9
Self-Awareness
You know far less about yourself than you feel you do.
—Daniel Kahneman
Ultra-high performers (UHPs) are not perfect. In fact, they are far from perfect. They have the same issues, foibles, and hang-ups as everyone else. They have strengths and weaknesses, blind spots, biases, and unique communication styles that at times impede their ability to effectively deal with other people.
What sets ultra-high performers apart from average performers is that they are aware of their shortcomings and blind spots. They:
- Accurately interpret their own emotions.
- Acknowledge their emotional blind spots.
- Are realistic about their strengths and weaknesses.
- Understand their preferred communication style and how it impacts other people.
- Have awareness of disruptive emotions and the negative impact these emotions have on their relationships and performance.
Of course, awareness is easier said than done, especially when it comes to our shortcomings, emotional blind spots, and weaknesses. Our image of who we are—how we interact with the world, how others view us, our values, and our judgments about other people—gets clouded at the subconscious level. Our mind plays tricks on us and hides reality behind a curtain.
Self-awareness combined with empathy is the key to situational awareness: knowing when to push and when to pull; when to ask questions and when to bridge to solutions; when to listen and when to talk; when to be patient and when to ask for what you want. Situational awareness is one of the meta-skills of sales, especially in the complex sales environment.
Self-Awareness Is the Mother of High Sales EQ
Developing self-awareness is a difficult and ongoing process. As humans, we are not naturally adept at looking in the mirror and seeing ourselves for who we really are.1 The warm comfort of delusion is much more appealing than the cold truth of reality. But you cannot be delusional and successful at the same time.
A long line of scientists, behavioral sociologists, and psychologists have delivered stunning research findings into how our subconscious mind drives our behavior. We all have blind spots when it comes to our emotions, our strengths and weaknesses, and how our style and behaviors impact other people—negatively and positively. Our self-serving bias, a potentially disruptive emotion, serves to protect our fragile ego and self-esteem through a cognitive distortion of reality.
Awareness is the mother of change, growth, development, and improvement. But it's difficult to change what you can't see. Developing self-awareness is, without a doubt, the most difficult and challenging hurdle to developing and maintaining a high Sales EQ. There are six keys to developing self-awareness:
- Psychometric assessments (such as DISC or Myers-Briggs)
- Coaching or mentoring
- Direct feedback
- Writing down your goals
- 360-degree review
- Self-reflection
Psychometric Assessments
We each have a unique way of dealing with the world around us. Some people are direct whereas others beat around the bush. Some people talk slowly and with little emotion, while others are more animated. People may be ambitious and driven, analytical and careful, or social and outgoing.
Self-awareness of your interpersonal style is critical to becoming a more effective communicator. People feel more comfortable with you when you interact with them based on who they are—not who you are. This allows you to take advantage of the similarity bias, a cognitive heuristic that causes humans to like and trust people who are more like them.
Ultra-high performers are keenly self-aware of their behavioral style, values, and beliefs, and confident enough to adjust their style to deal with people who are not like them. The good news is it doesn't take much. Small adjustments in your style often make a big impact.
There are no good or bad styles—just styles. You are who you are; that is not going to change. However, when you are aware of your preferred style and how you respond to specific situations and to other styles, this awareness gives you a powerful advantage in influencing the behavior of others.
The most direct path to understanding your behavioral style is a personality style assessment. Assessments, used the right way, can be very effective in helping you become consciously aware of the impact your preferred communication style has on others. There are multiple assessment tools, including Myers-Briggs, DISC, Clifton Strength Finder, Kolbe, and Sales Drive.
We offer a number of assessments to help you better understand your preferred communication style. Learn more about assessments at https://www.salesgravy.com/saleseq or https://assessments.salesgravy.com.
Get a Coach or Mentor
Why do elite professional golfers have swing coaches? Simple. There are millions of dollars on the line in golf tournaments, and the difference between winning and losing is often one or two strokes. Little flaws in the pro's swing or mind-set can make a huge difference in their winnings.
The same is true for salespeople. The people who sign up for my Elite Coaching Program are often at the very top of their game—ultra-high performers seeking insight that will help them perform at even higher levels.
You can't change what you can't see. This is the reason so many ultra-high performers across a range of endeavors have coaches. Coaches hold up a mirror to your behavior and help you come to grips with the real you.
But let's face it: not everyone can afford to hire a coach. Although I have hired some amazing coaches, most of the people who coached and mentored me were my managers and other leaders who took an interest in me. The key to attracting a coach is being coachable. You must be open to self-development. There are five keys to being coachable:
- Ask. Put away your pride, open up, and ask for help.
- Listen. Check your ego at the door and be ready to stretch. If you are resisting, defensive, or not committed, coaches quickly disengage and invest their time and energy elsewhere.
- Trust. Remember that you have blind spots. Your coach will often point out things that you cannot see. Give your coach a break and trust that what they are seeing is real.
- Take action. Be willing to follow through on agreed-upon action steps. There is nothing more frustrating for a coach than a coachee who fails to follow through.
- Progress. Make progress. If your coach doesn't see you putting what you learn into practice, then working with you loses its joy.
You'll find additional resources on coaching and my Elite Coaching Program at https://www.salesgravy.com/saleseq or https://elite.salesgravy.com.
Ask for Feedback
Schedule a meeting and ask your manager to give you feedback on your performance. Be prepared with specific questions about your strengths and weaknesses, behaviors, interactions with other people, and communication style, because you may have to prompt your manager for the specific feedback you want.
