CHAPTER 4

The Discovery of Purpose

Don’t Confuse Your Job with Your Purpose

A few years ago, one of my mentees in the medical device industry asked me, “How and when did you know your life was going in the right direction?” And my floodgates opened and memory and emotion spilled out.

In junior high school, I had decided that I was going into the ministry, which to me meant I would end up being a pastor in a church. I hadn’t given it too much thought or sought any other alternatives. It was simply the foregone conclusion of what I thought God and everybody else expected of me. My grandmother even offered to pay all my educational expenses, because it was her dream to have a pastor in the family. The problem was I wasn’t sure it was my dream—or ever had been.

Nonetheless, I continued to prepare for my religious vocation as an undergraduate student by taking all the pre-theology classes: Greek, philosophy, and a host of other courses that did not excite me.

As my graduation from college came closer, I knew I didn’t want to go to seminary, and I didn’t want to become a pastor. It wasn’t a matter of losing my faith; I just knew that I didn’t want that particular job. And I had a dilemma. I was about to graduate and had no idea what I would do for a living. I had prepared myself for a job that I no longer wanted, somehow thinking that a job was my purpose in life.

To deal with my indecision, to give me time to think, to cover up my guilt, and to escape the seminary, I went on to get my master’s and doctoral degrees, even though I had no particular desire to get those degrees and certainly no idea what I would do with those degrees once I got them. But I taught several undergraduate classes while I was pursuing my graduate education so I could pay for my tuition and expenses.

However, something strange happened. I discovered I loved teaching and I was good at it—very good, indeed. But I also felt guilty for tossing aside my “supposed” purpose or calling to the ministry.

After graduate school, and still confused about my purpose and career, I accepted a teaching position at Emporia Kansas State University, teaching interpersonal communication for business majors. It felt good when I was selected by the students as the “most outstanding professor” on campus, but I still felt guilty for not pursuing the religious job I had announced so many years before. Indeed, my feeling of uneasiness continued to grow. I was stuck between what I thought I should be doing and what I wanted to do.

Fortunately, in the midst of the struggle, I attended a weekend workshop on the process of “intensive journaling” taught by Dr. Ira Progoff. He taught me how to reflect, visualize, and keep a journal, so that the deeper things inside me might be revealed. It was a life-changing experience. I suddenly realized that there were many ways to serve my God and other people, not just one, like I had thought, in a church setting. So I wrote in my journal, “I can serve God and others as a teacher, speaker, author, and business owner.” Almost instantly, my guilt disappeared, and a sense of peace, direction, and well-being settled over me. I knew I was living my life and working my career on purpose instead of by accident.

For years I had confused a job with a purpose. My years of confusion were gone now. I finally learned that I could help others or do “ministry” in any job. So it only made sense to choose a job that I really, Really wanted to do and one for which I had some aptitude. And here I am, decades later, loving the work I do, feeling thankful that I’ve been able to touch the lives of thousands of people, because my life and work have lined up with my purpose.

The lesson became so very clear to me and hopefully to you as well. The payoffs start to roll in when you know that your life and your work, someway, somehow, are lined up with your purpose—at least some of the time. So that raises a critical question.

How Can You Discover Your Purpose?

It all comes down to the three critical but deceptively simple questions (shown in Figure 4.1). The three legs represent the three questions that will help you discover, determine, or clarify your purpose, and the seat of the stool represents your purpose. In other words, the convergent answer to those three questions. Let’s go through the three questions in some detail.

Figure 4.1 Three questions that reveal your purpose

Question #1: What Are You Good At?

No matter who you are or what has happened in your life or career, you do have a lot of talents and abilities. You’ve got to know that. You may be gifted with numbers or work well with customers. You may be good at organizing projects or good at leading others. It’s very difficult if not impossible to claim and use your strengths if you don’t even know what they are.

So search your talents. Ask yourself some talent-clarifying questions. Take time to reflect on and write down your answers to questions such as these:

You get the point. You have lots of things you’re good at, whether or not you recognize those things. I want you to dig for those things and write out the longest list of talents you can possibly muster.

Tabulate your positive personal traits. A person could be highly talented, as the above questions might reveal, but still be a person you would never want to be around. Champions couple their talents with their traits. So start another list of all your positive personality traits. Perhaps you are gregarious, generous, organized, direct, confident, encouraging, creative, entrepreneurial, or a host of other things. Name and claim those traits that will eventually be used in your purpose.

