Love Does

Leadership begins with love. Bob Goff, the author of Love Does, says that love is not a noun. It's a verb. It's about leading with and sharing love. It's about putting love into action. Bob wrote a bestselling book and he has lived a life worth writing about. Goff is the founder of Love Does, a nonprofit that fights the injustices committed against children. Goff has spent years working to rescue underage girls from the bondage of sexual slavery. He has worked against forced prostitution in India by arresting over 80 criminals and placing trafficked children in temporary and permanent housing. He has frequently traveled to Uganda, where he has risked his life bringing over 200 trials to court to relieve children of imprisonment. Goff and Love Does also built a school, Restore Leadership Academy, that serves over 250 children in the war-torn area of northern Uganda. When people ask me to describe Goff, I say he's a combination of Indiana Jones and Jesus. He travels around the world taking on witch doctors, criminals, and injustice while being one of the most loving, positive leaders I've ever met. When Goff is not spending time with his wife, whom he calls “Sweet Maria,” he's traveling to Uganda, saving children, speaking to audiences, and answering calls on his cell phone from complete strangers because he put his cell phone number in the back of his book. Yes, he actually put his cell phone number in the book. I know because I called it to see if he would answer. He did. Why did he put his number in the book? It's the same reason why he does everything: because that's what love does. Goff said most people usually call and say, “Bob, is that really you?” And when he says yes, they say they loved his book and thanks for answering and then hang up. He said people just want to know that he's for real. From seeing Goff in action it's clear that since they know his love is real, they follow with passion and loyalty. It's the same with you as a leader. Your people want to know if you are for real. Show them you are by the way you love them.

Love Is the Greatest Leadership Principle on the Planet

Goff and many of the positive leaders I have met demonstrate that love is the greatest leadership principle on the planet. I was recently speaking to a school district and met a principal whom everyone loves and admires. She turned around her school from being an at-risk school to a model school in her district. I asked her the secret. She said, “I love my staff and students. Everything I do is to make them better.” I was at a sales conference and met a gentleman who was the top salesperson in the company. I asked him his secret. He said, “I love my clients and they know it.” I was visiting a professional sports team that the coach had transformed from a perennial loser into a perennial winner. I asked some of the players what the secret was. They said it was coach: “He loves the game. He loves us. We are like a family.” Regardless of title or profession, to be human is to love and want to be loved. We are who we are because someone loved us and our team will be impacted by our love. Love is what separates good and great. Good teachers know their lesson plans. Great teachers know and love their students. Good coaches know X's and O's. Great coaches know and love their players. Good salespeople know how to sell. Great salespeople love their clients. Good leaders know their vision and purpose. Great leaders also know and love their people. If you want to build a great team, business, family, school, or organization, love the people you lead and work with.

Rules without Relationship Lead to Rebellion

Andy Stanley once said, “Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.” Far too many leaders share rules with the people they lead but they don't have a relationship with them. So what happens? The people they lead disengage from the mission and vision of the organization. I've had many leaders tell me that when they focus less on rules and invest more in their relationships they experience a dramatic increase in performance, morale, and engagement. If you are in education, research shows that when principals have a relationship with their teachers, engagement rises; when students have a relationship with their teachers, test scores go up.¹¹ In sports, players will play harder for their coaches when they know the coaches love them. In business, if a client knows their representative, agent, or salespeople care about them, they will never leave and will refer everyone they know to them. Success comes down to people and relationships and building something together. When you love someone, you take the time to invest in a relationship with them to help them improve and grow. People can tell when you have an agenda, so don't have one. Just build great relationships and build something great together.

Communication Builds Trust

If you love someone, you take the time to invest in a relationship with them. To invest in a relationship with them, you must communicate with them. Relationships are the foundation upon which great teams and organizations are built, and communication serves as the initial foundation in building a great relationship. Unfortunately, most relationships and teams break down because of poor communication. In a world where we have more ways to communicate, we are communicating less meaningfully and our relationships, teamwork, and overall engagement and performance are suffering. Communication builds trust. Trust generates commitment. Commitment fosters teamwork, and teamwork delivers great results. If you don't have communication, you don't have the commitment and trust you need to build a great team and create the future together.