Most salespeople don't actively seek out honest feedback, because the truth hurts. Gaining self-awareness requires courage to face the truth, walk through the pain, and learn.
Write Down Your Goals and Plans
Investing time to develop a set of goals and writing down your plans can be eye-opening. Going through the process, you gain insight into your values, dreams, desires, and what is holding you back.
This awareness helps you draw a more accurate picture of yourself. It begins with two simple questions:
- What do I want?
- How badly do I want it?
You'll find a free, comprehensive guide to goal planning at http://www.FreeGoalSheet.com.
360-Degree Review
Marketers frequently gather current and potential customers into rooms with two-way mirrors to test perceptions of products, services, and brands. These focus groups help them understand the emotional and experiential perceptions people have of the brand. The data gathered is used to refine products, services, messaging, positioning, and advertising.
Imagine that we've assembled a group of your customers, prospects, peers, and managers together in a room. Sitting with the group is a moderator who will ask questions to uncover their perceptions of you.
Behind a two-way mirror are researchers who take notes on every data point: the words the individuals in the group say, and their expressions, tones of voice, and body language. You have been invited to sit and observe.
- What is their experience interacting with you?
- Do they feel you have empathy?
- Do they find you likable?
- Do they trust you?
- Will they say that you care about them?
- Do they see you as a good listener?
- Do you offer value, or are you focused on taking value?
- How do you stack up against your competitors? Are you perceived as different or the same?
- What would they say you should change or refine to become a more impactful sales professional?
- What do they perceive as your strengths?
- Overall, what is their perception of you as a person?
For most people, this exercise would be an excruciating emotional experience. Few people would enjoy the criticism, no matter how constructive.
Ten years ago, I hired a firm to do a 360-degree assessment of me. After reviewing the report, I was crushed. Though my focus group had positive things to say about me, they also had many negative observations. It was painful to learn how completely blind I was to behaviors that were holding me back in relationships with the people I counted on most.
This painful and eye-opening 360-degree process was a turning point. I emerged from that crucible acknowledging that the value of my education, skills, talents, and accomplishments paled in comparison to the quality of my interpersonal skills. I learned that I had to stand in the shoes of others, respond appropriately, and perceive the world from their point of view. I learned the real value of self-awareness versus delusion.
A 360-degree review can be expensive. It is also one of the most powerful ways to kick-start self-awareness. Many employers will provide one for you. Ask your manager or your human resources (HR) organization about starting the process. If you have the resources I highly recommend paying for it yourself. Learn more about 360-degree reviews at https://www.salesgravy.com/saleseq.
Self-Reflection
Last spring, my parents prepared their garden for pumpkins. They turned the soil, fertilized, planted the seeds, and watered. Then they went on vacation for two weeks.
Upon their return my father went straight out to the garden, eager to see if his pumpkin vines had sprouted. He was thrilled to find that things were indeed growing.
Knowing that he had to pull weeds, that had also sprouted, to keep them from choking out his crop of pumpkins, he got down to work. But he quickly realized that he could not tell the weeds from the good plants. I advised him, tongue in cheek, of the old saying that “a good plant will be easy to pull from the ground while the weed will be difficult.”
My mom wasn't thrilled about having him experiment with the tensile strength of the plants. So, we looked on Google to see if we could find help identifying the weeds. I typed in “identifying weeds” and got 600,000 results.
It turns out that this is something lots of people are interested in, and for good reason. By pulling the weeds early, you ensure that the good plants don't have to compete for nutrition, space, or water and will grow into healthy, mature pumpkins. But waiting until the weeds can be easily distinguished from the good plants gives the weeds time to gain a good grip on the soil and choke out the pumpkin vines.
Just as in any garden, weeds are inevitable in life, and frankly just evidence of our fallibility as humans: weeds of fear, poor attitude, bitterness, laziness, indecision, ignorance, arrogance, insecurity, self-doubt, clutter, poor time management, failure to set goals, lack of exercise, poor eating habits, and neglected relationships. How often do we allow them to grow unchecked until we lose awareness that they're even there?
Weeds start out small. A simple lapse in self-discipline, poor judgment, or procrastination provides fertile ground for weeds to grow. At first we don't notice a weed has popped up, but, a little bit every day, it grows and becomes habitual; and by the time the weed is easily identifiable it is too late—the damage has been done. Our physical and emotional well-being are choked. Our relationships suffer. Our careers falter. Failure takes the place of success.
This happens to salespeople, for example, when they put off prospecting and activity, only to find a month or two down the road that they are producing no business because their pipeline is empty. It happens when salespeople begin taking shortcuts in the sales process because they've allowed the weeds of cynicism, arrogance, entitlement, or self-doubt to take hold.
While no one is perfect enough to keep weeds from sprouting, we can take measures to identify and pull our weeds before they take hold. One of the most effective ways is through honest introspection.
Bill George, a professor of management at Harvard Business School, suggests that “you should develop a daily practice of setting aside at least twenty minutes to reflect on your life.”2 For many people this quiet time involves exercise, meditation, or prayer.
Silence gives you the space and freedom to just think and contemplate without intrusion from the outside world. This means scheduling time to:
- Sit in silence and just think.
- Listen to your inner voice.
- Heed your intuition.
- Take stock of where you are and where you are going.
- Become aware of what's holding you back.
Shakespeare's famous line from Hamlet, “to thine own self be true,” is important to remember in your quest for self-awareness. We all have the capacity to see who we truly are and change. It's a simple equation of seeking out the truth, the courage to endure the pain of that truth, and the desire to use the truth for change.