CHAPTER 6

Leadership Is Hard Work—Get Tough

Let's face it: Leadership is hard work, and it's getting harder. To truly excel, to truly be a great leader over the long term, you must have the courage and persistence to do the hard work of leadership. Delivering consistent financial results, attaining high team performance, executing strategy, managing multiple and often conflicting priorities, and driving innovation isn't easy. You must realize that there is hard work that you alone as a leader can and must do, and if you don't do it, you'll set yourself and your organization back.

However, in my experience I find many leaders who are reluctant to dig in and choose instead to avoid the hard work. Others act as bystanders, watching things happen. And then there are those leaders who simply look for the easy way out, thinking that some quick-fix idea will make everything better, only to be surprised when these quick fixes don't fix anything. We need to stop underestimating what it takes to be a consistently great leader. Sure, leadership can be easy if you're satisfied with mediocrity. But that's not what the leadership contract is all about.

It's time that we as leaders understand that the real work of leadership isn't easy. We also need to understand that we'll need resilience, determination, and a deep sense of personal resolve to be effective. This is what the third term of the leadership contract is all about.

Do We Have Wimps or Leaders in Our Organizations?

A lot of my clients talk about how their leaders don't seem to be willing to take on the hard work that comes with their roles. I often hear comments like “Our leaders avoid managing poor performers,” “Our leaders don't give candid feedback,” or “Our leaders really struggle in making difficult decisions.”

Hearing the same themes over and over again, from client after client, I can't help but ask myself, Are there any real leaders in our organizations, or are we just surrounded by wimps? It seems like there are a lot of wimps out there—people who don't have the courage to take on the hard work of leadership.

Holding people accountable isn't easy. Managing poor performers isn't easy. Accepting candid feedback about how you need to grow as a leader isn't easy. Confronting your personal gaps takes courage. But instead of getting tough, too many leaders choose to wimp out.

You must accept this third term of the leadership contract. You can't take the easy way out. It's no longer good enough for you to be a bystander. You have to get tough. Everyone, including your team, your department, your boss, and your organization, is counting on you to be a leader and not wimp out. This will also mean you will need to be tough with yourself.

The Hard Rule of Leadership

If you are ready to be a true leader, then it's time to learn a rule that few leaders understand. I call it the hard rule of leadership:

Let's explore this further.

Avoid the Hard Work of Leadership and You Become Weak

Take a moment to be honest with yourself and think about the hard rule of leadership as it applies to you. What hard work are you avoiding in your role? Maybe there's a difficult decision that you alone need to make. Maybe there's some straight-up feedback you need to deliver to a colleague. Maybe there's a chronic underperformer you know you need to deal with but haven't. Maybe you've been putting off doing a 360-degree assessment on yourself for fear of the feedback you'll receive.

Many leaders don't realize that when you avoid the hard work of leadership you actually end up making yourself weak. And it goes beyond you. You also end up weakening your team, your division, and your entire organization. The hard work will always be there, and if you keep putting it off, you'll spend your days dealing with the same issues over and over again. You'll never truly advance or make progress. You, your team, and your organization will be stuck. Does this sound familiar?

Let's consider the story of Margaret. She was a senior leader in a struggling information technology professional services firm. The company brought in a new chief operating officer, and he engaged me to help him and his senior team create a new strategy for the future. We set up regular forums for the top leaders to come together, and Margaret was one of those leaders. By the third session, I noticed Margaret was really getting frustrated.

I said, “Margaret, what's going on? You don't look like a happy camper.”

She paused and then said in frustration, “I'm getting sick and tired of these meetings. You know I've come to all of them with this list of things I need to get done, and every time I walk away, my list remains untouched.”

I said, “Okay, Margaret, thanks for sharing your reactions. Why don't you take a minute and review this list right now and ask yourself how many items could have been tackled before coming to this meeting?” As she was looking at her list, I said, “Margaret, I want you to be honest with me.”

She looked up sheepishly, and said, “All of them.”

I said, “What do you think has been holding you back?”

She paused and then explained, “Because they involve a lot of really tough conversations with the people in this room.”

