Chapter 4

THE BEFRIENDER

MEET THE BEFRIENDER

Everyone loves adorable, fluffy pandas. While we’re not suggesting that they are covered in fur and they eat bamboo, we are saying that Befrienders have strong interpersonal skills and are very well loved by their audience. This is especially true when you interact with your audience through Q&A sessions or group activities. This is because you prefer sharing the spotlight rather than keeping all of that bamboo to yourself, which is another winning characteristic of your personality.

Befrienders succeed in any area of presenting that requires a one-on-one connection. People love to voice their concerns and to feel like they’re a part of the discussion. You come naturally equipped with great listening skills, and you fall perfectly into the role of a moderator or facilitator. When your audience leaves the room, they walk away with a sense of confidence about you as a person. They might not remember your key takeaways, but they will be charmed by you.

Being adorable is not enough for Befrienders to deliver a memorable, convincing presentation. They tend to struggle onstage, because of a lack of experience or a casual attitude about preparation. If pressed, most would rather schedule a long meeting or a round table discussion than spend time creating a beautiful presentation and delivering it. You can recognize this characteristic in speakers who love asking, “Does anyone have any questions so far?” after every slide that they deliver.

Another key struggle for Befrienders is achieving long-term memorability of their message. It may not even be because of the content of their talk but, rather, because they lack the confidence to be its best representative. You might not think of yourself as a great “megaphone,” and perhaps you were given the task because it was necessary, not because you wanted to partake in that activity. Let us assure you: you can become an awesome speaker. In fact, you can become the kind of speaker whom people pay hundreds, even thousands, of dollars to watch. It just takes a little work.

To become the best Befriender you can be, the fluffy panda must move beyond likability and work toward becoming a little more intimidating. This can be accomplished with a well-researched message paired with a presentation that has been rehearsed to perfection. In short, you need to sharpen your claws.

The good news is that many presenters struggle to achieve the audience connection that comes naturally to a Befriender. Most speakers hear crickets when they try to host a Q&A, while you are always able to encourage participation and shake up the crowd. You have just enough of that special something to make each person feel that his or her opinion is valued and that he or she is truly part of the conversation. Lovable, conversational, but still needs a little work: that’s the Befriender style.

HOW YOU SCORED

So how did you score the Befriender? These results were calculated using our four-quadrant algorithm in which anything on the outside corner of the specific quadrant is considered high and anything near the main intersection is considered mid-low (Figure 4.1). Here is a simple rundown of your placement in each quadrant and how we arrived at your profile:

Figure 4.1 The Befriender

EXPLORATION

You scored in the mid- to low range of this quadrant, which isn’t something to pop champagne about right at this moment. It doesn’t mean that you don’t try or you’re not invested in your topic, however. Maybe you’re just not sure where to start and your indecisiveness is getting you nowhere. Maybe you have a bit of self-doubt, and you just assume you’ll make up for a lack of preparation during the discussion. Whatever the reason, this is one of the Befriender’s weakest quadrants.

SHARING

Sharing marries perfectly with Exploration because it’s a cause-and- effect relationship. Unfortunately, you scored in the mid- to low range in this quadrant as well. But don’t throw this book across the room quite yet! Since you represent one of the most likable speaking personalities, developing a stronger onstage presence is a natural next step. All you need to do to improve your Sharing ability is rehearse more often, out loud, and with purpose. That’s it.

RESPONSE

Now you can pop that champagne. You absolutely kill this quadrant, from mingling with your audience to making sure, at least for the short term, that they are motivated to act. You encourage discussion, assign them a task, and schedule time for some quality chitchat by the end of the session. After interacting with you, most of your audience will be sold on your message. This is due to a beautiful combination of likability and empathy on your part.

DURABILITY

Befrienders score low in Durability. Again, this is where your work in Exploration has such a huge impact. Think of your message like a seed for a perennial flower. If you plant it in the spring, you’ll enjoy its beauty all summer when it blooms, but you know that it will die back in the winter frost. That’s a short-term message. However, if you have built a greenhouse for the flower bed and you are fully prepared for the winter ahead, you’ll enjoy the blossoms even in winter. If Befrienders put in the right prep work beforehand, their message will last longer, and their score in Durability will reflect this.

