CHAPTER 2

Your Own Truth

My first book, Connecting to Your Inner Light, offered an introduction to practical spirituality and contained over sixty powerful inspirations to help the reader feel better and more supported on their journey through life. I also briefly shared my understanding of the soul, karma, God, the Universe, and the reason for life.

Much to my delight, many readers and seminar guests asked me to expand more on those fascinating topics, and of course, I happily oblige. My heart sings when people express a genuine desire to explore these concepts further. It excites me because I know just how enlightening and beneficial the insight we gain from doing a little research can be.

With this book, I have a great opportunity to share with you my own understanding of these spiritual themes and, more importantly, how that understanding continues to serve me. Every day this awareness helps me deal better with whatever comes my way, easy or hard. It also offers a possible explanation for all the miracles and calamities in our lives.

I say possible because there’s something important you should know before we go further.

No one knows it all. By saying this, I don’t want to disappoint you but rather protect you. In recent years, the world has seen a spectacular increase in appreciation for nonreligious spirituality, New Age ideas, and holistic methodologies. That’s great, and many people have found it helpful when looking for an alternative to organized religion or allopathic medical treatments. However, it is wise to remain cautious and discerning. You can just as easily be fenced in by the new spirituality as by conventional religion. When hype surrounds a product for commercial reasons, the product can potentially lose its original and genuine credibility. Unfortunately, I feel that this is exactly what has happened to the new spirituality within the past decade. There has been a surge in spiritual competition, so to speak, with many teachers claiming their theories and insights are the ultimate truth.

But nobody knows it all. Truth is always subjective. It’s a wonderful opportunity for us to decide for ourselves what resonates with our hearts. If you really want to transform yourself and become confident, you need to find what the truth means for you. And that will require digging deep.

You can flow into emotional freedom by allowing yourself to explore whatever appeals to you and then see if it actually serves you or not. I know this might feel a bit uncomfortable at first. We’re not always accustomed to thinking for ourselves or forming our own opinions when it comes to spirituality. That is why practical spirituality is so near and dear to my heart. We’re allowed to be free.

Practical spirituality allows us to live our lives to the full, within a dogma-free framework of universal love, support, abundance, and creative energy. In my work as a spiritual life coach, I immensely enjoy guiding my clients through the maze of different spiritual philosophies to help them gain clarity on what specifically will be helpful to them.

I was christened when I was just four and a half weeks old. For the next fifteen years, I attended church as was expected of me. But because I wasn’t really encouraged to make sense of what was being preached, let alone challenge it, I didn’t resonate with much of it. Now I can honestly say I feel closer to God than I ever did when I was in church.

Actually, today I feel one with God. Why? Because the wonderful path of practical spirituality has invited me to finally discover what God means to me, what heaven means to me, what forgiveness means to me. I am free to let go of everything I was expected to accept blindly for the rest of my life.

Nor do I accept blindly all that is offered to me on this new journey either. Despite the fact that Sylvia Browne’s book was what prompted my moment of awakening, that doesn’t mean I need to agree with or believe everything Ms. Browne espouses. Quite the contrary. I am free to be grateful to Ms. Browne, leave behind that with which I don’t agree, and continue on my spiritual journey.

I want to encourage you to awaken to your own truths about life. Precisely because of its detachment from religion, spirituality can often become a beautiful addition to your faith. By taking from both religion and spirituality what you resonate with the most, you can blend your faith with practical spirituality and enjoy the best of what both worlds have to offer.

I recently worked with a woman who wanted help with her transition from religion to spirituality. Rather than unnecessarily cutting cords for good, Susan and I found exciting ways to balance the religion in which she’d been raised with her newfound spirituality in a way that worked for her. That’s what it’s all about—discovering your own truths and shaping them into life tools. Rather than staying stuck in a place of uncertainty, separation, or fear, you can use those tools to help you move forward.

It’s important to approach any type of teachings—religious or spiritual—with an open mind. I am a big believer in keeping things real and staying grounded. You are in the driver’s seat of your life, and you are always free and empowered to decide if something resonates with you.

From time to time, your views and beliefs may shift somewhat. Please don’t let that confuse you or cause you to question your spiritual awakening. As new experiences and what I like to call heart changes come your way, it’s only normal to occasionally update your opinions and conclusions accordingly. This is a wonderful and very authentic way to build a beautiful Temple of Wisdom for yourself.

