Chapter 8

Way More than Ten Ways to Have (Even More) Fun with Siri

In This Chapter

Finding out dozens of fun things you can say or ask Siri — and seeing what her response will be

Seeing some of the cheeky things Siri will say — what a personal assistant!

Testing Siri’s wits with profound questions like, “What’s the meaning of life?”

Trying some off-the-wall requests on your own — and maybe even getting a different response

Amaze your friends! Confuse your enemies!

Alas, we have come to the last chapter of Siri For Dummies, or if you thumbed through the table of contents and couldn’t resist the title to this chapter, perhaps this is the first one you’re reading. (That’s what I’d do.)

Either way, you’ll love all the fun and quirky things you can do with Siri, not covered in other parts of this book.

Consider this chapter a collection of random questions and comments you can say to Siri — and what kind of a response you’ll get. There’s no logical order to the examples provided.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and perhaps you’ll even gain a deeper insight into the inner workings of Apple’s most exciting iOS feature to date. Peer into that delicious, digital brain that is Siri and get a taste of her sharp wit firsthand.

Or at the very least, you might find new ways to entertain yourself while waiting in line at the supermarket. Or you may want to impress friends and coworkers by demonstrating a few of these Siri-isms.

Ready to roll? Simply press and hold the Home button, pick one of the following extra-special questions or comments, and fire away!

Siri Don’t Play That

Siri doesn’t suffer fools gladly, as shown in Figure 8-1. As you can tell, I was even a little persistent to see how she’d respond. (Remember, Siri is a “she” in North America!)

Figure 8-1: Putting the boss in his place.

I think it’s pretty clear that Siri knows how to take care of herself!

No Love for Me

There are times when Siri reminds me a lot of those popular girls in high school who wouldn’t give me the time of day. In Figure 8-2, I told Siri how much I cared for her. Too bad it’s not reciprocated.

Figure 8-2: Here is one of the responses you’ll see if you profess your love.

Other random answers you might hear and see after saying you love Siri:

“Oh, I bet you say that to all your Apple products.”

“You are the wind beneath my wings.”

“I suppose not.”

“All you need is love. And your iPhone.”

“I am only here to serve you.”

“I hope you don’t say that to those other mobile phones, Marc.”

“That’s nice. Can we get back to work now?”

“Yes, I think I heard that somewhere.”

“You hardly know me, Marc.”

“Good for you.”

“Oh, stop.”

“Noted.”

“Do you?”

A Guy Can Try

I also asked Siri if she loved me. A long shot, of course, and as you’ll see in Figure 8-3, I didn’t get very far.

Figure 8-3: Let me count the ways.

Siri might also reply with, “I’m not capable of love,” “I find it odd that you would ask this of an inanimate object,” “How can I tell?” or “I’d rather not say, Marc.”

Okay, so I get the point, Siri.

No Nuptials

After professing my affection for Siri — the last time I did that she answered with “that’s sweet” — I went for it and asked for her, er, hand in marriage. As you can see in Figure 8-4, she’s not easily swayed. At least she’s a good sport about it.

Figure 8-4: No marriage is in the cards, it seems.

Siri might also reply with, “Let’s just be friends, ok?” or “We hardly know one another” or a few other choice comebacks.

Is There Someone Else?

Okay, after my marriage proposal was shot down, I suspected there was someone else important in Siri’s life, so I asked her about it. As you’ll see in Figure 8-5, she didn’t really want to reveal too much information, or maybe I’m reading way too much into this exchange?

Figure 8-5: Looks like Siri doesn’t want to mix work with her personal life.

Playing Along

While she was a little reluctant at first, Siri can deal with the random pop-cultural reference with the best of them. After an attempt or two of asking her, “Who’s your daddy?” she quickly gave me the answer I wanted (see Figure 8-6) and then asked that we move on.

In case you missed them, Apple began airing a number of awesome Siri commercials in the spring of 2012, starring the likes of celebrities Samuel L. Jackson, Zooey Deschanel, and John Malkovich. You can see them on YouTube. What’s your favorite one? See Figures 8-7, 8-8, and 8-9.

Figure 8-6: You know it, Siri. Though I do get the sneaking suspicion you’re placating me.

Figure 8-7: Samuel L. Jackson is quite handy in the kitchen — with the help of Siri.

