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SCRIPTING YOUR SITCOM

FORMATTING YOUR SITCOM SCRIPT

As with the outline, if you want your script to be read by anyone in the industry, you absolutely, positively must put it in proper format. Beware: there are many rules to formatting a script. While it is definitely possible to type your teleplay in Microsoft™ Word or similar programs, if you are serious about becoming a television writer, you may want to invest in some scriptwriting software. Though not cheap, this software formats your script to industry standards with just a few simple keystrokes. In the end, it will save you much time and aggravation. If you are a student at a college or university, you can often find deals that will allow you to purchase the software at a discounted rate, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. I would only recommend buying this software if you are 100% certain that you want to be a television/film writer. It becomes an expensive venture unless this is a path that you are sure you want to follow. There are many different scriptwriting software programs available. The one that most writers seem to prefer is Final Draft®. This program is also compatible with the Writers Guild of America Script Registry, which will allow you to register your work online before sending it out.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FIRST DRAFT AND A SHOOTING SCRIPT

As I mentioned earlier, it is important to get your hands on a script of the show for which you are writing. You should follow that show’s format to a tee. That said, there are a couple of things you might find confusing, as it is possible the script you bought will be a “shooting script.”

You already know that in television writing the script goes from the writer’s first draft directly to the writing staff, who make their own revisions. This is the version that goes to the Table Reading. Both versions of this script are generally on white paper and completely clean — starting on page one and ending on whatever the last page happens to be.

Once the script goes into production, it becomes known as a shooting script. The writing staff starts to make changes. Any changes that are made are denoted by an asterisk (*), which appears in the far right-hand margin of the page. The asterisk is to alert both the actors and the production team that changes have been made to what was originally written or planned. These asterisks will only appear on scripts that are in production or have been produced. In your spec scripts, you won’t need to worry about this.

When revisions are made to shooting scripts, each set of changes goes out on a different colored paper. Each show has its own variation on color rotation. Sometimes, after a few days, actors end up walking around with scripts that are rainbow-colored rather than the original white, as they will often insert only the new pages with changes into the script.

A shooting script can, on occasion, have “A” pages. Let’s say, on page 19, the producers made changes, and the changes didn’t all fit onto the page. In that case, there would be an “A” page, so the order would be page 19, page 19A, page 20. The actors would then toss out the old page 19 and replace it with the new pages 19 and 19A. This isn’t something you need to be concerned with for your spec. You should start on page 1 and continue through to the end in numerical order.

Another thing you want to be wary of when looking at a shooting script is the page count. You may notice that it has fewer pages than that which I have told you are acceptable. Therefore, you may think your multi-camera sitcom only has to be about 36 pages, rather than around 45 because the staff writers only write 36 pages. This is not the case at all. Shooting scripts start out at the normal page count. But as the week progresses, they are cut for time. When producers go into post-production, it is crucial that they have no more than 22 minutes (the actual length of a half hour show once commercials are added) worth of film. An edit is really the final rewrite of the show. Things will be cut — jokes that didn’t work, a line an actor may have stumbled on, etc., etc. Thus, the writers have to write more than what will eventually be used to give the director and executive producer choices in post. They don’t, however, want to go into an edit with enormous amounts of extra stuff because the edit will end up being more costly both in terms of time and money. To reach a happy medium, part of the writing staff’s job is to cut the script as they go through the rehearsals and see things that are not exactly working.

If you buy a shooting script, you may notice a couple of odd pages at the front that include a cast list, a production schedule, and a breakdown. The breakdown is hard to miss: just as it sounds, it breaks down the scenes in terms of scene heading, which characters are in the scene, and the corresponding page numbers of the scene to the actual script. In a spec script, you don’t have to worry about including any of these elements. They are only done for shows that are in production. Likewise, once a show goes into production, it will be assigned a production number. Since your spec script is only a writing sample, it doesn’t have a production number, therefore you don’t have to worry about including one.

FORMATTING THE SINGLE-CAM SCRIPT

Since you are already familiar with the first few scenes in Hilary Donoghue’s single-cam pilot outline, let’s take a look at her first first four pages and see how she transformed her outline into the actual script. The scenes are reprinted with Hilary’s permission.

Notice how the outline and script begin the same way. ACT ONE is in capital letters, centered, and underlined. Then, a space is skipped and the words FADE IN: appear on their own line flush left.