Everything I’m talking about right now is how I understand it at this particular stage of my life. My understanding may and probably will evolve over the course of the coming years, and I certainly want to allow space for that to happen. I want to be sure I’m not fenced in by my own spiritual beliefs. When I look around me, I see many people who adhere to very strict religious concepts and rules. However, the truth is not set in stone. We can and should open our minds to new concepts and beliefs as we move through life. I don’t want to be told there is only one way. That’s just plain silly and downright frightening. I have my own spiritual teachers and self-help leaders whom I respect, but that doesn’t mean I choose to follow everything they advocate.

Practical spirituality is always about finding what works for you by doing your research, walking your path, and honoring your feelings along the way. Be leery of anyone who claims to have all the solutions for you. If they can offer something that helps you, great. However, it’s even better if you learn how to reach your own conclusions and to bring about change in your world from within. A spiritual teacher merely points you in a certain direction and then encourages you to find out if it is the right direction for you.

My grandfather told me that during both World Wars, churches were overflowing. People were very frightened and looking for protection. I notice an interesting parallel with today’s commercialized spirituality. Being human means being vulnerable and going through difficult experiences—breakups, job loss, depression, losing a loved one, living with no sense of direction. When we feel sad or lost, we are likely to look for just about anything we think can help us. We may feel drawn to strong (and usually loud) spiritual messengers with seemingly perfect lives. We risk becoming too dependent upon them and what they are espousing. We accept new beliefs and so-called truths in order to make it through a dark phase of our lives.

This dynamic is understandable but, at the same time, sad and sometimes even dangerous. Different things work for different people. We all have the freedom to choose what we want to believe, who we listen to, and who we hire to advise and guide us. I want people to be free to decide what will help them and what won’t. And of course I want people to be happy. However, what concerns me is how perfectly sane, hardworking people are being brainwashed by spiritual gurus. I believe that’s an indication that those people haven’t yet arrived at the place on their spiritual path where they begin to think for themselves.

It’s a vulnerable place to be, and unscrupulous so-called spiritual gurus can take advantage of that vulnerability. I frequently receive calls and e-mails from people concerned about what a specific guru has said. “She told me not to make important decisions during the full moon.” “He said my disability was a punishment from God.” “She said my relationships fail because I was a bad person in a past life.”

I know many people feel somewhat lost without a set of rules to guide them, but the truth is there are no rules when it comes to your spiritual growth. None at all. And that’s not one of my rules by the way. Rather, it’s another invitation to remember your complete freedom in this matter. Control, dogma, and fear have no place within practical spirituality. As I have said before and will continue repeating, no one knows it all. What a teacher (or anyone else for that matter, including myself) shares is his or her own personal truth. What is true for someone else and what serves someone else, even if the message was received from a higher source, has been filtered through that person’s own belief system—for the better, but not always.

What religious or spiritual beliefs have you held for years that no longer resonate with you in your heart and soul? What beliefs do you wish you could let go of? Write down your answer on a piece of paper and save it. Later in the book, we will use your answer to help you release these beliefs.

Throughout my own spiritual development, I have always been fascinated by our reason for living. And I’m very grateful that the universe has brought me many wonderful people, books, and other study materials that have helped me learn about this topic. I learned how we are, in fact, not just human beings but also (and more importantly) souls. We are souls having an experience of life in the form of human beings. Some say we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Oh dear. Another theory? Perhaps. Has it been helpful to me? Absolutely. It is the most important insight I’ve had to date, and it has changed everything in my life. If it can do that for me, it can do that for you! I am hugely excited by that potential, aren’t you?

But please remember that this is my belief. Of course I will do my best to convey how I understand and work with this information, but you are invited to listen to your heart while I do so. As is often the case with anything to which you’re exposed that may be new or different, allow yourself some time to digest the information and reflect upon it.

God as Paper

I want you to imagine a piece of paper. Poster size would be good. Imagine that this paper represents God, or whichever Presence or Higher Power with which you feel comfortable. If you don’t really believe in God or your faith has a different name for this power, that’s absolutely fine. Please choose whatever works for you. Perhaps you could call it Universe for the purposes of this visualization.

Now start decorating this piece of paper in your mind’s eye. Make it the most beautiful, awe-inspiring poster you’ve ever seen. Be creative. Make it colorful, vibrant, a different size if you wish. Notice how it beckons to you with all its incredible features. The energy it emits is astonishing. You feel extremely drawn to it. All you want is to be a part of it. You want to be absorbed in its power and beauty and become one with it. Both the poster and you are now one and the same. You are unified.