I reminded Margaret and the entire group that the purpose of the meetings was to explore the future strategy of the organization. They couldn't afford to get bogged down in day-to-day operational issues. It was their job as leaders to tackle those operational issues head-on, no matter how difficult they might be. I challenged the group to come to the meetings with as many items checked off their lists as possible so that they would have the freedom to think about the future. During the rest of the day, I saw Margaret meeting with her colleagues, booking times to address the hard things she was avoiding. It was clear she had learned the hard rule of leadership.

Many leaders don't understand that it is their job to get tough and tackle the hard stuff. Like Margaret, many never check a single thing off that list we all carry with us. Maybe confronting our peers is too difficult. Maybe it never seems like it's the right time to do it.

Unfortunately, a failure of nerve is a failure of leadership. Failing to have these conversations keeps you and your company from moving forward. It keeps you distracted by unresolved issues. It keeps you stuck.

The 10 Ways Leaders Make the Hard Work Harder

Through my own leadership experience and my work with hundreds of leaders at all levels, I've learned that not only is leadership hard work, but a lot of us inadvertently make the hard work harder. We need to be aware of how we do this so that we can become stronger as leaders.

As you read this next section, reflect on your own leadership roles and identify the ways you make the hard work of leadership even harder for yourself.

1. Getting in over Your Head Sometimes a situation changes, and you're no longer equipped to manage it. Maybe you don't have the skills you need to be successful. Maybe your ego gets in the way and keeps you from asking for help. Maybe you are still trying to prove yourself to your colleagues and your organization. Maybe you lack self-confidence, and everyone knows it. Your team can smell it, and it undermines your credibility. You start playing it safe and become an empty chair leader. If this sounds familiar, you may be in over your head.

I once worked with a struggling leader whose performance began to decline. He was well liked, but pretty soon that didn't matter because his poor performance started to frustrate his team members. He knew he wasn't cut out for the role he was in. But instead of admitting it and addressing it directly, he let his performance slide to a point where his manager had to terminate him. If you find yourself in so far over your head that there's a real risk that your projects will have bad outcomes, then you need to have the courage to ask for help. Otherwise, you'll keep yourself and everyone around you stuck at the level of your incompetence.

We create risk for our organizations when we lack the courage to admit that we're in over our heads. Asking for help isn't easy. Your ego gets in the way. You probably feel tremendous pressure to prove yourself to others. But in today's complex world, you need to continually monitor your own performance and make sure you aren't putting yourself and your company at risk.

Do you find yourself getting in over your head as a leader?

2. Confusing Tough with Rough There aren't many really tough leaders out there. There are a lot of leaders who think they are tough, but they're actually rough. They've confused the two. They're holding on to old ideas of leadership that tell them you need to be a jerk to show how tough you are. Many of these leaders regularly mistreat, disrespect, and insult others. They frequently “tear a strip” off their direct reports, even in public. Yelling at people is easy. Being genuinely tough is much harder.

If you are one of these rough leaders who is prone to temper tantrums, emotional outbursts, or chronic moodiness, I have two words for you: Grow up! This behavior is understandable for toddlers but not for leaders. Your lack of professional maturity makes things harder for you. Your inability to keep your emotions in check puts everyone on edge. You're creating a climate of fear, and you'll never get the best out of your team and colleagues as a result.

A generation ago it was probably okay to mistreat people. Leaders could do it because they had power and the boomers would put up with it. But if you take the rough approach today, you'll become a lonely leader pretty fast. The bottom line is that if you are a jerk as a leader, no one is going to want to work with you. It's that simple. Why? Because the Millennials won't put up with you; they'll just leave. To make matters worse, the boomers are following their younger colleagues' lead and becoming less willing to put up with a rough leader.

As a leader do you confuse tough with rough?

3. Mistaking Effort for Results Vic was pretty angry when he left his annual performance review. He couldn't believe his boss, the company's chief information officer (CIO), had given him an unsatisfactory performance rating. Didn't she know how hard he had been working?

As the director of IT, Vic's big project for the year was implementing a new cloud-based customer relationship management (CRM) system. He had run into problems right from the start. The first vendor he chose wasn't really up to the task. They gave him bad advice, and by the time he realized it, months had gone by and the project's costs had escalated. Now he was under pressure to get the system out, so he skimped on internal education. When the CRM hit the sales force, he got a lot of complaints.

