Chapter 28
Unavailability
There are many reasons one of your two lovers might be unavailable. Here is a starting list for you:
He/She is Dying
The love story set in the midst of someone dying is a sub-genre that keeps cropping up and then disappearing again. Most recently, Young Adult novels that teen girls weep over have become a popular movie genre. If I Stay. The Fault in our Stars. Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl. And many, many others. You know the ones I’m talking about.
Since movies began, and in live theater before that, someone has always been dying in his/her lover’s arms as the audience weeps. From long before Romeo drank the ill-fated poison beside his not-really-dead Juliet, this has been going on and is perennially popular.
Camille (1936, Zoe Akins, Frances Marion, and James Hilton adapting Alexandre Dumas, fils) is the tale of a wealthy young man who accidentally falls in love with a Parisian courtesan. The novel, Camille, had already been adapted twice as silent films, in 1915 and again in 1926 with Norma Talmadge. When young Armand Duval (Robert Taylor) realizes what Marguerite (Greta Garbo) is and his father gives him an ultimatum, he leaves her and tries to move on. Realizing his association with her is hurting him, Marguerite also chooses a wealthy baron and sends the boy away.
By the time Armand realizes that he truly loves her and nothing else matters, he rushes to her side only to find her dying of consumption. And no one has ever looked better dying of consumption than Greta Garbo. When Armand takes this frail flower in his arms and kisses her for the last time as she is fainting, it is one of the great screen throwdown kisses. Even if she is dying because she can’t breathe and this kiss probably kills her. We’re talking about love stories here and it’s totally worth it. She will live to die again on flat screens and handheld devices all over the world for all eternity.
In 1970, Erich Segal adapted his best-selling little novel Love Story into a popular weepy starring Ryan O’Neal whose bride Ali MacGraw can’t get pregnant because she’s dying of a fatal form of leukemia. Even sadder because this comes at the end of Act Two after she has worked her little fingers to the bone putting him through Harvard Law School, and now that he’s out and finally making money, she won’t be around to enjoy it. This movie has a famous line that is ridiculously bad advice. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Geeeze. People in love need to be able to say they’re sorry more than anyone on earth over the age of 6.
Other examples:
Dying Young (1991, Richard Friedenberg adapting Marti Leimbach’s novel). Julia Roberts is caregiver for lovely, terminally ill Campbell Scott.
Autumn in New York (2000, written by Allison Burnett). Winona Ryder fades away from Richard Gere.
Sweet November (2001, Kurt Voelker updating Herman Raucher’s 1968 script).
Charlize Theron does the same to Keanu Reeves. (With first names like Charlize and Keanu, do they really need last names?)
One humanitarian note: If you plan to make them cry their eyes out, try to make them laugh at least as many times. Have a little mercy.
Babies/Pregnancy
Pregnancy can be a barrier. It breaks up Juno and Pauly Bleeker for like all but the first and last five minutes of Juno. So even if it’s his, it can be a problem if you’re both 15.
Other pregnancy obstacles:
Look Who’s Talking (1989, written and directed by Amy Heckerling). John Travolta delivers the pregnant Kirstie Alley to the hospital and then helps to deliver the baby and gets attached to the whole thing.
Knocked Up (2007, written and directed by Judd Apatow). Seth Rogen gets Katherine Heigl pregnant and then people fall in love with each other. (See throwing up as a crack in the armor.)
The Backup Plan (2010, written by Kate Angelo). Jennifer Lopez gives up on finding the right guy, so she goes ahead and gets herself artificially inseminated. And then of course, meets Him immediately.
And babies can be an even bigger obstacle than pregnancy. In Walk the Line, Johnny Cash and June Carter, when they first start to fall in love, both have them. John’s got a toddler and another on the way in addition to his pretty wife. And June has a little girl the same age.
She’s a Nun/He’s a Priest
In The Sound of Music, the only obstacle keeping Maria and the von Trapp clan apart is, that’s right. She’s a novice, shortly to become a full-fledged nun. He is also a widower and nearly engaged. Not nearly enough as it turns out.
If he’s a priest things are even tougher. In the Argentinian film Camila (1984, screenplay by Maria Luisa Bemberg, Beda Docamopo Feijoo, Juan Bautista Stagnaro) a priest falls in love with a young woman in his parish. And since it is 1840 in Buenos Aires, which is a time and place that they execute men and women by firing squad for this, the stakes are high. The obstacle is plenty big enough. But a beautiful film. Sexy and romantic.
The Thorn Birds (1983, Colleen McCullough and Carmen Culver) is another in this genre. A hugely popular novel and TV miniseries.
Difference in Age
I was a student at UCLA film school when Colin Higgins was in the graduate program there. I knew him slightly, but well enough to ask him what his new screenplay was about. He said, “It’s a love story between an 18 year old boy and an 80 year old woman.” I said something like, “Really? With sex and everything?” He said, “Yes.” I said, “That’s a terrible idea.” Fortunately he laughed and paid no attention to the arrogant teenage girl who was far too opinionated for her age, or any age really. That screenplay was called Harold and Maude and launched a few careers. And became a beloved classic. For everyone. Including me. To quote Dirty Dancing, “When I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong.” One of the only times. I’m just saying.
