Example Is a Very Big Deal

I am convinced that most people have no idea of how powerful their example is to others—not just in what they say or do, but also by what they don't say or don't do. The power of your example is unfathomable. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you will start holding yourself to a higher standard of thinking and behaving that is in alignment with living at unstoppable game changer status.

Grace Made Man

In the same December 5, 2015, meeting with the Hoosiers where I first met the unblinking Yogi Ferrell sat his friend, roommate, and teammate Troy Williams, a then junior with National Basketball Association (NBA) aspirations and abilities. Williams's experience is another incredible story of an undrafted player who fought his way to an NBA roster spot with the Houston Rockets. In my talk to the team that day, I mentioned how at their age I was living in a furniture-less house with rats, and shared principles for working one's way out of tough spots. I talked about the contrast between then and now, and how after my life started to gain positive financial traction, all my WHY goals prioritized the material; but then I explained how that evolved to a more external WHY that included the starting of a nonprofit foundation that helps feed more than 400 orphans daily. I mentioned that, over time, I had achieved all my “B” goals, but that I never liked when people referred to me as a “self-made” man; instead, I considered myself to be a grace-made man. I believe it was through the grace of God that I moved out of the muck of financial misery and into the blessed life of being able to help others.

Later that afternoon, while I was watching the team practice, Williams ran up to where I stood, stopped, and said, “I really like what you said about being a grace-made man,” then continued with his drills. I did not know just how much he liked it at the time, but a short while afterward I knew exactly how much when I received a text from him with a photo of his new tattoo that said, “Grace Made Man.” He wrote, “I told you I liked what you said that day.”

We can never underestimate the ability we have to influence others through our words or our example—either to impact them for good or to influence them to their detriment. We should take seriously that our example for good, or for evil, may one day become a tattoo that another wears on his or her mind or body for the rest of his or her life.

Think about that last statement. How many kids has Michael Jordan inspired to work harder, practice more, and improve because of his example? The answer is incalculable. And while you may not ever impact others at his level, your new philosophy, mindset, discipline, attitude, passion, enthusiasm, and consistency can (and will) inspire those closest to you, those who work with you, those for whom you work and whom you serve, and even the incidental contacts you have but once and never cross paths with again.

Everyone Leads by Example

For 20 years, people attending my seminars have told me, “I want to learn to lead by example.” My reply is that they already are, that everyone leads by example. That is not in question. The question is: What is the example you are leading or living by? If you lie, cheat, steal, blame, take shortcuts, and gossip, you are leading by example—a dreadful example! If you own it, renounce excuses, outwork everyone on your team, and then look for ways to lift others, you are also living by example—an example that can change someone's thinking and life. In reality, undertakers, caretakers, playmakers, and game changers all lead and live by example, but the difference in example is like comparing prisons to penthouses.

There Is No Sole Game Changer Mold

There is not just a single way that you can influence others with your example. In fact, you may not even realize you are impacting others while it is happening. But when you shift your mind and life into a higher gear and begin to pull away from the pack, you can be assured that more eyes will be on you, and what you do or say has the potential to elevate or devastate (to be magnified much for good or for bad). The ancient wisdom is true: To whom much is given, of him shall much be required. And I would add to that: “So don't screw it up!”

Arlington Independent School District's director of athletics, Kevin Ozee, recalls two game changers who positively influenced others in different ways:

A game changer that comes to mind for me is Coach Hal Mumme. Coach Mumme was made fun of and bounced around from job to job, but he was able to take a few offensive football concepts that had been around since the 1950s and tweak them to his players' strengths. Now, almost every college and high school program in the nation runs some form of Coach Mumme's Air Raid Offense. The number of head coaches that have been spawned from Coach Mumme's staffs is mind-boggling as well. Who would have ever thought that an eccentric former Texas high school football coach would revolutionize football at a Division III college? Coach Mumme stayed with what he believed in and worked to be the best.

Another game changer that comes to mind is Coach Eddie Robinson. I have met several of Coach Robinson's former players, and every one of them has told me about his unwavering commitment to coaching boys to championship men by keeping very high expectations. Coach Robinson made his players wear a coat and tie on trips, and to this day I know men in their forties and fifties who wear a coat and tie on casual Friday to honor Coach Robinson. Coach Robinson's high expectations, strong work ethic, and commitment to growing young men has made an unbelievable generational impact (Kevin Ozee, pers. comm.).