Now, think back to what you decided to call your poster. Let’s say you chose Universe. Can you see what just happened during our little meditation? First you acknowledged the Universe. Then you yearned to become a part of it. And then you did!

Now imagine taking a tiny part of your poster. Pretend it is you. Are the sizes of the tiny piece and the large poster different? Of course they are. But is there a difference in substance between them? Not at all. And there we have it.

I often use this exercise during my seminars. It allows participants to conjure up an image of God that’s uniquely theirs and with which they can resonate. It’s a simple but thought-provoking way to suggest that we are indeed a part of the Universe (or God or Higher Power or . . .). You may have heard this before, or perhaps this is the first time you’re being exposed to this concept. Either way, give yourself time to absorb and reflect upon this idea.

Here’s what I believe. I believe you and I and everyone else split off from the Universal Source, and we’re all on a phenomenal journey. We are all tiny but precious parts of the poster. Every physical body is linked with a soul, and every soul was once born from the Source. That includes friend and foe, rich and poor, healthy and sick, sinners and saints.

How do you feel about this message? How do you feel about the idea that a so-called bad person is also a part of the Universal Source, also on a spiritual journey? A difficult message to accept? Yes, it is at first. However, it’s important to be aware that you are not taking on the same behavior or thoughts as that person. You both may originate from the same soul source, but you have each decided to be a very different, very individual expression of that source. It is that difference in expression, that difference in individuality that makes you who you are and the “bad” person who he/she is.

I believe that difference doesn’t mean that we aren’t all the same and that we aren’t all an integral part of God. When viewed from the level of original creation, we are. By the way, here’s something you might want to try the next time you pray. Replace the word “God” with your own name. It’s quite startling, and a powerful awakening to your own divinity.

So exactly how does this belief help me in my life? Why am I excited about all this? What’s the advantage of looking at people through a spiritual lens of oneness? Because it greatly enhances the quality of my life. It contributes to my emotional freedom, and that makes me feel better. It’s as simple as that. By applying the knowledge that all souls, along with their aspirations, come from the same Source, I have learned how to look at people with new eyes, to react to them differently. I have been able to release the need to criticize or gossip. I no longer jump to conclusions. I can detach from people and their opinions more easily. I can understand people and their motives better, and that helps me avoid unnecessary conflict. I can see why people do the things they do, why they make the choices they make, and why they say the things they say. It enables me to be a better communicator and a better coach.

A while ago, a good friend of mine wanted to talk to me about her fiancé. Apparently he had been rather sharp to her during a heated conversation about their upcoming wedding. She wanted to vent and complain about him with me. I could have easily sympathized with her and fallen for the “poor you” approach, but I didn’t. I decided to focus on the bigger picture here instead—two souls experiencing the ups and downs of a romantic relationship. I wanted to turn what could potentially be an ugly gossip session into a more constructive, heartfelt talk with my friend.

That doesn’t mean I ignored my friend’s emotional pain or decided to entertain her with a lecture on the origin of souls. All I had to do was gently remind her about the two sides of the coin—that her fiancé, just like her, is a beautiful soul on a journey of growth. Sometimes people react in surprisingly different ways when they are under a lot of stress, such as an upcoming wedding and the realization that they are making a lifetime commitment.

The benefits of zooming out a little bit once in a while and seeing everyone as a divine soul on a journey are endless. In recent years, I have become a calmer person, and my patience has been noticed by many. People ask, “Chris, how do you manage to stay so calm? Doesn’t he/she get on your nerves?”

I reply that other people’s behavior affects me significantly less because now I see them as souls, not as people with power over me. It’s like watching people’s interactions and the unfolding of life around me from behind a beautiful screen of empathy, spiritual understanding, and calmness.

This is particularly useful when we have to be around people we are not fond of. Last Christmas I was in Belgium to spend quality time with my family, when I was invited by an old friend to come to a Christmas party at her house. I knew other people would be there who hadn’t always been nice to me, and some of them had been downright offensive. However, because of her time constraints, I also knew this would be my only opportunity to spend time with my dear friend.

The old Christoph would never have considered going to the party. I would have been afraid of nasty remarks from those negative people and going home feeling like I was a total mess. However, the new Christoph remembered that those events took place many years ago and that he wasn’t as fazed by other people’s opinions anymore.