Age difference can be a real barrier to a love relationship.
If the age difference is too extreme, we can’t and shouldn’t root for it. Sometimes it is so wrong as to be illegal.
Death in Venice (1971, Zoe Akins, Frances Marion, and James Hilton adapting Thomas Mann’s novel) is the story of an old man’s obsession with an angelic-looking teenage boy. Beautifully filmed by Luchino Visconti. The main character, played by Dirk Bogarde, was inspired by the composer Gustav Mahler. Do we root for this old man and this young boy to be together? No. It’s doomed by the decades between them and because it is probably not legal even in Italy. The old man doesn’t molest the boy, or touch him, or even speak to him. He loves him from afar. An obsession with the boy’s beauty. And this does not harm the boy. It is unfulfilled, but the longing uplifts the old man as he slides downhill toward death. We understand the old man’s love and longing and loss and we feel his sadness. His loss of love equals his loss of life itself as it slips away from him. And his love for this vibrant, beautiful young boy with his whole life ahead of him, symbolizes his love and loss of the boy that he once was himself and a tiny part of his innermost heart may still be that boy. Hopeless love stories are no less touching than hopeful ones.
When is the age difference too much? When one is underage. Under 18. Illegal. Jailbait. Beneath the age of consent and therefore off limits in a moral universe. Examples of this:
8 1/2 (1963. written and directed by Federico Fellini). A professional whore has her educational ways with some little boys.
The Reader (2008, David Hare adapting Bernhard Schlink’s best-selling novel). A troubled woman (Kate Winslet) takes a teenage boy as her lover in post-WWII Germany.
Valmont (1989, Jean-Claude Carrière and Milos Forman adapting Choderlos de Laclos’ novel) in which Colin Firth’s title character beds a teenage girl played by an actual 15-year-old, Fairuza Balk.
Summer of ‘42 (1971, written by Herman Raucher). As a young air force pilot’s wife waits for word of his fate, she finds comfort in the arms of her 16-year-old neighbor, Hermie.
If both young lovers are underage, the screenplay rules are slightly different. (Refer back to Chapter 21 on Baby Love.)
In The Graduate (1967, Calder Willingham and Buck Henry adapting the novel by Charles Webb), new college grad Benjamin is seduced by one of his parents’ friends, played by Anne Bancroft. We don’t root for this as a relationship because she’s twenty years older than him and the mother of a girl his age. A girl whom we do end up rooting for Ben to be with. She is unavailable as she is engaged to someone else, so second barrier to love: (a) I slept with your mother and (b) you’re marrying somebody else. No reason you can’t combine obstacles to love. By the way, when they made the movie Dustin Hoffman was 30 and Bancroft was 36, but they were good actors and played the age gap believably.
The Job Comes First
This is the one where he loves her so much he has to break up with her and make her forget all about him, since being with him puts her life in danger. Because he’s a Superhero. Superman. Or Spiderman, say. Or:
He’s a spy and people are out to kill him and his. Or her and hers.
He’s gotten on the wrong side of the mafia [insert evil dangerous secretive murderous group here].
He’s going to prison and doesn’t want her to ruin her life waiting for him.
Any of these can be women as well. It’s just usually guys.
He/She’s Crazy
Or rather Mentally Challenged. Sometimes you can fall in love with an amazing wild and crazy person who is so energized and brilliant and fabulous! Until they hit the wall and flip into the depression cycle of their bipolar illness and then you realize it’s not exactly brilliance. More like a serious off-meds psych-cle.
Sophie’s Choice (1982, Alan J. Pakula adapting the novel by William Styron) has Sophie (Meryl Streep) in love with Nathan (Kevin Kline), the wildly manic, then dramatically depressed Bi-Polar man, described by Stingo as “fatally glamorous.”
Mr. Jones (1993, written by Eric Roth and Michael Cristofer) has Richard Gere as the bipolar love interest of his therapist Lena Olin.
David and Lisa (1962, Eleanor Perry adapting Theodore Isaac Rubin’s book) is a love story of two young people (Keir Dullea and Janet Margolin) who meet as patients in a mental hospital.
Men Don’t Leave (1990, screenplay by Barbara Benedek and Paul Brickman, suggested by the French film La Vie Continue written by Moshe Mizrahi) stars Jessica Lange who is plunged into deep depression when her lover leaves. She is unable to care for her sons, or get out of bed, or recognize new love when it comes calling. Until Joan Cusack shows up to drag her out of bed and into the shower. It’s what friends do for friends. Or what a teenage son’s older nurse girlfriend does. Bless her.
In Shine (1996, screenplay by Jan Sardi), David Helfgott (Geoffrey Rush) is a gifted pianist who is stricken with schizophrenia, but manages to find love in spite of it.
Mental illness is an obstacle. And it can sometimes be overcome. With patience, love, understanding, and regular meds.
