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FORMATTING FOR PRIME TIME DRAMA
SAMPLE OUTLINE FOR PRIME TIME DRAMA
Drama shows are written single-cam, film-style. (See Chapter 8.) The same rules apply in writing one-hour drama outlines and scripts as those in single-cam sitcoms.
What follows is the first few scenes of an outline for a primetime drama script called Malum In Se. It is written by Miruna Partovi, a student in my Writing Television Pilots class at Emerson College. Miruna’s pilot is about a 15-year-old boy who has the power of resurrection. It is reprinted with Miruna’s permission. Give it a read, and then we will look at the first act of the script to see how Miruna went from outline to teleplay.
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. PACIFIC BEACH - DAY
Crowded with swimmers and sun worshippers. TOMMY FISHER, 15, watches as EMTs load a body bag into the ambulance. People gape and murmur. Tommy just stares at the bag. He flashes back to his own past.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - EIGHT YEARS AGO
LYDIA FISHER, late 30s, lies in the bed, bald, almost skeletal, and quite obviously dead. On one side, her grieving husband, HARVEY FISHER, also late 30s, holds her lifeless hand, while on the other, her sons, FISH, 14, and TOMMY, 7, hold each other.
A nurse enters to figure out arrangements and Harvey tells the boys to say goodbye. Tommy curls up on the bed with his mother and closes his eyes. Lydia opens hers, confused as to where she is, and who all of them are.
The nurse rushes to find a doctor while Harvey and the boys try to remind Lydia who they are. She still has no clue.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - EIGHT YEARS AGO
A doctor speaks to Harvey, Fish and Tommy, explaining that by all accounts, Lydia should have been dead. He also says that she no longer exhibits any signs of cancer. Short of not being able to recognize people, she is a fully functioning person.
EXT. PACIFIC BEACH - DAY
FISH, 22, Tommy’s older brother, jogs over from The Imperial, a beachside restaurant where he works, to see what the commotion is. He notices his brother watching the medics.
Fish pulls Tommy aside. He tells Tommy that they have to go and that it should not be up to Tommy to save people. He adds that none of ‘this’ is Tommy’s fault. Reluctantly, Tommy leaves with Fish.
CUT TO:
MAIN TITLES
As you read each scene, you can clearly visualize what is happening and how the action will play out on screen. Notice Miruna only included the broad strokes, meaning the really important details. Her story is easy to follow. We can see immediately what it is about, who the characters are, and what each of them is up against. The outline is in prose; it does not contain dialogue. This is exactly how it should be. (Note: if you have a teeny tiny bit of dialogue that you feel compelled to add that’s okay. Just try to avoid it as much as you possibly can, as Miruna did when writing her outline.)
SCRIPTING YOUR PRIME TIME DRAMA
Once you have completed the outline for your drama, and hopefully gotten some good feedback on your story, it’s time to start writing your script. Let’s take a look at how Miruna transformed her outline into a teleplay. Below is her first act.
FADE IN:
EXT. PACIFIC BEACH, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA - DAY
TOMMY FISHER, 15, a compassionate, unassuming, down-to-earth kid, watches as paramedics load a body bag into the ambulance.
The Medical Examiner, WILHELM WRUCK, 73, a German man of few words and less emotions, joins the body in the vehicle. The crowd on the beach gapes and murmurs, though Tommy just watches the bag, lost in thought and memories.
FADE TO:
INT. HOSPICE ROOM - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
EIGHT YEARS AGO
LYDIA FISHER, late 30s, lies in the bed, bald, almost skeletal, and quite obviously dead. On one side, her grieving husband, HARVEY FISHER, also late 30s, holds her lifeless hand, while on the other, her sons, FISH, 14, and TOMMY, 7, hold each other.
A NURSE enters. Harvey squeezes his wife’s hand and stands to talk to the nurse.
HARVEY
The boys don’t have to stay for
this part. My sister’s outside.
She’ll take them home.
NURSE
I’ll let them say their goodbyes.
The nurse steps back and Harvey nods towards the boys. Tommy curls up on the bed with his mother, determined not to let go.
TOMMY
Mommy, please wake up. I love you.
Harvey reaches out to comfort his son. Tommy shuts his eyes tight, but just as he does, Lydia’s fly open. She GASPS.
FISH
Mom!
HARVEY
Lydia!
NURSE
Oh my God!
The nurse runs from the room as Harvey and Fish run to Lydia.
HARVEY
Lydia, Lydia, can you hear me?
Lydia stares at her family in shock and distressed confusion.
LYDIA
W-who are you? I, why am I here?
HARVEY
Lydia, baby, it’s me, Harvey, your husband…
Lydia shakes her head - she has no idea who they are.
LYDIA
I’m sorry… I don’t… I…
Tommy slowly backs away from his mother’s bed, confused and hurt. The room grows fuzzy…
FADE TO:
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - LATER (FLASHBACK)
The stark whiteness of the walls counters the comfort that the hospice provided. A DOCTOR speaks to Harvey, Fish and Tommy. All four look tired.
DOCTOR
… We have a few more tests to try. But by all accounts, Mr. Fisher, your wife should be dead. Her brain activity ceased three days ago. She had no vitals for an hour after she was taken off the machines.
