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UnNetworking Why Networking Events Are Evil
LAST MONTH I attended a local networking event, which made me realize the difference between old- and new-school networking. It happened all within five minutes, all at the same table I was standing beside.
Old School: A real estate agent, with card already in hand, walked up to me and introduced himself, shoving his card at me. I replied with my name and asked why he was giving me his card. His reply was “That’s what we’re here for, to exchange information, to network!” I told him I didn’t have any cards and proceeded to then listen to him talk about his web site and how if we gave him our cards that he had a section where he would post a link to us and in return we could post one for him on ours! Taadaa! Sigh. . . .
New School: Three minutes later, I recognize Danny. Since I’ve been talking to him on Twitter for months we’re like old college buddies and I give him a huge hug. No awkward “So what do you do?” questions with elevator-speech answers. No card exchange. Just a genuine great feeling of meeting somebody in person who you feel you already know. Because you already do.
Going in cold to a networking event is like showing up for a dance at a high school you just transferred to. Except at this dance, you have a stack of business cards in your hand and pass them out to everyone. It’s awkward, intimidating, and a huge reason that many people who are even the slightest bit introverted don’t go to them.140 And if you come in late, you’re screwed. The circles have been formed, people have been bonding for an hour, and now you have to try to ease into a talking circle, not knowing any of the inside jokes.
Going in warm to an event is like a high school reunion. People instantly recognize each other, you hear a lot of “So great to finally meet you!” and hugs all around. And it’s so simple to go into an event all warmed up. Twitter is my warming platform of choice. A few weeks before an event, I search the hashtag141 on Twitter. You can do this for a networking event, conference, anything really. One popular tag is #SXSW, which is the big interactive conference in Austin, Texas, every year. Search it anytime and you’ll see people talking about it. Since I’m going to it, I search the tag, see who is talking about it, check out their profile, and if they seem interesting, I strike up a conversation. Next thing you know, the conference is here and I spot them across the room, rush on over and say hi. That’s new-school networking. The event isn’t the introduction; it’s the escalation of the relationship.
Going in cold, old-school style to an event is a huge risk. You usually run into one of four types of people:
1. The Great One: The Wayne Gretzky of networking events. He or she knows everyone, works the room like a ninja, and makes you feel right at home. That person realizes that everyone is there to help themselves and meet people, not to hear about why you think you’re great. They listen, sincerely, and make sure to not monopolize all the conversations. This is who you want to be. You don’t have to be an extreme extrovert either. Be you, care about what someone is saying, and enjoy the conversations.
2. The Awkward One: Someone who comes up to you with a business card in hand, after freshly reading a networking book at home, says a line like, “I’m a professional organizer. If you could organize any part of your life, what would it be?” to the point that the person should just be holding a script in his or her hand. After the initial exchange is done, they stand beside you, sipping something through a straw. They don’t walk away, you feel awkward just turning and fleeing, so now you’re stuck. No one wants to come over and hang out with you and the awkward organizer and you almost look like a networking couple.142
3. The Dude with Scotch: Always a guy, and always with hard liquor, this guy decides the best way to work a room is to get cranked by the bar and start talking like it was a frat party. If your first thought going into an event is, “I wonder how many types of bourbon they serve?” you’re doing it wrong.143
4. The Card Collector: Reminding you of the time you collected baseball cards,144 this person has a stack of business cards in his or her hand, ready to rock! The card collector hands them out like the escort flyer guys on the street in Vegas, making sure to blanket the entire room. Sadly, it’s usually a real estate agent or insurance peddler that rules this roost. The top of this pile is the one with his or her own picture on the card because someone told them “familiarity creates trust!” This type walks out of the event, counting the number of cards they pulled and high-fives others with a cheer. “Yes! I gave out all 50 of my cards! Networking is awesome!” Sadly, if this person went back in at the end of the night, they’d see 47 of them sitting on tables and on top of the bar because people have no use for them.
An exchange of a card should be done after I’ve met you and we’ve connected so well that we need to get in touch after the event to continue our conversation/do potential business/give a referral/go bowling. I usually don’t bring any cards because of new-school networking. If I didn’t get to know you on Twitter beforehand, I will ask you what your Twitter handle is right then and there, hop on my BlackBerry, and follow you on the spot and make a note to say hi online. That’s the great thing about new school. You talk before the event, you meet at it, and then talk after online. It’s a constant connection before, during, and after.
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