CHAPTER 10

FEEDBACK

The Fourth Moment: Feedback

With trust, providing feedback can be comfortable and often produces the results you need. But what about when you’re dealing with a new employee? What about someone you’ve struggled with or another manager’s team member? When you see problems with the behavior of a member of your team, when is the right moment to speak up? Too much feedback, and you’re a micromanager. Not enough, and your people can lose their focus wondering how they are doing.

Your team is the group of people that makes you successful. As the leader, you can see when things are going in the right direction toward the vision. Where you give the feedback matters too. One comment in a meeting in front of everyone can prevent someone from telling you what he really thinks for months, if not forever. As you see your people thrive, you need to provide feedback to reinforce them. When they struggle, you need to provide feedback to correct their behavior. Your team members are trying to fulfill the vision or complete tasks. If you can’t give meaningful feedback, they can’t do their best work.

The Trap

You don’t want to make your people uncomfortable. You think they can’t take it. You don’t tell them what you really think, and then when you do, it comes out wrong. Or you make the opposite mistake: you think your relationship is strong enough for them to hear your criticism, but your criticism is so direct that they become defensive.

Feedback can be a habit that’s as addictive as smoking. When you realize that your teammates will perform better, you will offer it more often. When you know that they won’t be angry and, in fact, they are grateful for your opinion, feedback becomes a normal part of your team. When you deliver your opinion of their work effectively, you help them learn. Not every piece of feedback needs to be given, but keeping critical information to yourself hurts their growth.

But remember the power dynamic. If you are the leader or manager with a higher level of authority, check your ethos. Don’t give feedback as buddies. You’re not their friend; you’re their boss. You control their child’s college tuition. That doesn’t mean that you have to be formal or distant. You have to have a clear pattern you follow consistently so they can hear you invite them to be better on an ordinary day and you can discipline people when they must change.

Did the word discipline trigger you? Even if you are a teacher, discipline is not something most of us like to do. That’s why the format is so important. When you are comfortable delivering feedback, the behaviors change before the more formal communication moments are necessary.

The Format

1.   Describe the specific behavior. You don’t need to sugarcoat it, but an “I statement” is important. “I experienced you” and “I noticed that you” are examples of stock phrases that identify what you want to be different. If you say, “You did this” or “You did that,” the person gets defensive. The royal “We noticed” is condescending. Use an I statement to be direct and specific, and you have the greatest chance of the person understanding what went wrong.

2.   Describe the result of the behavior. You manage a call center. You’ve just described the behavior. “Tom, I’ve noticed that you’re coming in at 9:15 a.m.” Notice that you didn’t say, “coming in 15 minutes late.” That frame immediately creates defensiveness. Imagine that he didn’t know that when he came in mattered to you or the team. At your weekly one-on-one, you bring it up. The next comment needs to be what happens because of the behavior: “The team is getting behind every morning, and our response time to customers is suffering.”

3.   Describe the desired correct behavior. Decide if you need to be didactic or Socratic. The didactic approach is direct. An I statement is usually enough: “I need you here at 8:55.” “We need you here by 8:55” has more authority because it speaks for the team. Use we only when you have to place extra emphasis on the correction. The Socratic approach is more inductive. Ask questions like, “What is getting in the way of arriving at 9:00?” or “Help me understand what’s in the way of arriving at 9:00?” The goal is to help the other person uncover the reasons he struggles so he can make the correction.

Which approach is better? It depends on the urgency and your leadership style. Quick corrections need direct feedback, and questions are better if you have time. Hierarchical leaders are often direct, where flatter leaders more often use a Socratic approach.

These first three points by themselves are feedback. Deliver them in an unapologetic and direct tone. The person you’re talking to will get the message. If you’re delivering feedback for the first time, stop here and ask him, “So what needs to be different in our work together?” He needs to be able to repeat the three points in his own words. If he can’t, he didn’t hear you, and you have to do it again.

4.   Describe your criteria for judgment. Feedback escalates to the formal communication called discipline when you add Steps 4 and 5 of the format. If the person continues to come in late, tell him how you will determine that he is improving. “Tom, when you come in each morning at 8:55, swing by my office first to let me know you’re here.” If the improvement has data attached, let him know the metric you will be tracking. He can’t know what to work on if you aren’t clear about what you are measuring.

5.   Describe the consequences of repeat behavior. This is the most difficult step for most managers because it makes most of us uncomfortable. It doesn’t have to be. People can’t succeed if you don’t tell them what will happen if they don’t change the way they work. “Tom, if you’re not in my office at 8:55 every morning this week, we’ll explore helping you find a work environment that better fits your work style.”

