Chapter 6

Critical Results Language

Language on the front lines: Since results, not actions, are the key, these are some specific techniques to apply at “mission critical” juncture points. There are relatively few key judgment areas where a slight difference in the language of inquiry and validity can create a huge impact.

Asking for the Sale

Assumptions, without validation and confirmation, can be the Achilles Heel of success. We think they understand. We think they agree and are aligned with the game plan. We believe we’re on the proverbial same page. And, then, their actions (or lack of) totally surprise us. You’re thinking, “Hey, what just happened here? We discussed this and now they are disregarding what we agreed on.” However, in reality, was there truly agreement? Did you ask for confirmation?

We’ve all experienced this scenario. It’s frustrating and disillusioning for all parties involved. If you could revisit the conversation, you’ll most likely discover that you never asked for the sale (to calibrate interest and degree of agreement), and you never truly closed the sale (confirmed agreement). Not asking for the sale is like running the entire race and stopping short by failing to run through the tape.

In a traditional sales environment, not asking for the sale with prospects and customers is thought to be a fear of:

• Rejection and being told no
• Having to deal with difficult objections
• Feeling awkward, uncomfortable, pushy

However, not asking for the sale is seldom fear. It’s significantly more basic and less emotional. It’s not being aware of the value and necessity of the technique in everyday communications. Asking for the sale is not a slick sales move. It’s a savvy communications skill. Everyone should be proficient (unconsciously competent) in this technique. To gain this level of competence, it’s important to know the value of asking for the sale in order to know when and how to use it in your role as a leader in conversations you have on a daily basis:

Value: The implicit becomes explicit. The value of asking for the sale is to eliminate any assumptions or ambiguity regarding agreement or disagreement (lack of buy-in). It’s the equivalent of the handshake agreement where all parties are in agreement.*

When: Asking for the sale begins as a progressive process throughout the conversion and culminates with asking your audience a direct question at the right time. This is done to elicit a yes, no, or maybe in agreement to move forward. Throughout the conversation, you are conscious of and recognize areas of agreement (alignment) as well as areas of disagreement or objections (possible roadblocks to be addressed and overcome). When the time is right, you avoid assuming your audience is aligned with you and you actually ask for that confirmation to validate your assumptions.

How: Create touch points along the way and throughout the conversation. Listen and probe for understanding, acknowledgment, agreement, disagreement, and concerns. When all stones have been turned (you’ve answered questions and overcome objections), it’s as simple as asking some version of: “Is there anything else we need to discuss in order for you to move forward?” If the response is no (which, in fact, is a positive at this point), then it’s time to run through the tape! Go for it by asking for the sale. Now is the time to make the implicit explicit. Confirm with some version of, “Great, then you’re ready to ?”

On the other hand, if the response to your question (“Is there anything else we need to discuss…”) is yes (which means you haven’t yet closed the sale), continue the discussion to determine if:

• You need to provide additional information.
• There are objections cited that have not been overcome.
• There are additional objections and concerns that have not been surfaced or voiced.

Sometimes, you think you’ve turned over every stone. But, in fact, you may have misinterpreted the situation. The following are some common scenarios that can create a false sense of agreement prior to asking for the sale:

• “Do you understand?” Even when the answer is yes, never assume understanding means agreement. Your audience may understand perfectly, but not necessarily agree.
• “Does this make sense?” Just because it makes sense doesn’t mean you have agreement.
• “Do you have any questions?” The absence of questions does not denote agreement.
• Failing to recognize an objection as an objection. Not all questions are objections. Questions merely need to be answered. Objections (which can be in the form of a statement or a question) are based on some element of disagreement or concern. If the objection is of high priority for your audience, it needs to be overcome. High priority objections that are not overcome can prevent agreement. (We’ll talk more about overcoming objections later in this chapter.)

Some are great at asking for the sale, but don’t recognize when they’ve gained commitment and closed the sale. Therefore, they keep talking and keep talking and run the risk of eventually losing that sale and commitment!

There’s an old sales training story about a sales person debriefing with the sales manager who was along on the sales call. The conversation goes like this:

Salesperson: “I don’t understand. She seemed so interested. I thought for sure I was going to close that business.”

Manager: You did close the business.