Family First Life's Shawn Meaike shares that those who most influenced him ranged from a parent to a kid his life intersected with only briefly while being hospitalized:

My mother taught me growing up the most about being a game changer. My mom was a single mom of two boys working three jobs. She told me that “in business and in sports everybody is always watching,” and that “nobody has the right to judge you but God, but people will discern what you are all about.” I believe game changers aren't worried about what other human beings think as long as what they are doing is in line with the Lord. My mother also taught me that my kindness would be mistaken as weakness and that most people aren't raised in strength—they will be looking to be led by strong people, and that leading people is a humbling experience to be cherished and not manipulated. Game changers understand their responsibility of being the first one on the battlefield and the last one off, and they relish it. They understand that their personal stuff can't be dumped on those they are charged with leading. Game changers also recognize that championships make them great players, not individual wins. If you can inspire people to believe in themselves and to achieve to the greatest of their ability, then you are a game changer.

Another major impression that stands out to me decades later happened when I was a nine-year-old. I was hit by a truck while riding my bicycle and I broke my arm, dislocated my hip, and had various other injuries. In the hospital bed next to me was a young boy named Kevin, and he had been hit and dragged under a car and received significant burns over a large portion of his body. I was getting out of the hospital much earlier than Kevin with a much better prognosis, and I remember I asked Kevin one day about this. He said he had nothing to complain about, and that it could be much worse. Not one day in the three weeks did I hear him complain. He was a pillar of strength that made me uncomfortable about complaining about my situation—so I didn't. Here was a young boy much worse off physically than I was who became a game changer in my life because he refused to whine, cry, or complain about his situation. When you lead people personally and professionally where there is zero self-pity and the utmost strength, you inspire greatness while removing self-doubt (Shawn Meaike, pers. comm.).

Sleeping with a Game Changer

Jeff Cowan, of Jeff Cowan's Pro Talk, explains how sometimes your game changer is your spouse, and that you can become a game changer for your spouse:

I have learned that game changers cannot realize their full potential when they are not being led by game changers themselves. Although I had always prided myself on making Jeff Cowan's Pro Talk a game-changing company in the automotive service industry, I simply didn't achieve the height of my personal and professional success until I met the game changer in my life: my wife Candy.

Maybe you think of game changers as being larger-than-life, iconic personalities, as the type of people who are revered by many or who have vast knowledge of the intricacies of the business world. Yet the fact is there is no typical game changer. It is different for everyone because every business and every situation is unique. Prior to meeting my wife Candy, I would rise each day and lug the stress of my early-morning e-mails, texts, and phone calls with me to work. I would anguish over the elements of running my business, and it would affect my attitude all day with my Pro Talk family.

Over 70 percent of Pro Talk's business is generated on the East Coast. Since I live on the West Coast, my days begin at 5:00 AM. This early-morning start time gives me three hours each day before I arrive at the office to get a leg up on the challenges of the day. I use this time to organize my schedule and set my agenda. I collect my thoughts and focus my energy. Before Candy graced my life, I am afraid most days I failed in utilizing this time efficiently, and my business suffered.

Candy noticed that some mornings I was happy, enthusiastic, and highly energetic. However, she also noticed that, more times than not, morning saw me as stressed, having the wrong attitude, and being short-tempered and curt. This counterproductive mindset was directly a result of what was on the agenda for the day, and what I had seen or heard in my early-morning research. Candy can always assess my state of mind and help me to get refocused on what is important. She showed me the benefits of a positive attitude. Sure, before I met Candy, I had read and heard a million times that possessing a positive attitude is critical in business. I just could not see the flaw in myself. I thought I was doing everything right. It was Candy's mentoring that made me realize that the attitude that I set every morning is the one that I bring to work, and the one that sets the tone for every encounter I have that day. She made me understand that stress and negativity are draining and that I can be far more efficient if I approach the day with the “glass-half-full” perspective. I was wasting precious energy and time worrying and obsessing. The new approach with which she gifted me allows me to feel great about things, have a positive mindset, and pass that good energy on to my customers and employees.

