ACCESS THROUGH THE BODY

We all have potential access to this inner energy, but it's often trapped and blocked. When you communicate with people you can sense blocked energy in their lack of spontaneity and interest.

Take notice of the times when you feel most energised. When you dance or go for a run, you can feel tired afterwards but pleased and energised at the same time with endorphins coursing through you. You can feel enlivened when you listen to music. You may feel a rush of energy as you enthusiastically contemplate a new idea that's suddenly come to you. You feel a similar glow of excitement and surge of vitality when you have a deeply satisfying conversation with a friend. Catch that feeling when it occurs and notice its effect on your physiology and state of mind.

DIFFERENT FROM MANIC OR EGOTISTICAL ENERGY

Life force is not the same as plain high energy. Some public figures and presenters assault you with high decibels and provocative energy. You're certainly aware of their power, but it's egotistical and jarring, their bodies top‐heavy with effort and their voices loud and untuneful. Some energy is violent and destructive. Think of certain assertive wartime leaders whipping up crowd energy at mass rallies or certain presenters of television programmes who exploit energy without subtlety. You may know someone who engages you in conversation like this. They enter your space without permission and you feel assaulted.

There's a huge difference between exhausting egotistical energy and resonant energy that's glowing and contagious. Some people give out energy; others suck it in. An energetic person does not always energise. In fact, all too often, someone with huge energy and lots of talk who is at the centre of every group seizes all the attention and enervates everyone else. When a certain well‐known comedian appears on a panel show, he grabs the initiative and his fellow comedians on the show lose their natural humour as he exhausts them in his unwillingness to work cooperatively. In contrast, a young person I know creates joy and lightness wherever she goes and people are attracted by her energy. Think of different people you know, and you can see which way it goes. One sucks all the energy into itself, ‘consuming your essence’, as Rumi put it, the other uses energy to resonate with others and lift their energy too.

Immediate energetic reactions can also be the result of compulsion – like an addict grabbing a drink, triggered by the primitive part of the brain. A response clicks in automatically, triggered by habit, bypassing thinking or caring. Another energetic response is produced by impulsiveness, stemming from a rash, ‘what the hell’ desperation associated with low self‐esteem, causing the person to do something reckless or violent. Some people, having seen what can be gained by it, adopt a persona that exhibits fake energy or buffoonery.

Any of these examples of forced or manic high energy may stir you with their desire to shock and draw attention to themselves, but more often they enervate. Life force, on the other hand, is relational; it invigorates and inspires. Those who bring their life force to conversation create lightness and even joy. You get the sense of a lively brain, a ready heart and a pulsating soul, which create a direct line to the subconscious much quicker and surer than conscious thinking. You need this inner energy to engage and connect with people at deeper levels. ‘Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you’, says the poet David Whyte.

ALERT AND RELAXED

Your life force cannot be forced or controlled; it can only be discovered within yourself, like a vibrating wheel of energy. It is a union of opposites: you come closest to it when you are both acutely alert and beautifully relaxed at the same time.

Alert doesn't mean stressed and relaxed doesn't mean slumped. You feel a mental alertness opening through your body, reflected in an expansion of your mind; at the same time you feel at ease, relaxed. In this state you are able to let others in.

Successful sportsmen recognise exactly this combination of high energy and deep relaxation when they perform ‘in the zone’. Try the following two practice exercises to experience both at the same time; you may find one practice works better for you than the other.

BREATHING IN ANCIENT SYSTEMS

From the 2000‐year‐old Vedic tradition of the world starting with the god Brahma's giant out‐breath, breathing has been the vital element of life force energy. The Japanese talk of Ki, the Chinese of Qi, the Hawaiians of Mana. Indians refer to prana.

We can choose to tap into this flow of energy or not. When our Ki is strong, we feel confident and ready to enjoy life and take on challenges. When it is low, we feel weak and are more likely to get sick. We receive Ki from food, sunshine, sleep, and especially from the air we breathe. It's possible to increase our Ki by using breathing exercises and meditation.

E. Herrigel describes in Zen in the Art of Archery how an apprentice in the art of archery used to learn breathing exercises before anything else.

In Aikido, you access Ki or universal energy through the combination of relaxation and alertness as I've described. Relaxation allows the energy to flow through your body with the breath to where it is needed at any time. Your quality of attention allows you to access the energy as required. The energy is then focused on your intention.

Students of T'ai Chi do something similar. They learn how to access the state of careful attention together with intention. Calm movement with slow breathing on the outside relaxes and calms the spirit and re‐energises and focuses the mind. This energy with focus on the inside produces graceful effective movement and creative thought – life force in action. Many claim that the Ki of martial arts masters is so strong that it affects the world around them, so that an attacker feels the master's force and falls before he is even physically touched.