I was having dinner with Doc Rivers, the head coach of the Los Angeles Clippers, and I asked Doc what was the most important thing he does as a coach. He said, “I communicate to my team. Not just collectively as a team but individually. I have to know where each person is in order to lead them where I need them to be. Since I communicate often with them, I know who is struggling with a personal issue. I know who needs encouragement. I know who needs to be challenged.” I then asked Doc what he would like to improve upon as a coach. He said, “I would like to improve my communication.” I was blown away. Here was a coach who was considered by many as the best communicator in sports and he wanted to get even better. It demonstrates how important communication is and how much every leader needs to focus on it. Many leaders communicate collectively and communicate with everyone at once, but I'm convinced we need to learn from Doc and spend more time, energy, and effort communicating one on one. Please know that I realize it's not easy to consistently have one-on-one communication with everyone in the organization. I realize you can't meet with everyone all the time, especially if you lead a large organization. The key is to meet with your leadership team and the people you lead directly, and then make sure they are communicating well with the people they lead. If everyone does this throughout the organization, relationships, teamwork, and performance will improve. What does this look like? A principal of a school would schedule two or three 10-minute meetings each day with teachers and members of their staff. A hospital administrator could do the same with their doctors and nurses, or the manager of a business could have a meeting with a few of her direct reports each week. Coach Russ Rose, the six-time National Champion women's volleyball coach at Penn State, created a communication tool he calls the 1-Minute Drill, where he calls a player into his office at various times during the season for a short one-on-one meeting. He tells them what they are doing well, what they need to work on, and here is where their focus should be during the next training cycle. He then asks if they have any questions. It's a quick effective way to provide direct and honest feedback, clarify expectations, alleviate uncertainty, and improve individual and team performance.

Where There Is a Void in Communication, Negativity Fills It

I have found that where there is a void in communication, negativity will fill it. Without great communication, negativity fills the void and it breeds and grows, resulting in negative contagious energy that quickly spreads. This is why communication is also essential. It not only develops great relationships and trust, but it also prevents the spread of rumors and negative energy that can sabotage a team and organization. A few years ago, the Los Angeles Clippers faced a crisis when the owner at the time, Donald Sterling, made racist remarks. The media and the world were in a frenzy, but Doc communicated with his team like he always had. Doc built such a strong foundation that they were able to weather the storm. Weaker cultures and teams without great communication would have crumbled, but Doc and his team stayed strong together. You can't wait for a crisis to hit to start communicating with your team. You must communicate before a crisis so your foundation will be strong enough to overcome it. Make sure you make communication your number-one priority. It's often the last thing you want to do but it's the most important thing you must do. Communicate more individually and collectively.

What does filling the void look like? At 8:31 AM Monday morning, all employee weekly meetings are held and challenges, weekly goals, and hot topics are discussed. Hold daily teleconferences with a sales team to communicate obstacles, wins, and learning opportunities. Establish a daily or weekly Skype session with a leader and their virtual team that's spread out around the globe. Set a daily call at noon where a manager shares an inspirational message with everyone in his company (like One Minute Manager author Ken Blanchard does at his company). At home, conduct a weekly family meeting, like the one my family holds on Sundays. We talk about our family mission statement, our challenges from the past week, upcoming challenges, and anything that's on our hearts and minds. All of these ways of filling the void look like a leader communicating frequently with his team and providing honest and transparent updates about the big changes coming their way.

Leading by Walking Around

A great way to fill voids in communication is to get out of your office and interact with the people that you lead. Whether this means visiting people in the office; eating in the cafeteria as Doug Conant, the CEO of The Campbell Soup Company, did frequently; or traveling to different cities and countries, nothing beats face-to-face communication. When you interact with your team and organization, you break down the barriers of us versus them and build we. You develop strong relationships, a strong team, and a strong organization.

In You Win in the Locker Room First, Coach Mike Smith described how each day he made a couple of trips to the training room to visit with players who were getting treatment. He always wanted them to know that he was concerned and interested in how they were doing, regardless of their practice status. Some of the best conversations he ever had with players took place in the training room. He would also visit the weight room and talk to players and assistant coaches who were getting a workout. Mike said he also made it a point to eat with his players because he felt this environment allowed for more natural conversations to take place and that he learned a lot and developed great relationships with his players just by talking to them during meals. And, of course, he spent a lot of time in the locker room and would often walk in and just look around to see who was talking to who, what the energy was like, and what the overall mood of the team was. Mike called his approach “taking the temperature of the building.” He didn't read the thermostat but rather would take the pulse of the team and the energy in the building. Mike said that oftentimes, leaders will only concern themselves with the temperature of the organization when things are not going well. This can be a big miscalculation. It is just as important to know what the vibes are when things are going well. In any organization the pulse can be different every day based on what's happening. The dynamics of an organization, whether in sports or business, are always changing and, as the leader, you have to be prepared to manage the ebbs and flows that occur by taking the temperature each day. Having an accurate assessment of the mood of the building and organization at all times will allow you to make the best decisions for your team or organization. Mike said he had “thermostats” around the building. Members of the training staff, equipment managers, communications staff, and player-development team members were invaluable. When walking around, he would ask these people, “What's the temperature today?” They shared priceless information about players and Mike became aware of many different situations, both positive and negative, by having these conversations. Mike said that by asking what the temperature was, “I not only learned more about the team and who was in a bad mood, but I helped our organization operate at the highest level and deal with potentially negative issues before they impacted our culture and performance.” As a leader you can't just speak to other leaders who have the same vantage point as you. You have to engage people who are closest to the potential challenges facing your organization. You have to ask questions, listen, and learn, and then decide how to use the readings to make decisions going forward.