The most important and perhaps most game-changing philosophy that Candy brought to me and that I now subscribe to is that when I am stressed about something, I either discuss what is causing the stress only with those directly involved or I don't discuss it at all. This was life-altering for me because it caused me to exercise great self-control. The time we make for our morning talks has made Candy my true game changer. In the past, I rarely noticed how I was behaving around others and how I was affecting them, good or bad. Now, each day, I have a clear picture of my state of mind and adjust it if necessary to ensure that it only affects the many game changers who work beside me at Pro Talk in the most positive and rewarding way. These morning conversations have become so important to me and Pro Talk that even when I travel and am away from home, I make time every morning to talk with Candy prior to starting my workday.

Candy is the type of person everyone loves. She has the world's biggest smile and she lights up the room. She sees only the positive in everyone and every situation. When she came into my life, it brought balance and a fresh perspective. She changed the game for me personally and professionally.

It is clear that game changers are a must in the workplace. But for me, and for many, I suspect, they see and understand there is a specific set of characteristics that a game changer must possess. Those characteristics will always be dictated by the need, the environment, and the challenges present. I have worked with top performers who were not what many would consider game changers, and I have worked with people who can't close a sale but who add an aspect to the office culture that makes everybody else perform at a higher level. That individual is a game changer and I will always want him or her on my team. You may not have to look very far or very hard to find your game changer. You do, however, have to open your mind as to where to find inspiration and motivation (Jeff Cowan, pers. comm.).

Don't Pave Detours to Destruction

Unfortunately, sometimes the people closest to you (coach, parent, and/or spouse) are a miserable influence. They are hypocrites who talk right and walk left. For example, the dad who grounds you for lying and then instructs you to tell Uncle Ralph on the phone that he's not in when he really is, or the business owner who preaches to “always do the right thing,” then gives you a receipt for home improvements and tells you to list them as deductible business expenses. These influencers pave detours to destruction with their selfish and corrupt examples. Do not be one! And if you currently resemble the examples of deceit that were just given, you need to change, because I can assure you of this: When you end up missing your potential by a mile, and the sweat of your deathbed wakes you up to the fact that you blew it and missed your life, you will not have anyone else to blame for holding you back or stealing your dreams. Instead, you will be haunted by the fact that you could not get out of your own way. You stupidly and systematically self-destructed.

Hypocrisy Without Accountability at the Top

The Los Angeles Police Commission defines its purpose (as posted on its website) as follows:

The Board of Police Commissioners, originally created in the 1920s, is comprised of five civilians who donate their time to the City while maintaining their professional careers. They are appointed by the Mayor and confirmed by the City Council.…

The Commissioners' concerns are reflective of the community at large, and their priorities include implementing recommended reforms, improving service to the public by the Department, reducing crime and the fear of crime, and initiating, implementing, and supporting community policing programs.

On September 15, 2015, entertainment lawyer Matthew Johnson was elected president of the LAPD Police Commission after being appointed by Mayor Eric Garcetti. This high-profile opportunity to serve comes with the massive responsibility to set a stellar example, citywide, for respecting the law and advocating law enforcement integrity and accountability.

In May of 2017, President Johnson was captured in a TMZ video advocating the vandalizing of the President of the United States' Walk of Fame star on Hollywood Boulevard. His comments were then broadcast on TMZ's nationally televised show. That is an extreme version of leading by example—a reprehensible example. The police commission president's promotion of violence was a complete abdication of the commission's stated purpose, and diminished the entire police commission and every member on it. Johnson's irresponsible, immature, and hypocritical behavior has made law enforcement's job more difficult in protecting the public property he publicly favored trashing. He has created a mockery of his position as president of said commission, damaging any credibility he will need to hold law enforcement officials accountable for doing their jobs when he failed so miserably in his own duties to live out the commission's purpose and promote law and order.

You might think that a leader appointed to promote law and order, yet demonstrating hypocrisy through such a divisive and destructive example, would be removed from his position by the mayor who appointed him, but there were no consequences for Johnson's encouragement to destroy public property. In fact, Johnson's actions were offhandedly dismissed because he claims to have said them “in jest” and apologized for his actions. The example this sets for others is incredibly dangerous: that they can engage in such actions as encouraging violence, or hate speech, or racial slurs, or public bigotry, and the like, and then expect to suffer no consequences as long as they apologize and claim to have spoken in jest. The mayor also sets an egregious leadership example by holding a high-level leader he appointed to a lower standard than the average citizen would have endured had he or she publicly advocated violence. I contacted President Johnson, Mayor Garcetti, and the other four LAPD commission members for comment on Johnson's actions and none bothered to reply, which demonstrates another example: that of arrogance, or indifference, or both.