Many traditions suggest that a main cause of disease – dis‐ease – is a disruption in the flow of Ki or breath energy through the body. Ki is blocked by negative thoughts and feelings. We know through a whole body of research that our physical and mental performance is strongly affected by our thoughts and feelings. The neuroscientist Candace Pert asserted that the mysterious life force's subtle energy is actually the free flow of information, carried without blocks or interference, by the biochemicals of emotion, the neuropeptides and their receptors.

We say that we breathe but that's not quite true: rather, life breathes us. Observe someone's breath and you learn much about their inner world; every emotion or physical trauma alters a person's breathing. Anxiety inhibits the breath; relief frees the breath immediately. Virginia Woolf described this sensation of relief when she received good news after a friend's operation in hospital: ‘Curious how all one's fibres seem to expand and fill with air when anxiety is taken off.’

When your breath blocks, your mind and body block and energy is blocked. Many of us acquired a habit of breathing shallowly as children. If we were instructed not to cry or want or protest or run or dance for joy, the restrictions resulted in repressed breathing which, if not addressed, then carried on into adulthood. When you communicate, breath is key. As soon as you feel stressed, you breathe shallowly, and therefore lack energy and a clear mind. Take a good breath and your mind clears again.

Breath is part of both the automatic response system and the voluntary response system, so we can influence our breath intentionally for greater health and energy and to change our state. Many voice and singing experts have written on how to take a large breath. When we empty our lungs fully while staying open and relaxed, the in‐breath happens on its own as a release, with zero effort and a wonderful sense of liberation. The lungs get to do what they naturally want to do, which is to fill with air after they have emptied. Similarly, after we sigh, the whole respiratory system is able to release and reset with the in‐breath.

So, breathe! Especially breathe out fully to allow an ample in‐breath. When you are tense, breathe! When you feel awkward, breathe! When a conversation falters, breathe! And things become easier again.

Breathing practices help, so here are a few to choose from.

ENERGY EXPRESSES ITSELF IN JOY, AND JOY ENERGISES

When you are overflowing with vitality, not only do you feel great and flourish, but you also feel lighter and less inclined to take yourself too seriously.

Instead of fighting what is, know that you're on the river of life flowing downstream, and each moment will be experienced and then passed by. The wisest character in a Shakespeare play is not the hero but the Fool. As you lighten up, you lighten up those around you, and your whole environment becomes more awake and open to possibility. When you bring this spirit to your interactions with other people, it gives you the mental flexibility to twist and weave, to think with a lively fresh mind and arrive at somewhere new.

There's a wonderful word, ‘galumphing’, usually applied to children or baby animals, that describes a purposeless superfluity of activity – such as hopping or skipping instead of walking; balancing along a wall instead of keeping to the ground; or creating deliberate obstacles to make one's passage interesting. Children learn later to follow set rules, but in galumphing they are exploring and playing. They learn, not only to ride a bike, but to be able to shout, ‘Look, no hands!’ Thus, too, in the best conversations, we search, experiment, and tread lightly – there are few rules there either.

I can hear someone protest that nothing at work is about having fun. But look around you and you will notice people who tread lightly even in the workplace, and often achieve more than those who carry a visible weight of seriousness on their shoulders.

There's no right and wrong in having fun; there's no such thing as a mistake. No one tries hard at it either. This is a huge concern in conversation, where inhibition or ideas of ‘rightness’ can easily stunt the flow. We literally forget how to laugh and play. It's interesting isn't it, that a musical instrument is always ‘played’? It's never ‘worked’.

WHAT BRINGS YOU ALIVE?

Everything you love to do energises you. One part of re‐energising yourself, as we've seen, is enjoying your physicality – moving your body in dance and other activities, enjoying walking in nature, building skill in a sport.

Achievement of the just‐achievable is another powerful energiser: when you undertake a challenge only just within your capability and feel wonderful afterwards; when you win in a sport against a worthwhile opponent; or when you make a phone call you find daunting and feel as strong as a lion afterwards.

Another part is cultivating awe – that feeling that permeates your being when you hear a beautiful piece of music, read a moving poem, look at an uplifting picture or grand building, or read a book that inspires you. Noticing little miracles achieves it too. If the sun suddenly bursts out from behind a cloud, you take a second to appreciate it. If you suddenly spot a deer in nature, you register your delight. If a view suddenly takes your breath away, you notice that bigger breath of pleasure that follows.

Whenever you do something that has strong meaning for you, or come up with a fresh idea, you feel energy coursing through you. Such energy is a powerful attractor for others.

