CHAPTER 7
YOU HAVE PERMISSION— NOW WHAT?
Not really. Well, not that you really needed our permission. Maybe it would be best to say that you now have our wish for you, our plea. Love and laughter is where it’s at for leadership, and we don’t want that message to get lost. And as much as we hope you’ve enjoyed the book so far, we strongly suspect there’s a number of you out there who may have some doubts. Perish the thought!
Despite the fact that we have peppered the book with valid scientific data, love, and more humor than the average reader can stand, we also recognize that at this point in the book you’ve been exposed to so much feel-good information, your mind might be in sensory overload. At best you may be thinking, “Yeah, finally! These guys got it right! This does matter more than anything else!” For this reader, your autographed copy of the book is in the mail.
The “OK, So Wait a Minute (OSWAM)” Leader
Others may have a different take. We call them the “OK, so wait a minute” leaders. After “OK, so wait a minute,” they follow with anything from “I got this already” to “It won’t work in my organization” to “I can’t do this.” Good! Your feelings are valid, and your concerns are real. As leaders ourselves, we’ve struggled to let go and get real. It’s risky. But check this out—all those other approaches, theories, graphics, reports, and pathways to leadership don’t work without this first. So maybe you’ve stumbled onto the right approach. Just maybe! The fact that you’re still with us gives us the chance to change your mind. Will you let us try?
The final chapter of this book is all about showing you the path to embrace love and laughter in your life as a way of being, not just a way of leading. The concerns about this being just another happy book are legitimate, so we’re going to steer away from offering the traditional leadership recipe of “Be kind, engage, communicate, etc.” Instead, we are embracing the pessimism to this approach. So, let’s talk about these concerns and how we might maneuver your heart and soul in a way to open your sense of self and who you really are. If we get there, you’re on the brink of living a life with love and laughter, discovering your mindset, and embracing core human needs that we all share.
OSWAM—“I Got This!”
Meet Leon, an executive with more than twenty-five years of experience in his profession. When he started moving up in his organization, he was noticed by senior leadership as an up-and-comer because of his astute technical knowledge. His work was always timely, he stayed within budget, and he got along pretty well with his team members, as long as they didn’t question his expertise. No one ever outwardly complained about working with Leon, so his bosses gave him opportunities to lead project teams, which, though not earth-shattering, by and large were successful. After attending a few mandatory leadership development programs, Leon had earned his stripes and was given a role as a department head.
One day, Leon learned that he was getting a new boss, Kamille. Kamille showed a lot of interest in Leon and his success in the organization. They met several times and discussed his team, goals, projects, and plan for moving forward. But all was not well. The more Kamille got to know Leon, the more she started picking up on Leon’s language and use of leadership jargon such as “I’m an authentic leader who uses design thinking with integrity” and “I am also a change agent, well versed in emotional intelligence. I always ask my team how they are doing on a regular basis.” Kamille found herself hearing the same canned phrases over and over again. It felt like a scorecard.
Upon closer observation, Kamille noticed a few things about Leon. He was often found walking from cubicle to cubicle, greeting his team members, checking in with them. He professed an open-door policy, and in truth his door was always somewhat physically open, but no one ever approached him with feedback or a suggestion. In morning check-ins, his team members would each respond obediently with short, noncontroversial updates and get back to work immediately. The team meetings were all business; structured; on time; and focused on outcomes, next steps, and responsibilities. If anyone had a question, they would ask Leon, he would provide the answer, and they would move on. No complaints, no problems, a clockwork operation, right? Not so much.
Kamille also took notice of the fact that team members did not spend much time with each other in groups, catching up on life and such. Leon would disappear into his office after check-in, door ajar, and get back to work himself. There was no laughter, no connection, no familiarity. When she asked Leon how engaged and happy his team was in their jobs, his response, quite naturally, was that no one was complaining. “I’ve got this,” he would claim. “All is well, no problems.” Ah, but there were.
