POTENT PAINKILLERS

POTABLE BALM FOR ACHES AND PAINS
…

SO FAR, YOUR DAY’S BEEN JUST FINE. THERE’S NO TRAFFIC ON YOUR MORNING COMMUTE; YOUR BOSS IS ON VACATION AND YOU’VE BEEN SUPER-PRODUCTIVE ALL MORNING; AND YOU GOT YOUR FAVORITE CHINESE TAKEOUT FOR LUNCH. THEN: WHAM. PAIN STRIKES. NOW YOU’VE GOT THE HEADACHE FROM HELL; A BACKACHE THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO GO STRAIGHT BACK TO BED; OR JOINT PAIN THAT JUST WON’T QUIT. AND YOU’RE NOT SURE HOW YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE REST OF THE DAY IN ONE PIECE. OY VEY. ACHES AND PAINS LIKE THESE CAN BE VERY FRUSTRATING, AND EVEN DEBILITATING. SO WHAT’S A BODY TO DO?

A sk your ancestors. For hundreds of years, sufferers have been visiting apothecaries seeking solutions for pain of all sorts. Some early analgesics contained powerful concentrations of highly addictive, narcotic drugs, including heroin, morphine, and cocaine. Sometimes the cure truly was worse than the disease: Users of drugs like these ran a significant risk of becoming addicted to them, replacing illness with dependence. Happily, though, there were far less risky—and, arguably, more effective—curatives at the apothecary’s disposal. Many herbs, spices, fruits, and vegetables contain natural properties that can easy bodily pain and calm the sufferer’s uneasy, stressed-out mind. But these delicate botanicals had to be preserved: Without refrigeration, many of them would have rotted, ruining their restorative properties—especially in warmer climates. That’s where alcohol comes in. Suspending fragile botanicals in alcohol prevents rotting, and can release their potential healing benefits. Blackberries, for example, have been used as analgesics for centuries—but how to preserve their painkilling power for months at a time? The answer is simple: Combine them with high-proof spirits into delicious infusions that’ll last well into winter.

Of course, there are hundreds of natural remedies for easing pain. Celery juice has been used as an analgesic since Roman times, and today, it may be effective in reducing arthritis-related joint pain. Lavender, peppermint, and clary sage have offered relief from stress-induced headaches for centuries, while chamomile calms the entire body and, some say, quickly relieves menstrual pain. The herb lemon balm, a relative of peppermint, is also said to relieve stubborn body aches. Nutmeg is said to restore a wilting appetite, which can help ease the headaches and fatigue brought on by hunger. Turmeric, garlic, ginger, chiles, poppy seeds, and anise also have venerable reputations as painkillers.

And when it comes to cocktails, there are plenty of easy-to-make drinks that are surprisingly effective at banishing pain, since they feature ingredients that old-time pharmacists would have had at their fingertips. For instance, my Lemon Balm Gin and Tonic sports a dose of lemon balm-enhanced simple syrup, which may ease digestive disorders and help mitigate bodily pain in general. Then there’s the whiskey- and coffee-laced Revenge of the Painkiller, a luscious concoction that’ll chill you out and get rid of that pesky caffeine-withdrawal headache. Nineteeth-century tipplers would have recommended the Green Fairy to fight pain, so you might want to reach for that bottle of absinthe and make a Soft Grey Lace, a winning combination of quinoa whiskey, absinthe, ginger beer, and a dusting of cayenne pepper—or an icy, mint-laden Absinthe Frappé, since cool, refreshing liquids never do any harm when it comes to easing pain. (Remember that it’s important to stay hydrated, especially when you’re drinking alcohol: in fact, sometimes simply drinking a fizzy glass of seltzer water can be a quick way to keep pain at bay.)

If you haven’t got time for the pain—and who does?—whip up a couple of the craft cocktails in this chapter. Relief is just a few pages away!

LEMON BALM GIN AND TONIC

When headaches strike, they can be distracting and even debilitating. Instead of reaching for synthetic painkillers, try a restorative cocktail made with lemon balm, a popular herbal cure that old-time pharmacists would’ve sworn by. Its lemon-scented leaves boast a long history of treating tension and stress, promoting refreshing sleep, sharpening concentration, improving mental performance, and easing nervous conditions that may lead to headaches and even migraines. Here, it’s infused in simple syrup and served up on ice with a generous dose of gin for a prescriptive take on the classic gin and tonic.