Skip spaces, and the next thing we see is the scene heading which is in capital letters. Traditionally, in single-cam scripts, the scene heading is not underlined. However, these days some writers are choosing to underline the scene headings as Hilary has done. Again, look at how the show you are writing for handles this, and do it exactly as they do. Note the scene heading lines up perfectly with the FADE IN.

Skip another space and directly beneath the scene heading is what’s known as the scene description or action line(s). This is where you want to set up what is happening just as we enter the scene. Take a moment to describe who is in the scene and what they are doing, along with any other information the actor (or reader) may need for the scene to make sense. Make sure that what is in your head is on the page, as producers and actors are not mind readers. For example, a common error new writers make is to have a character start talking…only the writer has forgotten to actually write that this particular character is even in the scene. It’s obviously in the writer’s head, but that’s not enough; it needs to be on the page.

Here are a few formatting things that you should note. See how the character names all line up, regardless of how many letters are in the character’s name. This is the correct way to write a script. Sometimes new writers think the names should be centered. This is incorrect. If you aren’t using a script program, which will automatically set up the format for character names, then you should use the “tab” key rather than the “center” key. The same goes for dialogue, which all lines up at the left dialogue margin. Again, you do not want to use the “center” key at all.

As you can easily see, the characters and dialogue do not extend out in either direction as far as the action lines do, but rather, they seem to be indented right and left. This is hugely important. One of the biggest mistakes that new writers make is that they overextend the dialogue margin on the right side of the page. This is a big issue, because it means that if your script were put in proper format, you would actually have more pages than it appears you do, which of course, affects time.

Take a look at Annie’s last line of dialogue. In between the character name and the actual dialogue Hilary uses “parens” (short for “parentheticals”) to give an actor direction in how to say the line. Young writers often find it hard to resist using parens as a way to instruct actors how to do their jobs. In addition to annoying actors, too many parens actually ruin the read of your script. It is better to use them sparingly. Hilary has done a perfect job in sprinkling them in only where they are absolutely necessary. Keep in mind, the information contained in parens should be short and sweet. A few words at the most. If you find you have more than that, you should put the information into an action line. Do not use parens at the end of a character’s speech; this also goes in an action line, as does stage direction that is meant for another character.

You may have wondered what the abbreviations were in parentheticals next to a character’s name. For example, in Harry’s first line of dialogue, see the capital letters O.S. in parentheticals right next to his name? That stands for off screen, which signals that we hear the character, but don’t see him on screen. Just be sure that if a character is going to speak off-screen, you have first established who the character is. When reading your script, if people don’t know who the character is that’s suddenly talking, it will be confusing. That’s why Hilary gave a brief description of Harry before his first line of dialogue. You might also see the letters V.O. in parentheticals. They stand for voice over, narration. When using V.O.’s and O.S.’s, don’t forget to add the periods. VO or OS is incorrect; it’s V.O. and O.S. Also of note is the CONT’D in parentheticals, which indicates that the character’s dialogue continues, even though there may have been action in between the lines.

While we are on the subject of continuing dialogue, in both single- and multi-cam shows, you must end each page on punctuation. You never want to break a character’s line in mid-sentence. So, as you are typing, if you come to the bottom of the page and the character’s dialogue isn’t going to fit, you can split the dialogue so that some of it begins on one page and then finishes on the next. But, before going to the next page, you must add (MORE) after the character’s last. Then, when you get to the next page, you must add (CONT’D) beside the character’s name. To better illustrate this point, let’s say that on page 4 of Hilary’s script there was no action line at the top. That would mean that only part of Scottie’s speech would fit at the bottom of page 3. The rest would need to be continued on page 4. Here is the correct way to break it:

Notice how Hilary ended the first part of Scottie’s dialogue on punctuation rather than breaking it in mid-sentence. She then added (MORE) on its own line in capital letters, lining up with the character’s name. A good script program like Final Draft®. will automatically break the dialogue and add the Mores and Continueds for you. But, if you are not using industry accepted software, you will need to do this manually. One last thing to keep in mind regarding continueds: CONT’D is the correct abbreviation for continued. I often see it abbreviated in a number of seemingly random ways… all of which are incorrect. Another thing to caution you on is that, unlike books, scripts have two spaces between sentences. This applies to both scene description and dialogue. Look carefully at Hilary’s script pages. See how much white space there is between each sentence? That extra space is proper format.