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Ask for input. In the process of writing, find out what others see as your talents. Don’t dismiss their comments. If they keep asking you to do something, it’s because they see your talent in that area. Ask them how they would describe you and your talents. Ask them to list the special skills and attributes you bring to every situation and interaction.

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

I’ll even give you an assignment. Ask 15 people to each list 10 talents they see in you. Choose people from both your professional and personal lives. With your list of 150 items, determine which ones are repeated the most. Once you complete this exercise, you will be on your way to a clear picture of exactly what it is you’re good at.

As you learn to clarify what you’re good at, let me offer one caution. Do not dismiss any of your talents. Too many people say, “There’s nothing special about me. I’m not particularly good at anything. I’m rather ordinary.” That’s not the way champions think or talk. So stop it!

A while ago, my wife, Chris, and I were hiking with our friends Mike and Jan Saarela in Glacier National Park. As luck would have it, we found a cafe on the edge of the park that advertised “Good, Old-Fashioned, Home Cooking.”

When we finished our meal, the waitress said, “You really should try a piece of pie. My sister is the cook, and she bakes the very best pies you’ve ever tasted. In fact, we’ve got 23 different varieties.”

So of course we had to try the pie. And it was terrific. I asked the waitress, “How did your sister become so good at making pies?”

In a few minutes, she returned with her sister, who had the happiest smile I had ever seen. It was obvious she enjoyed her work and took great satisfaction when her cooking was appreciated.

“Experience,” she replied. “It’s all in knowing how much of each ingredient to put in and baking it for just the right length of time. My father taught me, ‘When you learn to do something right, and enjoy doing it, stick with it.’ I love baking. And I love making people happy, so much so that I’ve been perfecting my pies for 18 years now.”

“Well your pies are so good,” we told her, “that we’ll take one with us.” I really hate to admit this, but her pies were SO-O-O-O good that we stopped by her cafe to buy another pie every day for the next seven days. We wanted to try some of her other flavors—and we had no problem consuming an entire pie each day.

That baker was a champion because she didn’t dismiss her talents. She knew what she was good at and that contributed to her sense of purpose in life.

As consultant Faith Ralston says, “Focusing on talents is not a luxury. It’s the key to thriving in today’s economy. The old rules aren’t working anymore. We can’t wait around hoping others will recognize or reward us. To thrive, we’ve got to recognize our talents and connect them to business results.”

That’s the first question in your search for purpose—the first leg of our three-legged stool—What are you good at? Now we’ll move on to the next question.

Question #2: What Excites You?

Take a look at how you’re wired. What turns on your energy and what turns it off? Some activities and some causes make you feel alive while other things seem to kill off your spirit.

Tom Bloch discovered this when he resigned his position as the CEO of H&R Block, cofounded by his father Henry Bloch. He gave up running a $2 billion tax preparation firm to become a teacher at St. Francis Xavier Middle School in Kansas City, Missouri. His annual salary dropped to a mere $15,000 a year, a tiny fraction of what he had earned before. But Bloch knew that his hectic schedule as CEO had been interfering with his top priority—his wife and two children.

Tom said, “The hardest part was telling my father. But I didn’t want to look back on my life and say, ‘Gee, you had an opportunity to play a bigger role in your children’s lives and didn’t take it.’”¹

What excites you? For some of you, that will be an easy question to answer. For others, it may be a challenging question to answer. So let me break that question into a series of smaller questions. I suspect one or more of these questions will unlock a whole series of insights as to what excites you.

What Are Your Dreams?

What did you dream of doing when you were a child? What were your dreams when you graduated from high school or college? What are your dreams today?

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

If you’re not sure, just ask yourself two questions.

Your answers will clarify your dreams and help you realize what excites you.

Now I realize a dream can be a little scary. That’s why so many people quash their dreams before they ever see the light of day. They squelch their dreams with worrisome thoughts such as, “How will I support myself?” “How do I know if this new idea will work?” “What will my spouse think?” or “How will my kids feel about this crazy dream of mine?” It’s only natural to be a bit afraid of the unknown, when the future seems fuzzy and vague.

