Conduct the Meeting

With your prep work behind you, it’s time to transform those efforts into a great meeting with tangible accomplishments. When you log off after leading a productive discussion or resolving a difficult problem, you’ll feel exhilaration and relief. But to get to that result, you’ll need to be “on” in the meeting: mediating conflict, clarifying misunderstandings, enforcing rules, and maintaining the group’s momentum. It’s hard work. In this chapter, you’ll learn best practices for each phase of the interaction.

Just before the meeting starts

For you, this meeting starts early—by at least 15 minutes. As with a traditional appointment, you’ll prepare your physical space to maximize participants’ comfort and communicativeness, and then help every one settle in as they arrive.

Set up the room. Do this whether you’re dialing in alone or hosting a handful of attendees in person. Clear your workspace of distractions, and set out the materials you need to run the meeting. If others are joining you, rearrange chairs, check the room’s temperature, make space for them to open a laptop, a notepad, or any other items they’ll need. If you’re all using the same phone to attend the meeting, position that device where everyone can easily hear and be heard.

Video meetings may require some additional tinkering: Does the camera capture everyone in the room? If anyone is backlit or weirdly foregrounded, looming over the rest of the group or over the lens itself, reposition the camera. Pick an angle that minimizes visual distractions for other viewers. For example, if there’s a window behind you with a lot of activity on the other side, choose a different background.

Log in early. Whether you’re doing a teleconference or a phone call, open up the line a couple minutes ahead of schedule, and hang around while people filter in. If it’s a small group, use this opportunity to model the kind of collegiality you want to see during the meeting itself: “Hi, Desmond! How was the game this weekend?” “Maria, looks like a gray day there. What’s the weather been like?” You don’t have to make brilliant conversation—just the small talk you would if you were all gathering in one room. Not only will these pleasantries set the tone, they also give your attendees the opportunity to casually interact without taking time out of the meeting itself.

With bigger groups, this kind of exchange is impracticable, especially on a conference call or over chat. Instead, consider planning a short warm-up that people can do silently when they join the meeting. Since people often don’t read prep materials ahead of time, start the meeting with some quiet reading time, where members spend a few minutes reviewing the material you shared over e-mail. Or use the time to share updates: Before the meeting, ask everyone to send in a sentence about their work, and then share the list digitally right before the meeting starts, so that people can view, add their own updates, and discuss it while stragglers trickle in.

Open the meeting

The first moments of a meeting are powerful, so don’t squander them on a litany of logistics. True, you need to communicate a lot of information before you can get to the meat of the meeting. But be thoughtful about how you organize your approach.

Start with purpose. Reaffirm your shared goals. What are you trying to accomplish together? What motivations do you share? Raising these themes at the outset builds a sense of urgency and frames the discussion that follows.

Set the tone. As you outline your goals for the meeting, it’s OK to characterize your emotional state openly. Are you optimistic and excited about a project? Frustrated but determined to muddle through? Say so. And while you want to lead with the positive, you also want to be genuine. If you’re feeling demotivated, chances are that other people are, too. By acknowledging these emotions, you can shape their effect on the rest of the conversation. So, when you must express ambivalent or negative emotions, adopt a future-oriented, active mind-set: “This situation is so difficult . . . but I believe there are concrete actions we can take to make it better.”

Connect people. Ideally, you’ve fostered some informal chitchat between participants before the meeting officially started. Now, carve out some time so that the participants can identify themselves and explain their meeting roles (presenter, note taker, and so on). These IDs are an easy way to build rapport before you move into weightier matters, and they give everyone a chance to participate in the conversation from the start.

Reiterate key information. Go over the agenda briefly (“We’ll start by revisiting last week’s sales items, and then Maria will present a draft of her report for our input”), or ask an attendee to describe the materials they’ve shared (“Can you summarize the recommendation you’ve made in a sentence or two?”). Then hit the most important process and etiquette points you already shared with your advance materials—in less than a minute, if you can. “Remember, no multitasking, and log your questions on the chat channel so Nicole can facilitate the discussion. Let’s try not to interrupt each other, but if we’re going long or the conversation gets a little hairy, Mahmoud or I will jump in.” Don’t recite the whole code of conduct—just what matters most to you.

Get going. Keep the introductory comments outlined above to a minimum, especially if you’re the only one talking. Otherwise, folks can easily zone out if it seems like nothing is happening. Unless you must address major issues, such as a new crisis, you should be into your first agenda item within a few minutes.