Listening Is Communicating

People often think of communication as talking, but it's also about listening. The best communicator is not always the most eloquent speaker, but rather the person who has the ability to listen, process the information, and use it to make decisions that are in the best interest of the team and organization. The best listeners truly hear what a person is saying and trying to convey. Having worked with Mike Smith for seven years while he was the coach of the Falcons, I noticed his greatest strength as a leader was the way he listened to his team. While visiting the facility, I always saw one of Mike's players talking to him and Mike listening intently. They knew he cared about them and, as a result, they always gave their all for him.

Research shows that when people feel like they are seen and heard there is a moistening in the eyes, and yet in 90 percent of our conversations there is no moistening in the eyes. As a positive leader, it's important to be a positive communicator and make others feel important by listening to them and truly hearing what they have to say.

Enhance Your Positive Communication

Positive leaders are also positive communicators. They communicate in such a way that they make people around them better. One of my favorite phrases, for example, is “shout praise, whisper criticism.” It comes from the original Olympic Dream Team and Detroit Pistons coaches Chuck Daly and Brendan Suhr. They won NBA Championships and an Olympic gold medal, thanks to a lot of talent and great communication. They gained the trust of their players and built winning teams by praising in public and constructively criticizing in private. Shouting praise means you recognize someone in front of their peers, and whispering criticism means you coach them to get better. Both build better people and teams.

Smiling is also a big part of positive communication. When you share a real smile, it not only produces more serotonin in your brain but in the brain of the recipient of your smile. Just by smiling at someone, you are giving them a dose of serotonin, an anti-depressant. Never underestimate the power of a smile. As a positive communicator, you have the power to make someone feel better just by smiling. No matter what your job is, when you smile at someone, remember you are acting as a pharmacist giving them an antidepressant.

Positive communicators also spread positive gossip. Instead of sharing negative gossip, be the kind of communicator who spreads positive news about people. My college lacrosse teammate Mike Connelly is famous for this. Whenever you talk to him he is always praising our mutual friends. “Did you hear how awesome so and so is doing? Their kids are doing great!” He never says a negative word about anyone. He always spreads the positive news and the best part is that you know when you are not around he is likely sharing something positive, not negative, about you. It's no surprise he's been a huge success in business.

Positive leaders and communicators also listen to and welcome ideas and suggestions on how they can improve. They don't fear criticism. They welcome it, knowing it makes them better. They send a clear signal to their team, customers, coaches, and everyone around them that they are always willing to learn, improve, and grow. Positive communicators say “I'm open. Make me better. Let's get better together.” I did this to my wife one time when she wanted to give me parenting advice. Instead of being defensive, I listened. She was surprised and, after a few short hours of telling me how I can improve, I put some of her ideas into practice and made myself and my children better.

I also believe positive leaders and communicators rely on nonverbal communication. They encourage through nods, facial expressions high-fives, handshakes, pats on the back, fist bumps, and even hugs when appropriate. Positive communication isn't just verbal. It's also physical. Several studies have demonstrated the benefits of physical contact between doctors and patients, teachers and students, and professional athletes. For example, in one study the best NBA teams were also the touchiest (high-fives, pats on the back, hugs). In a world where physical touch has become taboo because of misuse and abuse, we must remember that it is a way we humans communicate naturally and is very powerful and beneficial when done appropriately with good intention.¹² Personally, I'm a fist bumper and a hugger. When I meet people at speaking engagements I give them a choice: bump or hug. Whichever they are more comfortable with is great with me.