But take comfort in this thought. Once you get a dream, and once you have The Champion Edge working for you, your chances of personal and business success increase dramatically.

What Stirs Your Passion?

What do you believe in? What makes life worth living? And what would you die for? You don’t want to look back on your life and wish you had lived it differently. Ask yourself these passion questions. And take time to think about these questions and write out your answers:

Of course, these passion questions may not sound very corporate. And much of my work is speaking to people in corporations. But don’t be too hasty in dismissing these passion questions. When you get right down to it, any good empowerment program, emotional intelligence program, or customer service program is all about tapping into the passion of people. And champion leaders inspire followership in others because they have a passion for the business and those who work in it. Once you’ve answered those questions, it’s time for another.

What Troubles Your Spirit?

The things that upset you are a good clue to your purpose in life. So ask yourself,

Your answers to these questions may point out a problem you want to solve. And that problem, or those problems, will point to your purpose, or a part of your purpose.

Such was the case with one little girl. She stood sobbing near a small church from which she had been turned away because she was told it was too crowded. “I can’t go to Sunday school,” she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.

Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy they had found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who were left out because there was no room.

Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings of her city. Her parents called for the pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements.

As her little body was being moved, a crumpled red purse was uncovered. Inside they found $0.57 and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: “This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday school.” For two years she had saved her money.

The pastor tearfully read the note to his parishioners and challenged them to raise enough money for a larger building.

But the story does not end there. A newspaper learned of the story and published it. A wealthy realtor read the story and offered to sell the church a parcel of land, worth thousands of dollars, for $0.57. Checks came in from far and wide. Within five years the little girl’s gift had increased to $250,000—a huge sum at that time, around the year 1900. The little girl’s purpose had paid large dividends.

When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church, with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit Temple University, where thousands of students are educated. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday school building that houses hundreds of children.

In one of the rooms you can see the picture of the little girl whose $0.57, whose purpose in life, made remarkable history.² And as often happens, when you’re driven by a purpose, it often ignites a purpose in others. But there’s one more aspect to this question of what excites you.

What Work Do You Love to Do?

What pumps you up on a professional level? What would you really like to do? What do you like to talk about and think about professionally? Write it down. As Jack Jia, founder and leader of the Musely online platform for skincare medical treatment, says, “If you refuse to do something you believe in, your mind will never leave you alone.”³

One of my audience members, Juan, talked about that. Even though he was a successful insurance salesman (which is a necessary and noble profession), Juan said he always wanted to be a doctor in a third-world country. But the sales profession promised to give him a great deal more money in a much quicker fashion than pursuing a medical career overseas. So he’d been selling insurance for 30 years.

Juan admitted that he had dragged himself out of bed, five days a week, for 30 years, to do something he didn’t care that much about. If he had done what he really wanted to do, if he had become a doctor, he may have made less money overseas, but he almost certainly would have been a happier and more successful human being.

That’s why I teach people in my Journey-to-the-Extraordinary program that having something to live on is the good life, but having something to live for is the better life. So ask yourself, “What would you choose to do—even if no one was paying you to do it?”

Then look deeper. Look at all the income-producing work you’ve done over the years. And ask yourself which parts of that work you liked the most. Ask yourself, “What would you do if money wasn’t an issue?”

In fact, you might try the money-makes-no-difference game. Imagine that every person on earth is paid $30 an hour for work regardless of the job he or she performs. If that were the case, what job would you choose to do? If you choose to be a tree cutter in the forest, you would be paid $30 an hour. If you decide to be a brain surgeon, you would still receive $30 an hour. What would you love to do if money was not involved? Write it down.

Once you’ve figured out your answers to the first question (what you’re good at) and the second question (what excites you), you’ve got to ask yourself the third critical question.

Question #3: What Difference Do You Want to Make?

The first two questions are focused on you—your talents and your feelings. But the third question focuses on people or situations outside of you.

Of course, we live in an age where we’re told to “Go for the gusto” and “Get all you can.” But is that the real bottom line in life? Is that what really counts?

When Richard Leider, the author of The Power of Purpose (San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2010), interviewed scores of people over the age of 65, he asked them to share the most important lessons they had learned and what advice they would give younger people so they might have more fulfilling, successful lives and careers. Without hesitation, they said you’ve got to live a life that matters to others, and you’ve got to make a contribution to others. Go out there and make a difference in your world, whatever that might be, with whomever that might include.⁴

The good news is you don’t have to wait until you’re old before you learn how to live and what kind of career makes the most sense. You can get a purpose right now.

