All too well, I know what it feels like to reach for perfection and define your worth by action and achievement alone. I was a straight A student and never got a B from the 6th grade through graduate school. This academic track record is rooted in my thinking that being loved and being worthy were predicated on achieving and producing. All of my self-worth was rooted in what I did and less about who I was. I carried this frame of mind into my professional life, where it became a huge hurdle.

With an inability to empower people and watch them grow, I finally realized that placing such value on what I singularly did was really the opposite of leadership. It came from a good place, but I was not making the people around me better as long as I was insisting on doing it all by myself. When I think of my own journey, and now I have the absolute privilege of being a VP in a really big company, none of this would have been possible without figuring out that I didn’t have to do it all. Unknowingly, I had been functioning in a selfish way. It was a hard reality check for me when I realized I was hurting people around me and limiting their ability to grow. That I was over-rowing and feeling overwhelmed, which effectively impeded my ability to lead.

As soon as I got that, everything shifted. When I started to derive my joy and satisfaction from watching others step into new things and do certain things that historically I had done, that was a huge shift. Everything changed.

Now that I have the language for it, thanks to Susan, the best way I can describe the Inner Critic and what I want to say to women I work with, mentor, coach, or partner with is: “If you could only see yourself the way I see you!” I see their own Inner Critics playing out every day, holding them back from their capacity and contributions.

The biggest hurdle these women face is holding themselves back as a result of the other hurdles described in Susan’s book: proving your value, clarity, recognized confidence, and more. Yes, there are systems that make advancement more difficult sometimes, but consider the following example as a snapshot of what we’re up against when it comes to the Inner Critic leaving a trail of damage and destruction if left unchecked:

When a company like Toyota ventures down the road of doing formal sponsorship, such as our women’s advancement program, Success Share, it’s an immense undertaking. Before this program manifested, the most pressing consideration (and I’ve heard this from other companies, too) was, if we ordain these women as being worthy of sponsorship and advancing their careers, then they are going to feel entitled. What if we can’t deliver on this promise? With Susan as my witness, this could not have been further from the truth.

We launched the program, notified the selected women, superior performers who should have already been operating a level above where they were, and brought them into the room on the first day. Susan opened the event with, “How did you feel when Kim called you to inform you that you were going to be part of this inaugural program, Success Share?” The outcome was unbelievable to me, and I will never forget this. She went person to person and two reactions were consistent: There were tears. Partially of gratitude and partially from feeling unworthy. Again, these are the best of the best, and their initial response was, “Wait! It’s me?” Then the next question out of their mouths was, “How much more can I do to make sure that I prove I was the right choice? How much harder can I work?”

As a leader of HR, the reason this example is so important is the scale of that untapped contribution from 20 high-achieving women who didn’t feel worthy. How many people aren’t stepping into the right position because they aren’t sure of their skills or impact?

This concept of recognizing how much you are capable of and giving all you have to give is quite significant. As I looked at all these women, again I thought, If you saw yourself the way I do! At the end of that year, because we focused on the hurdles and Linkage’s outstanding model, we talked about recognized confidence, having clarity, and making the ask. With this level of self-awareness and a new language assigned to their own challenges, I saw these women blossom.

HR is my passion. Every job I’ve done, 11 or 12 roles over the years, I loved. This is my purpose so, when I got promoted to VP recently, I was full of clarity and confidence. Not long after my appointment, I learned that we would be moving our headquarters from California to Texas. Everything about this move would impact people. Their lives would be turned upside down. Would they move to a new state and stay with Toyota? For most people, there is no easy answer. Then my Inner Critic seized the moment. “How will you make sure you do this right? You’re not prepared for this—you’ve never led a company through this specific challenge! And you will be leading a team to support the organization and they will have the same life-altering decisions. You’re not the right person!”

For twenty-four hours, I did this painful wrangling with myself.

Then my rational side took over, reminding me of Susan’s talk at Linkage’s Women in Leadership Institute™. I pushed PAUSE. My Compassionate Center took hold. I realized:

“Kim, no, you have never done this before, but you care so deeply about the people who work here and the values we live and breathe at Toyota. Who you are and what you bring will see you through.” There was this shift. I could do this! It was the training, language, education, and self-awareness—not only in what I would feel challenged by, but also being able to claim what I’m good at—that allowed me to step up and tackle this hurdle. I will never again have a career experience that has stakes that high or such huge implications for a company and for literally thousands of people. That is just a recent example of what mastering these hurdles meant for me.

Susan has taught me how to pause when my Inner Critic takes over. Now, I literally think of that red PAUSE button in my head and push it! It helps me stop. By listening more rather than thinking I’m right, I can get the most out of what others have to offer. And by articulating my thoughts rather than stewing in feeling not good enough, I ensure that I’m not withholding something of value I can contribute. It sounds simple, but it has been extremely meaningful.

Susan’s impact, her insight, her honesty and willingness to speak the truth, without exception, is very easily taken in, in a loving way. I have seen people’s lives change. Watching Susan’s impact, insight, and coaching, not just with others but with me, has made people’s lives better. When you’re better at work and contributing in a way that makes a difference, when you’re being stretched, when you’re accomplishing things that are meaningful, when someone believes in you, you’re a better parent and partner. This is work that changes people’s lives. Not just by making them effective at work, but more effective in all facets of our lives. When you unburden yourself of all that self-talk and criticism, you’ll be better everywhere.

This stuff matters. It genuinely changes people’s lives. That is what gets me out of bed every morning. I care about our business. We are a for-profit company. We do amazing things for the world, no question. At the end of the day though, touching people’s lives every day and knowing people are better in some way, that is this work. Then there are the business benefits. People are bringing everything they have to offer. You move the company forward in ways you can’t put a price tag on.

Susan’s very specific role is that she has an unbelievable gift: being able to put words to things that people have a hard time articulating, and attaching language to them that enables us to work through things in a different way or put a label on them so you can let go and move past them. Her ability to sift through the clutter and get to the heart of the matter is like no one I have ever encountered. This book encompasses all that Susan offers, and it will make you better.

KIM CERDA

Vice President, Human Resources and Operational Excellence

Toyota Financial Services