Vic thought he had given the project everything he could. It had been a hard year. He had put in countless hours. He was often on call 24/7. And he felt like hiccups were common enough anyway when implementing a new system to not be a big concern.

His manager saw things differently. She knew how many hours Vic had put in, but in the end, he just didn't deliver. So although Vic rated himself as “meeting expectations” for the year, his manager gave him that dreaded rating of “unsatisfactory.”

During the meeting, the CIO explained that, as a leader, Vic shouldn't confuse effort with results. “It's one of the first ground rules of leadership,” she said. She also reminded him that as a leader, he needed to be able to take an objective view of his own performance, even when it fell short.

I've run into leaders like Vic many times. They're so focused on how hard they're working that they can't see the actual results they've accomplished—or failed to accomplish. This keeps them from seeing their own performance objectively and ultimately makes things more difficult. Many leaders think working hard is the same thing as doing the hard work of leadership. It isn't. Keeping yourself busy by toiling away at drudgery is hard and wears on you over time. But that's very different from tackling the real hard work of leadership.

Do you have a tendency to mistake effort with results?

4. Feeling Like the Victim Leaders make it harder for themselves when they feel and act like victims. I once had a phone call with a leader I was working with that really bothered me. This woman spent 30 minutes complaining about her company and her role. The more she went on, the more frustrated I became.

It's never fun to get an earful of someone else's negativity, but this call really stuck with me. I was still thinking about it later that afternoon. Eventually I realized why: This woman was a senior leader in her company, but she didn't show up as a leader. Her complaining made her sound like an employee.

Everybody gets frustrated at work. That's normal. But leaders need to be able to move through the frustration. I'll cut an employee who's complaining some slack, because he probably can't change his day-to-day circumstances that much. But a leader can.

I called this leader back and had a frank talk with her. I told her that although I understood the reasons for her frustration, she needed to step up and move forward. She needed to stop believing she was the victim and get busy tackling the hard things in her leadership role. If there's a problem, don't whine about it—fix it!

Do you show up as a victim at times? How does this set you back?

5. Being Insecure When you are insecure as a leader, you will come off as wishy-washy, unwilling to take a stand on any issue. Maybe you don't have the courage or stomach to be a leader, and you take the easy way out on important decisions. If you're really insecure, you don't trust others and you end up micromanaging. You never let go of anything. You keep doing work you shouldn't be doing, and others around you don't grow. You may also hire weak talent for fear that stronger people will surpass you.

Other insecure leaders need to be liked by everyone. So they are agreeable—too agreeable. They never tackle the hard stuff for fear that they won't be liked. Being a leader isn't about winning a popularity contest. In fact you will learn that being liked as a leader is often overrated. You will going to be obligated to do some things that won't make everyone happy. You can't let insecurity stop you from doing what needs to be done.

Do you have insecurities that undermine your effectiveness as a leader?

6. Needing Good News Many leaders want to hear only good news. They make their own lives harder because everyone who works with them spins information, and they never hear the real truth. If you avoid bad news, you keep yourself in a state of delusion, never confronting what's really going on. It's like being at a carnival and going to the House of Mirrors. Everything you look at is distorted. This distorted view keeps you disconnected from what's going on. You run the risk of missing things. Problems get worse, and your work gets more difficult.

Avoiding or ignoring bad news keeps you stuck. Let me put it another way: Your job as a leader is not to avoid, ignore, or deny bad news; it's to find out the bad news as early as you can so you can act before the problem becomes more complicated.

Do you want to hear only good news as a leader? Do you appreciate the impact that this is having on your team and your business?

7. Winning at All Costs Competition is a great motivator, but some leaders take it to an absurd extreme. They see everyone as an adversary or an enemy—even within their own organizations. Everything is a win-lose proposition. That extends to relationships, too; they eliminate anyone who doesn't support what they're trying to accomplish. If you're overly competitive, you won't tolerate dissenters or differing points of view. You'll most likely come across as pompous, conceited, and totally absorbed in your own personal agenda.

Excessive competition creates poor working relationships with team members and keeps you from engaging stakeholders in a genuine manner. If you can't bring people along with you, you'll make your life much harder. In today's world, you need to be a savvy influencer and collaborator. You can't just intimidate people into going along with you. You need to be able to create win-win outcomes, instead of trying to win at all costs for selfish reasons.