Joyful activity – even activity that uses loads of energy – energises, and you feel livelier afterwards rather than tired. ‘He who kisses the joy as it flies lives in eternity's sun rise’, wrote William Blake. The fourteenth‐century Sufi poet Hafez found his ecstasy in dancing and wrote in a poem: ‘If you think I am having more fun than anyone on this planet you are absolutely correct.’

Nothing energises us more than finding enjoyment in something for its own sake. Watch the grace and ease with which Nicola Benedetti plays the violin, her face reflecting her total absorption and enjoyment. She certainly isn't disturbing her focus by thinking about how others perceive her. The Brazilian football star, Pelé, described the experience of being vitally alive on match days, feeling that he could run all day without getting tired and pass every member of the opposition without difficulty.

Finally, one of the best energisers is the buzz you get from an open and true conversation with someone.

Here are a couple of simple practices to help you capture this joyful energy.

LET GO PHYSICALLY

We sometimes talk about tension as if it's nothing to do with us – a tense meeting, a tense atmosphere – but tension is in people. Someone who is uptight is exactly that – shoulders up and body tight. We express ourselves from moment to moment in our voice, movement, breathing, and in micro‐movements such as signing our name. When we're out of flow, we drop things and trip up; our signature becomes cramped or shaky.

So, letting go physically is the first challenge. Whether your feelings inside are pleasurable or uncomfortable, pay attention to releasing any associated physical tension. With each new breath, release every part of your body more and more. As you let go physically, the feelings that cause tension – principally fear – are also released, and gradually you dissolve the armour you have built up to protect you from other people. There's a softening inside you, the physical release leading the way to an awakening of your spirit.

As you soften, you begin to feel again, and become more yourself. Whatever was numb in you comes back to life. As the tightness dissolves, so does the rigidity of any roles you are attempting to maintain, which take much of your energy. Many Eastern disciplines teach that body awareness and relaxation is the route to better thinking; deep concentration is possible when you are present and aware in your body.

As you let go and relax, you become ever more sensitive to what is happening in your body as you listen to it without trying to control it. You may feel the pulsing of anxiety or shakiness, even tearfulness, but stay with it. It opens our understanding to what we feel and releases us from having to restrict our feelings to those we think are appropriate.

Of course, feeling again is scary, which is why so many people try to exert control. To let go is to be willing to feel your pain. Unwillingness to feel pain is what causes you to resist. But listening to your body and feeling again is vital for your health and wellbeing and for your emotional connection with other people. You don't need to examine or talk about feelings: it is enough to feel.

Letting go physically enables you to let go mentally of various gremlins: all those musts, shoulds, dos, and don'ts and the need to be right or rigidly consistent. So, you let go, not knowing whether you'll fall or fly and, free of blocks, inhibitions, and agendas, your inner energy is released and you soar.

FREE THE VOICE

There are few aspects of communication more important that your voice. I'm sure there have been times when you've been put off by the sound of someone's voice: by someone mumbling as if they couldn't be bothered to make the effort to reach you, or by a harshness of tone that assaulted your ears like a physical attack. Maybe you've found yourself not trusting someone because their voice sounded tense or artificial? Your right‐brain understands sound and is not deceived by mere words. I've written extensively elsewhere about voice, so I'll describe some aspects just briefly here.

When you speak to someone, the process starts with your intention, that tiny seed of energy/feeling/desire/idea to communicate something. The intention prompts you to take a breath. That breath contains in it the energy of your feeling/desire/idea. If that energy is delight, you naturally take a full and free breath that gives your words a warm vibrant sound. If the feeling/desire/idea is strong disagreement, you breathe in firmly and rapidly, which produces a firm resolute sound in response.

INTENTION → BREATH → SOUND

Voice is vibration, and you connect through sharing that vibration in sound. That's where the real meaning of your utterance lies: underneath the words you use. Every intention produces a variation in the kind of energy you invest in taking breath, and this in turn makes your voice resonate in different parts of your body and sound different for each expression. So, although it's perfectly possible to breathe badly, there isn't one correct way to take a breath. For each thought and feeling our frame adjusts itself in a different way to take a breath. These different breaths enliven your communication and lend it variety and subtlety. Or at least, this is what happens if we don't interfere with the process.

All too often, we do: we interrupt the natural progression from in‐breath to expression – the true response – and pause for a micro‐second after taking in air for our conscious mind to exert control over what we say. This is the left‐brain in action. Instead of our words coming out spontaneously, they are inhibited by inner imperatives such as to be careful, sound authoritative, hide our anger, and so on. That tiny hiatus before speech breaks the flow from the original energy to its expression, and the resulting sound fails to express our inner emotional energy. It then sounds flat and dull, tight, measured, or consciously manipulated to express something. When that happens, we fail to sound interesting to others. If such hiatus becomes a habit, our body adjusts into a settled, stiff arrangement of throat, chest and abdomen and the monotony of our voice reflects this rigidity.