HARVEY
Then what happened?
DOCTOR
As of now, I can’t explain it. Her brain is fully functioning, tests are clean: it’s as if the cancer was never there.
FISH
Then how come she doesn’t know us?
DOCTOR
I wish I knew.
Tommy slumps against his brother.
FADE TO:
EXT. PACIFIC BEACH - PRESENT DAY
FISH, 22, Tommy’s brother, jogs over from The Imperial, a nearby beachside restaurant that looms in the background. Easy-going and friendly, Fish personifies Southern California.
He sees the ambulance, then Tommy. Yanking Tommy out of the crowd, Fish attempts to lead his brother away.
FISH
Tommy, don’t do this to yourself.
TOMMY
But, Fish, I could help…
FISH
No - no, Tommy, don’t even think about it. Just walk away.
Fish looks in pain watching the sadness in Tommy’s eyes.
TOMMY
That guy could have a family…
FISH
Look, whoever he is, or was, all these people saw him die.
Fish puts an arm around Tommy to usher him away. Tommy glances back to the body bag but complies.
FISH (CONT’D)
I love you for wanting to “help,” but you got to let it go. It isn’t up to you to save the world, Tommy.
Together they walk past The Imperial…
The upscale restaurant bustles with life. Tourists enjoy a view of the water. Servers enjoy a relatively relaxed day.
INT. THE IMPERIAL - DAY
The inside dining space practically deserted, though a few patrons grace it. TESSA RETTANO, 19, bubbly and friendly without being ditzy or irritating, stands behind the hostess stand.
She chats with AVERY ‘AJ’ JORDAN, also 19, her roommate, who works hard, parties hard, and is often stressfully stubborn.
TESSA
You said he was cute. I set it up. What new unforeseeable impasse have you conjured up now?
TESSA
First of all, his real name is Wayne. Why wouldn’t he go by ‘Fish?’ Second of all, it’s a summer fling! It’s not like you two are gonna ride off into the sunset!
AJ
Yeah. Does he know that? I don’t want anything serious.
TESSA
AJ, he’s chill. No strings attached. Do you really think I’d set you up with some clingy weirdo?
AJ sighs and nods as a COUPLE approaches the hostess stand.
AJ
Fine. I’ll let you work. Tell ‘Fish’ I’ll see him tonight.
TESSA
That’s what I’m talking about!
Tessa beams at AJ and turns to the couple. AJ shakes her head, smiling as she goes.
EXT. FISHER HOUSE - DAY
Fish, his arm around Tommy, approaches the house, simple and cozy.
INT. FISHER HOUSE - DAY
The boys find their aunt, CORA FISHER, 33, in the center of the floor, seated cross-legged, her eyes closed. Always striving for zen, but not always finding it, Cora tries to avoid responsibility at all costs.
Calming MUSIC plays from a small speaker set beside WHISKEY, the family Whippet, who sleeps. Fish and Tommy wait until the music finishes before Fish begins to CLAP.
FISH
Very nice!
CORA
You ruined my zen.
TOMMY
Hey, Aunt Cora.
Fish shakes his head from behind his brother, but the damage is done and all eyes are on Tommy. Whiskey sniffs himself awake.
CORA (CONT’D)
Oh, no. What happened?
TOMMY
I was waiting for Fish on the beach, and this guy had a heart attack…
CORA
Tommy, that isn’t your…
TOMMY
Responsibility, business, problem, I know, Aunt Cora. But I could have helped him.
CORA
(not meanly)
I don’t know how many ways I can tell you this: death is a natural part of life. We aren’t supposed to reverse it.
Tommy shakes his head and opens the fridge, turning his back on Cora and Fish.
CORA (CONT’D)
Right, I’m done.
Awkward and palpable silence fills the room as Fish and Cora give each other “Let’s just drop it” and “What am I supposed to do” looks, respectively, behind Tommy.
FISH
Look, bro, what do you say you and I hit up some waves when I get back in tomorrow, huh? The swells are supposed to be great.
CORA
What do you mean, when you get back? Where are you going?
FISH
I got a date-thing.
CORA
Really? On your own?
FISH
That hurts.
Tommy tries to stifle a laugh, still determined to be irked at Cora and Fish. It isn’t working.
CORA
Yeah, yeah, enough.
FISH
Tommy, waves, tomorrow! Cora, wish me luck!
CORA
I don’t wanna know. Go!
TOMMMY
Good luck!
Fish grabs his jacket and heads out. Cora turns to Tommy.
CORA
So what about you, huh? What do you wanna do tonight?
TOMMY
Isn’t that a rhetorical question if I’m still grounded?
CORA
If you’re trying to guilt me into un-grounding you, nice try.
Cora pulls open a drawer, hands Tommy a stack of well-worn take-out menus. Tommy pulls out one immediately.
CORA (CONT’D)
Again?
TOMMY
If you didn’t have me on house arrest…
CORA
Look, Tommy, you bring the dog back to life in the middle of the street, you get grounded. It’s that simple.
Whiskey pants, almost in agreement.