As a leader are you always driven to win at all costs? Do you appreciate how this strategy may be making things harder for you as a leader?

8. Waiting for Permission Some leaders don't tackle the hard work of leadership because they believe they need permission to act. I've seen leaders who constantly seem apprehensive because they are waiting for permission to lead. This is a huge source of frustration for senior-level leaders. I've often heard chief executive officers exclaim, “What are they waiting for?” Many leaders mistakenly assume they can't act without approval from senior leaders. You need to understand that you have been put in a leadership role to act and tackle the hard work of leading. You haven't been given a leadership role to be a bystander.

Social psychologists have discovered a behavioral pattern called the bystander effect. People don't offer to help a victim in an emergency situation if other people are present. In fact, the more people present, the less likely it is that someone in need will get help. The mere presence of other bystanders diffuses the responsibility to act.

Is this happening to you? Are you waiting around for permission or acting like a bystander?

9. Being Driven to Distraction A lot of leaders struggle with the multiple and, at times, conflicting priorities they have to address. But I find some leaders make it harder for themselves because they don't have the discipline to focus on any one thing long enough to get it done. You may be one of these leaders if you are continually distracted—always going from one issue to another, from one Band-Aid solution to the next.

When you take this approach, you never really advance. You wear yourself down. You give your employees so many conflicting instructions that they disengage. The hard things become harder and, worse, you make the easy things hard.

One senior leader I worked with spoke very openly at a forum for the company's top 100 leaders about how in the past she was prone to distraction. She explained that as she took on more senior roles, not only did she run into more problems, but they got bigger and more complicated. Initially she tried to tackle all the hard tasks. And in doing so, she became distracted.

She said she eventually realized this approach was holding her back and eroding her effectiveness as a leader. She began to work on her ability to look at her day-to-day role and cut through all the noise to figure out what was truly important for her to address. She stopped trying to tackle every problem and started to take the time to pause and reflect on the truly difficult things she needed to deal with.

In what ways might you be driven to distraction as a leader? How might you be making things harder for yourself?

10. Losing Perspective Leaders need to learn from the past, but if a single issue keeps coming up again and again, it will prevent you from leading in the future. You will make things harder for yourself and others. During a recent leadership development program, I watched three senior public sector leaders have a heated discussion. I could tell they were talking about a pretty serious issue, so I let them get into it.

But after a while, something started to bug me about the conversation. I called a time-out and said, “I've been following along pretty well, but now I'm getting confused. When did this issue happen?” In unison, they said, “Ten years ago.” And here I thought they were talking about a current issue that they needed to work out. “We've spent twenty-five minutes talking about this,” I said. “Can anyone tell me how this is relevant to your leadership roles today?” Silence. I continued, “I don't get how you can still be this emotionally invested in something that happened so long ago. It's clear you have all lost perspective as leaders.”

Unfortunately, I've been delivering that speech a lot recently. It's all too easy for people in an organization to get into the habit of rehashing old issues. But holding on to the past doesn't help. It acts as an anchor holding you back. You have to let it go.

Sure, leaders need to learn from the past, but if you're repeatedly discussing the same old events, you have lost perspective.

Do you find yourself getting stuck because you often lose perspective? Do you appreciate the impact this loss is having on your team and how it weakens you as a leader?

Tackle the Hard Work of Leadership, and You Become Strong

The hard rule of leadership also says that if you tackle the hard work of leadership, you become strong. Moreover, it's not just you who becomes strong; it's also your team, your division, and your entire organization. Why? Because you don't get stuck. You keep things moving forward, progressing all the time, instead of letting the same issues and problems continue to dominate your life.

There are three things you need to understand to make this rule truly work in your role as a leader:

1. You need to shift how you view the hard work of leadership.
2. You need to develop a mind-set of resilience.
3. You need to build a strong sense of personal resolve.

Shift Your View

Our leadership development programs include an activity called the Future Environment Map. During the activity, participants identify key trends in their emerging business environment. They identify a host of trends in technology, the regulatory environment, customer dynamics, their competitors, and so on. We capture the ideas on large sheets of sticky notes and put them on a massive poster. As leaders look at the hundreds of ideas, they immediately grasp the complexity of their operating environment. They also start to appreciate how driving growth will be a challenge. Finally, they start to internalize the challenges they will face as leaders.