Get out! You’re the “I got this” leader? Oh, man! Let us just say, we love ya. We love everyone, but that doesn’t mean we love you less. Here’s what we know about you: You live in a wonderful make-believe land, but it’s a land not of pastels, unicorns, and rainbows, but rather a world of black and white. Simple distinctions. Easy. You have all the answers. You’ve done this before. If you haven’t seen it all, you’ve seen most of it. So, what’s not to love?
Look, everyone brings their share of imperfections to the world of leadership, but we have serious concerns about the “I got this” leader. In fact, it may be one of the primary reasons we wrote this book. Anytime anyone gets comfortable with any specific body of knowledge, whether it be technical, philosophical, operational, or enological, problems arise. And sadly, this leader is all too common (but we still love them).
Those who’ve had to adjust to working with this leader report similar experiences. Right and wrong. My way or the highway! Got a question? About anything? You’ve found your leader! Maybe you didn’t know this, but they got it! Just prostrate yourself before their throne, and they will give you the divine wisdom of which you seek! And dream someday of being just like them! These leaders don’t need teams of talented minds around them. Innovation in the workforce spells the possibility of failure, and that’s not something embraced by this leader. They don’t need thinkers, they simply need doers—those who will follow them blindly, hanging on every word, and waiting for the next set of divinely inspired instructions.
Leaders in this vein don’t mind being asked questions as long as it feeds their need to share their knowledge. They will generally reply with their answer, which may not be the answer, just their answer. Their expectation is that the subordinate will nod dutifully and move on to the next task at hand. Probing questions are the worst for these leaders because they prolong inquiry and run the risk of exposing this leader as not knowing the answer. Exploratory questions, by their nature, invite uncertainty and wonder. They serve as a challenge to the “I got this” leader’s knowledge-based authority.
There is also another very impactful problem with these leaders— their inability to see their organization. Take, in the above example, Leon’s complete lack of awareness of the environment he’s created. His confidence that his people are all good is misplaced and woefully wrong. If there is a need for love in the department that Leon oversees, he’s not seeing it. And laughter? Not a chance. Unless it’s a quick one-liner that he tosses out at one of his morning meetings (trust us, we know Leon—he doesn’t), it’s not likely that his environment will be one where any measure of fun will develop. And no surprise, if he cracks a joke, it will be a bad one, and everyone will laugh, just like they are supposed to.
“I Got This!” Barriers to Love and Laughter
“I got this” leaders do not make the space for love and laughter in their workplace because they don’t need to. It’s not part of their data bank of expertise, and any foray into a softer, complex, emotionally laden universe is one of uncertainty. By maintaining an all-knowing presence, these leaders need not risk straying from their comfort levels. They already know it all, so what else is there? This false bravado could be based on experience, or that expensive course they took at the luxury training center with watered-down vodka and rubber-chicken dinners. No matter the venue, the confidence is now ingrained.
This leads to one of the most substantial obstructions to love and laughter: the struggle of the “I’ve got this” leader to learn. Strike that. They don’t struggle, because they don’t try. Many times, this unwillingness to learn is connected to the fragile ego we all carry. A sense of self matters to all of us, and for the all-knowing leader it is the currency of worth. Learning, by definition, means we don’t know something. That’s kryptonite to a leader who considers himself the font of all knowledge. Becoming a student again is not akin to the roles many of us play: supervisor, manager, parent.
All-knowing leaders may have experienced success—many do— and that’s what they rest upon.
Neurologically this make sense. The brain is very comfortable with the knowledge it has already mastered. As human beings, we tend to rely on that knowledge. It gives us a sense of worth and well-being, and a place in the work community. It gets us to where we want to go and allows us to make quick decisions in emergencies. It’s when we get comfortable with that knowledge, rely on our past experiences to predict future ones, and shun the likelihood of new ideas that we become the know-it-all leader. But when we open ourselves to new approaches, radical views, and uncertainty, we open the door to innovation.
There could be another problem from which our all-knowing leader suffers: a lack of confidence. Perhaps it came in the form of a missed promotion or plum job assignment. The self-esteem jolt can be deep, and it causes the leader to dig deeper into her reservoir of knowledge as a source of her leadership strength. Sometimes, a lack of confidence can easily slip into flat-out fear. Fear causes our neurological system to go into shutdown mode, focusing only on survival. This makes it highly unlikely that the leader will ever step out of her comfort zone.