That’s what Troyal learned. Troyal went to Oklahoma State University on a javelin-throwing scholarship, but athletics did not feel like his real calling. So he asked himself a crucial question: “If God came to earth with a box containing the reason for my life inside of it, what words would I most like to find in that box?”

It didn’t take long for Troyal to know that the box would contain the word “music.” He could pick a little guitar; his voice wasn’t too bad, and he had written some songs. So he set off for Nashville.

Troyal did not find instant success in Nashville. He returned to Oklahoma, but two years later, he was back in Nashville working at a boot shop. One night he showed up for auditions at the Bluebird Cafe where a Columbia Records scout caught his act. The scout liked what he heard, offered a recording contract, and the rest is history.

Today this singer is known as Garth Brooks, the best-selling country artist of all time. According to PlanetGarth.com, he’s sold more records than legendary Michael Jackson or Madonna. But it all started with purpose. When Garth Brooks realized his purpose had something to do with music, when he realized the difference he wanted to make was to bring a bit more joy to the world through his music, happiness and success followed.

What difference do you want to make with your career and your life? Think about it. And write it down.

The difference you want to make may not be as big as rescuing the poor of Calcutta like Mother Teresa. The difference you want to make may not gather worldwide headlines like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech.

That’s okay. The difference you want to make may be in your immediate family, in your company, with your customers, or even some part of the world at large. But you must focus some part of your life and career on making a difference. Otherwise, you may have a good life, but you will never have a great life.

Put Your Answers into a Purpose Statement

Ultimately, you’ve got to have all three answers. You have to discover what you’re good at. You have to figure out what excites you. And you have to know what difference you want to make. In the convergence of those three answers you will find your purpose.

Author and CEO Bob Buford writes, “If you look deeply enough inside of you and are honest about combining your competence with your passion, you will find the mission that is best suited to you.”⁵

Notice my emphasis on the words convergence and combining. Your answers to the three questions I’ve just outlined will help you find and/or clarify your purpose.

Once you’ve figured out your answers, you need to write out your purpose statement. In its simplest form, your purpose statement is nothing more than one or two sentences that state why you are here and what you intend to do about it. It’s a sentence or two that you live by, and it guides every one of your thoughts, actions, and decisions. It’s like the steering wheel of your car or the guidance system installed in a rocket. So it’s a really big deal.

Now don’t let that scare you. Your purpose statement should be short and clear. It’s simple. You don’t need a thesaurus to write it. And you don’t need a dictionary to understand it. A useful purpose makes instant sense. You know exactly what it says and what it means.

It gets right to the point. Take, for example, the purpose statements for several of my clients.

Their purpose statements tell you exactly why they are in business and what they plan to do. In fact, their purpose statements are so simple that any one of their thousands of employees could easily memorize and state their purpose, but, more important, they can do a quick “gut check” on whether the work they are doing is consistent with that purpose.

Still not sure what your purpose is or how to write it? Then try this. Write out a sentence that is structured like this.

One of the people who attended my Journey to the Extraordinary program, 31-year-old defense contractor Sheila wrote: “My purpose in life is to be a mom that helps her children become confident, self-reliant, effective individuals, partly by being a positive, supportive role model.” And Bob, a tire manufacturing leader, wrote: “My business purpose is to show my employees and my customers that the best results come from honest, ethical, and caring behavior.”

Of course, you may have more than one purpose statement. You might have one for your personal life and one for your professional life. No problem. While my personal purpose statement incorporates my family, faith, and community, my professional purpose statement says, “My purpose in business is to give my clients the skills and motivation they need to achieve their goals and build their relationships—on and off the job.”

Once you’ve got your purpose statement or statements written out, congratulations! You’re ahead of almost everybody else on this planet. You’ve got The Champion Edge off the ground and starting to work for you.

But there’s one final issue we need to address. Some people do all the work to figure out a healthy, effective, and motivating purpose for themselves, but then they get off track. They live a life or perform work that is not in sync with their purpose. So how can you make sure you live your life and perform your work on purpose? Read on.