I then ask the leaders one final question: “As you look at this emerging environment, do you feel like this is the best time to be a leader in your company or the worst time?” It's an important and provocative question. Many leaders look at their emerging operating environment negatively—all they see is the hard work ahead. For them, it's the worst time to be a leader, and many question whether they are up for it.

Other leaders are more optimistic. They see opportunity. They acknowledge the complexity, the risks, and the hard work, but they react with excitement.

Stephen Covey once said, “How you see the problem is the problem.” You need to start looking at the hard work of leadership in a different way. Instead of looking at it as something to avoid, start looking at it as a sign of progress. You need to be able to look at your role and your emerging environment and see all the hard work ahead of you with a sense of optimism, not pessimism.

When you shift your view in this way, you start to anticipate problems. You become more active in seeking problems out earlier, before they can impede your success. You want to hear bad news as early as you can get it, so you are in a better position to mitigate risk, tackle, and solve an issue before it gets out of control or bigger than it needs to be.

So how do you sort through all the numerous challenges and figure out what hard work you must tackle? Ask yourself: Are the results that I am accountable to deliver at risk? If your sense is that they are, then you better start addressing the issue. Then ask yourself: Is the way the work is being done inconsistent with my organization's values? This can create other issues that will require your attention. If you don't deal with the challenge head on. Finally, consider your stakeholders: Could the issue jeopardize obligation to my key stakeholders? If you sense that it might, then you need to get involved and resolve the issue.

We all need to recognize that it's our job to tackle the hard work of leadership. Stop avoiding it. You are the only one who can do it. Many of your direct reports can't, so don't wait for them—get tough.

Build Resilience

I recently met with a client to discuss his company's leadership development needs. This company was undergoing a transformational change, and its leaders were under tremendous pressure. My client explained that a key focus for development was to help the company's leaders be more resilient.

Given the challenges and pressures that leaders face, it's easy to see why resilience is so important.¹ Organizations need leaders who can recover quickly from setbacks and difficulties. They need leaders who can handle changes in their work environments and manage not only their own personal reactions to stress but also their direct reports' reactions.

However, I'm afraid that traditional views of resilience may be outdated today. The old view sees resilience like those inflatable Bozo the Clown punching bag toys, the ones you can punch and punch and they just keep bouncing back up for more. I believe many leaders think this is what resilience is about: You keep taking the punches, and you bounce back up for more. However, this approach isn't sustainable. You'll eventually wear yourself down.

Instead, you need to think about resilience in terms of how to maintain your optimal level of performance while tackling the hard work of leadership. You demonstrate true resilience when you are able to maintain optimal levels of performance by:

• Being able to hold your own in tough situations.
• Managing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors when under pressure.
• Keeping a clear focus and a sense of optimism in stressful situations.
• Remaining confident despite hardships and difficulties.

You also demonstrate resilience when you're able to recover from challenging events. This means you are able to:

• Get yourself back on your feet after significant setbacks and disappointments.
• Transform or reframe your experience in ways that move you forward rather than keep you stuck.
• Overcome the setback and focus by identifying and learning lessons for the future.

You need to be aware of your own level of resilience in the face of obstacles, because how you respond affects the way you lead—and the people you lead. For example, when you confront a difficult situation, do you tend to see the negative or the positive first? Do you tend to minimize or catastrophize what is happening to you? Do you tend to internalize the situation (put it all on yourself) or externalize it (look everywhere but yourself)?

You can imagine how a group will respond when its leader always sees the negative first, has a tendency to catastrophize events, or loses it in the face of adversity. Your response will make the hard things even more difficult.

Resilience begins with a balanced perspective. Responding in an extreme way can undermine your effectiveness. Strive to maintain a healthy viewpoint on events while you weigh the pros and cons and seek a positive way forward. The good news is that resilience is not a trait. It's a muscle that can be exercised and strengthened. The more you tackle the hard work of leadership, the stronger you become and the more your resilience increases.