Be an Encourager

Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-Fil-A, asked rhetorically, “How do you know if a man or woman needs encouragement?” His response: “If they are breathing.” We all need encouragement and positive communicators encourage and inspire others to do more and become more than they ever thought possible. Positive leaders are great encouragers and it's something the world needs more of. With so many people telling us we can't succeed, we need to hear people telling us we can. I remember my high school English teacher telling me not to apply to Cornell University because they wouldn't accept me and, even if they did, I wouldn't be able to do the work. (It's funny that I'm a writer now.) I almost didn't apply, but a few days later I saw Ivan Goldfarb, a former teacher, in the hallway and asked him about Cornell. He said, “You apply. If you get in, then you go. You can do it.” His words made all the difference. I applied, was accepted, and majored in lacrosse. Too often we think it's our role to inject a dose of “reality” into someone's life. We think it's our job to protect people from the pain of failure and defeat. We think that dreams were meant for others. I say there are enough pessimists and realists in the world. The world doesn't need more negativity and impossible thinkers. The world needs more optimists, encouragers, and inspirers. The world needs more people to speak into the hearts of others and say, “I believe in you. Follow your passion and live your purpose. If you have the desire then you also have the power to make it happen. Keep working hard. You're improving and getting better. Keep it up. The economy is tough but you can still grow your business. The job market is not great, but I believe you'll find the right job for you. We've hit a lot of obstacles, but we'll get the project finished. Even if you fail, it will lead to something even better. You're learning and growing.” We all love working for and with people who bring out the best in us. We love being around people who uplift us and make us feel great. And while we'll always remember the negative people who told us we couldn't accomplish something, we will always cherish and hold a special place in our heart for those who encouraged us. I want to encourage you to be an encourager. Leadership, as I wrote earlier, is a transfer of belief. Today, decide to be that person who instills a positive belief in someone who needs to hear your encouraging words. Uplift someone who is feeling down. Fuel your team with your positive energy. Rally others to focus on what is possible rather than what seems impossible. Share encouragement. It will help build your relationships. It matters and we all need it.

Believe in Others More than They Believe in Themselves

I'll never forget the time I tried to quit lacrosse during my freshman year in high school but my coach, Tony Caiazza, wouldn't let me. He told me that I was going to play in college one day. He even said I would play in the Ivy League. I didn't even know what the Ivy League was at the time. He had a vision for me that I couldn't even fathom. He believed in me more than I believed in myself. I ended up going to Cornell University to play for Coach Richie Moran, who also believed in me, and the experience changed my life forever. The difference between success and failure is belief, and so often this belief is instilled in us by someone else. Coach Caiazza was that person for me and it changed my life. You can be that person for the people you lead if you believe in them and see their potential rather than their limitations. It's amazing what people will accomplish when they know you believe in them!

Help Your Team Become Unstoppable

Since I played lacrosse in college I encouraged my daughter to play as well. But in elementary school, it didn't look like she had a future in lacrosse. While the rest of the kids were running up and down the field she would stand still, pick grass, and look up at the sky. It was honestly very frustrating to watch. In middle school she started to get into the action a little more and I saw signs of life. We would often throw the ball around together and work on her stick skills. I saw improvement in practice, but when she would play in the games she was very tentative. I had to admit I wasn't a very positive leader at the time, and by pushing my expectations and frustrations on her, I almost caused her to quit playing. I was a classic transactional parent, where my identity was tied to her success. I read Joe Ehrmann's book Inside Out Coaching, which is about being transformational instead of transactional, and it changed me as a parent. I still played and practiced with my daughter to help her improve, but this time I did so with encouragement instead of frustration. In ninth grade she made the high school varsity team and even started a few games, but was benched because she missed a few passes in key games. I continued to encourage her. We would practice her dodges in the backyard often and she really improved, but she was still tentative and never tried to dodge and score in the games. I started to tell her she was unstoppable all the time. I would say “You are unstoppable, Jade. They can't stop you. Take it to the goal. You are unstoppable.” This was funny because at the time she was very stoppable. In the 10th grade she became a starter once again but was benched after not playing well in one or two games. I knew she had it in her to be great but she wasn't showing it. The old me would have yelled at her but the new me just encouraged her and kept telling her she was unstoppable. “Just take it to the cage and shoot, Jade. They can't stop you. You are unstoppable.” I said it often and she would just smile. I kept hoping and praying she would realize her potential, unsure if it would ever happen. During her junior year I kept practicing with her and encouraging her and telling her she was unstoppable. And then finally she became unstoppable. She scored 80 goals that season, 8 in the district finals and 7 in the state semifinals, to help her team make it to the state finals. She was named an Academic All American and received offers to play lacrosse in college. It was so enjoyable to watch her play and rewarding to know that we did it the right way. I had to experience the power of positive leadership firsthand before I could write a book on it. From almost ruining my daughter, to becoming a positive leader who encouraged and believed in her, I know the difference it makes.

Connect One on One

While communication and encouragement builds trust and develops the relationship, connecting is where trust is earned, the bond is created, the relationship is strengthened, commitment is generated, and great coaching and leadership happens. Positive leaders do more than just communicate, they connect heart to heart. I spoke in the previous chapter about how leaders create a united and connected organization and team, but organization and team connection is the result of individual connection. The greatest leaders I've been around connect with those they lead. I've watched the way Cori Close, the basketball coach at UCLA; Sherri Coale, the basketball coach at Oklahoma University; and Deanna Gumpf, the Notre Dame softball coach lead and interact with their teams. I've seen how they communicate, connect, and treat their players like family. I know how much time and effort they make to connect with each player and it's why they have built successful programs over time. Without connection you'll never have commitment, but when you connect, you generate the commitment that leads to greater performance and success. I'm convinced you can't truly coach someone to grow unless you know and have a relationship with them. Connection and relationships are what drive real growth.

