How I Came to Write This Report

Most of us live in a highly connected digital world now. Talking about how to prepare for and manage death in this world is not something people generally want to discuss, so I want to give you a bit of background on what prompted me to research and write about this topic. I do recommend that you read through this foreword section, and see how and why this topic became so important to me, and as an example of how a sudden death can affect those you care about. It’s not the happiest feel-good story of the year, so feel free to skip ahead to the practical advice portion, starting with the Introduction, if you wish.

Something that I’ve learned as I’ve gone through life is that we really have no idea how much time we have in our lives. It is far too easy to abstract the topic of death away from ourselves, to think of a sudden death as something that happens to other people but not to us. It’s human nature to deny that this could happen to us or our loved ones. Especially when we are young, we have a feeling of immortality and assume that we have an abundance of time and possibilities, stretched out before us like an empty road. But, the sad and difficult reality is that we have no idea of how much time we actually have on this mortal coil.

I want to tell you a story of this reality smacking my life around, and the life of those close to me. I want to tell you about an amazing man, taken from us far too soon in the blink of an eye. I also want to tell you about his wife, the struggles she faced, how I and others helped her, and the lessons I learned.

The Hamelins

I first met Michael Hamelin in 2005. I was working for an information security product vendor as a sales engineer, and he was on the staff of one of the customers with whom I worked with from time to time. Michael and I quickly became fast friends, and before long I got to know both him and his wife, Beth.

Figure -1. Michael Hamelin

I’m not sure I can really do justice in properly describing Michael the way I knew him. He was a kindred spirit and an amazing person who made a positive impact on my life. He made me a better and smarter person, inspired and supported me, and eventually I thought of him as a brother. To this day, there are things I encounter in my daily life that leads my first thought to be, “Oh, I should call Michael about this, he would dig it.”

Michael was a fascinating and inspiring individual. He had an amazing intellect coupled with a humble and kind spirit. He shared his knowledge in an approachable, open, and humble way. Often the sharpest guy in the room, Michael treated people with kindness, respect, and dignity not always seen in those of great intelligence. Born and raised in Texas, he earned double bachelors in physics and chemistry from the Norwich Military Academy, followed by a master’s degree in nuclear chemistry from Texas A&M University.

While there, he met and eventually married Beth. A respected scientist in her own right, Beth studied chemistry. As a research chemist at the Centers for Disease Control, she does truly meaningful work on critical projects involving dangerous pathogens.

Figure -2. Michael and Beth Hamelin

Michael had the ability to embrace and excel in almost any skill. In spite of all of his science schooling, he shifted gears and became an information security rock star and talented hacker. Very quickly he made a splash in the infosec community, going by the name of HackerJoe. He was a member of the Kenshoto hacker collective, who won the Defcon Capture The Flag competition so many times that the team eventually began designing and running the game instead of participating.

Michael was incredibly insightful and highly entrepreneurial in the IT security industry, earning him many employment opportunities. By 2005, he was the chief security engineer for Resilience Corporation. In 2008, he became the chief security architect for Tufin Technologies. In 2013, he spent nearly two years at IBM as the lead X-force security architect, and in November 2014 finally landed his first chief information security officer (CISO) role for Greensky Credit, a financial company. He was incredibly excited about this new challenge and was looking forward to really making a difference by using all of his background and experience.

He had less than a month in this role before he was killed.

Michael was also a person who really strove to experience life to the fullest. He was a world traveler, having been around the globe many times, and would jump at the chance for some crazy adventure. Once, he wanted to fly to Tokyo for the weekend, because it was his birthday. That was just the kind of guy Michael was.

The Accident

I last saw Michael and Beth shortly before Christmas 2014. We had a great dinner together, at which Michael and I, rudely, dominated the conversation. We couldn’t help talking about hacking, IT security, his new role as a CISO, my upcoming new job, and generally all things nerdy. We made plans to spend New Year’s Eve together, but those plans were not to be.

Michael and Beth were both raised in Texas and most of their family still resides there. During their Christmas break, they flew to Texas for a visit. Michael would never return.

On Sunday morning, December 28, 2014, Michael and Beth were driving westbound along I-20 near Clyde, Texas. They were in a rental car when for reasons that are still not fully known, an eastbound I-20 driver, alone in her car, lost consciousness behind the wheel and hit the Hamelins’ head on. The results were devastating and immediate. The Hamelins’ vehicle was mangled almost beyond recognition.

The first person on the scene, a driver who witnessed the accident, knew immediately that Michael didn’t survive the crash. Beth was, thankfully, not nearly as badly injured. She suffered a concussion, a broken ankle; severe lacerations on her arm, and many bruises and other contusions. The driver who hit them also survived with injuries. First responders to the scene were forced to cut Michael and Beth free of their car, at which point Beth was flown via life-flight to a nearby hospital.

I’ve always been struck by the randomness and chance involved with this accident. Had Michael and Beth left a few seconds earlier, or later, or driven a slightly different speed, they would have avoided the accident. Had the other car hit theirs at a slightly different angle, or at a different location, it’s possible everyone would have survived with minimal injuries. But instead, everything came together in the worst possible way on that Sunday morning, and for no good reason at all, a brilliant life was snuffed out in seconds.

Beth was airlifted from the scene of the accident to a nearby hospital. After she recovered enough to head home, she had to put the pieces of her life together and continue forward with day-to-day tasks that Michael had previously managed.

Many of the lessons and ideas covered in this report came from the struggles and issues Beth encountered while navigating the digital legacy Michael left behind. Like many couples, Beth and Michael had divided up the mundane duties of life, such as bill paying and financial management. In their case, Michael handled nearly all the finances. Though he had no intention to hide anything from Beth, he never considered the possibility of a sudden death and never cross-trained Beth on the necessary but routine tasks involved with their finances. This is just one of many examples of key knowledge lost when Michael passed away.

From the basics of running the home network, to paying bills, to finding shared family photos, she faced a number of very difficult challenges. As I tried to help her work through these challenges, a number of lessons became apparent, which led to this report. Had we known and executed on these ideas ahead of Michael’s death, it would have saved a lot of frustration and difficulties for Beth. A particularly heartbreaking example is that all of the digital photos Michael had taken during their marriage were stored on a hard drive with full-disk encryption. Ultimately, we were never able to recover access to those priceless memories. I hope that I can help others avoid some of the issues she encountered with the information contained in this report.

This report is being written with the full support and input of Beth Hamelin. She feels strongly that the lessons learned and the message of this story is vitally important to share with as many folks as possible. Without her support, I would not be writing this.