There is one final thing to point out in Hilary’s pages. Notice on Page 1, Scottie’s last line of dialogue toward the bottom of the page. See how it ends in an ellipsis (…)? This signals to the actor that the thought just sort of trails off in mid-sentence. Now, look at page 4. Scottie’s last line of dialogue ends with two dashes (--). This means that Scottie is being interrupted in mid-thought. Usually this will be by another actor’s line of dialogue. But as you can see here in Hilary’s script it can also be by an action. In this case, Scottie’s sentence is interrupted when Annie hurls herself in front of an oncoming bus. In both instances actors, along with producers, executives, and agents know what this punctuation means, so you don’t have to explain it by writing “interrupts” or “trails off” each time you use this kind of punctuation.

FORMATTING THE MULTI-CAM SCRIPT

Format for multi-cam shows differs from format for single-cam shows. The following are the first few scenes of a pilot called Hackensack and Back written by Manny Basanese (co-exec producer, The Steve Harvey Show and co-producer, The Wayans Brothers). The pilot is about a chef in her 30s who moves back home to Jersey and winds up working in the family’s Italian–American restaurant and living with her widowed dad as well as her two grown brothers. It is reprinted with Manny’s permission. Give it a read and then I will point out some of the more important formatting rules involving multi-camera sitcoms.

Okay, let’s start with the scene heading. Unlike some single-cam sitcoms, in multi-cam sitcoms the scene heading is almost always underlined. Notice that right beneath the scene heading in parentheses is a list of all of the characters that appear in the scene. This will be the case in most multi-cam scripts. The only thing that really varies is where the names are placed. Sometimes you will see them at the top of the page, directly beneath the page number. While we are on the subject of characters, notice that the first time we see a character, Manny puts that character’s name in bold. Some shows use bold like Manny did, while others may instead underline the character’s name. It just depends on the show…which is why you should refer to your sample script. Look carefully at how your particular show handles all of these different formatting issues and then follow suit. Remember, every show has its own slightly different take on format, but the basic rules apply.

Another difference in the two formats is that the action lines in multi-cam are in all caps. If you are writing a multi-cam script, be sure that all of your action lines are in capital letters. In some multi-cam scripts when an actor enters or exits a scene, the entrance or exit will be underlined. At the risk of sounding like a broken record…again, you must do it whatever way your particular show does it. Remember, every show has its own slightly different take on format, but the basic rules apply.

Also notice in Manny’s script that the parens are located in a different place than the parens in a single-cam script. In multi-cam they are in all caps and placed directly in the dialogue. (See page 2 of Manny’s script — Anthony Bourdain’s last chunk of dialogue for the best illustration of this.)

Perhaps the biggest formatting difference is that in multi-cam, the dialogue is double-spaced. Young writers often get confused at how singlecam scripts come in at around 30–35 pages, while multi-cam scripts come in at approximately 45–48 pages. Double-spaced dialogue (along with a couple of other formatting issues) makes multi-cam scripts longer. Also take note that there is a space between the character name and where the dialogue begins, which also takes more space.

In multi-cam format, when one scene ends, there will be a “transition.” This is a description of how we will be taken from one scene to the next. Common transitions between scenes include “DISSOLVE TO:” (shows a passage of time), “CUT TO:” (no passage of time), or “FADE OUT” (fade to black). Transitions should be typed in capital letters and placed in the far-right margin.

Unlike single-cam sitcoms where the scenes follow each other on the same page, multi-cam sitcoms require a new page every time we go to a new scene. Also, the scenes in multi-cam shows have either a number or a letter. Notice after Manny completes his cold opening he goes to a new page to start Act One. See the letter “A” before the words, “FADE IN:”? That is because he is writing Scene A. His next scene will be Scene B, and this will continue all the way through until the last scene in his script. Manny did not refer to the first scene in his cold open as scene “A” because the cold open is generally its own thing. Start Scene “A” in your first act. Also, not to confuse things, but some shows will use numbers rather than letters. Once again, you have to do it the way your show does it.