Facilitate the discussion

In virtual meetings, as in traditional ones, active moderation is everything. Let people ramble on, and you lose the thread of the conversation—and the group’s attention. But cutting people off too soon can suppress engagement and damage morale. To find the sweet spot, actively enforce time boundaries and solicit group input. (See the sidebar “Sample Language for Facilitators” for more ways to gracefully shepherd the conversation.)

Stay on track. Your agenda allots a certain amount of time to each item. Stick to this plan. If an important, time-sensitive issue is more complex than you anticipated and requires additional discussion, you may have to create more time for this issue by offloading another topic to a later meeting or scheduling a follow-up.

Record action items and tangents. When new, related issues emerge from a discussion of items on your official agenda, track them, as well as any other tangents that come up using an action-item list. Document unanswered questions, ideas that weren’t pursued, and unresolved disagreements, as well as any participant promises (“I’ll report back to the team with those numbers after the call”). Consider making this document public, viewable by other attendees during the call. They can add their own items and see their contributions validated even though you had to redirect the conversation back to the agenda in the meeting itself.

That validation is important, because participants may have a hard time hearing “Not relevant! Moving on!,” especially when these messages are stripped of any friendly physical cues. If participants become angry or anxious, however, address those feelings directly before they derail the whole conversation. Capturing their concerns and having them agree that you’ve documented them appropriately can help move the discussion forward.

Hear from everyone

Each attendee has something to offer to the conversation—that’s why you invited them. But the dynamic between the in-person and remote attendees can worsen conversational imbalances. Quiet people withdraw even further without clear social cues, while blowhards use the lack of feedback as a license to talk over everyone. If you’re leading a mixed meeting, the attendees in the room may carry on their own conversation quite happily, leaving no way for remote folks to jump in.

Create a healthy, open dynamic by posing directed questions and gently curbing overparticipation. Build in regular pauses for group input, calling out attendees or locales by name: “Folks in the New Delhi office, are you on board with this idea? Shelly, can you take the room’s temperature?” For people whose participation is slightly outside the norm, however, you may need to tailor your tactics.

With quiet people, draw on their existing knowledge with specific questions. Address them by name, so they’re sure of who you’re talking to, and try prompts such as:

• “Anyara, what has your experience been with this issue?”

• “Will, you’ve had the longest relationship with this client. Have you encountered this problem with it before?”

• “Suki, I think you went through something similar to this on your last project. What worked for you?”

When someone is dominating the conversation, acknowledge that person’s point of view, then pivot to a new topic or question:

• “I want to get back to this at the end of the meeting if we have time. For now, let’s focus on X.”

• “I hear your point. Does anyone else have a response to it?”

• “We’ve gotten good input from the yea side of this question. Can we hear from the nays?”

If someone repeatedly talks out of turn, interrupting others and throwing off the group’s rhythm, be blunt but polite:

• “Let’s talk one at a time. Alice, you were saying?”

• “Please hold questions until the end of the presentation.”

• “That’s off topic. Right now, we’re concerned with X.”

Control the tone

As you monitor the flow of ideas, keep an eye on the flow of emotions. Are group interactions civil? Do people feel good about what’s happening in the meeting, or do they feel left out, skeptical, and angry? These questions matter because no group can do good work in a bad mood. If people feel snubbed, disrespected, or panicky, they won’t contribute meaningfully in the moment, and they may not support your plans afterward. There are several ways to keep the conversation productive.

Listen for tonal shifts. Sometimes, escalating behavior, such as yelling, makes it obvious that the mood of the group is changing. But you’ll have to listen for other cues, too, such as when an enthusiastic participant gradually falls silent or a normally laid-back participant suddenly becomes extremely invested in an argument. Did someone abruptly concede a point (“Well, whatever you say”)? Look for anomalies—moments where people seem to deviate from what you’d expect from them.

When you notice something unusual, ask the person about it directly: “You seem very concerned about the project timeline. What’s driving that?” or “You’ve been fairly quiet. What’s going on in your mind right now?” You might not get a reassuring response. But whatever is causing the behavior change, you risk doing more damage by leaving the issue unaddressed than if you bring it out into the open.

Check out-of-bounds behavior. When someone violates group norms, call them out on it. You don’t have to be aggressive (“I can’t believe you said that!”), but you should head off bad behavior early and say something. Name the problem, then quickly redirect: “Jeff, you’re interrupting Gabriel. Gabriel, can you repeat that comment?” You owe it to the rest of the group to uphold the ground rules you set at the beginning of the meeting. This recommendation applies to every thing from antisocial behavior, such as bullying, to simple obliviousness, such as exceeding time on a presentation.