Let's quickly take a look back in the mirror: Just as President Johnson instantly demoted himself in the eyes of many from a leader to a clown, we are all prone to do likewise when we are unaware of just how compelling the power of our example is, for better or for worse, especially in our unguarded moments when we say things “in jest.”

John, Zig, Johnny, and Harry

In our LearnToLead Elite Center near Los Angeles, where we conduct our Mission Unstoppable seminar, among others, throughout the year, I have a “wall of influence.” I explain to our guests that the three men whose photos are posted on the wall are mentors who have had a significant positive impact on my life. They are, or were, game changers in their fields, and through my personal interaction with them my life was more completely equipped, stretched, and enhanced. These men are Dr. John C. Maxwell, who mentored me through his books and example in leadership; the late Zig Ziglar, who took an interest in me and helped me get my first book published; and my karate instructor, Master Johnny Gyro, who trained me to the rank of second-degree black belt. Businessman and philanthropist Harry Patterson is also a game changer for me; he gave me my first shot at a management position three decades ago. His is the classic story of a guy who started with nothing, built an automotive, real estate, and ranching empire, and now gives much of his time and fortune back to the less fortunate. People used to complain that Harry was hard to work for, but Harry Patterson was hard to work for only if you did not want to work! Harry was a great leader who expected a lot, but gave you the tools you needed to get there. We still stay in touch. He is the kind of friend who, if you were ever locked up in a foreign jail and held for ransom, he would bring lawyers, guns, and money to get you out; and if he couldn't get his hands on the lawyers, guns, and money soon enough, he would come by himself and figure it out on the fly.

The men on my wall of influence have not just made money; they have made a difference. They did not just become successful by crossing a finish line alone, but are significant because they brought so many others across that finish line with them. I am blessed to be one of them.

This raises the question: Whose wall of influence are you on? If you keep living with the example you are setting right now, whose wall of influence will you be on someday? Not everyone has a physical wall of influence, but there is a version in his or her mind and heart that treasures the relationship with someone who made a difference in his or her life. This is not because the person was easy on them, let them get by, or coddled them; rather, it is because he or she stretched them, equipped them, got in their face when they were off track, poured him- or herself into them, and left them better than he or she found them. If you have a mentor who is tough on you, thank him or her! Remember this:

• They are hard on you because they believe in you.
• They hold you accountable because they care.
• They stretch you so you never have to regret giving less than your best.
• They will not let you develop at your own pace, because your own pace is too safe, too slow, and too comfortable to take you to your potential.

Mission Unstoppable

To become an unstoppable game changer, consider and act on the following points:

1. Honestly evaluate the daily words, deeds, and attitude that constitute your example to those whom you care most about at home, at work, on the team, and in all your life's arenas:
   • What about your example would make a great training film for aspiring game changers?
   • What about your example would have to change NOW to make the film more compelling?
2. While you may have been given poor examples by parents, coaches, or bosses in the past, do you understand that you are still responsible for the example you choose to demonstrate daily, and that you have the power to choose to do better?
3. Enter each day with the objective to leave people better than you find them—whether they are serving you in a restaurant or on your team. How can you leave them more encouraged, equipped, clear, inspired, accepted, and valued than they were before your path crossed theirs? This is one of the most fulfilling aspects of living a game changer life.
4. Can you accept that before you can more effectively influence others, you must first change yourself (your thinking; your work ethic; your character; your WHY; the amount of time you spend in your zone; your attitude, passion, and enthusiasm; your personal philosophy; and the health of your mindset)? If you have not started already, will you start now?
5. Use additional and helpful resources to help yourself and others create game changer performance. Review behavioral expert Eric Samuelson's presentation in the Appendix at the conclusion of this book on how to use the Winslow Profiles to help you identify and develop game changers. At LearnToLead, we wouldn't think of bringing someone onto our team without this evaluation.