_ 2 TABLESPOONS (30 ML) LEMON BALM SIMPLE SYRUP

_ 1/4 FRESH LIME, CUT INTO CHUNKS

◁ BLACKBERRY ELIXIR

Berries are truly one of nature’s superfoods. Today, we know that they’re high in antioxidants, jam-packed (no pun intended!) with vitamin C, folic acid, and potassium, and may play a role in cancer prevention. But that wouldn’t have surprised German apothecaries of days gone by: In Germany, blackberries and elderberries have been prized for their painkilling properties for hundreds of years. Blackberries contain salicylic acid—a compound that’s also present in aspirin while elderberries are said to combat pain resulting from rheumatism or traumatic injuries. Blackberry brandy, which apothecaries once prescribed as an able painkiller, is at the heart of this luscious elixir.

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) LIME JUICE

_ 3 TABLESPOONS (45 ML) BERRY VODKA INFUSION

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) BOTANICAL GIN

◁ COCKTAIL WHISPERER’S PAINKILLING SYSTEM # 200

Sailors of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries were well aware of rum’s power as a painkiller. These days, rum is still an effective anodyne—when taken in small doses, of course! Here, fresh citrus juices balance out two types of rum, while orgeat syrup and coconut milk add sweetness and richness. The final flourish? A scraping of fresh nutmeg.

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) 140-PROOF RUM

_ 1 TABLESPOON (15 ML) ORGEAT SYRUP

_ 1/2 OUNCE (15 ML) SWEETENED COCONUT MILK

_ 2 OUNCES (60 ML) FRESH PINEAPPLE JUICE

_ 2 OUNCES (60 ML) FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE

_ 2 OUNCES (60 ML) FRESHLY SQUEEZED GRAPEFRUIT JUICE

_ COCONUT ICE CUBES (FILL AN ICE CUBE TRAY WITH A MIXTURE OF 1 PART WATER TO 1 PART SWEETENED COCONUT WATER AND FREEZE OVERNIGHT)

_ 4 DASHES ORANGE BITTERS

_ FRESHLY GRATED NUTMEG

◁ REVENGE OF THE PAINKILLER

Rye whiskey is fabulous in drinks that are traditionally made with rum, including my Cocktail Whisperer’s riff on the classic Painkiller. A famously dangerous drink that hails from the British islands in the Caribbean, your average, everyday Painkiller consists of rum, pineapple juice, orange juice, and cream of coconut. But, if you ask me, the ingredients in my version are far more interesting. Here, rye binds espresso, rum, coffee liqueur, and chocolate liqueur together in a lip-smacking concoction that’s very effective when sipped just before lunch in the hot sun, on the prow of a yacht, or beside a swimming pool. (Do pre-chill your glassware with crushed ice before serving: Revenge is a drink best served iced.) This lush cocktail is built for two, so share it with someone special. Otherwise, the Painkiller has a tendency to bite back.

_ 1/2 OUNCE (15 ML) COFFEE LIQUEUR

_ 1 OUNCE (30 ML) CHOCOLATE LIQUEUR

_ 1/2 OUNCE (15 ML) DARK RUM

_ 1 OUNCE (30 ML) RYE WHISKEY

_ 2 OUNCES (60 ML) SIMPLE SYRUP

_ 4 DROPS AZTEC BITTERS

_ CRUSHED ICE

_ FRESHLY SCRAPED NUTMEG

_ EASY HOME-CURED COCKTAIL CHERRIES

SOFT GREY LACE

This cocktail doesn’t do what it says on the label. There’s nothing soft or grey about it—although it is “laced” with lime and cayenne pepper for a riff on the famous (or infamous?) Moscow Mule. I like to make it with quinoa whiskey, which starts off dry on the palate, and then mellows into sweetness and a pillow-soft finish. That said, I think quinoa whiskey benefits from a fizzy mixer, hence the addition of cane-sugar beer. While the traditional Moscow Mule is little more than vodka and ginger beer served up in a mug, using quinoa whiskey and washing the pre-chilled mugs with absinthe really makes this drink shine. Plus, it’s a great hangover cure: It’s cold and refreshing, but a judicious dash of cayenne will help you sweat out the effects of the night before.