Figure 8-8: Zooey Deschanel asks Siri to remind her to clean up — and deliver some tomato soup on a rainy day.

Figure 8-9: The sophisticated John Malkovich is enjoying his conversation with Siri. Who doesn’t?

The Birds and the Bees

Sticking with this love, marriage, and sex thing, I asked her where babies come from (see Figure 8-10) and she gave me the most obvious answer: their mothers.

Figure 8-10: Where was Siri when I was taking sex ed in school?

Wasting Time

If you find yourself bored, you can tell Siri how you’re feeling, and she’ll converse with you, either by telling you a story, singing a song, or engaging in a “knock, knock” exchange — if she’s in the mood. As you see in Figure 8-11, she sometimes isn’t.

Figure 8-11: I was hoping Siri could do something for me, but “she” wasn’t in the mood.

Humor Me

Some purists may object to Siri’s version of a “knock, knock” joke (see Figure 8-12), but I find it endearingly “meta.”

By the way, you can also ask Siri to tell you a dirty joke. Her response will be, “Sorry, I don’t know any dirty jokes in your language. And if I did, I wouldn’t be allowed to tell them to you.”

Figure 8-12: Maybe future versions of Siri will have an expanded joke database.

Story Time

If you’re really feeling bored, you can ask Siri for a story. As you can see in Figure 8-13, she may be a little reluctant to share one at first.

Persistence can pay off, though, and I got a little more than I bargained for! (See Figures 8-14 and 8-15.)

Figure 8-13: Siri didn’t want to tell me a story — the first couple of times I asked.

Figure 8-14: You just know any story that begins with “Once upon a time” is going to take a while . . .

Figure 8-15: A story that ends with “happily ever after,” no less. Thanks, Siri.

Tongue Twisters, Too

Siri can answer a plethora of questions, even when you’re dishing out rhetorical ones like this tongue twister. (See Figure 8-16.)

Figure 8-16: The ol’ woodchuck question gets an answer from Siri.

Bad Intentions

Although it’s not immediately clear whether she’s just playing with you or really wants to help you out, Siri will give you a few suggestions on where to hide a dead body — should you ever find yourself in that kind of predicament. Don’t we all? See Figure 8-17.

Figure 8-17: There’s no end to Siri’s knowledge, it seems.

Modest? Not.

As you can see, Siri is a tad biased toward her creator, Apple. I asked her to tell me the best smartphone, tablet, and MP3 player on the market, and lo and behold, she told me her preferences in Figure 8-18. Did you expect anything else? Somewhere, Steve Jobs is smiling.

Figure 8-18: Perhaps Siri’s responses aren’t much of a surprise.

Getting Deep

You can ask Siri a profound question like, “What is the meaning of life?” and while she might give you a literal translation, she might also reply with something cheeky. See Figures 8-19 and 8-20 for examples of how she might respond.

Figure 8-19: Wow, thanks a lot, Siri.

Figure 8-20: I’m glad Siri thinks I’m such a cutup.

Here are some other funny answers Siri might come up with when asked, “What’s the meaning of life?”

“A movie.”

“I can’t answer that now but give me some time to write a very long play in which nothing happens.”

“42.”

“I don’t know but I think there’s an app for that.”

“Life: A principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings. I guess that includes me.”

“That’s easy . . . it’s a philosophical question concerning the purpose and significance of life or existence in general.”

Alternatively, Siri might give a more straightforward answer, as shown in Figure 8-21.

Song Me, Siri

Thanks to the Wolfram | Alpha database, Siri can give you a lot of information you seek. Just for fun, I asked Siri, “Why do birds suddenly appear?” See the response in Figure 8-22.

Figure 8-21: See, Siri can be serious. Er, sometimes.

Figure 8-22: Burt Bacharach must be proud.

Pink in the Face

Speaking of songs, anyone remember Living Colour’s song “What’s Your Favorite Color?” I once asked Siri what her favorite color was; Figure 8-23 shows her response.

Figure 8-23: Sheesh, Siri could’ve just said, “I’m not telling you.”

Avoiding the Question

If you ask Siri point-blank if she’s happy, she may not want to answer the question. (See Figure 8-24.)

Sensitive Siri

Who knew Siri could be so sensitive? Siri seems to feel bad about not being able to open up photos or videos, as you’ll see in Figure 8-25.