I witnessed a great example of a coach connecting with his player while visiting the Los Angeles Dodgers the day before they clinched a spot in the postseason in 2016. I had spoken to the coaches and team during spring training about how to build a winning team and the importance of being a connected team. Now here I was, six months later, sitting and talking with the manager, Dave Roberts, in his office, when one of his players walked in to say hello. Dave got up from his chair and gave the player a big bear hug for about five seconds. It was the kind of hug that a dad would give his son after returning home from a long trip. They talked for a little bit about life and practice before the player said I'll see you later and left. I told Dave how great it was that he would give his player a hug like that. He said, “I do it each day and he often stops by to talk about life and challenges and whatever is on his mind.” A few weeks later, while watching the Dodgers play the Nationals in the postseason I watched in amazement as this player hit home runs in Games 4 and 5 to help the Dodgers advance. It was as if I had a front-row seat to see the impact of what happens when a coach makes the time to pour love and support into one of his players. This player who had struggled the year before was now one of the heroes because his leader took the time to connect and care about him. Dave's commitment to connect wasn't isolated to just this one player. As Dave showed me around the facility, I watched as he had meaningful and frequent touch points and connections with every player and coach we encountered. It was fun and special to watch positive leadership in action.

Be Committed

Communication, encouragement, belief, listening, and connecting are essential to build great relationships and great teams, but without commitment nothing great will ever be built or accomplished. Every leader wants committed people on their team. We all want a committed team. But if you want commitment, you must be committed. If you want commitment from your team, you must show your commitment to your team. You can't just talk about your commitment. They must feel your commitment. When the people you lead see and feel your commitment, they will be more committed to you and each other. When leaders complain to me that their teams aren't committed, I always tell them to show their team what commitment looks like: “Go above and beyond. It starts with you.”

“What does it look like?” they ask.

“It looks like putting the needs of others before your own.”

Serve to Be Great

A team feels a leader's commitment when the leader takes the time to serve them. Jesus washed feet; Martin Luther King marched, went to jail, and fought for equality; Mother Teresa fed the poor and healed the sick. Over the years, I have met many leaders who served their teams in simple, powerful ways. Many leaders think that, as they gain power and responsibility, their teams should serve them more, but positive leaders know that their job is to serve their teams. When you serve the team, you help them grow and they help you grow. You can't serve yourself and your team at the same time. You have to decide whether you are going to serve me or we. You must decide if you are going to be a self-serving “leader” or a true leader who serves others.

It's hard to be a positive servant-leader in today's world. Leaders are under more pressure than ever to perform. If you are a business leader, you must answer to the stock market, the board, and shareholders. If you are a coach, you must answer to your owner, general manager, and fan base. If you are a school leader you have to answer to your school board, superintendents, and parents of students. With expectations come pressure and stress that drive a leader to survive, which leads to self-preservation rather than serving the team. When leaders become focused on the fruit instead of the root, when they worry about the outcome instead of the process of developing team members, they may survive in the short run, but they will not thrive in the long run. Self-serving leaders don't leave legacies that change the world for the better. They may make money and achieve some fame in the short run, but true greatness is achieved when a leader brings out the greatness in others. Great leaders are great servants. A great leader sacrifices and serves in order to help team members become great. At the end of the day, it all comes down to this: You don't have to be great to serve, but you have to serve to be great. The big questions you must ask yourself each day are: What am I doing to serve my team and the people I lead? How can I serve them to help them be the best versions of themselves? How can I demonstrate my commitment to them? These were questions I had to ask myself and lead to lessons I needed to learn in order to be a better leader.

Doing the Laundry

A few years ago my son came to my office while I was writing a new book and asked me to play ping-pong. I said I was too busy. He came back again and again. I finally said, “I can't. I'm writing a book about engaged relationships.” Here I was writing a book about engaged relationships and I was too busy to make time for the most important relationships of all!

Each year, I choose a word for the year and I knew that year my word was going to be “serve.” I had been traveling a lot to speak to a number of companies, schools, and sports teams, and my wife and teenage children were struggling at home. I realized I needed to be more committed to my team and start serving at home. So I turned down a number of speaking engagements to make more time with my family. It turned out to be the hardest year of my life. My daughter was not doing great in school. My wife and son were butting heads. My wife was stressed and having trouble managing it all. It was very frustrating because I wanted my kids to be self-starters like I was as a kid. I wanted my wife to be able to handle it all. Why did they need my help? Why couldn't I just focus on making a difference in the world? Why couldn't I have a different team? Yes, I admit it. I wanted a different team. Have you ever wanted a different team? If you are a leader, coach, or parent I know the answer is yes. Despite my frustration, I made the time to help my team get better. I drove my daughter to school each day and encouraged her. When she came home, I grilled her on her homework assignments and test topics to make sure she was preparing and studying. I put the kids to bed and prayed with them. I did the laundry often. I got very involved in their everyday challenges. In short, I became committed. At the end of the year, my wife asked me what my word would be for the coming year. She asked if it was going to be “selfish,” because she had never seen me do so much for my family. I told her no way. “Serve” was now a part of me and my commitment. Making the time to serve my family was how I showed I was truly committed to them. I realized that I didn't need a different team. I needed to become a better leader. Everything in my being wanted to focus on me, but I was at my best when I focused on we. I also realized a great truth for leaders: We have the team we have for a reason. The challenges we have with our team are meant to make us better leaders. In the process of committing to my family and learning to serve, I became a better leader. Ironically, that's when my books and career took off.