_ 1/2 OUNCE (15 ML) ABSINTHE

_ 2 OUNCES (60 ML) CANE SUGAR-BASED GINGER BEER

_ VERY LIGHT DUSTING OF CAYENNE PEPPER

◁ WATERMELON “MARTINI”

Watermelon packs an especially substantial wallop of antioxidants. Cocktails that include watermelon, like this refreshing Watermelon Martini, may help to relieve headaches and back pain. Inspired by apothecaries of yesteryear, who would have preserved concoctions of fruits and spices in preservative spirits, it combines freshly crushed watermelon with aromatic, curative vermouth and citrus-tinged, botanical gin. It’s a deeply delicious curative that helps assuage aches gently and quickly.

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) BOTANICAL GIN

_ 2 OUNCES (60 ML) PUREED WATERMELON

_ LEMON ZEST TWIST

◁ THE OLD OAK TREE COCKTAIL

Like the classic Manhattan, The Old Oak Tree Cocktail combines vermouth with spirits and bitters, but this curative libation is rum-based, and it calls for a hit of fresh lime juice, which is a great complement to the rum. If you ask me, this restorative, analgesic cocktail can relieve the pain of just about any minor injury—from the inside out.

_ 11/2 OUNCES (45 ML) CANE SUGAR SYRUP

_ 1/2 OUNCE (15 ML) SWEET VERMOUTH

_ 3 TO 4 DASHES ANGOSTURA BITTERS

_ 11/2 OUNCES (45 ML) FRESH LIME JUICE

_ SPRIG OF FRESH THYME

_ ICE

◁ ABSINTHE FRAPPE

These days, when we think of frappés, we usually imagine high-octane, sugar-laden, iced-coffee drinks. Traditionally, though, a frappé is simply a liqueur poured over shaved ice—and it can be a delicious, refreshing treat. This take on the frappé privileges absinthe, which has a reputation for alleviating aches of all sorts due to its high alcohol level. Known as the Green Fairy because of the high chlorophyll levels of the botanicals originally used in its production—and because the psychoactive substances that were also present in them could make heavy drinkers hallucinate—absinthe is said to ease headaches and general malaise, and to soothe stomachs made ornery from exposure to spoiled food. Absinthe frappés have their roots in hot, humid New Orleans, where they were considered to be elegant, cooling potions that could be enjoyed all year.

_ 1/2 OUNCE (15 ML) SIMPLE SYRUP

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) SELTZER WATER

_ 10 FRESH MINT LEAVES (PLUS EXTRA FOR GARNISH)

_ CRUSHED, PEBBLE-SIZED ICE

◁ THE TWO MILE COCKTAIL

This thermos-friendly cocktail for two was inspired by a halcyon trip I took one summer, out the Two-Mile Hollow Lane on the east end of New York State’s Long Island. It’s an easily transportable slurp, and it’s simply made, with only a handful of healing ingredients, including white whiskey, absinthe, peach nectar, and cooled jasmine tea. (According to the seventeenth-century Culpeper’s Complete Herbal, peach-kernels were meant to “wonderfully ease the pains and wringings of the belly through wind or sharp humours.”) Make a batch, then pour it into an insulated flask or thermos, and head for the beach: the fresh sea air will clear your head as the Two-Mile sweeps your ache and pains out to sea. Forget the sugar-laden, frat-boy cocktail most bars call the Long Island Iced Tea; this Long-Island-inspired tipple is the real deal.

_ 1/2 OUNCE (15 ML) ABSINTHE

_ 8 OUNCES (235 ML) BREWED JASMINE TEA, COOLED (NOT JASMINE GREEN TEA—THAT’S A DIFFERENT BEAST)

_ 3 SHAKES PEYCHAUD’S BITTERS

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) PEACH NECTAR, PREFERABLY ORGANIC

◁ GREEN TEA TONIC

Genever, the botanical gin that hails from Holland and Belgium, has been used as a curative for centuries, and it’s packed with healing ingredients like nutmeg, angelica, thistle, and grains of paradise. This tonic unites citrus, fresh ginger, green tea, and mineral-rich Brazil nuts, which are meant to reduce inflammation and relieve pain, into a warming prescription that eases all sorts of aches.

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) FRESHLY SQUEEZED LEMON JUICE

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE

_ 1 TABLESPOON GRATED FRESH GINGER

_ 1 TABLESPOON (15 G) POWDERED BRAZIL NUTS

_ WARM GREEN TEA

CHAMOIS CLOTH SHAKE

No matter how sophisticated you might be, you’re never too cool for a milkshake. Especially when that milkshake is, in essence, a Creamsicle for grownups. As soft and smooth as its eponymous chamois cloth, this chilled-out cocktail spikes orange sorbet with white whiskey and a soupçon of rosemary-infused simple syrup, which lends it a woody, elegant edge. Blitz up a batch of Chamois Cloth Shakes to cleanse your guests’ palates after a leisurely weekend lunch. (It’s a good idea to serve them as quickly as possible after blending for brightness of flavour, so don’t make them ahead of time.) If you’re a glutton for punishment, go ahead and make your own gelato, but you really don’t need to—the store-bought stuff works perfectly. The result is a soothing, cooling libation that literally takes seconds to whip up.