Salesperson: I don’t understand …

Manager: The customer agreed to buy and you took it back when you continued to talk and explain. Then, it happened again. The customer agreed a second time, and again you kept talking. Finally, the customer gave up. You sold it twice and then went on to lose it twice. That’s why you didn’t get the sale. You have to know when to ask for the sale, when you’ve closed the deal, and when to stop talking or selling.

Asking for the sale and closing the deal in daily conversation isn’t selling a product or a service. It’s the culmination of effectively positioning, influencing, and confirming—which is the epitome of sales in any situation. It’s the art of gaining commitment instead of demanding compliance.

Gaining Support and Exerting Influence

“Command and control. Dictate and demand. Rank and rule.” Short of the military, these leadership styles have gone by way of servant leadership and sweat lodges in their effectiveness in today’s organizations. (The only reason I didn’t state they’ve gone by the way of the dinosaur is because, unfortunately, those styles aren’t yet completely extinct!) I’m not suggesting that leading should be decision by committee or that holacracy is the way to go. What we are emphasizing is the fact that leaders in today’s world must be able to gain support and influence others, day in and day out, in a variety of situations.

Continually.

I’ve worked with a myriad of leaders throughout a variety of organizations (the entire scope of public, private, profit, not-for-profit, small business, large business, family business, local, domestic, global, and so forth). Through the years, I have unscientifically categorized leaders as:

1. Leaders who were liked personally and socially, but not necessarily respected as business leaders.
2. Leaders who weren’t particularly liked (personally or socially), but were respected and applauded for their business approach and leadership style.
3. Leaders who were relatable and respected. (Being liked was irrelevant in this category.)

My unscientific observations focused on which leaders were the most successful in gaining voluntary support and influencing others—­internally and externally. Interestingly, the leaders in the third category were the star leaders. The second category leaders were next in line. And, sadly, those who were the most liked and the least respected (first category) may have had a lot of friends in the workplace, but they were lacking in their ability to gain support and influence for results. They were found lacking as successful leaders.

What constitutes relatable and respected? Here are the characteristics regarding gaining support and influencing others:

• They don’t use position power (acquired authority) or their personal power (credibility and influence) exclusively. They know when to use which, as there is a time for each. (Position power is about policy or discipline. Personal power is about persuasion and influence.)
• They not only walk the talk (lead by example), they consistently talk the walk (lead by consistent and proactive messaging).
• They know how to ask the right questions at the right time (relevant to the matter at hand).
• They don’t view challenging questions, objections, or resistance from others as being undermining or uncooperative. They realize the value of these conversations and engagements.
• They know how to answers questions, overcome objections, ask for the sale, and close the sale.
• They clearly and succinctly communicate the what, how, and the why of value of any significant decision or initiative. They can easily customize this for any given audience—including providing the answer to the ever popular question from their audience of “What’s In It For Me?” (Even when this question isn’t verbalized, it’s always on someone’s mind, so the effective leader knows to address it whether it’s asked or not.)
• They position things to be relevant and meaningful for others. They communicate and frame the alignment of decisions, efforts, and action with mission, vision, strategy, and ethics. They don’t leave the interpretation of that connection to chance. They actually connect the dots with and for others.
• They are appropriately empathetic.
• They engage others effectively.
• They control without being controlling.
• They know how to successfully negotiate.
• They never pretend to have all the answers all the time.
• They display confidence and instill confidence in others.
• They create avenues for voluntary commitment versus expectations of mandated compliance.

If this list sounds familiar, it’s because we’ve already presented every one of the characteristic in some context. The fact is all of these characteristics are essential to gaining support and influencing others. If you ignore, eliminate, or violate any one of them, you exponentially diminish your ability to be successful in this regard.

Overcoming Rejection and Objection

What would a scripted courtroom scene be without an attorney dramatically jumping out of the chair and vehemently shouting, “Objection your Honor, I object!!!”?

In a courtroom, an objection is raised after the opposing attorney asks a question, during testimony, or while evidence is being introduced. An attorney voicing an objection is similar to stating, “Foul, offsides, or out of bounds” in hopes the judge will agree and sustain the objection. If sustained, the judge disallows the testimony, the question, or the evidence. If the judge overrules the objection, then the testimony proceeds as is and the objection is no longer relevant.

Courtrooms aside, objections in every day conversation take on a different flavor.

