3.1. MEET THE PARENTS

First, some background on the much-maligned helicopter parents. They are so named because they hover like helicopters near their children, ready to swoop in at a moment's notice to help resolve problems big and small. Particularly militant helicopter parents have been dubbed Black Hawks. Those who keep their distance and just offer guidance and direction are labeled traffic-control helicopter parents.

Hovering parents aren't just an American phenomenon. In Sweden, for instance, overprotective parenting is called "curling," a reference to the sport of curling. In curling, players sweep the ice with brooms to remove obstacles and make the heavy stones speed toward the target area. Likewise, curling parents rush ahead of their children, sweeping their paths clean of even the smallest obstructions to make their lives easier.

Helicopter parenting requires dedication and time management skills. From the crib to the college dorm, helicopter parents dote on their children and micromanage their lives. They ferry them from play dates to soccer practice to music lessons, always making their children the focus of their lives. A 2008 television commercial for the Chevrolet Malibu nicely captures the millennial parents' deep concern for their children's welfare. Promoting the car as a safe vehicle that will continue to protect the child long after she leaves home, the ad opens with a cuddly baby crawling on an assembly line conveyer belt and progresses through childhood to proms and graduation. As the parents lovingly look on, robotic arms put a bicycle helmet on the little girl and a bandage on her skinned knee after a skateboarding mishap. Finally, the robots strap her in the driver's seat of a Malibu, and her parents watch her drive off into the future. The closing lines of the commercial: "Because safety should last a lifetime. The all-new Chevy Malibu: built to last, built to love."

We don't have to watch television, however, to recognize these proud, protective parents. We have all encountered them in our daily lives. They're the folks with those yellow "Baby on Board" signs in the rear window and bumper stickers asking, "Have you hugged your child today?" and declaring, "My child is a middle school honor student." They tangle with sports coaches whenever their child gets benched, sometimes nearly coming to blows and being ejected from the game. They're the nightmares of many a schoolteacher, berating them over every less than perfect report card and every stern disciplinary action. Teachers tell of parents who beg them to let their children redo term papers after being caught cheating and plagiarizing. Just how out of control are some helicopter parents getting? Roughly 60% of teachers responding to a 2007 job satisfaction survey in Howard County, Maryland, said parents had harassed them.

Helicopter parents help write their kids' application essays to vie for spots at the most elite universities. They may even accompany their children to admissions interviews, dominating the meeting with their own questions. A 2006 survey by College Parents of America, an advocacy organization for parents, found that 88% of prospective college parents expected to go on campus visits, 85% would help their children decide where to apply, 69% would be involved in drafting the applications, and nearly half would arrange for a prep course or tutoring for the SAT or ACT entrance exams. The message of the study is quite clear: today, colleges are recruiting families, not just students.

Once the acceptance letter arrives in the mailbox, parents next go to bat to get their children the best class schedules, housing, and roommate assignments. Then comes the separation anxiety. "We have parents who want to stay in campus residential facilities the first night or two after their children come to campus," says Jo-Anne Brady, registrar at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario. "Our answer has been 'no,' but we know that many parents are staying anyway in local hotel accommodations." Some students have chosen to spend their first year abroad at the university's international study center in England, and a few concerned parents have even flown across the Atlantic to spend time with their children as they settle in.

Helicopter parenting is expected to intensify. "Future college parents believe they will have much greater levels of concern on nearly every topic from health and safety to finances, academics, and even personal relationships," says James Boyle, president of College Parents of America. "These soon-to-be college parents also believe that they will be asked for advice or assistance early and often." In a 2007 survey of future college parents, he found that 75% expected to have extreme or great concern about their children's health and safety; 66%, about finances; 62%, about academics; 55%, about career planning; and 52%, about personal relationships. About 63% of the respondents expect their children to frequently seek advice on finances; 36%, on career planning; 30%, on health and safety; 27%, on academics; and 19%, on personal relationships.

College Parents of America, which is itself another manifestation of helicopter parenting, does advocacy work at the state and federal levels on issues affecting college costs and provides its members with information about such topics as financial aid, strategies for getting into top-rated schools, and the challenges of child-parent relationships during the college years. College Parents of America clearly recognizes its role in the helicopter parent phenomenon, and in a statement to parents encourages them to forge ahead: "Helicopter pilots and the crews they carry on their missions perform important and sometimes heroic tasks. So too do helicopter parents on your mission to best support your children on the path to and through college. We wish you happy and successful piloting!" The organization even calls its blog "Hoverings."

Many parents continue to remain vigilant even beyond college, as children apply to graduate schools and enter the workplace. Hovering, it seems, can be a very hard habit to break. "We gave our kids so much, and when they got in trouble, our first instinct was to jump in and rescue them," says Donna Canavan, the mother of two millennial generation daughters in Wrentham, Massachusetts. "As they get older, we don't know how to stop giving and stop guiding." Her elder daughter moved back home after college, and Canavan is in touch almost daily with her younger daughter at Elon University in Elon, North Carolina. Canavan learned to send text messages because she knew she'd be sure to get an answer if she couldn't reach her daughters by phone. "I just need to know they're safe and happy," she says.

She believes that the competitive nature of college admissions and the workplace requires parents to be ever watchful. "Kids need to be pushed to get ahead today," she says. "You have to seek out information for them about public service internships and other opportunities." To assist her daughters, Canavan discovered some internship opportunities at the statehouse in Boston and closely monitored their college applications. "I didn't write their application essays for them," she says, "but I screamed a lot to do a good job because essays make your application pop, and they can make or break you."