He/She is Head of State
If one of your lovers happens to be President, Princess, or Emperor it makes choosing a mate from your heart problematic. Many other factors can go into these royal or political alliances.
Roman Holiday is a favorite of most film lovers. A gorgeous princess, played by Audrey Hepburn in a role that won her an Oscar, runs away from the palace for a twenty-four-hour vacation in Rome, incognito. She is recognized (unbeknownst to her) by a newspaper reporter, played by Gregory Peck. Is it possible for two people to fall in love in a day? In Rome? Played by Audrey and Greg? You bet. But her princess-hood is a huge obstacle. And possibly even a deal breaker.
The Princess Diary movies (2001 onward, written initially by Gina Wendkos adapting Meg Cabot’s novel) started a teen genre of this type.
Other movies in this royal romance vein are:
The Prince and Me (2004, written by Jack Amiel, Michael Begler, and Katherine Fugate). Starred Julia Stiles and Luke Mably.
The King and I (1956, Ernest Lehman and Oscar Hammerstein II and Margaret Landon, based on the Broadway musical and true story). Starred Yul Brynner and Deborah Kerr.
The Swan (1956, John Dighton adapting Ferenc Molnar’s play). Starred Alec Guinness and Grace Kelly.
An American President. (Written by Aaron Sorkin) President Andrew Shepherd (Michael Douglas) and lobbyist Sydney Ellen Wade (Annette Bening).
The Woman He Loved (1988, written by William Luce). The true story of American Wallis Simpson and the King of England, Edward VIII, who abdicated to marry her. Played here by Jane Seymour and Anthony Andrews.
Sometimes the lovers overcome this obstacle, and sometimes duty and tradition and pressures of the crown rob them of their hearts’ desires.
He/She’s Not Human
This can be a problem, for many reasons, only some of them procreational.
In the enormous popularity of vampire tales in the last ten years, it certainly has been a problem for a lot of “young” couples, when one is mortal and the other not so much. The Twilight Series (2008 onward, from the books by Stephenie Meyer) and True Blood (2008–14, created by Alan Ball) are just two of these franchises. Is it an obstacle that can keep the pot boiling for hours of screen time? Yes. Many, many hours.
In the sci-fi classic Blade Runner (1982, Hampton Fancher and David Peoples), the woman of Harrison Ford’s dreams, played with smooth elegance by Sean Young, turns out to be some sort of replicant.
Starman (1984, Bruce A. Evans and Raynold Gideon) had a human woman fall in love with an alien who manufactures a human-style body for himself out of a single hair’s DNA. Yes, he looks like her dead husband, but Jeff Bridges’ Starman is not human.
In Mannequin (1987, written by Edward Rugoff and Michael Gottlieb), Andrew McCarthy falls for, well, a dress dummy. Don’t try this at home.
And in Enemy Mine, Dennis Quaid’s space fighter pilot is stranded on an uncharted planet alone with an alien … well, it’s a love story. Interstellar, interspecies, but at least the alien (played by Louis Gossett, Jr.) can change gender as the need to procreate arises. It was inspired by the story of a lone Japanese soldier and an isolated American G.I. stranded on a Pacific Island, not knowing World War II had ended.
Lars and the Real Girl (2007, written by Nancy Oliver) has the title character (played by Ryan Gosling) in love with and engaged to a life-sized rubber sex doll. Admittedly he is not mentally right, but he does love her. Through Acts One and Two. We get sort of fond of her ourselves.
In A Beautiful Mind (2001, Akiva Goldsman adapting Sylvia Nassar’s book), we don’t realize that the central character John Nash (Russell Crowe) is mentally ill when he falls in love with Alicia (Jennifer Connelly). By the time we realize what is really going on, the mental illness itself becomes the central obstacle to the love story. And this surprise is one of the best movie surprise reveals. Right up there with The Sixth Sense and The Crying Game.
He/She is a Murderer/Monster/Psycho Bitch
We can’t root for this, of course, once we figure out the deal. Sometimes it takes awhile, and sometimes we know right away.
Julia Roberts’ husband in Sleeping with the Enemy (1991, Ronald Bass adapting Nancy Price’s novel) is a controlling, dangerous psycho. She runs away from him and is able to fall in love with a decent guy. Until hubby shows up. This one is a suspense thriller. Straightened towels have never been so scary.
The same obstacle can be used to good effect in a comedy. So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993, written by Robbie Fox) is just one example.
In the supernatural horror genre, this obstacle can appear where we least expect it. In What Lies Beneath, Harrison Ford seems to be the perfect supportive, understanding husband to Michelle Pfeiffer. Or is he? If you haven’t seen it, this is one of the better films in the horror/ghost genre.
In Gaslight (1944, screenplay by John Van Druten and Walter Reisch), Ingrid Bergman’s husband (Charles Boyer) tries to drive her mad, which would leave him a free man.
That one or both of the lovers are unavailable for any of the above reasons will work. But unavailability is not the only obstacle to love. Read on for other tried and true obstacles.