Consequences need to be understood, believed, and cared about. If people don’t get what will happen if they don’t change, they can’t alter their behavior. If they think you are bluffing, they won’t alter their behavior. If they don’t care, they can’t even begin to appreciate what needs to be different. Consequences have to be clear, real, and matter to make a difference.

This collective approach is so simple and so practical that it seems silly. Now check the last time you wanted someone to work differently. Did you tell him? If you did, how did you tell him? Did his performance change? When you use this format repeatedly, if his performance doesn’t change, you know that he may not be right for your team.

I Shouldn’t Have to Tell Him

If you’re a leader or a manager, you don’t want to have to tell your people what they are doing wrong. You’re not their parent. They should just know. They should take ownership of the work that needs to get done and be as excited to excel as you are. They may be and simply may not understand your expectations. Or they may not be, and you need to figure out what’s causing their poor performance. Either way, they can’t read your mind.

Ironically it is by honestly and constructively telling people what they do wrong and how to improve that relationships get better over time. It starts with simple conversations about your most basic expectations. When Tom from the previous section keeps coming in late, he’s probably not doing it on purpose. And even if it’s happening because he is careless, does he truly understand that he always needs to arrive at 8:55? The way you have this conversation builds the trust you need so that when you ask for something in the future, it happens without constant follow-up.

For instance, instead of a call center, suppose you manage a bank. In giving Tom feedback, you say, “I need to talk to you about when you come into the office. When you do that, people look at you like you’re getting special treatment. I’d like you to get here a few minutes early so that we can change that perception.” Notice the framing.

Step 1. Describe the specific behavior. Again, telling him that he’s late creates defensiveness, whereas talking about when he comes into the office gives you a chance to get into the behavior.

Step 2. Describe the result of the behavior. Your focusing on the perception caused by what he is doing allows him to see that. While he didn’t realize it, his present hours prevent him from building effective relationships with the other members of the team.

Step 3. Describe the desired correct behavior. Getting here a few minutes early so that he can change the perception isn’t threatening. It’s direct and clear about what you need and what will happen to his ethos with his coworkers when he works differently.

Most managers struggle to deliver this kind of direct message, but let’s say that you give feedback this clearly as soon as the right arena presents itself. Let’s also say that this is the third time you’ve had the exact same conversation. You say, “I love the work you’re doing on [name a specific project], and I don’t want this to get in the way. I want you to call me at 8:30 for the next two weeks to make sure everything is going smoothly. I’m not doing this because I want to be a jerk, but if your arrival time doesn’t change, this will affect your performance review and your year-end bonus.”

Step 4. Describe your criteria for judgment. Notice the validation before asking for a phone call. Make your teammate do the work, but let him know what you’re looking for. You didn’t say for a few weeks, you said for two weeks because when you are disciplining someone, you have to be specific.

Step 5. Describe the consequences of repeat behavior. Saying that it will affect his performance review is the truth. Tell him. If you don’t tell him what is going to happen, he can’t change. We’re repeating this advice because it is so rarely followed. No member of your team should ever be surprised by your expectations. If someone is, you never told him exactly what will happen if he doesn’t perform.

Your best employees will respond immediately to criticism given in this format, but two-thirds of your team aren’t your best. They need the format even more so that they get used to how you deliver information on what they need to improve. This produces one of two exceptionally important results: they perform better, or, if they can’t, don’t, or won’t, they won’t be surprised when you invite them to explore a new work environment where they can succeed.

This doesn’t just come to you. When you’re going to have a feedback conversation, go into your office and decide, “How am I going to follow the five steps?” Test out the conversation with a colleague or a trusted advisor to see if you are using any loaded words that will distract from your message. Is this just feedback, or is it more serious and it’s time to help the person discipline his behavior?

Sometimes, after writing out what you want to say and practicing it, you realize that this is not a moment for feedback. Maybe defensive persuasion or another technique would be better. We hear the word discipline and think of children getting punished; this is about performance improvement. You’re not punishing someone when you tell him what you’ll measure and what consequences will follow continued failures. You give the person an insanely clear chance to succeed.

As you decide your frames, write them out. You can’t just do this off the cuff, even if you know the format by heart. Write the frames as if you’re preparing the frames of a meeting. Then practice your delivery into your smartphone. Listen for your tone. Does it match your meaning? Do you sound the way your father did when he criticized you? Laugh at yourself, and then find the respectful voice that will connect to your employee. Your preparation is a sign of your strength and your desire to be a master communicator.