When you are committed, your team notices. My son hurt his back playing tennis and my wife took him to the chiropractor, who asked how I was doing. My wife told him I was speaking at the World Leaders Conference with a bunch of famous people. The chiropractor said, “Well, Jon is kind of famous.” My son replied, “Not in our house. He does the laundry.” When my wife told me this story I lit up. My son noticed my commitment at home and that meant everything. At the end of the day, I don't want to be a household name. I want to be a big name in my household. My daughter is also doing great at school, my wife is much happier, and I'm helping my son become the best version of himself. I believe all success starts with making the team (home team, work team, sports team) around you better.

It's Not About You

I first met Carl Liebert when he was the CEO of 24 Hour Fitness and invited me to speak to the leaders of his company. Liebert was a graduate of the Naval Academy and played on the Navy basketball team with David Robinson. After a long and successful career with Home Depot, Liebert brought his servant leadership approach to 24 Hour Fitness. Before he became CEO, the executives of 24 Hour Fitness had personal trainers visit their homes to train them in private, but Liebert made it mandatory for the executives to train at the centers so they could spend more time interacting with staff members and identify better ways to serve their team and customers. He also required executives to work for a week in one of their locations each year. Some executives chose to work in membership sales while others worked as physical trainers or in membership services. The experience helped the 24 Hour Fitness leaders to not only better serve their team but also to understand the needs of their members. It demonstrated their commitment to everyone, and it made all the difference. After successfully transforming 24 Hour Fitness, Liebert became the COO of USAA Insurance, where he continues to demonstrate his servant leadership and commitment. I have spent time at USAA and have personally witnessed the way he leads his team with authenticity, humility, and commitment. He asks for input and invites feedback. He shares his one word with everyone in the company and invites everyone to share their words with him. He looks for ways to develop the strengths of each team member and coaches them to be the best versions of themselves. Most of all, he leads with humility, knowing it's not about him—it's about his team. He doesn't like when I write about him because he doesn't seek recognition, but I had to tell you about him because his example is so powerful. Remember, it's not about you. It's about committing yourself to others.

Commit to Coach

One of the reasons why I write a lot about coaches is because I spend a lot of time with them, and one of the reasons why I spend time with them is because I love the way great coaches commit to their teams. Everyone talks about the brilliant minds of coaches like San Antonio Spurs head coach Greg Popovich or New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, but if you look closer and spend time in their locker rooms, you would find that their real secret is their commitment to coaching their players to be their best. They give everything they have to help their players become all they can be. They invest in them as people and performers, helping them improve in all facets of their life. The media wouldn't describe them as positive leaders, but their players know they are. Leaders beyond sports need to learn to coach as well. I often tell leaders that you can't coach everyone in the organization but you can coach your leadership team to be better leaders and encourage them to coach their direct reports and so on throughout the organization. If every leader committed to coaching people, then performance, productivity, and profits would soar! Years ago the Army would send its best men to the elite 75th Ranger Regiment, but only about 30 percent would make it through. Army leadership decided to invest more to prepare candidates for the challenging training. The following year, 80 percent became Rangers. The difference was coaching and an investment in people, process, and preparation. When you selflessly commit to coaching, those you lead will also create a culture of coaching in your organization, and everyone benefits.

Commitment Requires Sacrifice

To build a great team and organization and to change the world, people have to know and feel that you would run into a burning building to save them. They have to know that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for their gain. Positive leaders don't just share a positive vision and take the easy road to get there. They often ignore the easy path and take the more difficult road filled with service and sacrifice. When I think of the positive leaders who changed the world, they were all committed to people. They were committed to others and a cause greater than themselves. Long before Rosa Parks decided not to give up her seat on a bus to a white man in 1955, she had been an activist. Since 1943, she had been a member of her local NAACP chapter, and she had marched on behalf of injustices in our country. She would go on to say about her decision to not give up her seat, “The only tired I was, was tired of giving in,” and her simple act and commitment to others and a cause she believed in, kickstarted the civil rights movement.