Thankfully, script writing software like Final Draft®. will automatically set up correct margins for you. Writers who are not working with this kind of program will often ask about exact margins for scripts. To be honest, I don’t believe there are exact margins. I have seen numbers here and there, but they are all a little bit different. Every show really has its own margins. Most shows are similar, but not exact copycats of each other. Here is the easiest thing I can suggest for those who are using tab keys rather than script software: type out your first page. Then, take the first page out of the script you are using as an example and hold the two up to the light. See how closely your margins match that particular script, and make adjustments from there.

While I am on the subject of margins, let me urge you to resist the temptation to add a couple of spaces here and there in the margins to make your dialogue or action work. This is often a trick of new writers who want to bring a script in on time, but perish the thought of cutting anything they have written. By lengthening margins, they think they are fooling readers and/or producers. This is not the case. People who read scripts every day have a trained eye. They will pick up on your dirty little secret in a heartbeat, and you will look foolish. The script will read long. Develop professional habits now, starting with your spec. Part of your job as a writer is to bring scripts in on time. If you cheat the margins when you are writing professionally, you will be caught immediately. The first thing that will happen when you turn in your script is that the script assistants will put your script through their software program. If you have cheated the margins to make your script appear to be 45 pages when it’s really 54 pages, once it goes through their program, the script will be what it is: 54 pages. This will be annoying to the writing staff, who will now have to do the job you didn’t do — and that is to cut your script.

One last thing in Manny’s script that is worth pointing out. You may have noticed that he used a celebrity — well known, real-life chef Anthony Bourdain. The general rule is, don’t put celebrities in a script unless you can guarantee you can deliver them to be in your show. In Manny’s case, he is at an executive producer level, so he likely could get Anthony Bourdain — and if not, he could easily rewrite the scene for another celebrity chef. But, for your spec, I would say stay away from celebrities unless you personally know them and could get them to do you a favor by appearing in your show, should it be produced.

AWORD ABOUT COVERS

When doing an outline or script, you should use a cover page. Again, there are industry standards for how covers are done, and I don’t suggest you deviate from them. Covers should be on white paper and the type should be black ink only. Stay away from fancy fonts (even if the actual show uses one) and from adding any kind of pictures or cartoons or anything else that you think is funny. Professional writers rely on the written word. Period.

A cover page should include the name of the show in capital letters. This should be centered on the page and underlined. Then, skip a line and write the title of your episode. This should be centered and put in quotes using upper and lower case letters. Skip another line and center the words “Written By.” Then skip another line and center the two most important words: your name.

Say you were writing a spec It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Here is an example of what should be on your cover page:

IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA

“The Gang Goes to Hempfest”

Written By

Joe Doe

This information starts about a third to halfway down the page. If this were a professional outline — in other words, you had been hired to do it — you also want to include the words “Story Outline” and the date in the lower right-hand corner. If it were a professional script instead of an outline, you’d write “First Draft” or “Final Draft” and the date down in the lower right-hand corner. When it comes to spec scripts, however, I do not believe in putting a date on the cover. Dates are important on work for hire, because they leave a paper trail, should there be any legal issues. But for spec scripts, I think dates can be detrimental. Let’s say your agent starts to send out the script, but you don’t get work right away. Six months later, when the agent is still sending the script to producers, they will see the date and know that your work has been out there for a while, yet no one has hired you. In its own way, it sends a subliminal message that the script must not be that great.

If you are sending your script out, you should put your contact information in the lower right-hand corner, so that people will know how to contact you, should they wish to discuss your work. Once you get an agent, your personal information, such as address and phone number, will be replaced by your agent’s contact information.

Before sending your work out, you should always register it with the Writers Guild of America (see Chapter 27). When you do, you will be given a registration number. Many writers put this number in the lower right-hand corner of the script. While I always register my work before sending it anywhere, I do not ever list that it is registered on my script cover. A writer for whom I have a great deal of respect once cautioned me against this. He said that successful writers steer clear of this practice because it sends a message to people reading it that you don’t really trust them. Professional writers don’t walk in the door expecting their work to be stolen. They expect producers to do well by them and to treat them fairly. I agree with this philosophy, and have come to realize that most working writers don’t add the WGA disclaimer. The bottom line is that if someone is going to steal your idea, they are going to steal your idea, and I am sorry to tell you that most likely they won’t be deterred by a WGA registration number.