Challenging the “I got this” leader is not usually a good idea. On a good day, you might get the dismissive hand that simply shoos you away. But on a bad day, there’s a possibility that the reaction might slip into a little nastiness when his “I got this” is confronted. Leaders who are overly focused on self-achievement, are uninterested in interpersonal relationships, and concentrate on their own self-interest have the ability to strategically regulate their behavior to achieve their own goals.
Finally, sometimes know-it-alls are tamer. They may be simply uninformed, lost, or uncomfortable with straying beyond the graphic depiction of leadership they’ve been taught over the years.
“I Got This!” Embracing Love and Laughter
It’s not easy to make the switch from the “I got this” leader and open one’s heart to love and laughter. To be fair, it’s not a switch, it’s a transition. The fact is, we all experience this phase in our leadership lives at some point. We begin our careers with little outside of an entry-level knowledge base about a specific field. We gain more experience and we get promoted, maybe win a few performance awards, and get promoted again. We’re on a roll. But we’re also locked into a thinking pattern that depends on expertise. We’re not being bad, we’re simply being safe. This narrow perspective can lead to the “I got this” mentality.
In order to move beyond this limited viewpoint, we have to let go of those preestablished thinking patterns that convinced us how good we are. They’re addictive and comforting and without doubt contribute to success, to a point. It’s important to recognize and embrace that we’re valuable because of who we are, not what we know. There are a lot of smart people out there, so it’s basically a wash.
Letting go of our dependence on what we know may be as easy as simply reaching out publicly to let those who work for us know how much we value what they do and the expertise they bring. Collective IQ always outperforms an individual’s IQ. You can also challenge your own self by asking your team what they think of your decisions. This, by the way, won’t always work. If you are an omnipresent force, you’re not likely to get the constructive feedback you seek. One trick is to create your own mini-360 evaluation that has two simple open-ended statements: I like it when Leon_____; I wish Leon would_____. Pass these around, and have your team slip them on your desk when you’re not there. You’ll be amazed.
Finally, the all-knowing leader is well-advised to take the time to notice what’s around her. In the midst of her “Everything is fine here” perspective, things may be falling apart. Do people stop talking when you walk in the room? Are all of your decisions met with flattering approval from your team? All of them? Give us a break—no one is that good! There’s your first clue, so pay attention. Dynamics may not be visible except to the most astute observer. It could be the slightest nonverbal clue from a team member that suggests the need for some compassion, some empathy, or a little joke.
Believe us when we say that we are all imperfect souls, and all of us have strayed through this all-knowing minefield at some point in our careers. In the extreme version of these leaders, they make many miserable and leave trails of bodies on their road to achievement. In a tamer version, they are less damaging in general but still stifling, and they are woefully unaware of how beautiful the workplace can truly become. All because they know it all. They are happy to continue in their prescribed path, comfortable as is and hesitant to change. But when “I got this” leaders take a step away from their expert selves, they open the door to the real possibility of love and laughter.
P.S. By the way—with our love of Malbec, enological issues are bound to come up! ☺
OSWAM—“This Won’t Work!”
Meet Jocelyn, a seasoned and well-respected leader in charge of three large program areas in an influential global organization that has been around for many years. The enterprise is a stable and well-respected entity, albeit somewhat bureaucratic. The formal reporting avenues are rigid, and while people in the company accomplish their mission, the workplace is devoid of any vibe beyond getting the work done and leaving as quickly as possible.
Jocelyn, having recently read a magnificent book by Zina and Patrick, wants to see change. It’s not something that’s happened much in her tenure. She wants to infuse the organization with some levity and a little compassion. She has been observing the people around her, and she’s less than enthused about the possibility that she’ll be successful. She suspects that reaching out to colleagues and team members for anything other than work requirements would result in blank stares. Even a simple discussion of weekend plans and family vacations is out of the norm. Seeking out opportunities to build relationships with each of her subordinates, eating lunch with them, sharing her own personal stories, making herself as real as possible, would result in a loss of respect and an accusation of crossing the line of professionalism, being too friendly or even intrusive.