• Objections can be in the form of a question or a statement. Don’t confuse a simple inquiry for additional information with an objection that needs to be effectively addressed and overcome. “I disagree with your premise” is an objection. At face value, “What is the basis for that conclusion?” is merely a question.
• Objections are seldom clearly announced as objections. Short of someone blatantly stating they disagree, objections may be subtler. They can be extremely subdued. They can even go completely unstated. Nonverbal behavior often indicates objection, for example, when eye contact is lost or eyebrows are raised.
• In a courtroom, the judge gets to state to the jury, “You will disregard that information.” In your world (and in the legal one, let’s not kid ourselves), that bell can’t be unrung. Unlike a switch you turn with an adverse reaction and quickly turn it back again, you can’t take back your words.
• You’re on your own. There’s no judge calling the shots as to what’s admissible and what’s not. Lawyers who don’t have the merits of a case use the law. You have no such option.

And, last but not least, the most significant distinction is:

• In the context of conversational language (such as selling an idea or decision, negotiations, resolving conflict, gaining support, influencing others, innovation, strategic planning, and change management—all the other areas we discuss in this book), an objection is a sign of interest. It’s not an attempt to shut down the conversation, as it is in a courtroom. It means your audience is at least interested enough to continue the discussion and to further explore. Even if they are discussing what appear to be roadblocks, they are giving you the opportunity to address their concerns. Objections are a sign that your audience is not indifferent. Objections are a good thing. You just need to be comfortable and prepared to handle them.

There are two ways to deal with objections:

1. Preventive: Anticipate and respond to the expected objection before it’s stated. This is the preemptive approach. “What will they say to try to prevent this idea being accepted? What’s in their own interest that might be antithetical to this idea?”
2. Contingent: Wait for the objection(s) to arise and then deal with them. “Let me respond to each of your three objections right now.” “Why do you feel that way when you’ve never mentioned that factor before?”

To maximize success, use both techniques. You don’t want to be exclusively preventive. Don’t attempt to proactively address each and every objection that could possibly be cited. There may be common objections you can anticipate and address as you present information. However, because objections are truly a sign of interest, individual objections help you recognize where one’s concerns and interest might lie, which provides great insight in the process.

Here’s a step-by-step approach to dealing with objections:

1. Listen and recognize: As we’ve mentioned, it’s ineffective and unproductive to treat a simple question or comment as an objection when it’s not one. Just address the question or comment and confirm with your audience that they are satisfied with the information you’ve provided. On the other hand, if it’s truly an objection, then move to the next step.
2. Discovery: This is not the time to become defensive and launch into a rebuttal. (That is, don’t treat an objection as rejection.) Instead, be curious. Ask additional questions for clarification. It’s important you know and fully understand the objection before addressing it. Ask the right questions and then paraphrase your understanding to minimize the opportunity for misunderstanding. Sample questions include:
   • Tell me more about that …
   • Help me understand how this affects …
   • Is this a significant concern for you?
3. Acknowledge and respond: Once you have an understanding of the objection and its scope, acknowledge the objection and respond appropriately. (Depending on the type of objection, this may be the perfect time to be empathetic.)

   Your response may be to:

   • Offer additional or clarifying information
   • Cite a similar situation and the positive results
   • Focus on the value to your audience
   • Provide a contrarian position (offer a different point of view for consideration without it being a defensive rebuttal).
4. Confirm and Gain Commitment: After step 3, ask, “Have I answered your concern(s)?” If they agree, move to step 5. If not, continue to discuss as needed.

   Note: Some objections may be smoke screens—they are minor objections (or distractions) that aren’t the heart of the concern or the issue at hand. This is why you want to make sure you surface any true objections that can be deal breakers. A key question to ask is, “If it weren’t for this (objection or concern), would you be willing to do XYZ?”And remember, as with negotiating, there are some objections that are not deal breakers (meaning, they may or may not be voiced, but they will not prevent closing the deal). This is the difference between musts (deal breakers) and wants (desires) we discussed earlier in decision making.

5. Ask for the “sale”: As we mentioned earlier in this chapter, never leave it to chance as to whether your audience is in agreement with you. You must ask for the sale to confirm commitment. If they don’t agree, either you weren’t successful in step 3 or they may have additional objections or concerns that still need to be addressed. Provided they agree, move to step 6.
6. Close the sale—Run through the tape: you haven’t succeeded until the contract is signed, agreement is obtained, hands are shaken, and so forth. Pour cement on the confirmation.