SCENE WRITING FROM START TO FINISH

In writing a scene, you want to come in at the last possible moment of the main action of that scene. Ask yourself, what is the purpose of this scene? If the main purpose is for a couple to elope, then start with the woman throwing her suitcase out the window. Don’t start with her packing and calling all of her friends. Even though that may be what happens in real life, sitcoms are 22 minutes. You have to cut through the frivolous stuff and get to the point quickly. Each scene should have its own beginning, middle, and end.

Wherever you choose to start, be sure to give the actors something to do. No actor wants to just stand there, waiting for the scene to begin — it makes them feel stupid, not to mention that no action is deadly dull on screen. So, don’t have the actor sitting on the couch without doing something. Let him read the paper or watch TV. Unless you are starting on an empty room, there must be some action at the top of each scene.

By the same token, don’t forget to end scenes on action. You don’t have to do this with every scene, but definitely do it with some. Even if it’s a look one actor gives to another. Often I see scripts where the writer just dumps out of every scene on dialogue. You don’t want to do this. Mix it up…and don’t be afraid to end a scene on action. And yes, because you are writing a comedy, that action must be funny.

HOW MANY JOKES SHOULD YOU HAVE ON EACH PAGE?

There are those who will tell you that agents and producers will actually count the number of jokes that you have on each page. I am not certain that this is true, as when I inquire as to what the magic number actually is, no one seems to have an exact answer. So, while I’m not going to tell you to write X number of jokes per page, I will tell you that when writing comedy, each page should have as many jokes as possible — and most definitely, each page should have some jokes. Comedy has a definitive rhythm. In reading sitcom scripts, I quickly become aware if I haven’t laughed or at least cracked a smile in the last 30 seconds. I will then flip back to the last joke. If I have to go back even a page, that is too long. The writer has not done his or her job.

SETTING UP JOKES AND PAYING THEM OFF

Watch stand-up comics, and you will see that they set up a joke and deliver the punchline. As if this isn’t hard enough on its own, sitcom writers have to set up jokes and pay them off, while at the same time advancing the story. When you read sitcom scripts and watch them on TV, you will start to notice that jokes have a definitive rhythm to them. Set it up, pay it off, set it up, pay it off…

As you write jokes, there are a couple of things to keep in mind. The setup to a joke is usually a straight (as in not funny) line. In contrast, this makes a good punchline seem all the more hilarious. I often see jokes where I know intuitively what laugh the writer is going after, but the joke fails. Nine times out of ten, this is because the setup is wrong. Sometimes, it’s only one little word that stands in the way of a joke working. In trying to fix a joke, novice writers will instinctively go straight to the punchline. Keep in mind that a joke is two parts: the setup and the punchline. If you are having problems making a joke work and you feel that the punchline is correct, try to go back and adjust the setup.

WHY SMART JOKES WILL GET A BIGGER LAUGH

For me, the most aggravating sitcoms to watch are those where I hear the setup to a joke and I beat the actor to the punchline. If I already know the punchline, hearing it delivered, even from the most brilliant comedic actor, isn’t going to make me laugh. The way to make an audience laugh is not to give them the line they anticipate, but rather to throw them a curve and slam them with something they didn’t see coming. This doesn’t mean that every idea or joke has to be brand-spanking-new. Someone slipping on a banana peel, which is the oldest joke in the book, is still darned funny…as long as I don’t know it’s going to happen before the person actually slips.

Writing smart jokes is the hardest thing in the world. It takes enormous brainpower. It also takes extraordinary patience to throw okay-joke after okay-joke into the trashcan. But if you keep pushing yourself to find those brilliant punchlines, you will rise to the top faster than most.

WHERE DO GOOD JOKES COME FROM?

Good jokes generally come through character. Let’s look at Curb Your Enthusiasm, which happens to be my current all-time favorite sitcom. All I have to do is see Susie come on screen and I know I am in for a laugh. Whatever is going to come out of her mouth will undoubtedly be funny. Now, for the sake of argument, let’s take some of those fabulously funny Susie lines and try to imagine them coming out of any other sitcom character on TV today. In that context, they aren’t quite so funny, are they? That’s because the best jokes come directly from character.

Character lines are not ever interchangeable. As you write, you really need to get into the character’s head. Think how that character would think. Look at the character’s flaws and weaknesses…these places are often a treasure chest in which to find good jokes.