SPOTTING A BEFRIENDER IN THE WILD

What does a Befriender look like in action? Let’s pick apart the story of Anne, a friendly and outgoing employee of Fine Roast, a company that roasts organic coffee beans and sells them at chains around the world. No one knows the product better than she does. She lives, breathes, and of course drinks coffee, and she knows the origin stories about the beans. The company is small, so when its main salesperson comes down with the flu, Anne is called upon to replace her and demo its latest roast flavors to one of its most important clients.

Anne’s bosses have chosen her to take on this task because, frankly, they love her. She has a great sense of humor and a passion for her product. She’s also worked long enough at the company to feel comfortable discussing any aspect of the Fine Roast process. When they send her to the airport with a case of new product, no one at the company is worried.

But Anne is freaking out.

Presentations are one aspect of the job that she has tried to escape at Fine Roast, which is normally a relaxed and fun place to work. She knows that she would be comfortable sitting down with the clients and sharing the new coffee, but she would not be comfortable designing a presentation and showing off some of the company’s promising stats about the brand.

Because of her frustration and fear, Anne hasn’t prepared anything for the meeting. Like most Befrienders, she knows she has the friendly people skills to make sure the meeting runs smoothly. But her presentation is a mess, she hasn’t reviewed the info her boss told her to put in the deck, and she hasn’t rehearsed at all. She assumes everything will be fine if she can just talk with the clients and get past all of the unnecessary corporate stuff.

It’s like seeing two trains barreling toward each other, about to collide. One train is called “underpreparation,” and the other is called “frustration.” Anne needs to accept that presentations are a natural part of the sales process, and she also needs to have a little more faith in herself to overcome her frustration. Then she needs to practice some preparation basics, such as ensuring that her design looks sharp and professional and rehearsing her presentation out loud beforehand.

With just a little more effort and a little less fear, Anne will appear professional, prepared, and charming—and all at the same time. She doesn’t have to be the bumbling yet lovable representative of her favorite brand.

Befrienders struggle when they are pushed outside of their presentation comfort zone, but it doesn’t mean they need to keep struggling. They have the right personality to make a good impression. They just need to work on showcasing their best onstage, before the discussion even begins. After that, they can spend as much time as they want in the discussion phase. Anne can use that time to share coffee and ensure that the client continues a happy, long-term relationship with Fine Roast.

YOUR NATURAL HABITAT

The more intimate the group setting, the better. Befrienders like to be able to see everyone’s face, measure people’s reactions, and address each person specifically. They are at their best when they are the facilitators of small- to medium-size groups. They love to hear everyone’s opinion and take it into serious consideration.

If possible, consider setting up the room so that you’re presenting in a big circle. You can sit among your audience this way and shift the focus to the entire room rather than spotlighting yourself on a podium. This may ease a little tension and allow your best traits to shine through.

BRAWN (STRENGTHS)

Communicative

Tuned in

Altruistic

You always know what your audience wants, needs, and dreams thanks to a keen ear and great observational skills. This is paired with a genuine feeling of empathy, which is tangible when you address them. Your goal is for the audience to leave the room smiling, motivated and encouraged by the message you shared.

Even though you are a spoonful of sugar, you still know how to hold your own in conversation, whether it’s a friendly debate or a question about the presentation itself. You have a broad knowledge of what you’re talking about, which helps you come across as an authority during this window of time after a talk.

TRAPS (WEAKNESSES)

Underprepared

Frazzled

Short term

Befrienders tend to approach presentations with a “fly by the seat of your pants” attitude about preparation that is compounded by a dash of nervousness. This can sometimes lead to an uninspiring onstage presence that doesn’t yield long-term results.

Like Anne in the example, you may feel obligated to deliver a speech or presentation that’s outdated or outside your interest. However, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have the ability to deliver a message that’s memorable or even TED worthy. The best way a Befriender can tackle these weak spots is to prepare, prepare, and then prepare some more.