How to Give Effective Direct Feedback: Mark Russell

Mark Russell is a turnaround expert. “When I come in,” he told us, “the existing executive management team either is not well formulated or lacks clear accountability. In either case, to execute a successful turnaround effort, you need a clear vision and a hill to climb together. I always stress that my job is to help fix things. It is my team’s job to fix them.”

If having a hill to climb together is part of Russell’s mission, communication at Wunderman Team Detroit, where Russell was president for five years, was a mountain. He managed 350 team members providing all of the digital and direct marketing for Ford Motor Corporation and several divisions within it. Adding to the complexity, Wunderman was one of the five marketing agencies owned by parent company WPP working collaboratively on Ford’s marketing efforts (the others were JWT, Young & Rubicam, Ogilvy & Mather, and MindShare).

The challenge within any agency of this magnitude, where innovation is paramount and creativity is a collaborative project across several teams, is making sure that communication flows to all employees. Every team must know what the others are doing and share constant feedback. Russell noted that:

Some team members have exclusionary tendencies and like to take the ball and run with it. Working with over a thousand people and multiple sister agencies, we needed inclusive behavior and collaborative process; doing anything in a vacuum does not work. If you neglect to bring people along with your deliverables, get buy-in, input, and feedback throughout the process, things can and will break down.

When that has happened, I have had to sit down with that individual or team and point out the result, the ripple effects it had throughout the agency, and how much time it took to correct and fix it.

A major challenge for a leader in a turnaround situation or during the course of everyday business is to deliver feedback so that the team or individual understands what needs to be changed. Russell observed:

It’s a fallacy that there are born leaders. Leadership is learned. Leadership is about relationships. A good leader must clearly understand their individual team members and what motivates them. He or she must understand how each person thinks, why they behave a particular way, respect where they come from, and consider their perspective. By doing so the leader will build a relationship of trust, can deliver constructive, motivating feedback, and can coach individuals into the mindset that this is a team sport.

When someone is particularly a challenge, the setup is all-important. You must get this person into a mindset where they understand the context of where you’re coming from. Then, knowing that you are dealing with a particular individual, understand that one approach to feedback does not fit all. You must tailor the delivery and message so that it can be well received. Lastly, “perception is reality.” Following feedback, many people will come back with excuses for what happened. If they argue the feedback, I present it in a way where it’s not really an option. I say whether or not you think you’re justified, it doesn’t matter: Here is the criticism; these are the perceptions of what people are telling me. This is how you were perceived. Perception is reality.

Russell knows the risk of not giving effective feedback:

I think the leadership roles I play are “elected positions.” I’m voted in, and if my constituency is not happy with my decisions, then I may get voted out, as I should. At the end of the day, it is about the health of the agency.

Ultimately, my management team becomes a reflection of my core beliefs and process. This change takes time and consistent reinforcement. I provide a clear message and a context about why I require people to approach things as I do. By doing so, I mold a group of highly motivated individuals into a cohesive team, and together we climb our next hill.

Feedback Builds Trust

What Tone Should I Use?

In the military or in a life-or-death situation like an emergency room, you use a commanding tone. You give clear, aggressive direction as the situation demands. In most work environments, however, if you yell at people, or if you speak to them like an unhappy adult from their childhood, they will stop trusting you.

You want to match your tone to the situation. If you’re too demanding in your tone, it can weaken their trust. When you ask someone questions in a genuinely curious tone to explore what you want him to do differently, he will be less defensive. Instead of feeling that you have to reprimand the person, you get to figure out what will improve the situation next time.

Give the person a chance to discuss what went wrong in his own words. Create a dialogue on why this is happening, and what he can do about it himself. As you engage in that dialogue, let the format’s structure guide you. Take your time. The format will ensure that feedback is effectively delivered. Your willingness to discuss what happened will lower his defensiveness and increase the chance of behavioral change.

Performance Reviews

Performance reviews are the perfect example of what goes wrong in organizations. When reviews are done well, they improve engagement. Done poorly, they damage relationships. There are best practices for reviews no matter what your company’s platform or style.

The golden rule with a performance review is “no surprises.” Your teammate comes in with anxiety, hoping for a good score and perhaps a bonus. If you have a judgmental opinion of his performance over the past month, six months, or year, it can’t come out for the first time in a review. Not only will the person either shut down or get angry, he will tell the world what a terrible leader you are.

