Developing Self-Confidence in Meetings
According to the Guinness Book of Lists, 54 percent of adults put the fear of public speaking ahead of the fear of death among life’s greatest fears. This applies to people participating in meetings and speaking up in front of their peers. In many cases, people are so shy and fearful that they sit quietly throughout the meeting, hoping not to be noticed.
Sometimes I start my presentations by telling my audience that the fear of public speaking is one of the most traumatic fears of all and that it often holds people back from achieving all that is possible for them. I tell them, “Let me demonstrate this fear and how it holds people back.”
I then say, “Later in this presentation, I am going to pick someone from the audience to come up here on the stage and give us a short presentation on what they have learned and what they are going to do differently as a result of this talk.”
I let my eyes sweep over the audience, going from person to person as though I am trying to decide which of these audience participants I will bring up onto the stage to speak. The audience will go dead silent. I will then ask, “How did you feel when I told you that I might be calling you up here to speak in front of this audience?”
Most people will say, “I sure hope it isn’t me!”
Speaking Can Be Terrifying
The very thought of having to stand up and speak in front of your peers, or even worse, an audience of strangers, can be traumatizing. Your stomach will churn. Your heart will race. Your mind will go blank. You will begin to sweat.
However, your ability to speak up and speak clearly, to make your point and to persuade others to your point of view, can accelerate your career and put you onto the fast track in your company.
You need to make a decision to overcome shyness or the fear of public speaking. You must make a business decision to become excellent at speaking in front of other people.
Do What You Fear
Ralph Waldo Emerson talks about walking down the street in Concord, Massachusetts, as a young man. A piece of paper blew against his leg. He reached down, picked it up, and read the words, “Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” Emerson said that those words changed his life.
In psychology, we know that the only way for you to overcome a fear of any kind is to do what you are afraid to do. Very often, your greatest success lies on the other side of your greatest fear. If you can push through it, not only can you be even more successful, but you can eliminate other fears that may be holding you back as well.
Toastmasters or Dale Carnegie
The way that you overcome the fear of speaking up in meetings is to join a local chapter of Toastmasters International or to take a Dale Carnegie course in public speaking. I have met people all over the world who have transformed their lives in just a few weeks by attending these meetings and getting an opportunity to speak at them.
This is called the “process of systematic desensitization.” When you do something over and over again, eventually you lose your fear of doing it. When you join one of these organizations, you will have an opportunity to stand up and say a few words each week to the other members of your group. At first, you may be nervous and fearful. But after the second or third week, you find yourself speaking in front of people, each of whom you know by their first name. It is like a small “business family.” Your fear goes away.
The Inverse Relationship
There is an inverse relationship between fear and self-confidence. As your self-confidence increases as the result of your successful experiences, your fear goes down in equal proportion. Soon you reach the point where you are totally unafraid to speak up and express yourself with any group, on almost any subject.
In addition, there are many good books and audio courses on public speaking. The improvements can be quick and permanent. Within six months of beginning to learn to speak by attending regular meetings, and both reading and listening to books and audios on the subject, you will be able to speak up in front of an audience of any kind, and speak with both confidence and clarity.
The Speaker’s Academy
In our Speaker’s Academy, we teach people how to prepare mentally and emotionally for an upcoming talk or presentation. The most important part of preparation is visualization.
You create a clear mental picture of yourself speaking calmly and confidently in front of your peers, and you replay this picture on the screen of your mind over and over again until it is accepted as a template by your subconscious mind. Then, the next time you find yourself in a meeting, your subconscious mind will show you the confidence and courage you need to turn your inner picture into your outer reality.
Speak Up at Meetings
There is a rule that the people who speak first in a meeting usually end up having the greatest influence on the outcome of the meeting as it proceeds. This is why you should resolve to speak up clearly within five minutes of the beginning of the meeting, whatever the subject.
Remember the old adage: The person who asks questions has control. By asking a clear question of the meeting leader, or of another key person who is making a point, you can establish yourself as thoughtful, intelligent, and fully engaged in the meeting. By asking a good question, people see you as a “player” in the meeting. In addition, the person of whom you are asking the question sees you as an important person and influence and will often begin to address you regularly throughout the meeting to ensure your understanding and support.
An advantage of speaking up early in the meeting is that thereafter you will be far more confident in speaking up whenever you have a question or observation.
There is another rule that says, “The person who does not contribute to a meeting is considered to have nothing to contribute.” When someone sits quietly in a meeting because they are too shy or insecure to speak up, eventually the other participants at the meeting conclude that this person has nothing of value to add to the subject. This is not a perception that you wish to project.
One final point: When you develop the ability to speak confidently and competently on your feet, without even realizing it you develop far higher levels of confidence and competence when it comes to speaking one-on-one or in any kind of meeting within your business or organization. This ability increases your level of self-confidence and selfassurance in every interaction with other people, in your personal life and in business.