Sitting next to me on the flight to Singapore was a well-groomed young businessman. He had a tailored suit and perfect hair, and I couldn't help thinking how successful he appeared for someone a decade younger than me. I took a look around the cabin for Sarah, but I could not see her. Part of me was slightly disappointed, but I decided that the most useful move might be just to settle in for some quiet time.

I watched a movie, which took me a couple of hours into the flight. I pulled out the travel book on Barcelona I had bought and began to make a plan of the sights I wanted to take in. There were many things I was excited about. Obviously there were the beaches, the tapas bars and the Spanish night-life to look forward to, as well as a stroll down the famous Las Ramblas boulevard to take in the heartbeat of Barcelona.

I was particularly interested in the architecture of Antoni Gaudí. I wanted to see his famous La Sagrada Familia cathedral, still unfinished, even though the foundation was laid back in 1882. I was most excited about visiting Gaudí's modernist Park Güell. It fascinated me, mostly because it looked like a series of buildings out of a Dr Seuss book.

My excitement about visiting Barcelona for the first time was building. Not surprisingly, I hadn't given my speech much thought.

My immediate neighbour and I had yet to acknowledge each other. He would have been no more than 27, and he was clearly very busy. I had noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was poring over graphs, flow charts and other data, and emailing furiously. But since I was going to spend the next eight hours next to him, I decided to introduce myself.

‘Hi, I'm Simon.'

‘Hey,' he looked up from his screen. ‘I'm Adrian.'

‘You look like you're working pretty hard, Adrian. Do you have business in Singapore?'

‘Umm, yeah … ' Adrian glanced up again distractedly. I didn't think he really wanted to talk, which I realised I appreciated. I wasn't even sure why I had started the conversation with this golden child hotshot. I suppose I just wondered what he did. Anyway, I was happy to spend the rest of the trip in solitude.

‘Sorry,' Adrian said a moment later. ‘I just wanted to finish that thought and get the email off.'

‘No, my fault,' I replied. ‘I didn't mean to disturb you.'

‘It's all good. I just had to get this presentation ready.'

‘What are you presenting on?' I asked, only too aware that I had not finished my own preparation, and that instead I had just watched some silly romantic comedy.

‘Actually, it's going to be a really interesting piece of business in Singapore. I'm doing a talk at a conference on how to influence the different generations in today's workforce.'

‘That does sound interesting. What do you do that you get to talk about that?'

‘I'm a generational expert,' he said. ‘I know, that sounds like a weird title. But I have made a study of different generations, and my job is to share with people the keys to influencing the various generations of clients out there.'

‘A generational expert … ?'

‘Yeah. I know, it probably sounds silly. But it's how I promote myself and they book me for these conferences, so it works for me.' He smiled sheepishly, a little embarrassed by his obvious self-promotion.

‘Sounds good to me,' I said. ‘But what exactly do you talk about?'

‘It's very much about how to influence and interact with people of different age groups. It's sort of funny, but over the past few years there have been all of these speakers, trainers and authors who have tried to categorise my generation, Generation Y — that is, people born between 1981 and 1994. Basically, all they came up with was that we are really technologically savvy and better not upset us or we'll quit.'

I grinned at his joke. ‘That sounds right to me,' I said. I saw his reaction and backtracked a little. ‘You seem really busy, Adrian. You're obviously successful. But let's face it, your generation is a bit different, and that statement does seem to sum it up, in my experience. I've been frustrated with young people at work. I mean, they don't seem to take work as seriously as they should.'

Adrian sighed. ‘A lot of managers feel that way. I try to challenge them in terms of their belief systems. My generation can tell if you don't respect them. I tell these managers that they need to have a useful belief about my generation.'

I stopped and stared at Adrian. ‘What did you say?'

‘A useful belief. I mean, if you want to influence our generation in the workplace, a useful belief is that we're all members of a really exciting, innovative, well-informed generation. If you are a manager of young people and have that belief system, my generation will want to work for you. That's because they want to be respected.'

Useful belief. Twice I had heard this concept, and in the span of only a few hours.

‘Look at it like this,' he said. ‘Let's say for a moment that you believe Generation Y is the greatest generation in the world. It doesn't matter if you think it's true. Truth can be a bit overrated!'

‘That sounds familiar,' I said, starting to think the world had it in for me on this trip.

He smiled. ‘If I am an older manager and I believe Generation Y is a great generation to manage, then guess what? I'm a better manager.

‘You know,' he said, ‘despite my age, I have had a chance to work with a lot of pretty successful people, and I've begun to figure something out. There is one fundamental thing that separates successful people from people who are average.'

‘Okay,' I said. ‘Hit me with it.'

‘Successful people see opportunities that unsuccessful people don't see. I call it the Red Toyota Theory.'