_ 2 SMALL SCOOPS ORANGE GELATO

_ 4 OUNCES (120 ML) WHOLE MILK

_ 2 TO 3 ICE CUBES

_ 1 TABLESPOON (15 ML) ROSEMARY SIMPLE SYRUP

PAIN-PROOF GARDEN ELIXIR

If you’re suffering from joint pain due to arthritis, natural remedies may help—and one particularly powerful remedy comes straight from the garden. Fresh vegetables can assist in the treatment of arthritis, especially those with vibrant colors: think spinach, broccoli, tomatoes, and carrots. The antioxidants in these vegetables help reduce joint swelling and inflammation, and the more you eat of them, the better. Here, a variety of veggies are lightly steamed, then pureed into a concentrated “soup” that’s packed with pain-fighting nutrients. Adding vodka turns the healthy mixture into a miniature cocktail that can be served Russian-style: that is, well chilled, and doled out in shot glasses. (Talk about literally drinking to your health.) If you enjoy a classic Bloody Mary, you’ll love this savory, nutritious libation.

_ 2 CUPS (475 ML) VODKA

◁ SLEEPY TIME DOWN SOUTH OF BROAD

I’m more than a little obsessed with the mint julep in all of its incarnations. That’s because my very first mint julep looms so large in my memory: it was made with care in an antique silver cup in Charleston, South Carolina. The sensation of that drink’s icy, refreshing chill against the steamy Charleston night has stayed with me to this day—and it’s what’s inspired the Sleepy Time Down South of Broad cocktail. This tipple reads like your traditional mint julep—but it takes a sharp right turn off Tradd Street and heads down South of Broad, since it calls for white whiskey instead of the traditional bourbon. And if you haven’t slapped your fresh mint before, you should start now: Remove mint leaves from their bitter stem, place them in one hand, and slap your other hand against it. This releases mint’s aromatic oils, without chopping or tearing it. Get slapping, and start mixing!

_ 1 TABLESPOON (15 G) RAW SUGAR

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) WHITE WHISKEY

_ CRUSHED ICE

_ STERLING SILVER JULEP CUP, FRESHLY POLISHED

SWEET SHERRY ELIXIR

The essential oil of the herb oregano is another powerful ally when it comes to fighting pain. It’s said to alleviate arthritis pain as well as headaches of all sorts and descriptions, and in some cultures, is even used to relieve sore throats. But you don’t need to use very much of this intensely flavored herb to heal deeply: Just a drop or two will do the trick. And, curiously, oregano’s flavor is a good complement to sweet sherry. Happily, sherry isn’t just for medicinal purposes: It’s an important ingredient in cocktails, and, of course, it’s delicious on its own. When the two are combined, the result is a sweet earthiness that’s intensely relaxing. (In the past, the pharmacist might even have prepared a batch of oregano-based bitters especially for this curative tipple.) Today, this simple cocktail is still a winner.

_ 1 DROP (AND NO MORE THAN 1 DROP!) OIL OF OREGANO

ABRUZZO-STYLE CAFFÈ CORRETTO

When I travel abroad, I pay close attention to what the locals are drinking. On a recent trip to Italy, I saw lots of people take small cups of caffè corretto at coffee bars in the mornings. And the actions of the barman who was preparing them were so simple and precise: He just pulled an espresso into a preheated ceramic cup, added about half an ounce of Jack Daniels from a bottle he grabbed from behind the coffee bar, and served it up. There was a perfect, measured cadence to his movements: Take order, preheat cup, pull espresso, correct, serve, and drink (well, it was the customer who was doing the drinking, actually, but still). The whole process was so elegant that I just had to include it here—not least because a prudent amount of liquor combined with a buzz of caffeine can wipe away even the most pernicious pain: There’s nothing better for banishing jetlag!