Her senior leadership is no help. They refuse to be burdened by “soft” skills they see as unnecessary emotional engagement that won’t improve daily operations. They are unfazed by the fact that team members pretty much wear headphones while in their cubicles and barely look up when anyone walks by. As long as the work is getting done, why not leave well enough alone?
If Jocelyn attempted any changes to the status quo, she would be interrupting their work, their progress, and their daily routines. If she tried to connect with her colleagues outside of the usual work-related topics, she would hear crickets … or the sounds of silence (thanks, Simon and Garfunkel!).
Jocelyn wants a love-and-laughter change. She wants to try to connect with her team. She wishes she could help her bosses see the advantages of love and laughter in the workplace. She even purchased a copy of Zina and Patrick’s book and left it in her immediate supervisor’s office. Last time she looked, he had used it as a coaster. What makes it more difficult is that Jocelyn has many friends and loved ones in her personal life, but when she walks through those doors, looks around, and evaluates the effort it would take and the chances of a positive outcome, she makes the decision to continue with life as is. In her mind, “This won’t work.”
If you’re one of the many “This won’t work” leaders like Jocelyn, you’re in great company. Many, many, many fall into this category. Unlike the “I got this” leader outlined above, the “This won’t work” leader doesn’t necessarily focus on his own value to the organization or the faucet of his knowledge spewing forth like a Slurpee machine. “This won’t work” leaders may or may not have these tendencies, but more often than not, they are looking around at the people with whom they work and assessing the likelihood of real change, and saying, “Nah, not gonna happen.”
Organizations are tough places, so there’s certainly some legitimacy to the concerns of the “This won’t work” leader. We hear them claim that there are too many organizational barriers to allow for a meaningful transformation. They often assert that historical precedent proves it can never happen there. This is often followed by the equally exasperated assessment, “We’ve tried that in the past, and it didn’t work.” Other reasons may include political limitations (uh, love and laughter work across the political divide), resource limitations (have you been paying attention? Love and laughter cost nothing), or time constraints (yeah, see above—love and laughter do not add time requirements).
“This won’t work” leaders may also complain that people are the problem—those emotional carbon-based life forms that bring all their needs, wants, and desires to the workplace. Argh! In fact, that’s what organizations are—groups of people—so we can’t really get around this one. But cynical leaders are not to be deterred—they claim that their teams are to blame! And sometimes they are, but most times they’re not. Perhaps it just takes a little attention to their needs to transform them from cubicle-campers to high performers. And while we always hope we have the most talented and driven teams around us, it doesn’t always work that way. For every self-starter we may supervise, we can just as easily have three average or below-average performers. Such is life in the organization of today.
When all else fails, “This won’t work” leaders will turn their gaze upward and blame those above. This may come in the form of “they,” as in “They won’t go for it. They won’t listen. They tried this before.” This mystical apparition has no form or frame. They are they. Any attempt to clarify who they are will be met with an immediate verbal exit strategy (e.g., “How ’bout them Dallas Cowboys?”). If we’re really lucky, the “This won’t work” leaders will zero in on the boss, and of course the fault lies therein. My boss will never go for this! My boss is results driven! My boss won’t listen! The number of bad bosses out there, reportedly, is astronomical. OK, maybe, but maybe not.
Look, leaders like Jocelyn have a good point. Organizations that are unwilling to change, whether it’s because of an overly comfortable workforce or disinterested supervisors, are a tough nut to crack. It is very difficult to implement change when the forces are stacked against you, but (not and) that is what leadership is all about. It is about making the decision to drive change instead of accepting the status quo. It begins with recognizing the barriers that need to be overcome.