INCORPORATING UNIVERSAL HUMOR

There are some situations that nearly everyone on the planet can relate to. Take, for example, the classic episode of Seinfeld where the gang went shopping, forgot where they parked, and spent hours wandering aimlessly around a huge parking garage looking for their car. Who among us has not had a similar experience? When it happens to us, we feel both stupid and frustrated. So, watching the same thing happen to Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer is funny stuff. It’s funny because we get it. At some point in our lives, most of us have been there, done that.

And while we are on the subject of Seinfeld, let’s not forget the show’s co-creator Larry David who is a genius when it comes to universal humor. Part of what makes David’s other mega-hit show, Curb Your Enthusiasm so darned funny is that he zeroes in on those annoying moments we can all relate to where we have wanted to call someone out on something, but didn’t. In the show, David (who plays himself) does. He says what we are thinking, which makes us laugh all the harder.

If you can find situations or moments that a vast majority of people can relate to, you are all but guaranteed laughs. But don’t over-think it. Keep in mind that sometimes — as the writers of Seinfeld proved time and time again — the funniest things have to do with life’s smaller moments.

SHOULD YOU AVOID JOKES THAT COULD BE CONSIDERED “OFFENSIVE”?

In this world of political correctness, some new writers worry that they should be censoring themselves, so as not to offend anyone. I believe this to be completely the wrong approach. First and foremost, comedy is not politically correct, and the day that it becomes so is the day that it will cease to exist. In order to stand out as a comedy writer, you have to be a risk taker and be willing to show them in no uncertain terms what you are made of.

That said, you don’t want to write a script that is just a stream of racy, dirty, politically incorrect jokes just to show that you can. Don’t shock just to shock. Jokes have to fit in with your storyline, and they have to come out of the characters. But if you are at all on the fence about a joke, in terms of it being too offensive, my advice is to take a chance and put it in. Most readers aren’t going to cross you off their list on the basis of one offensive joke. On the other hand, bold and chancy jokes can make you stand out. My former writing partner and I once got an agent based on one extremely distasteful joke. The agent said he needed to meet the two women who actually wrote “those words.” The bottom line is this: if jokes are too offensive, they can always be cut, but you will probably make a lot of people laugh and gain a lot of fans beforehand.

BEWARE OF JOKES THAT CENTER AROUND CURRENT TOPICS

If possible, try to stay away from jokes that have to do with current issues or politics that aren’t likely to stay on the front page for too long. These things may get a laugh today, but six months from now, they won’t be funny and they will make your spec script seem dated.

To illustrate this point, take a look at Murphy Brown in reruns. It’s not nearly as funny now as it was when it was originally on the air. In its time, Dan Quayle, then vice president of the United States, not knowing how to spell a simple word like potato was funny stuff. Today, not only is it not funny, people barely remember the incident. On the other hand, if you look at the old Dick Van Dyke show, you will see that they rarely, if ever, reference current events and politics. That show’s comedy is timeless, and it is as funny today as it was in the 1960s. You may be thinking that I am talking about shows that were on the air years ago. It makes no difference. Jokes centered on current events will grow old much faster than you may think.

IN COMEDY THREE’S A CHARM

Read and watch TV comedy, and you will soon realize that things happen in threes. Jokes are often set up in three parts, with the third one being the punchline. Let’s say two nuns are having dinner at the convent. Nun #1 asks Nun #2, “Sister, what do you secretly pray for?” to which Nun #2 responds, “I pray for world peace, the end of poverty and hunger, and one long, hot night with Adam Levine.”

In this case, the first two items, “world peace” and “the end of poverty and hunger,” act as the setup. They seem to go hand-in-hand, and they are both perfectly in line with what one would expect a nun to secretly pray for. In this joke, “one long, hot night with Adam Levine” is the punchline. It’s completely opposite to the two things that precede it, and it is 100% off character for what we’d expect a nun to secretly want.

As you write, look for jokes that can be set up this way. If done correctly, they almost always get a big laugh.

ALLITERATION

Comedy writers often rely on alliteration for laughs or at least for smiles. For some (odd) reason the human heart is warmed upon hearing words strung together that start with the same letter or sound alike in terms of syllables. In my Full House “Slumber Party” episode, Danny takes Michelle clothes shopping. You tell me which store sounds funnier: “Barbie’s Dress Shop” or the “Teeny Tiny Tots Shop”? Obviously, “Barbie’s Dress Shop” isn’t funny at all. But, the “Teeny Tiny Tots Shop” has a certain funny ring to it. Alliteration rarely provokes knee-slapping laughs, but it does usually put a grin on people’s faces.