‘The Red Toyota Theory? Okay, with the day I'm having so far I'm looking forward to hearing this.'

‘This is gold!' he laughed. ‘Your brain has something called the reticular activating system, often referred to as the R.A.S. Successful people notice things other people don't because their R.A.S. is looking for these opportunities. But the great thing is that anyone can do this. For example, when you drove to the airport today, how many red Toyotas did you see?'

I thought about it. ‘I don't remember seeing any.'

‘Exactly! Your R.A.S. was not tuned in to spotting red Toyotas. However, if you made the decision to buy a red Toyota, you'd start to see red Toyotas everywhere. Your R.A.S. would be activated to search for them.

‘It's no different with success,' he explained. ‘When you set your R.A.S. to search for opportunities, then you start to see these opportunities everywhere. It's simply useful to believe that this is the greatest ever time to be alive. When you believe that, it is easier to practise gratitude and seize the day. Your brain will find beautiful things in the world because it is looking for evidence to support your belief. This is what makes it useful to believe this is the best year ever in your industry and your company. When you believe that, you start to see business opportunities everywhere.'

Hmm. I was starting to like this kid.

‘Of course, the opposite is also true,' he continued. ‘If you believe the markets are not going to let you make money, then you won't. If you believe the sales environment is terrible, you won't see ways to make sales. If you believe “kids today” are no good, you won't connect with your kids as well as you might. If you believe that managing Generation Y is awful and they're all lazy, you won't be able to connect with their way of looking at the world.'

‘Wow,' I said. ‘You and the universe are trying to tell me something today!'

He responded with a smile, though there was no way he could know what I meant.

‘This is true of relationships too,' he went on. ‘Your R.A.S. will sometimes torture you.'

‘What do you mean?' I asked.

‘Well, if someone has just broken up from a relationship that they really wanted to continue, the R.A.S. will torture them. They'll see happy couples everywhere. Couples holding hands, families having fun, children laughing and spending quality time with their parents.

‘It also works the other way. If someone is unhappy in their current relationship, the R.A.S. will torture them too. What will they see? Hot singles, everywhere. Hot, single people who are unattainable!'

‘That's hilarious, but I think you're right.'

‘Well, I love the opportunity of working with people and helping them develop a clearer view of the different generations they work with,' he declared.

This guy was wise beyond his years, which was perhaps why I felt like I wanted to challenge him.

‘You mentioned that by having a useful belief about the younger generation, you can do a better job managing them. Is there a way you teach people to influence and manage older generations as well?'

‘Absolutely.'

I knew he was going to say that. ‘So how would you influence the older generation? A lot of my clients are in senior management positions and have plenty of grey hair.'

‘It's simple. Each generation is really easy to influence …
Are you sure you want to hear about this?'

‘Go ahead. We've got the time.'

He smiled. ‘Okay, we'll start with the older people in the workplace and work back. Let's take the Baby Boomers first — the people born between 1946 and 1964, who are most likely to be at the top of the organisation. A lot of younger people from my generation are judgemental about older people in the office. They think the older staff don't understand them and don't have anything to teach them, so they ignore them and don't seek out their knowledge and wisdom. This, of course, is not useful.

‘So what I teach them to do is to ask a very simple question of older people in the office. It's not the first question they ask, but I challenge them to find a time that is appropriate and ask them something that can change their relationship forever: “How did you get started in this business?” Instantly, you see the older person stop in their tracks as they size up this young whipper-snapper. “Well,” they say, “It's an interesting story … ”, and they're off! At that point, my Generation Y colleagues have to do something that doesn't always come easily to them.'

‘Listen!' I jumped in, smiling.

‘Exactly,' he said. ‘And not just listen — they also have to care. So I teach them some listening and caring techniques.

‘No, I'm serious. Think about it. You were probably the same when you were young. You didn't want to listen to some older person tell you their story. You were probably pretty sure they couldn't relate to you. So I teach them affirmative responses like “Really?” and “Then what happened?” '

I laughed as his voice jumped up an octave with each response.

‘I know, it sounds strange, but the higher pitch indicates that you care. Your voice goes up when you are interested. And it's not just listening and caring. I teach my generation to have a useful belief about the older generation. They have to understand their story. The oldest of this generation listened to the Beatles and Bob Dylan. They had Vietnam and the feminist and civil rights movements. They see themselves as a generation that had purpose.

‘I mean, think about what this generation has lived through. They consider themselves the hardest working and most successful generation ever. If you doubt this, just ask them. They'll tell you!'

I laughed again. This was turning into an incredible day.