“This Won’t Work!” Barriers to Love and Laughter
It is true that leaders like Jocelyn are facing what seem to be insurmountable odds. Teams that are comfortable with the way things are, even if they are not happy, can slip into an operational neutral. They achieve the goal of the company, but they don’t reap the benefits of an environment that is marked by love and laughter. They know no better. Likewise, the bosses don’t want to be bothered. Many of them may suffer from the all-knowing-leader mentality that we described before. This makes any significant organizational change even more challenging.
Still, it’s not wise to let “This won’t work” leaders off the hook so easily when they blame their misfortunes on those around them. Sometimes leaders like Jocelyn do not make the space for love and laughter in their workplace because they can’t. Wait, no, that’s not it. They think they can’t. Their perception of what their teams and their bosses bring to the table doesn’t give them the comfort level they need in order to take a shot at driving real organizational change. But perhaps the true source of the problem lies deeper within the “This won’t work” leader. Most things do.
Those who attribute blame to others are often acting out of a need to project. Given the challenges of leading in today’s complex business landscape and the near-constant risk of failure, who’s to say? It would most certainly lend credence to the view that the “This won’t work” leader is feeling badly that he personally cannot instill any significant change in his workplace, so the fault must lie elsewhere. This also enhances his sense of status in the group. If it’s everyone else’s fault, it must not be ours. We’re the good ones; they are the bad ones. It’s a terrific defense mechanism.
The organizational impact of this approach to leadership deserves special mention here. The word stagnation comes to mind. Or cesspool. When the “This won’t work” leader refuses to accept responsibility for aggressively molding an organization, including with love and laughter, she is likely guilty of sins of omission in other areas as well—operations, production, or communication, to name a few.
Blaming others, even if the evidence is striking, is an abdication of leadership. It is the easiest way out for anyone who does not have the fortitude to drive change in an entity. The saddest aspect is that we can always influence someone! Admittedly, the impact may be limited to a small number of people under the direct supervision of the “This won’t work” leader. But this is a start. This is how it begins. Even the slightest impact of bringing love and laughter into the workplace is worth the effort. Both love and laughter have a communicable nature to them. They grow quickly, and they spread quickly.
“This Won’t Work!” Embracing Love and Laughter
Jocelyn has a great heart. She has identified something within her organization that needs attention, and she wants to do the right thing. Instead of looking around, noting the resistance in her midst, and backing away, she would be much better suited to embrace the opposition she faces. By doing so, she can identify strategic, incremental steps she can take to push her ideas forward. These will likely be bite-sized chunks of effort, but we’re cool with that. Oh, and celebrate the success of each one!
When “This won’t work” leaders meet with even modest success, good things happen. Laughter and love have a way of catching attention. When one division or department has embraced the tenets of humanity in the way they do their work, there is a palpable change in the vibe. Innovation, more efficient use of resources, and just plain fun become the norm. This gets noticed. When it does, people become curious. Everyone wants joy and happiness in their work, and the sad fact is that simply accomplishing the mission is not enough to ensure those pleasures. It never is. When we take the human out of the human who is performing the work, we are left with a robotic shell that does little more than what’s necessary to stay employed. But going the opposite direction and embracing the aforementioned carbon-based life form, celebrating all that we bring, makes life fun.
Leaders like Jocelyn should also make a concerted effort to find like minds. There are many out there who, given even the slightest opening, would jump on the opportunity to make the workplace one of love and laughter. They often toil away quietly, knowing that their desired approach will be seen as soft and squishy and not strategically impactful. Identifying them through conversation or brown bag lunches or buying them a copy of our book (hint, hint) may be just enough to build the Love Force (as opposed to the Space Force—is that still a thing?) you need to make change.
Managing up becomes the order of the day if one faces senior leaders who are indifferent, as Jocelyn did. Sadly, this is more common in organizations than we would like to admit. Supervisors and executives, besieged by competitive and time pressures, may prove to be unlikely recipients of the love and laughter message. Simple and subtle approaches tend to work best in these situations, coupled with a strong This is how this impacts you, boss message. Dropping off an article you found interesting or mentioning a book you recently read may be all you need to plant the seed. If the work environment is one of trust, things get easier. A candid conversation will do the trick there.