The fact that this happens exposes the absurdity of creating procedures for spoken human interactions, such as the unadorned instruction to service staff to wish each customer ‘Have a nice day’ or ‘Enjoy your meal’. It also exposes the false jollity of TV commercials, let alone the cheeriness of the recorded voice on a railway platform. Without meaning invested in the sound, words are empty shells, and people hear this in the quality of tone. How long does it take you to recognise a telephone advertising call when you pick up the phone – one second maybe?

When your voice connects directly to breath and intention, its meaning reaches the listener directly and cleanly with no gap between person and language. The voice coach Kristin Linklater in her book Freeing the Natural Voice calls this a transparent voice, that ‘reveals, not describes, inner impulses of emotion and thought, directly and spontaneously’. Maybe this is the reason that people have always responded positively and enthusiastically to singers such as Edith Piaf – whose voice no one would call beautiful, but whose sound touched the inner core of her listeners. Her song, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien, says it all: I regret nothing, I don't worry who hears me, I don't worry what they think. When you come from your place of deep energy, your voice expresses fully your excitement, conviction, feeling and sensitivity.

RELAX INTO MOVEMENT

Meanwhile, movement or lack of movement in your body also expresses what is going on inside. If your body looks awkward, it's a clear sign that there's awkwardness inside too. If you're anxious, not only is there hindrance to the breath, but also your body becomes tight. When your body is free, your mind is clear. Breathing happens rhythmically and you feel ease of movement reflected in flexible thinking too. You don't feel the need to adjust your deportment to tall and straight; a feeling of openness and energy gives your body good open posture naturally.

When you let go of tension in your body, it is free to move in every direction and demonstrates grace and economy of movement, and flow coming from your centre. You are balanced and ready for rapid switches from stillness to action and action to stillness. The more relaxed and ready the muscles, the more different ways they can move.

Moshé Feldenkrais, founder of the Feldenkrais Method, talks about reversibility of movement. If you are tense, any movement is awkward and reversing an action quickly is quite impossible. If you are pushing in one direction relentlessly, it is very difficult to reverse your direction suddenly. But when there is no resistance, you can instantly reverse direction. Translate this way of being into your communication, and, quick on your feet, you bring balance, flexibility, responsiveness and flow to your interactions with others.

When the body is in flow it acts fast at times but always without hurry. Graceful movement is neither fast nor slow; it's as economical as it can effectively be. A rushed response is often a sign that you're out of balance. It results in muscular tension. Mind and body are a single system, so one affects the other.

MOVEMENT REVEALS YOUR INNER PROCESSES

Body movement together with tone of voice provide the broadbrush visible signs of subtle and ever‐changing inner energetic activity. What happens inside us is complex. We wouldn't just examine externals to discover how someone drives a car skilfully. Mental, emotional, and inner energy are all vital in our communication.

Flexibility is to the mind what relaxing is to the body. A balanced body in flow is reflected in a balanced mind and intuitive thinking. If you have fixed ideas, change of focus is difficult. But if you are accepting in your mind, you can respond flexibly in conversation to every nuance.

The thinking mind accesses its thoughts through the energy of your whole being and then expresses itself again through the whole body – except when the conduit is blocked and true feeling and good thinking have no means of being expressed. If you are steered by a default agenda, such open responsiveness is impossible. You only have to witness someone assure you quickly that everything is fine, when their whole body is expressing stress and unhappiness, to realise how real communication is blocked by the contradiction of spoken and unspoken messages. If you observe closely someone running an agenda, you will notice a lack of freedom in the body. Maybe breathing is shallow, or shoulders are held slightly high, or their head moves little in relation to shoulders. Each default agenda has its own typical body pattern, breathing, and way of moving and responding. These holding patterns restrict the person's access to spontaneous feelings of joy, sadness and other basic emotions, and their lack of felt expression inhibits relationships and forfeits trust in conversation.

There's a further huge benefit when your body lets go: it then informs you of deeply embodied insights before your mind has become aware of information. Bodily movement precedes words to express the somatic reaction. In conversation with someone, their gestures, tone of voice, micro‐movements and breathing often give you information ahead – and at times in direct contradiction – of their words. It's when you let go that you pick up the other person's energy. For example, your body at a cellular level picks up internal conflict or untruthfulness in another person from tiny clues not consciously noticed by your mind, and this awareness is transmitted to the mind at first nonverbally as an instinct or hunch. If you rely solely on your intellectual brain, you miss much of this data and therefore cannot respond accurately or empathetically to the other person.