‘I tell my generation to listen and to care, but also to look out for the moment when you know that you've won them over. See, so many people my age go out there with their cocky attitudes, trying to impress older people with their knowledge. But that's not going to do the trick. What will impress the Boomers is if you listen to their story. Eventually you'll realise that you've come to the moment when you've won them over. They look at you and begin to say something like, “Actually, this may be something you can use in your business … ” And they offer you advice! Boom! That's the moment. When they start to give you advice, then you know you've won it.'

‘Ha!' I said. ‘That is gold! But I don't think that approach need be reserved for your generation's use. I think it's something I could use with the older people I work with.'

‘Absolutely! It's in their DNA. Older people don't want to be impressed — they want to be heard. Let them give you advice; take that advice; and then, most importantly, thank them for the advice and they will love you for it!'

‘That's awesome, mate,' I said. ‘It seems like such a great idea. But … does it ever not work? Do you get any backlash when someone of your generation can't pull it off, you know, and have it seem sincere?'

‘But it's not insincere. I'm teaching people to ask questions, to listen and care about what's being said. It's definitely not insincere. It's simply useful.'

‘Useful. Love it. What about my generation? Generation X?'

‘Your generation, those born between 1965 and 1980, is even easier to influence! You are the angry generation.'

I laughed out loud. He'd definitely got that right.

‘It sounds a little harsh, but think about it: you were often the children of divorce, you tended to have fewer brothers and sisters, and both your parents worked. You spent a lot of time alone. More than that, though, you were the first generation that was expected to achieve in a time when you weren't sure what the rules were.'

‘How do you mean?'

‘You were the generation that was told you could —
I mean should — have it all. Generation X women were taught that they should be corporate successes, domestic goddesses, and beautiful and sexy — all at the same time. Generation X men were also expected to become corporate powerhouses, but you were supposed to be sensitive new age men too. How could people have any idea what they were supposed to be?

‘And Gen Xers weren't listening to the Beatles or Dylan. You were in a smoky bar with a beer in your hand, rocking back and forth to Nirvana or Pearl Jam. You were angry and confused. The music was called grunge, for God's sake. Before that you'd listened to punk and hard rock. You were angry.'

‘You might be right. We had no lovefests like Woodstock, that's for sure.'

‘Definitely not,' he agreed. ‘You had something very different. You had AIDS! You had the Grim Reaper on television telling you that you might die from “free love”.'

I snorted. ‘You wouldn't have been alive when those commercials were on TV.'

‘I was just born then. But anyone who has seen them knows what a huge impact they had on how you saw the world. Your generation was like the middle child. It was just harder for you. You began working, and got stuck in middle management. The Boomers have all the senior management positions sewn up and they are the healthiest sixty-somethings in history, which means they're not going anywhere anytime soon. You wanted the same houses they had, so you bought them. But your generation ended up with the highest mortgages and debt levels in history. You are also the greatest consumers of alcohol in recorded history.'

‘Well, you are making me feel good now,' I said. ‘We do have a lot going for us as well, though. I mean, it's a great time to be alive. That's useful, right?'

He laughed. ‘Absolutely. I challenge Generation X to enjoy living in the moment. This generation crossed over from a simpler time into a frenzied world of technology. People of your generation are the last ones to remember not having a computer at home.'

‘You're right. I didn't use a computer until high school.'

‘Exactly. I challenge people to live in the now and experience life's moments as they come. Did you know that as a young child you would have laughed on average 300 times a day? That's because children live in the moment. They are not stressed about either yesterday or tomorrow. Adults laugh on average 17 times a day. Even more tragically, they are not embracing the moments. That's not useful.'

‘All right, you may be right about some of that. Just out of curiosity, how do you teach people to “influence” us?'

‘You mean, what is useful when speaking with Generation X?'

I grinned.

‘Easy. It's actually the same question; it's just that the answer is different. I tell Generation Y to find an appropriate time in the conversation and then — when it feels right — ask, “So how did you get started in this business?” The question is the same, but the answer is totally different, and pretty hilarious.'

‘What's the answer?' I hardly dared to ask.

He paused and looked up at me. ‘They say, “Well, it wasn't easy! When I started in this business I had a cubicle, a phone and a phonebook. That's how I started.” It's hysterical to listen as they begin to tell you their tough story. Again, I tell my generation to use all the listening skills we spoke about earlier. Listen and care. You Gen Xers love to tell the younger generation how tough you had it.'

I shook my head in defeat.

‘Then I tell them that the end of the conversation also changes. Your generation is not going to give advice to a younger person. You're still battling through yourself.'

‘What do you suggest, then?' I asked.

‘Well, Generation X doesn't want to give us advice; they want to be affirmed. I teach the younger generation to look you in the eye and deliver a very simple line when you're finished with your story.'

‘What is it?' This guy had me on the edge of my seat.