Mother Teresa committed her life to serving the poorest of the poor and built her start-up missionary community of 13 members in Calcutta into a global force for good of over 4,000 nuns running orphanages, serving the poor, and healing the sick. A winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, she inspired countless people to serve and she showed the world what commitment looks like.

On the surface it looks like Oprah built herself a fortune by focusing on her needs and taking the easy path, but this couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, she built a media empire, but it was her perseverance, grit, and commitment to helping people grow that made her empire possible. Maya Angelou said, “A leader sees greatness in other people. He nor she can't be much of a leader if all she sees is herself.” Positive leaders see others and commit to bringing out the greatness of others.

When You Help Others Improve, You Improve

The great thing about commitment is that when you commit your life to helping others grow, you grow. Swen Nater was an All American at Cypress Community College when John Wooden recruited him to play at UCLA. As the story goes, Wooden told him that he wasn't going to play in a lot of games because they already had the best center in the world in Bill Walton, but Nater would have the opportunity to play against Walton every day in practice. Wooden wanted the six-foot-eleven Nater to challenge and push Walton to improve. Nater accepted his role during his time at UCLA and every day in practice he focused on one task: making Walton better. While he was helping Walton improve, something interesting happened. Nater also improved. He was the only player in ABA and NBA history to be drafted in the first round never having started a collegiate game. Nater was named the ABA Rookie of the Year and went on to have a 12-year career in the ABA and NBA. He is a great example of how, when you help your team get better, you get better. When you focus on helping others improve, you improve. When you lose your ego in the service of others, you find the greatness within you. Great leaders serve the people they lead. Nater's commitment to his team helped him become a successful professional basketball player, and he's now an executive with Costco, where he's making everyone around him better. There are countless ways to help others improve. I can't tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that when you commit to being a positive leader dedicated to others, you will be well on your way to transforming your team and the world.

Elite of the Elite

I met a leader of Special Forces for the United States, and he told me how Navy Seals have to try out to be members of the elite group Seal Team Six. While Navy Seals are considered to be elite members of Special Forces, they have to try out to be members of the elite Seal Team Six unit. He said that, while prospects are trying out, the current team is looking for certain characteristics. If during the tryout a prospect doesn't fit their criteria, Seal Team Six says, “Thank you very much, but you're not the right fit.”

“What's the right fit?” I asked. He said what we are looking for is not just someone who performs at the highest level but, while performing at the highest level also looks out for his team members, making them better in the process. It occurred to me that if you want to be elite you can be a high performer, but if you want be the elite of the elite you have to be a transformational positive leader and a high performer who makes others better in the process.

Positive Leaders Care

It all comes down to caring. If you don't love, you don't care, and if you don't care, you won't make the time to unite, communicate, encourage, connect, commit, serve, or sacrifice. Positive leaders care about the people they lead. They care about their team and organization. They care about changing the world because they know the world needs changing. Because they care, they do more, give more, encourage more, help more, guide more, mentor more, develop more, build more, and, ultimately, accomplish more. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the saying, “People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care,” I would be rich. But the reason why people say it so much is because it's true. When you care about someone, they know it and feel it. And when they know you care about them, they will care about you and follow you with loyalty and passion. Pat Summitt, the legendary women's basketball coach at Tennessee, said, “I won 1,098 games and eight national championships, and coached in four different decades. But what I see are not the numbers. I see their faces.” And her players still talk about how she cared about the faces she saw. She became a surrogate mother to hundreds of her players over the years—players who became more like her daughters. What they remember most about her was the way she cared about them and made time for them and always had her office door open so they could walk in and sit down and talk with her. One of her players, Candace Parker, said Summitt was excited about winning championships but she was even more excited about making a difference in the lives of her players.

Develop Your Caring Trademark

Great leaders have what I call a caring trademark, a unique way that shows they care that causes them to stand out in their work and in the world. If you've followed Derek Jeter's career and watched his improbable game-winning hit in his final at bat in Yankee Stadium, you know that Derek treated every at bat like it was his last, and that's what made his last at bat so special. No one worked harder, played with more passion, or cared more about his team and honoring the game of baseball than “The Captain,” Derek Jeter. Jeter's hustle, passion, love of his team, commitment, and work ethic have become his caring trademark over the last 20 years.While Jeter always sprinted to first base and treated every at bat as a sacred experience, Doug Conant's caring trademark was writing over 10,000 thank-you notes to employees while he was the CEO of Campbell Soup.

Drew Watkins, the superintendent of Prosper Independent School District (ISD) in Texas, shows he cares more than any educator I've ever met. I found out from his staff that he writes a personal note of congratulations to every graduating senior. They mentioned it casually in conversation, as if it was no big deal, but I quickly stopped in my tracks. “How many graduates do you have this year?” I asked.“403,” they said. “He started doing it when we had just 80 graduates in the district and keeps doing it year after year no matter how much we grow. “I asked how he learns about each student. “Does he get a report from the teachers in order to write the notes?” “No,” they said. “He actually knows them. He personally knows every student in the district. He's in the schools all the time, not his office.” It was clear that he loves the students and they love him back, as you can see from the big hug he received from a big graduate.