YOUR NATURAL ALLY

Want to learn how to address your weaknesses? Take lessons from Producers (Chapter 14) and explore that persona to see how you can strengthen your overall strategy. While you’re at it, give them a lesson in Response!

YOUR PREY

Luckily for Befrienders, your prey is pretty much everyone. You appeal to a wide range of ages, tastes, and belief systems because of your natural ability to please and your empathetic streak. However, even though your net covers wide ground, it still won’t be effective if your message is shallow and forgettable. Use your charm to your advantage.

YOUR PREDATORS

Anyone in the audience who needs to be persuaded with facts and stats, such as the Scientist persona, will require you to put in extra work to be convincing. Befrienders need to make a conscious effort to build a strong call to action supported by verifiable data that causes their wise audience to ooh and aah. You should also become more mindful of your onstage presence because not all venues are ideally sized for close conversation.

FIVE DOS AND DON’TS

DOS

1.   Your confidence in knowing that your audience will probably like you can lead you to scrimp on prep work. Be sure that you put in the time to research your message, design your presentation, and rehearse out loud seven to eight times.

2.   Do you ever find yourself losing your main points or launching into tangents during your talk? Using a content storyboard before designing your slides can help familiarize you with the message, as well as keep you focused on your main points.

3.   Since you are comfortable being the center of a conversation, work to your strengths by practicing visualization beforehand. Imagine that the audience is a group of close friends and that they are already predisposed to appreciate and enjoy what you have to say.

4.   Move around onstage to give your delivery a more natural, authentic feeling. Cross from one end of the stage to the other as you make a key point, all the while maintaining eye contact with audience members.

5.   Think long term! Try to connect each message you deliver to a change in your audience’s life that can benefit them in the long run. It could be something small, such as reading a great book, or something much larger, such as adopting a successful habit.

DON’TS

1.   Don’t underestimate the necessity of supporting your main points with data that has been well researched and fact-checked. Give your message a little more meat!

2.   Don’t settle for a corporate or conservative design as you bring your content to life. You have the kind of presenting personality that will be best served by a fun, contemporary design that pops.

3.   Don’t shy away from providing your audience with handouts or other supplementary materials, especially if you tend to rush through or forget main points.

4.   Don’t cut back on the length of time you usually spend in discussion, group activities, or networking. That’s when you shine. Use it to enrich your audience’s overall experience.

5.   Don’t forget that social media can be a presenter’s best friend. Measure the response on a presentation follow-up post and learn how to refine your message accordingly. What did your friends and fans like the most? Use that information to craft your platform.

THE IDEAL BEFRIENDER

There is no such thing as a bad persona. There are only areas to improve on within your range of strengths and weaknesses. With that in mind, what do ideal Befrienders look like?

1.   They move beyond the idea that their preparation work is “good enough,” and they spend time designing the deck and crafting the message.

2.   They rehearse their delivery out loud, replicating the conditions of the talk as best they can to prevent presentation jitters onstage.

3.   They work on making their message stick, giving their audience a reason (and proof) to heed the call to action.

What if Anna, our coffee-loving Befriender, improves her skills in each of these areas before she goes to demo the new beans? The results might look a little something like this:

1.   She’s less anxious presenting in front of the clients because she has run through her deck multiple times before the meeting.

2.   She doesn’t just appear passionate about the product. She also looks professional and ready to make the sale with the right materials to back her up.

3.   She cultivates a personal relationship with the clients as a result of a great demo, and she stops fearing corporate presentations moving forward.

Great Befrienders already know they are equipped with strong people skills. You might already identify with the panda, the Badge animal that everyone wants to get close to. However, the best Befrienders know that they need to be a panda in a dress suit sometimes in order to be professional and convincing. Like Anna, they probably also need to move past misconceptions about what a presentation is capable of achieving and what their own abilities are. Sharpen those claws! Become the intimidating panda, not the one that tumbles down a slide at the zoo.