Keep calm. Things will go wrong. The unexpected will happen. Don’t let these incidents rattle you. Your mood is contagious: If you become agitated or upset, the rest of the group will, too. But if you can shrug off awkwardness and interruption, you’ll put everyone at ease.

If you need to ask someone to fix a problem, go through a private channel if possible, such as text or chat, and help the person save face: “Your microphone is acting up, amplifying background noises like your breathing. Is there anything you can do on your end to fix that?” If you must say something while the whole group listens in, choose your words to minimize the embarrassment to your colleague: “I want to remind everyone that while we want to keep the mute button off, if you’re experiencing background noise that might distract other folks, go ahead and silence your mic.”

Close the meeting

The best way to close a meeting is on time. Still, you want to use these last few moments for more than “Thanks! Till next week.” To double-down on your team’s alignment and supply a powerful sense of momentum for next steps, use the following tactics.

Agree on next steps. Ask the group, “What will we do by our next meeting to ensure progress?” Lay out the specific commitments each member of the group is making. Create a list of tasks or responsibilities, attached to a name and a timeline. “Heba is going to put together a budget for this project list by March 1, and then Damian and Thien will start working up a prototype for our next meeting on March 15.” It’s crucial to have this conversation during the meeting itself. Working at a distance makes it significantly more difficult to follow up with people who don’t particularly want to make themselves available (more on that in a moment), but a verbal commitment activates a sense of obligation in most people.

As you’re making plans, periodically check to make sure that everyone is onboard with the group’s conclusions. Ask direct questions, maybe even person by person:

• “Is there anything else anyone needs to say or ask before we finalize this plan?”

• “Are you comfortable with where we ended up?”

• “What would it take for you to be OK with this?”

Articulate the value of what you’ve accomplished. Just as you opened your meeting by reviewing your shared purpose, close by reminding them why this work is important: “We’ve planned a recruitment strategy for key company positions. Filling those roles will make a big difference in the company’s stability and in our ability to carry out initiatives dear to all of our hearts. Great job, all!”

Technology makes it easy for people to do a slow fade-out, so at this point your colleagues might already be shifting their attention, waiting for the cue to say good-bye and hang up. Don’t let that happen—you’ll lose out on a crucial opportunity to fortify their motivation. Instead, flip the script and invite them to give this benediction. For example, ask each person to say one thing the meeting has done for them: “I’m going to be thinking about Jason’s presentation as I prepare for my next client meeting” or “I’m glad I got to air my questions about the spring exhibition and help shape our plan for the next phase of this project.”

Follow up

E-mail the participants shortly after your meeting (ideally, no later than the next day), just as you would for an in-person meeting. But with virtual meetings, you can’t stop by participants’ desks or catch them on the way to the break room, so this e-mail makes your expectations visible and helps hold people accountable. Document and share the specific decisions and outcomes you arrived at, note who’s responsible for follow-up tasks, and clarify when the tasks must be completed. Figure 2 shows a sample follow-up note. Include a copy of the scribe’s notes or a recording of the meeting, if you have it. Then, check in (repeatedly, as necessary) through different channels such as text or IM or a casual phone call until everyone has met their commitments.

FIGURE 2

In general, keep your tone positive so it doesn’t sound as if you’re micromanaging them, and close with an offer to help: “Do you need anything from me to complete this?” If they’re unresponsive or don’t seem to be making progress, your best bet is to own your concern openly. Distance makes this sort of directness necessary, but you can lessen the negativity by offering support. If you know that this person has a lot of other stuff going on right now, acknowledge this generously: “I know you’re under a lot of pressure with the board meeting coming up, and I appreciate your willingness to put this on your plate, too. But I’m worried that I haven’t received an answer from you to my e-mails and texts last week. What’s going on? And how can I help you move forward?”

Leading a successful meeting requires energy and presence of mind. Sometimes this role is great fun, especially when you’re working with an engaged, enthusiastic crowd that’s playing off one another. Sometimes it’s stressful, such as when your colleagues disagree vehemently or when no one seems to care. These are difficult moments, but well within the bounds of normal. Sometimes, however, you’ll face more unusual situations. In the next chapter, you’ll learn how to deal with two challenges that are slightly beyond the scope of regular virtual meeting logistics.