation, level of education, political leaning, religion, and spiritual beliefs—are subtle and usually become apparent only during personal conversations. Still other types of diversity, such as learning style, military service, and genetics, may require in-depth conversations to discover.

Leadership practices and attitudes vary widely from group to group, so seek to understand how and why those practices and attitudes developed the way they did. For example, insightful conversations about diversity and inclusion are common in Europe because of the number of different cultures, languages, and religions that coexist in a small geographical area.

For example, at the end of one leadership presentation in Germany, the audience was quiet. Being from the United States, the speaker was puzzled and asked, “What was it about tonight’s presentation that dampened the conversation?” One listener hesitantly volunteered that “it’s complicated to aspire to leadership in Europe because of how diverse the region’s leaders have been just in my lifetime.” That comment led to an enlightening discussion of how to put leadership principles into practice across borders. By accepting that members of the audience had different but equally valid thoughts on the topic of leadership, the speaker and audience gained several new insights:

• New relationships thrive when you reach out to people with trust and respect, hear what they say, and react appropriately—especially when they have different cultural or religious beliefs or different personality styles.
• Most people accept that differences of opinion exist and that their opinions may not prevail—but they expect to be heard. Attempting to avoid conflict by ignoring dissenting opinions tends to deepen the conflict.
• When people disagree with you or do things you do not want them to do, it is not insubordination—it is an opportunity to learn and strengthen the relationship.

In coaching, we often hear impassioned pleas ending with “I just don’t understand why they won’t do it my way.” We respond to that frustration with a simple question: “Why do you expect them to be like you?” When this does not make the point, we ask a follow-up question: “Will you agree to do it their way instead of expecting them to do it yours? The logic is the same.” At that point, people usually see that anyone can be intractable in her way of doing things. Consider differences to be a productive topic for a leadership conversation—not an excuse to argue.

Make Diversity Work

Gretchen grew up in Denmark, went to college in England, and got her first job in Germany. After positions in Berlin, Paris, and Madrid, she transferred to New York. The cultural collision started the first Friday evening when she declined an invitation from her colleagues for hot dogs, beer, and a baseball game at Yankee Stadium. Gretchen’s curt response and apparent lack of interest caused them to label her as standoffish and arrogant. Soon, revenue in her department flatlined as her people gave only lip service to her decisions. Eventually, she was replaced and transferred to France. Gretchen’s style, effective in Europe, did not mesh well with a more informal business style in the United States. If effective conversations had occurred between Gretchen and her boss and between Gretchen and her people, she may not have been derailed. High potential for leadership across international boundaries was squandered.

Making diversity work is so crucial to success in today’s globally connected world that some organizations have appointed a chief diversity officer to cultivate diversity and inclusion. It is not diversity itself that matters. Rather it is how effectively you lead a diverse workforce to achieve the organization’s goals. There is no cookie-cutter definition of diversity—few practices work equally well in the United States, Europe, China, and, say, Brazil. Yet diversity must be accommodated in business strategies because diversity in the customer base is increasing as rapidly as it is in the workforce.

When you look around the table during your next meeting, you are likely to see customers and stakeholders of various races, religions, physical abilities, sexual orientations, and generations. You and your team must address that diversity in order to develop and deliver products and services that meet customers’ needs. Further, as workforce diversity increases, the ability to build relationships with diverse people is necessary to give everyone a path to reach his full potential. Empathize with and include those who are different from you rather than dismissing them or isolating yourself from them.