Above all, for “This won’t work” leaders to become “I’ll make this work” leaders, they will have to be comfortable being patient, persistent, and resilient. This is no small task. We are an impatient society. A 24/7 news cycle, an internet always at the ready, and social platforms that beckon us to update the planet every time we blow our nose pressure us to want results now and switch to something else if we don’t find them immediately. Sadly, organizational transformations don’t work like that. They happen one smile at a time with love, inclusion, and tolerance. We have to keep trying, even if we don’t see immediate change or naysayers abound.
We own the fact that organizational change is tough, and the task confronting the “This won’t work” leader is significant. There’s a lot of legitimacy to the challenges that our carbon-based forms introduce in the workplace. So, let’s not be too hard on “This won’t work” leaders. But let’s not let them off the hook, either. We won’t. Leadership is a responsibility. Go big or go home. By pushing beyond their comfort levels, even a small step at a time, “This won’t work” leaders can instill love and laugher change in even the toughest environment.
It’s All in the Mind
If at this point in the book you have come to the conclusion that we are being Pollyannaish, it may surprise you to know we aren’t. We are not sticking our heads in the sand and ignoring the negative stuff. We are realists. (Incidentally, if you aren’t aware of where the word Pollyannaish originates, it’s from the work of Eleanor H. Porter, who penned a book in 1913 about a young girl named Pollyanna, who finds the positive in everything she faces. She should have taught leadership classes!) Actually, one of us is more Pollyannaish than the other and often gets accused (in a sweet way) of looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. It’s not a bad way to approach life, just sayin’. But it would also be accurate to say we both have a cheerful and enthusiastic perspective on leadership.
Not everyone is like us, admittedly. There is no doubt that in all of our leadership journeys, we run into leaders who feel they know everything, and pursuing anything related to humor or compassion would be a nonstarter. We also encounter leaders who claim there is no point in pursuing positive change because their supervisors won’t support it or their teams aren’t interested.
Organizations can be better, and so can the leaders who lead them. Laughing and loving in our leadership practice can happen. It really can. Yes, the barriers are there but not insurmountable. Change is possible. We can, and should, drive our organizations to encompass the human aspect of leadership. When we let go and get real, we can make it happen. Our leaders can be better.
Are we positive psychologists? No, but we play them on television. In truth, we do subscribe to the tenets of positive psychology because we believe there is credence to the perspective that positivity is a constructive way to live. Productive too! It’s easy to focus on the negative. Think about it for a moment. When we turn on the television or go to the internet, most of the time we find bad news. Psychologists suggest that this is due to the inherent negativity bias residing in our brain. The brain reacts much more swiftly to danger, and by incorporating the protective measures resulting from negativity bias, we are able to survive.
Negativity bias can also become addictive. As strange as it seems, we start to seek bad news. It becomes more salient to us, not only on television but in the workplace as well. This is buttressed by the neural pathways in our brain that contribute to our hereditary desire to be comfortable with the status quo. They nudge us toward those boring, predictable processes with which we’ve become accustomed. These are good when we need them but don’t lend themselves well to a more accepting perspective, and certainly not to love and laughter. For that, it takes a more purposeful approach.
A downer mindset manifests itself in several ways. For example, we may blame ourselves whenever we hear bad news, automatically assuming responsibility for events that were probably out of our control, which reinforces the protective stance that we are prone to assume. This way of thinking also reveals itself when we anticipate bad news even before it occurs—yet another protective measure. We see this in the workplace when we make the assumption that a presentation we have worked very hard on will go wrong, no matter what we’ve done to prepare. Or when we assume that infusing a little love and laughter in our office will never work. If we fail, we don’t feel as bad.
To be completely transparent, both of your authors suffer from one common aspect of negative thinking: we both tend to filter out positive feedback and focus solely on the bad stuff. Argh! For example, if either one of us receives a bad review for a speech or from a class that we’ve given, we tend to focus on that one poor review despite the fact that there may be several others that were very positive. We can’t let it go! The rest of the day is ruined. Oh, my goodness, the number of times we’ve dealt with this, and the amount of Malbec we’ve consumed as a result! Oops, too much info?