When Watkins and I had some time to chat, I asked what he's going to do when he has 1,000 graduates. He told me he was going to keep doing it. “The day I stop is the day I need to stop doing this job,” he said. “The crime is not that the passion has run out. It's that you stuck around after it has.” Watkins is, in no way, just sticking around. I found out that in addition to writing notes to graduates he also sends each student in Prosper ISD a note on their birthday. He can often be seen opening car doors and greeting students in the car line each morning before school. Sometimes he leaves messages of encouragement on whiteboards in the classrooms while the teachers and students are at lunch. And every Monday morning he sends all the educators and staff in the district an email with words of wisdom, encouragement, and praise. I posted a comment on Facebook about meeting Watkins, and the comments flooded in.

A former student wrote:

I've known him since I was a kid in pre-k. He sat down with me at lunch one day my junior year in high school and asked, “Still don't like the crust?” meaning my sandwich which I had torn the crust off from. For him to remember that I didn't like the crust all this time still amazes me. I'm grateful to have had him for a superintendent, couldn't have asked for a better one.

A few moms wrote:

“I'll never forget when my children were in kindergarten. They came home talking about a ‘man’ that sat with them at lunch. Puzzled, I was like ‘What man??!’ They quickly responded, ‘Mr. Watkins.’ I was impressed six years ago and have continued to be, as I see him opening car doors, greeting the kids in car line…sometimes in the pouring rain.”

“He opened the car door for my son Jacob on his first day of kindergarten and on his last day of his senior year and he remembered!! Made me cry like a baby.”

A few teachers from Prosper ISD wrote:

“I love Dr. Watkins. Twelve years working for Prosper ISD, and he has the same passion as the first day. Proud to be part of his staff.”

“Dr. Watkins is a leader by example. He shows the students, staff, and the community of Prosper that he cares!!”

The overwhelming flood of responses showed how much people appreciate a leader who cares and how we long for leaders to care. I left Prosper ISD inspired by Drew Watkins to do more to show that I care. I hope after reading this you feel the same way. Drew Watkins is a great model for all of us. We can all care more, give more, and do more to make a difference. We may not rise to the level of caring of Drew Watkins, but we can strive to be more like him. We can all work to invest in relationships and find ways to show people that we care about them. When you show you care in your own unique way, you will stand out in a world where many have seemed to forget to care. And when you care, you inspire others to care. After all, think about all the great organizations lead by positive leaders who are showing the world they care. A caring leader unites, connects, encourages, and transforms teams and organizations and changes the world.

The Sandwich

The first leader I ever met, the one who was my greatest coach and encourager, the one who loved and served me and cared about me like no other was my mom. She wasn't always positive to herself but she taught me one of the greatest lessons in positive leadership. More than 10 years ago I was taking a walk with my mom near her home in South Florida when I noticed she was getting tired. My mom and I always walked together. She was a fit, walking machine and never got tired, so I knew something was wrong. “Let's go back to the condo so you can rest,” I said.

“No, I want to walk to the store so I can get some food to make you a sandwich for your drive home.”

I was headed back to my home in Ponte Vedra Beach and my mom thought I might starve to death without eating during the five-hour drive. Her caring trademark was cooking for me. We continued walking, made it to the supermarket, and, as we walked back, I could tell she was getting more and more tired. When we arrived back at her condo she was exhausted, and yet the first thing she did was walk into the kitchen to make me a sandwich. On my drive home, I ate her sandwich but didn't think much about it at the time. Now, over 10 years later, I think about that sandwich a lot because it was the last time I saw my mom fully conscious. My mom was battling cancer, which was why she was so tired. She didn't tell me how bad it really was, nor did she mention how bleak the odds were for her survival. She was fighting for her life and, yet, on that day, her biggest priority was to make me a sandwich. Looking back I realize she wasn't just making me a sandwich. She was showing me what selfless love and positive leadership are all about. At her funeral, many of her real estate clients and colleagues came up to me and shared countless stories of all the selfless acts of love my mom did for them as well. It turns out she served her team at work and her clients the same way she served her family. We often think that great leadership is about big visions, big goals, big actions, and big success. But I learned from my mom that real positive leadership is about serving others by doing the little things with a big dose of selfless love. Many want to be big-time leaders but it's important to remember that being a big-time leader starts with doing the little things to serve those you lead. It's always about the little things. Unity, relationships, and teamwork are developed slowly, one day; one interaction; one moment; one loving, serving, and caring act at a time.