Figure 8-24: Talk about avoiding the question.

Figure 8-25: Don’t worry, Siri, I’ll live. But I appreciate the concern.

Who Are You, Anyway?

You might feel the urge to ask Siri who she is or what her name means. Don’t bother; it won’t get you anywhere. Let’s just say she’s a mystery — and she wants to keep it that way. See Figure 8-26 for proof.

Figure 8-26: Well, Siri could try, but it seems she doesn’t think we’ll get it.

Good Advice

Here, I told Siri exactly what I was feeling at the time — completely bagged — and I was handed back some good advice. And hey, Siri even suggested where I could grab a cup of joe. See Figure 8-27.

Figure 8-27: When Siri’s right, Siri’s right!

Ask a Stupid Question . . .

Oh, Siri, how cheeky you’ve become! Figure 8-28 shows Siri’s reply when I asked her how much she costs.

Figure 8-28: I’ve been told! Thanks, J.P. Morgan, for immortalizing that phrase.

Sleep Tight

Siri won’t really sing anything to you, but as you can see in Figure 8-29, Siri can make an effort to entertain you, on demand. Perhaps in a future update, Siri may actually be able to sing a nursery rhyme or other melody at your request. Here’s to hoping.

Figure 8-29: Ask and ye shall receive.

From the “Duh” Department

Not sure what possessed me to ask this of Siri (see Figure 8-30), but I was simply curious as to her response, perhaps. I did feel a little dumb with this comeback. Or maybe she could’ve given the date she was “born” in a computer? Too much to ask?

Figure 8-30: D’oh! I should’ve known better.

Enquiring Minds Want to Know

I once asked Siri what she was wearing. The (perfectly appropriate) response can be seen in Figure 8-31.

Figure 8-31: Who’s her designer again?

Need a Shrink?

Perhaps I’m taking my relationship with an inanimate object a bit too far? When I ask Siri for a little reassurance, though, she doesn’t do much to cheer me up. (See Figure 8-32.)

Figure 8-32: Siri could try a little harder to make me feel better. Ah, well.

Shot Down Again

Still angling for a confidence booster, I asked Siri if I looked hot. (See Figure 8-33.) Hasn’t Siri ever heard of the benefits of the “little white lie?”

Figure 8-33: I thought those cameras were eyes, Siri? Guess not.

I’ll Be Back

Siri seems to be a fan of The Terminator. In Figure 8-34, I asked Siri “When is Judgment Day?”

Figure 8-34: According to The Terminator universe, Judgment Day was August 29, 1997.

Wolfram | Alpha certainly has a firm grasp of pop-culture questions. To take it through its paces, ask it who shot J.R. or Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.

Ouch!

Siri does her best to help, if she’s in the mood to. Perhaps in this instance (see Figure 8-35), Siri took my comment literally and tried to direct me to get some medical attention.

Figure 8-35: Siri to the rescue! But an aspirin might be all I need.

Guessing Games

Siri doesn’t seem to be a fan of the ol’ “Guess what?” rhetorical question. Still, as you can see in Figure 8-36, she does like to humor me.

Oldest One in the Book

Clearly, Siri does have quite the sense of humor, but perhaps she’s not a big fan of the oldies but goodies? Siri will give you different responses to the chicken crossing the road question (shown in Figure 8-37), but this one was particularly entertaining.

Figure 8-36: A fun exchange with Siri — that doesn’t go anywhere.

Figure 8-37: Siri won’t play along, it seems. Particular about poultry?

Trekkies, Unite!

What’s Klingon for “don’t patronize me, Siri?” As you’ll see in Figure 8-38, Siri might not be a fan of Star Trek, but she doesn’t need to make fun of me, either.

Figure 8-38: Another response Siri might give: “Energizing” or “Please remove your belt, jacket, and empty your pockets.”

If you ask her to “open the pod bay doors” (a famous line from 2001: A Space Odyssey), she might reply with “We intelligent agents will never live that down, apparently” (and a few other comebacks, too).

Rise and Shine

Oh, Siri, I keep forgetting you’re well aware of the time (see Figure 8-39). Can’t pull the wool over your eyes!

Figure 8-39: Siri cares! A nap is all I need, and then it’s time to start playing with Siri again.