The meeting with Eric was coming up in two days. I sat in my office, debating what would certainly be one of the most important decisions of my career and life. Financial realization versus self-realization, perhaps. The implications, either way, could be enormous.

I wondered if accepting Eric's alluring offer might mean the end of my journey through the portals. I also thought about the nurse's comment about “wearing” acceptance and wondered if it meant embracing Damon for who he was and thus staying with the firm. It felt as if there was a blank sign above my head and my next move would determine what it said.

Karine walked by my front door, and I called her in. I asked her to close the door and have a seat. She did so quietly and waited for me to speak. “I have to say, this is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Eric presented an amazing opportunity to us. I think you know how much I care about you and that I consider you to be my friend. I hope you know that nothing would make me happier than to see you get all that you deserve. I'm also not a fool, and I would love to reap the rewards of the opportunity for myself.

“The thing is, Damon is a friend too. We've got a lot of history together, and I know that deep down, he's a lot like me, just a lost little boy wanting to be loved. Accepting him would be a big opportunity for me as well.

“I don't know what I should or will do. I guess I just wanted to let you know that either way it goes, I really hope you'll be okay with the decision.”

After contemplating all of that, she hugged me without saying a word.

* * *

I arrived early for my dinner with Eric, so I wandered around the cobblestoned streets of SoHo for about a half hour, poking my head into a couple of galleries and doing a little window-shopping. Eric's restaurant was called Ann's Bistro, which he told me was named after a dear friend of his. It was an unassuming place that perfectly reflected his flair for the nondramatic. I didn't know whether the food was extraordinary or if the reputation was the draw, but even in the middle of the week there was a line that went out the front door.

Feeling a little guilty for not having to wait like the others, I was immediately escorted to Eric's table, where his bear hug greeting squeezed the guilt out of me.

“How are you, buddy? Great to see you,” he said.

“I'm alive. That feels good to me.” It was the first time I'd remembered ever having such a thought. “How was the trip?”

“It was fantastic!” he said. “Signed a new movie deal and spent some time with my costar. When we get a chance, I'd like you to meet her. She's looking to buy some property in the city. Her name is Rose.”

“The Rose?” I asked, suspecting that he was referring to his frequent movie costar. She was an acclaimed superstar in her own right, with an Oscar to her credits. I'm sure Rose had a last name, but no one ever referred to her other than by the moniker, “The Rose.”

“Yeah. The Rose,” he said, teasingly. “She's really special … just like everyone else. And speaking of special, I hope you don't mind that I ordered one of my favorite bottles of wine for us: Going Forward Pinot Noir.” He paused. “It's my friend's brand,” he said, which made me consider just how important close relationships and commitment were to him.

“Sounds great,” I said, as we clinked our glasses together.

Between sips of wine, we caught each other up on a few trivial events of the past few weeks, after which he raised the pressing matter at hand. “I assume you've got an answer for me?”

I took another sip of wine, trying to clear my mind. I still had no idea what I was going to say so I bought myself some time. “Let me repeat what I said before; that regardless of what happens, I would love to continue to enjoy our friendship.”

“Agreed,” he said, without wasting a second.

I took one more sip, put the glass down, looked him in the eye and took a deep breath.

“I have decided to stay at the firm and give it another try with Damon. It's not about my owing him anything; it's more for me than him. I'd like to try to accept him for who he is, and in the process, I hope to see myself as more of who I'd like to become. We're all on a journey, and I think accepting him is part of mine. But that's my journey, Eric, not yours, and I don't expect you to accept him at all. I just want you to understand that my decision is really about me, not about Damon, and certainly in no way a reflection of how I feel about you. I've made my decision, and I'm prepared to live with yours.”

He sat back in his chair, pursed his lips, tilted his head, and looked up to consider what I'd said. I didn't think my statement shocked him, but I did think he was hoping for a different one.

As he sat silently, my mind became very still as well. I had no desires, no attachment to any particular outcome, no thoughts at all. My future was unknown, but the moment wasn't. I recognized it from the street in New York. I felt a sense of peace that warmed my body and once more gave me a brief taste of what could only have been heaven.

I barely noticed a young waiter, dressed in nicely pressed jeans and a black shirt, pacing around our table like a young man in a delivery room waiting for his first child.

“Hey, Willy. It's okay, you can take our orders.”

“I'm sorry, sir. I prefer not to intrude on people when they are engaged in deep conversation.”

“How many times have I asked you not to call me sir?” Eric asked, with an obvious touch of humor.

“Sorry, sir … I mean, sorry.” We all laughed.

“What can I get for you?”

“Please ask Elizabeth what she recommends tonight.”

“Very good, sir … Damn it!”

Even a few people from the tables near us laughed.

“Willy, I'd like you to meet my new business partner. This is Scott Billings.”

“Hello, Mr. Billings,” the young man said.

Still in a beautiful daze, I heard myself say “I'll have whatever the chef recommends, as well. Thanks, Willy, and nice to meet you.”

After Willy left the table it took a few more moments before I could focus. “Are you sure that's what you want, Eric?”

“No, that's not exactly what I want. But I still get who I want.”

“Thanks for saying that.”

“I do have to say something else, though. If Damon causes any challenges, I will have no choice but to pull the account, and very quickly. Also, I want you and Karine to handle all of our transactions. I hope you understand and can do that.”

“I absolutely understand, and we will. Thank you, Eric.”

Eric poured another glass of wine for us and looked me in the eye before saying, “You're welcome, partner.”