Negative thinking not only can mess up an evening but also can have an undesirable physical impact. A pessimistic mindset has been shown to contribute to a decline in health as the grumpy person ages. A gloomy outlook is also associated with a weakened immune response, which leads to illness and infection. Is it worth it? Call us Pollyannaish, but we think not. Consider for a moment the alternative of embracing leadership through a more positive lens, one that assumes noble intent, seeks the best in people, and presents an optimistic view about the future. This is the domain of positive psychology, the one with which we find ourselves most attuned.
Positive psychology is a relatively new field of study. Having been around for only the last twenty-two or so years, it is an intriguing discipline whose basis is in the work of early humanists such as Carl Rogers, Mary Parker Follett, and Abraham Maslow. The emphasis is on the good that humans bring forth. Contrary to much work of early researchers who focused on mental illness, positive psychology is the study of happiness, and how to live a satisfying and fulfilling life.
Positive thinking is not Pollyannaish, despite the way we started this part of the book! Leaders with an encouraging outlook still hold nonperformers accountable for their work. They are still analytical, critical, and studied in their approaches to leadership. They drive change and are successful. The difference is in the outlook. When we interpret the world through a more affirmative lens, we tend to view those whom we work with and our work environments through a more positive lens as well. This helps us to create organizations of joy, laughter, and love. We are able to fashion environments where people feel engaged and where they trust one another. People are less likely to leave the organization and are more industrious. Creativity, passion, and productivity rule. Stressful situations are reduced to manageable occurrences where ingenuity is unleashed, and instead of curling into the proverbial ball during difficult times, people emerge as energetic and enthused.
Physically and psychologically, optimists fare far better than those with a more disconsolate outlook. Those with an encouraging attitude tend to be more balanced in their lives and are therefore able to deal with stress much more readily than their cynical counterparts. They also prove to be healthier. For example, a positive mindset is associated with a healthier cardiovascular system and lower rates of depression. Researchers posit that this is due to a healthier lifestyle, more exercise, and a better life balance than what pessimists have. Regardless of the reason, we know that those with a positive outlook tend to resist common physical ailments more readily, due to a stronger immune response. They also live longer, and who wouldn’t want that?
In today’s world, full of tension and discord, showing the positive side of one’s self is not the easiest thing to do. In the workplace, where the environment is cluttered with formalities and other organizational chaos, positivity may well get lost in the day-to-day goings on. Still, with a little focus and commitment, you can embrace this pathway, which opens the door to love and laughter in the workplace.
Start by making a conscious decision to steer away from the de-energizers. You know them. They suck the air out of a room when they arrive. Their mantra is “We can’t, we don’t.” Likewise, avoid the negative thought patterns that pervade our brain and feed our negativity bias. Weigh the destructive contemplations you’re having with the big picture. Is it worth it? Is it really that big of a deal? Will it be there later anyway? How much of it do you actually control?
You’re now ready to wade into the world of positive thinking, a world that opens possibilities beyond the imagination. It is truly freeing. If you sense that negative thoughts are still wandering through your mind, that’s OK. They have a tendency to do that, even in the most optimistic of souls. But by recognizing those negative pathways, you’ve taken the first and most crucial step in changing your mindset and your health.
Try positive self-talk. Positive thoughts have a way of feeding on themselves. Negative thoughts do as well. So, which one would you rather be consumed by? Ask yourself constructive questions about the situation you are facing: What did I do well? What can I learn? How did this make a relationship better? Close your eyes and create a vision of what you would like to see happen (no fair peeking). This exercises the imaginative portions of the brain and opens doors to prospective solutions. It relaxes you too. Not bad.
Finally, positivity opens the door to love. It allows us to laugh, and it’s a demonstrably effective way to lead. Look at the evidence above, and in the first chapters. We are not claiming that love and laughter are a magic elixir (well, we are!). You will face doubters and cynics. You so will! Do you have the resolve? Is this a change you want to make? Are you willing? Is this a path you’re prepared to travel? These are questions you must answer. Why?
Because it is now your choice.