COMEDY THAT GOES AGAINST CHARACTER

A sure-fire way to get laughs is to have a character do or say something that is completely contradictory to the character we know. When this happens, it usually catches an audience off guard, prompting a laugh. The key is to make sure that there is a clear and valid reason for the character’s behavior. Otherwise it could look like you don’t know the character.

PUTTING THE AUDIENCE IN A SUPERIOR POSITION

Another way to get laughs is to do what is known as placing your audience in a superior position. This means that you give the audience information that at least one character doesn’t have. As viewers watch that character go about his business, ignorant of whatever it is the audience knows but he doesn’t, they will almost certainly laugh. If done correctly, this kind of story setup can be downright hysterical. Whenever possible, look to see what tidbits you may be able to spill to the audience ahead of time, before the character catches on.

DON’T FORGET TOBLOW

Each scene should end on a big joke or a knee-slapping funny moment. This is known as “the blow.” The blow is important because it transitions the reader and eventually the audience from one scene to another. It’s the old “leave ’em laughing when you go” mentality. Those few seconds of laughter give us a moment to breathe as we are propelled from one scene into the next. Blows are crucial to the rhythm of sitcoms. After you have written your rough draft, be sure to go back and look at the end of each scene to make sure you have included a really funny blow. If every scene in your script doesn’t end with a big laugh out loud moment, you still have work to do.

THE DREADED PUNCH-UP

Once you have a rough first draft, now you are ready for the hard part. You must go through your script line-by-line, joke-by-joke, and punch up the comedy. No doubt you will find places — perhaps even pages — that are void of jokes. You will also find jokes that you secretly know aren’t all that funny. You can’t just leave them. Punching up a script is perhaps the most difficult thing a comedy writer has to do. Sometimes, it can take hours, even days, to come up with one line or one joke. I have literally seen writing staffs work from sundown until sunup, punching up a script. It doesn’t come easy, even for professionals.

WATCH WHERE YOU STEP

Once you have set up a joke and delivered a punchline, leave it alone at least for a moment. Don’t do what is known as stepping on the joke. This is done when a joke is buried within a character’s dialogue. The writer writes the joke, but then immediately moves on by giving the character more lines without a break or even a breath. The audience needs these few seconds to digest the joke and laugh. Writers who step on their own jokes do themselves, the actors, and the audience a disservice. Consider it a no-no.

TIME TO CUT

As we have discussed, your script must come in at the industry accepted page count. For single-cam comedies, this is 30–35 pages. For multi-cam comedies it’s 45–49 pages. When writing a first draft most writers don’t come in under these numbers, but many come in over. If you are over the appropriate number of pages, I am sorry to tell you that it is time to put your finger on the “delete” button and start cutting. Be forewarned: you won’t want to. How do I know this? Because I have worked with literally thousands of new writers. Once the writer has typed the final words “FADE OUT,” there is a well-deserved sense of accomplishment. The writer feels so good about what he has written, he doesn’t want to take anything out. I have heard every argument in the book from young writers as to why it’s okay for a script to be long. None of these excuses are valid. Don’t forget, a big part of landing that first professional writing gig is proving that you can write like the big boys. Professional writers bring scripts in on time. They cut stuff…even stuff they think is brilliant.

I would also like to point out that some shows run a bit longer in page count. Bob’s Burgers happens to be one of them. That show (which is written multi-cam style) often rolls in at around 63–64 pages. While I have advocated doing things precisely the way your particular show does them, this is not the case when it comes to page count. Keep in mind that if you write a spec Bob’s Burgers and your agent sends it to Modern Family, the producers there may not know that Bob’s Burgers scripts run long. The Modern Family producers are not going to call the producers on Bob’s Burgers and inquire about page count. Instead, they will assume that you don’t know how to bring a script in on time. Still not convinced? Then please trust me when I tell you, nobody wants to read a 64-page comedy spec script. When I say nobody, I mean nobody . Everyone is so busy these days, and that includes producers, who are looking to evaluate your writing in the fastest way possible. So please take my advice and make the cuts. Not only will you make producers happy, your script will read a whole lot better. This, I promise you.