‘It's simple. They look at you and say, “You've done so well. I really admire what you've done.” Generation X walks away from the conversation and tells someone else, “Man I love those younger people. They appreciate what I've done to get here!” Gen Xers love affirmation — because they are in the middle of the war. They can't yet see the forest for the trees. They are stressed out working longer hours, raising kids, working their way up the ladder. They love it when young people appreciate the work they've done. I tell Gen Y to give them affirmation. It's just useful.'

‘All right, hotshot,' I said. ‘Don't ask me how I started in my business! I won't tell you.' I grinned at him. ‘So what about Generation Y? What's my useful approach to your generation?'

‘My generation is all about one circle.'

‘What does that mean?'

‘Well,' he explained, ‘the Baby Boomers look at the world in terms of two circles. There is the professional and the personal. There are things you do at and for work, and things you do at home or out with your friends and family — and they believe that, for the most part, these circles should never cross. There is a way to behave professionally and, very possibly, a different way to behave personally. And these two worlds are kept separate.'

‘Right,' I agreed.

‘Your generation began to challenge that notion a bit. You are the first generation to cross those circles. Partly because you're so angry. You feel it's okay to do personal things on company time. For instance, you do your banking during work hours. If anyone asks you about it, your response will be defensive. “What do you expect? I'm working these longer hours for less return — when am I supposed to do my banking?!”'

He was clearly enjoying this. ‘Okay,' I said. ‘We are angry. I get it.'

‘Yeah, but here's the point: Generation Y has one big circle and it's called LIFE! That's it. They say, “This is ME!” They are happy, mostly, for you to see their photos in social media because they're fine with the big circle. They can be at work, prospecting for new business, updating their status on social media, posting a photo and carrying on a conversation at the same time.

‘If you are going to manage Generation Y, it's useful to embrace their view of the world. So here's a useful belief: this is the most exciting, visual, well-informed, open, connected and energetic generation in the history of the world. I challenge leaders not to get bogged down in whether or not that is true.

‘It's simply useful to embrace the different generations. When you embrace the journey that the Boomers, Gen X and Gen Y have taken, you will simply be more influential, and they will want to work with you. So it's useful.'

What a day I was having! Two amazing conversations in the span of just a few hours. As Adrian and I finished up, I realised I needed to move around a little.

‘Wow. Adrian, thank you,' I said. ‘I've really enjoyed this conversation. You've given me a lot to think about. I think you might be right, too. I know I spend too much time worrying over problems and have too many expectations of others. I'm sure I need to open up a bit and think about what's going on from their perspective. This chat was most definitely useful for me. I know you'll be fantastic in Singapore. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stretch my legs a bit.'

‘Good stuff, Simon. It's great to meet you,' he said, pulling on his soundproof headphones.

Part of me had wanted to keep the conversation going, but I'd heard enough. Parents. Business. Generations. What is useful? I really did have to go to the bathroom; but I also felt like my head was going to explode. Amazingly, the first two people I had met on my trip shared the same philosophy: useful belief. I imagined what it would be like if I faced every challenge by asking the simple question, ‘What is the most useful thing I could do from here?' I definitely liked the idea.

I got up, stretched and looked around at my fellow passengers. Every one of them had worries, challenges, stress. Every single person was trying to deal with the challenges in their own life. Strangely, I had this overwhelming sensation of calm. The weight that I normally carried with me seemed to have temporarily lifted. I could see things in perspective. I had gained some clarity. For a moment, it all felt good.

We landed in Singapore and began filing out of the plane. I wished Adrian well for his conference. I felt incredibly lucky to have met him.

Somehow I still missed Sarah and Emily in the press of travellers. They'd probably headed off to baggage claim while I hurried to make my transfer. I was glad to have seen Sarah again. She too had given me much to think about.

The long haul from Singapore to Spain was uneventful, but I did spend a lot of time thinking about how bogged down I had become in my life. I was spending a lot of time worrying about things I couldn't control. I wasn't in a place where I was pushing myself to be better. Instead, I had become complacent. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that complacency led a person to focus on and be constantly frustrated by the little problems in life that really don't matter.

After some serious thought, I determined that it's actually pretty easy to be consumed with negativity, and to be drawn to the lowest common denominator, when you are not thinking in a way that is useful. It became clear to me that our society had become consumed by lowest-common-denominator thinking. Reality television dominates the airwaves. The nightly news is dominated by sensationalism. It is easy to get sucked into the vortex of negativity, celebrity and superficiality that modern society celebrates.

I wanted to think instead about empowerment. I wanted power — not the kind that leads others to feel resentful and jealous, but rather that inner power that would allow me to feel that everything would be okay. After all, that belief is useful. What was the alternative? That everything was not going to be okay?

I stepped off the plane in Spain feeling renewed. I was ready to embrace this conference. I was going to open myself up to new ideas and look on this trip to Barcelona as an adventure. After all, it had to be useful for me to be here.