Now, let’s look at a different angle related to objections. Let’s talk about the most effective way to state an objection when someone else is taking the initiative in the conversation with you:

1. Don’t be coy and don’t use smoke screens.
2. State where you see the value, benefits, or positives.
3. State any objections or concerns clearly.

This formula eliminates uncertainty and puts the cards on the table. If the other person isn’t forthcoming in the information you need to make a decision, then go after that information and ask the right questions.

Resilience

“The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat … ”

This became the well-known line in the opening scene of ABC’s Wild World of Sports. The show captured the highlights of sports competitions around the globe. While the show was about sports, that very line became a common catchphrase for grandstanding the winners and the losers (successes and failures) in any situation. We’ve all been there, on either side of the equation at some time or another. Not just in sports competitions, but in daily life.

With an intentional focus on your success (the thrill of victory), we’ve spanned a wide spectrum of circumstances in this book that you regularly face. We have:

• Presented the value of asking questions (versus merely telling, directing, and demanding).
• Explored how to move from data to wisdom.
• Provided insight and steps on how to effectively utilize critical questioning skills, critical situation skills, and critical results language.
• Encouraged you to debrief and celebrate collective and individual successes, including your own.

Now, at this point, the question is, how do you deal with the absence of success? When all does not go well or when the desired results are not achieved, how do you remain resilient and continue to move forward? How do you recover from the agony of defeat?

We all experience moments (or what sometimes feels like trends) of less than desirable results, missing the mark, or outright failure. No matter how experienced, talented, and skilled we may be, we all have situations and circumstances where we need to deal with difficult and less than ideal outcomes. We all have situations and circumstances where we need to be resilient in order to be truly successful.

In some cases, the agony of defeat is collective (the opposite of collective successes), and you need to create a sense of collective resilience within a team or the organization overall.

In other cases, it’s up close and personal. It’s your ineffectiveness, misstep, or failure, and you need to focus on your own resilience.

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from adverse situations with little or no residual damage or lingering effects. It is psychological elasticity.

The following are keys to resilience:

Bouncing back from defeat: Like anything in life, defeat can be minor, major, or anything in between. Bouncing back isn’t related to the degree of defeat. It’s directly related to how you view the adversity and how you leverage it. Abraham Lincoln lost most of his early elections, Steve Jobs nearly lost (and did lose) his own company, athletes return to start the day after losing the game for the team, and so on.

Learning from setback: Hindsight in any situation can be 20/20. It doesn’t predict future success, but it does allow you to deconstruct what worked and what didn’t. Look for cause and effect, as well as patterns, trends, and one-offs in the situation. Analyze how these contributed to the past situation and what you may need to add, change, or delete for a similar future scenario. West Point cadets study defeats, not merely victories, to learn what to avoid in the future.

Stress as a positive not only a negative: Is your glass half empty or half full? Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Is your self-talk negative or positive? Your answers to these questions may determine whether you use stress as a positive catalyst or if it handicaps and undermines your ability to be resilient. Stress can motivate some while it hamstrings others. It can be an energy booster or an energy drainer. If stress is chronic or you feel that it’s imposed on you, chances are it will have a negative effect on you. On the other hand, if you feel in control (even in the face of failure or defeat), stress can be a great motivator. Believe it or not, well-managed stress can make you more resilient in any circumstance. Eustress is the positive stress that creates the adrenalin rush prompting great work under pressure and deadlines.

Remaining optimistic: This tip is based on the premise that you are optimistic to start out and that you can maintain that optimism through the good times and the not-so-good times. Dr. Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania is the rock star of positive psychology, and his book, Learned Optimism, details how one’s self-talk can improve behaviors, habits, and influence.

Absorbing setback without assigning it to poor self-worth: Resilient leaders can separate setback, failure, and defeat from their own self-worth. They are not one in the same any more than your successes make up your self-worth. This doesn’t suggest they refuse to take responsibility for their actions or decisions. Instead, it means they have the confidence to not let success or failure define their self-worth.

Maintaining identity despite outcomes: Your self-worth is independent of your efficacy. That is, you are not as good as your last victory or as poor as your last defeat. Your self-worth should be constant, so that you can accommodate victory without becoming egocentric and absorb defeat without becoming depressed, as you can see in Figure 6.1.

Figure 6.1 Constant esteem