I enthusiastically attended the party. I focused on catching up with my friend and having a wonderful time. I adopted a more neutral attitude toward the other guests, who seemed surprised by it and by my general demeanor of happiness. They actually came over to me to see what my happy vibe was all about!

My friend phoned me the next day to tell me how amazed she had been by the difference in my attitude. She had noticed and enjoyed my high levels of confidence and self-esteem, and she told me it had made the party extra special for her. Her compliment was an extraordinary Christmas gift I hadn’t been expecting!

Of course all this doesn’t mean I always agree with people or approve of their actions. Being on a path of practical spirituality isn’t about becoming everybody’s best friend. But seeing people as unique souls does make my life easier because I manage to shift from feeling bothered to creating a sense of calm in my mind. This allows me to interact with someone in a far less defensive manner.

The next time someone annoys you, look just above their head and imagine a beautiful tiny white light there. As you listen to them going on (and on and on!), focus on the little light radiating love and tranquility. I promise you will be much less affected by their draining energy. In fact, you are now focusing on the Higher Self of that person. On this soul level, you communicate with loving thoughts rather than words. The person’s Higher Self will decide whether or not to absorb the thoughts you are sending. However, if you do it with good intent, it usually will. You will notice a difference in the person’s demeanor. I use this tool all the time, and I find it very helpful.

Think of a challenging person in your life. What is the core issue, and what would you like to see change? Put the book down for a moment. Close your eyes and visualize this person. Give yourself a few seconds to allow any initial hard feelings to ease away. When you are in that space of calm, picture the little bright light of the person’s soul. Talk to it. Introduce yourself. Share your intentions. You will be surprised how much easier things will be the next time you see the individual.

So Far, Soul Good!

Now that we have taken a closer look at where all souls originate from, let’s also talk about why they decide to embark on a journey. Surely the Universal God Source is a pretty wonderful place to be, so why did we make that audacious decision to detach for a while and take on human form? Discovering the answer to this mystery has been very helpful to me when I’ve struggled to make sense of my life. In fact, this may be the only answer you or I ever need.

Every single one of us or, more accurately, every single one of our souls makes a deliberate choice to experience life. We incarnate (take on physical form) for a very good reason. When we are in the Universal God Source, we possess all the knowledge we could ever wish for. Remember how we discovered that we are a part of an all-knowing God? Therefore, our souls are all-knowing. The main reason why a soul decides to take on the miraculous project of coming “down” to Earth is to undergo that which it already knows but hasn’t yet experienced.

Expertise (knowledge) and experience don’t necessarily equate. Just because you know something doesn’t mean you’ve had the opportunity to experience it. For example, I could talk to you for hours about the beauty of South Africa. However, if I’ve never been there physically, how can I fully understand and appreciate the smell of the bush or the magic of the gorgeous landscapes or tell you how it feels to watch a sunset from the top of Table Mountain?

It’s the experience of beingness (taking on form as a human) that adds an extra dimension and depth to the soul’s wisdom. Every soul wants to be. It’s through being that our soul keeps evolving. The deliberate choice to take on life in a human form allows the soul to fulfill its wish list. As you might imagine, this beingness offers the perfect conditions and situation for the soul to experience a variety of states and circumstances.

Let’s take a look at our lives. What are we choosing to discover during our time here? I say choosing because, contrary to popular belief, not everything in our life is predestined. We can always start over or make changes, and we are certainly not on a track that is fixed or that we can’t get off. Here’s a relevant question from a reader of my newsletter and my response to him.

Chris, is everything in my life set in stone? Does it all come down to fate? Is it even worth making an effort?

Tom, Manchester, UK

Summary of This Chapter

• Practical spirituality encourages you to discover and follow your own truths about life.
• Your views and opinions will occasionally change, which is entirely normal. Build a solid Temple of Wisdom for yourself.
• You are always free and empowered to choose what you believe.
• You are an integral part of the Universal God Source.
• You are a soul having an experience of life by taking on a human form.
• Your soul has a self-chosen wish list that serves as the blueprint for your life.
• Flowing into emotional freedom becomes a reality when you learn to see the events, people, and circumstances in your life as opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. Every single experience contributes to the evolution and expansion of your soul.

We are, in fact, not just human beings, but also (and more importantly) souls. We are souls having an experience of life in the form of human beings. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.