This is easily avoided. Stay in touch with your teammates throughout each quarter. Make the time to take them to lunch or have informal feedback sessions. Some managers hold weekly check-ins just to stay connected. You can use the formal performance review as a tool to make sure your feedback is clear. You can say something like, “Your formal performance review is in two months. If I had to score you today, it would be a 3. I’d love to see you at a 5, and here is what I need to see you do.” With this approach, your teammate knows what your goals for him are, and he can do something about it. Plan regular feedback so that the performance review is “just another meeting.”

With no surprises and appropriate anxiety, this is still a conversation about money and the future. Make the review a chance to explore where your colleague wants to go professionally. If you make the review about the future and regular check-ins about improvement and generating good ideas, you will see your relationships strengthen and performance rise. We’ve seen this not only in the United States but also around the world. The corporate culture that makes performance improvement a regular topic of conversation allows feedback, done well, to become a driver of better results.

Should You Criticize Your Boss?

The president of an international multibillion-dollar Asian company in the camera and film industry enjoys public speaking. He engaged a communication advisor to strengthen and develop his style. As he finished up his practice speech, he reached the part where he thanked certain individuals. When he said, “Thank you,” because he was speaking English with a thick Asian accent, the word thank sounded like a well-known four-letter expletive. His advisor almost fell out of her seat. Of course, she stopped him immediately, and shared with him what word he appeared to be producing. He did not understand what he was doing wrong, so she wrote down the word on a piece of paper.

He did not say a word. He sat back in his chair and stared at her in anger for about three minutes. He was not angry with her. In fact, she became a friend for life. He was angry with his direct reports. They knew that his accent was creating an embarrassing moment, maybe even damaging his ethos. They had not told him. His staff members were so afraid of him that they could not provide the feedback he needed. He pondered this as he reflected on the various strange looks he had received in the past. He frowned as he processed how many times he had insulted people.

Giving Feedback to Your Boss

The same format works when you give feedback to your boss or someone in a higher position in your organization. Where you do it, however, is paramount. Talk to him in private first. This is different from disagreeing. If you disagree with your boss, and your culture wants people to speak up immediately, frame your challenge and let the debate begin.

Feedback is different. In an ideal world, senior management wants regular direct, deductive feedback. If you’re not in that situation, you need to be more strategic. For instance, suppose you’re a vice president of operations. The problem is that your CEO has not been present, and it’s affecting morale. You’re in a 150-person business that has doubled in size in the last year. You’re in a fund-raising cycle, so the CEO has been meeting with potential investors all over the world. But you keep hearing comments from people wondering where he’s been. The reality is simple: he used to manage by walking around. With so many new employees, he can’t have as much face time with everyone. That doesn’t change the perception. He’s losing ethos, and you can help.

Use the first three steps of the feedback format and have a personal conversation. Open with a validation about the fund-raising. Ask him to tell you what he’s been doing. This immediately proves that you know how hard he has been working. Bosses need that from their teams as much as every other teammate does. Then name the behavior: “Folks have noticed that you’re not around as much.” Cite the result: “I’m hearing people wonder if something’s wrong.” The final step is the key. Talk about how you hope to work together to change the perception. “I wanted to explore how we can maximize the impact of your face time so that people get the benefit of your leadership.” When you approach your boss as a partner wanting to explore how to make him more effective, your ethos goes up, and you improve the culture where you work.

Should I Ever Single Someone Out in a Meeting?

Yes, if the person is being disruptive in a public way and needs to stop. Yes, in a small, highly competitive environment where the employees are so committed that the public humiliation will drive them to do better. Calling someone out in a meeting can also work if your employee is an ethos- and power-motivated person, who will see aggressive public feedback as a sign of respect that pushes him to perform better.

But this is a specific personality type. If you don’t already understand this kind of person, if what we’re saying doesn’t make sense to you, don’t single someone out. A military drill instructor uses angry, penetrating tones to embarrass someone so that he doesn’t make the same mistake again. In almost every other environment, this tactic will backfire. Managers get confused. You think being a tough manager means holding people accountable. So you play tough with a member of your team at a meeting. Feedback only works if it is heard. A culture of feedback is only effective when the direct criticism has appropriate tone and the team believes you want them all to improve. When you call someone out, and they aren’t ready, your ethos goes down.

How Do You Know the Format Worked?

People’s behavior changes. They can repeat what you told them and why it matters in their own words. At the end of any feedback session, you want to ask, “What are the most important points from our conversation?” If the first three steps of the format worked, the person will be able to tell you what needs to be different, what problem his behavior was causing, and how he is going to work more effectively. If it’s a discipline situation, he will also be able to tell you how you are going to measure the change and what’s on the line if he can’t or won’t improve. If people can’t repeat back the steps of the format, continue the conversation until they can. Mutual clarity is the first key to behavior change.