Develop Personal Resolve

Resilience is your ability to bounce back. Resolve is your ability to dig deep and push forward in the face of adversity. It comes from having a strong sense of inner purpose, drive, and tenacity that helps you rise above the pressures of leadership. It means you are able to succeed despite any obstacles, even failure.

Resolve is about perseverance and fortitude. It's about knowing deep down inside what it is you have to do and having the commitment to make it happen. It's not just about getting up when you are knocked down or when you stumble. It's that personal grit that enables you to push forward even when the odds are against you.

You call on your resolve to tackle the hard work of leadership. You use it to help you do the hard things you know are right when easier options present themselves. Resolve enables you to have that tough conversation today instead of putting it off until tomorrow or walk out of a frustrating meeting and not be distracted for the rest of the day. It's not letting whatever has happened to you define you. Learn from it and move on!

Leaders with sound resolve can find strength in the midst of a challenging situation. They find a way to generate positive energy from adversity and convert it into forward momentum. Leaders with resolve also glean lessons from their experiences that in turn help them more effectively deal with future pressures. Essentially, they stay strong because they tackle the hard parts of leadership. That's what being tough is really about.

Resolve is about taking energy from adversity. Having a good reset button—one that enables you to reframe, refocus, and move on—helps a lot.

The next time something happens during your day that tests your resolve, observe how you respond. Do you let the event disrupt your entire day? Do you take it for what it is, learn from it, and move on to the next thing? It's helpful in these moments to:

1. Calm yourself. Take a deep breath and get in touch with your reactions to the situation. Don't act immediately.
2. Reframe the situation. What's the hidden opportunity that has now emerged? In what ways can you creatively turn the situation around?
3. Learn from it. Ask yourself what can you learn from the situation? How might you approach it differently next time?
4. Inspire yourself. Based on what you have learned, leverage the energy to propel you forward. Use the lessons as inspiration.

Personal resolve is also made stronger when you can effectively manage your personal energy. Finding small consistent pockets of time or rituals, as Tony Schwartz calls them in his work at the Energy Project,² that are devoted to renewing your energy, can have a long-lasting effect on your ability to lead with the hard work of leadership. Sustaining your personal energy leads to an emotional and intellectual steadiness. It keeps you mentally sharp and physically strong so that you can effectively deal with the stress and pressure of today's leadership roles.

Your resolve is also strengthened when you can build a strong support network. Your resolve gets weakened if you feel isolated and disconnected as a leader. Building a healthy network inside and outside our organization is invaluable during stressful times and is a key determinant of one's overall health. You must also not cut yourself off nor become inaccessible to these relationships. Strong relationships are needed with family, relatives, and friends. They also are needed with peers and colleagues. In his great book Who's Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi writes that it's critical for us to create an inner circle of what he calls lifeline relationships, those relationships with a few trusted individuals who we can count on to offer encouragement, tough feedback when needed, and generous mutual support and to build resolve.

Finally, taking time to retreat and reflect on your leadership role from time to time will help you deal with the hard work of leadership. Make a commitment to block off uninterrupted time to pause, take a breather, and reflect on your role. I find that these moments of reflection are always valuable in helping me reconnect with the purpose of my role, the value I need to bring, and the renewed sense of energy and resolve I need to have to keep tackling the hard work.

Final Thoughts—It's Time to Get Tough

I began this chapter by saying that leadership involves hard work, and based on my discussions with leaders, it seems that things are going to get even harder. By now it should be clear to you that if you wimp out and avoid the hard work of leadership, you will weaken yourself and your organization. You will start a deadly spiral that will make you weaker and weaker. Instead, you need to build a sense of resilience and personal resolve that will help you do the hard work of leadership. Only then will you find that you are stronger and more able to tackle future challenges. It's time to get tough.

Reflect—Leadership Is Hard Work

As you reflect on the ideas in this chapter, think about your answers to the following questions:

1. What is the hard work of leadership that you must tackle in your role?
2. What hard work are you avoiding? Why are you avoiding it?
3. In what ways might you make the hard work harder for yourself? Review the 10 ways presented in this chapter and reflect on the ones that describe you.
4. What is your mind-set regarding the hard work of leadership? Do you see it all in a positive way or negative way?
5. How might you be able to strengthen your resilience?
6. In what ways do you need to strengthen your personal resolve?