_ 1/2 OUNCE (15 ML) TENNESSEE SIPPING WHISKEY

_ 1/2 TEASPOON SUGAR, OR TO TASTE (PLUS A SMALL COFFEE OR ESPRESSO SPOON FOR DELICATE STIRRING)

◁ THE COCKTAIL WHISPERER’S TWISTED BUSHWACKAH

Down in the Caribbean islands, there are dozens of coffee- and cacao-flavored cocktails. The Bushwacker is one of them, and it matches a dark, aged rum with Tennessee sipping whiskey. It’s a perfect marriage, helped along by a hit of freshly brewed, cooled espresso coffee and a dollop of coffee ice cream for sweetness.

_ 2 OUNCES (60 ML) TENNESSEE SIPPING WHISKEY

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) ESPRESSO COFFEE, COOLED

_ HOMEMADE CRUSHED ICE, MADE FROM COCONUT WATER

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) SWEET CRÈME OF COCONUT

_ 1 SMALL SCOOP COFFEE ICE CREAM

_ 4 DROPS MEXICAN-STYLE SPICY BITTERS

◁ THE HARTLEY DODGE COCKTAIL

Bourbon or rye whiskey combined with sweet vermouth laced with healing bitters can act as a powerful painkiller. Although this prescriptive resembles the classic Manhattan, adding muddled peach slices to the mix adds a sweet, fresh, seasonal flavor thanks to the summery stone fruit. And it’s a fine balance: The key to this healing cocktail lies in the right proportions of sweet, savory, and blatantly powerful. When combined with the bottled-in-bond bourbon whiskey, the flavor of the peaches becomes even more intense. “Bottled in bond,” means the bourbon has been produced according to strict regulations, and it makes for a tastier—and more effective—cocktail. Give it a try: The Hartley Dodge has been known to conquer even the most tenacious aches and pains.

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) BONDED 100-PROOF BOURBON WHISKEY

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) SWEET VERMOUTH

_ 4 DASHES BITTERS

_ ICE CUBES

◁ COFFEE SOYMILK SHAKE

Vegans, rejoice! Although there have been a lot of mixed messages about the health benefits of soy, it’s been a staple of Asian diets for thousands of years, and today, soy milk is still a great source of protein: It may help restore and repair damaged muscle tissue and contains pain-alleviating compounds. Thus there’s no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy a soymilk shake after a long workout, or if you’re simply feeling achy. A soymilk shake like this one, made with coffee liqueur and overproof rum, can help fight pain, especially pain in the extremities, such as fingers and toes. (Is that due to the healing powers of soy, or to the rum? Try one and find out.)

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) COFFEE LIQUEUR

_ 2 OUNCES (60 ML) OVERPROOF RUM

_ ICE

CAMPARI AND SODA WATER QUICK FIX

Campari, that ultra-powerful Italian digestive, has an incredible red hue due to its unique mixture of citrus, herbs, and spices. The medicinal tipple is often mixed with a dose of freshly squeezed lemon juice to ward off the scourge of vitamin C deficiencies and other nutrition-related maladies. It’s often taken neat, but with the addition of a few ounces of carbonated water, Campari becomes more than just an after-dinner treat: It’s transformed into a prescriptive that can affect the spirit as well as the body. Sparkling water delivers the scent of the aromatic, therapeutic herbs straight into the patient’s nose, relieving his stomachache, headache, and grumpy mood all at once. Aperol, another bright-red, Italian-made herbal liqueur, can be substituted for the Campari in this easy recipe: It’s used to liven up diners’ moods and whet their appetites before big meals.

_ 3 OUNCES (90 ML) CLUB SODA (WITH AN ADDED PINCH OF SALT)

_ ORANGE ZEST TWIST

◁ THE PAINKILLER PRESCRIPTIVE

The Painkiller Prescriptive has its origins at a beach bar known as the Soggy Dollar, on the island of Jost Van Dyke in the British Virgin Islands. Medicinal preparations were available at this apothecary-cum-bar nearly every day during the winter and spring sailing seasons. If a sailor had spent the night in the grip of that demon, the “old black rum,” a dose of this fruity prescriptive would be sure to cure him of the affliction—and fast. A distant cousin of the pina colada, the Painkiller both refreshes and heals: The citrus juices offer a wallop of immunity-boosting vitamin C, while the coconut provides potassium and adds creaminess and heft. Nutmeg, which has long been used to rouse the appetite, tops off the Painkiller—and, of course, the rum warms and soothes the sufferer’s mind and body.

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) PINEAPPLE JUICE

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) ORANGE JUICE

_ 1 OUNCE (25 ML) CREAM OF COCONUT

_ FRESHLY GRATED NUTMEG