TOMMY
You wouldn’t be mad if he didn’t crush your meditation rocks.
CORA
A, I would be. B, those were gifts. And C, pardon me for not being thrilled that Whiskey can now chew through… everything.
Tommy glances over to a brick, chewed in half, lying next to Whiskey. A small pile of whole bricks sits against the wall.
Cora takes the menu from Tommy and heads to the phone to call.
EXT. TESSA AND AJ’S APARTMENT - DUSK
Fish shakes out his shoulders, exhales and knocks.
INT. TESSA AND AJ’S APARTMENT - DUSK
Artistic while still young, fresh and on a budget, it has a lived-in feel. AJ, make-up done, wearing a skirt, undoes the lock and opens the door, revealing Fish.
FISH
‘Sup?
AJ steps back to let him in, and then closes the door.
AJ
Not much, Fish, what’s up with you?
Fish shrugs.
FISH
Same old, same old. You look nice by the way. As always.
AJ
Smooth. You want a drink or something?
FISH
Yeah, sounds good.
Fish flops onto the couch as AJ goes to the fridge and bends down to grab two beers. While hidden behind the fridge door, AJ texts Tessa: “HOPE YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE TO CRASH TONIGHT.”
She then stands, smirks and heads back to Fish.
INT. THE IMPERIAL - CONTINUOUS
Tessa grins at the text from AJ. She answers: “YOU’RE WELCOME ;)” before slipping her phone back into her pocket.
Two couples enter: DAN and CECELIA EVANS, both 41, and RAQUEL RENDÓN-SALAZAR and LEAH SCHAEFER, 35 and 29.
Scruffy and relaxed, Dan looks at home by the beach, his bright-eyed and feminine wife Cecelia’s arm looped in his.
Raquel, perceptive and wary, hangs back a little with her girlfriend Leah, an optimist with a bleeding heart.
DAN
Under Evans, for four.
TESSA
Perfect! Please follow me.
The couples follow Tessa to their seats.
INT. FISHER HOUSE - NIGHT
Tommy sits hidden behind the couch, in his hand a dead bird, a notebook at his feet. Whiskey sits chewing on bricks nearby until a pile of dust rests on his paws.
Tommy peers over the couch arm, glancing for Cora, before turning back to the bird.
TOMMY
(whispers)
Hey, little guy. Please wake up.
You can do it.
Whiskey cracks through another brick, distracting Tommy. When he looks back, the bird’s wings flutter. Tommy grins and the bird wiggles in his hands, slowly changing colors as it rises, starting to fly.
As it reaches different heights, it’s color fluctuates - as if the different heights equate different pigmentation. Tommy starts to jot down notes, watching the bird.
CORA (O.S.)
(startled)
Oh my God!
(disciplinary)
Tommy!
Tommy winces and pokes his head over the arm of the couch. Cora, exasperated, gestures to the bird, flying around the room, changing colors.
CORA (CONT’D)
Really?
Tommy gets up and opens a window. The bird flies out, chirping.
TOMMY
It’s just a bird.
CORA
That isn’t the point, Tommy.
What’s gonna happen when, I don’t know, someone sees a technicolor bird flying around, huh?
Cora gives him a look and Tommy shuts his mouth.
CORA
I’m running out of ideas here Tommy.
TOMMY
You could just let me figure this thing out.
CORA
Not a chance.
She glances over to Whiskey’s large brick-dust pile.
CORA (CONT’D)
Food’ll be here in twenty minutes.
Can you clean up that mess and try not to bring anything else to life before then?
Tommy grabs up a dustpan and sits next to Whiskey to scoop up his mess. Cora exhales and exits, rubbing her head.
As soon as he’s alone, Tommy picks up his notebook and begins to write again, flipping through pages of notes with titles such as ‘Bird #4’ and ‘Lizard #12.’ Whiskey cracks another brick.
INT. TESSA AND AJ’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Beer bottles litter the floor as Fish and AJ make-out on the couch. As Fish pulls AJ’s shirt over her head, she pulls back for a moment.
AJ
You have a condom?
FISH
Yeah.
They resume making out, AJ undoing Fish’s pants.
FISH (CONT’D)
Tessa’s not coming back right?
AJ
Nope.
FISH
Awesome.
He grins. AJ throws his pants away.
EXT. TESSA AND AJ’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
A silhouetted male figure watches Fish and AJ’s shadows, courtesy of thin curtains and cheap lighting. AJ’s LAUGH rings, only slightly muted by the walls. The man’s hand twitches.
EXT. FISHER HOUSE - DAY
The sun shines, a beautiful day.
INT. FISHER HOUSE - DAY
Cora sits at her spot in the middle of the room, meditating. Tommy enters, rubbing his eyes, and grabs some OJ out of the fridge before plopping down on the couch. Cora opens her eyes.
CORA
Morning, sunshine.
TOMMY
Morning.
CORA
thought you and Fish were hitting the beach.
Tommy shrugs as Cora stands and stretches. The phone RINGS and Cora answers it, falling onto the couch next to Tommy.
CORA (CONT’D)
(into phone)
Hello… You’re where?… Yeah, yeah, of course, we’ll be right there… Okay.
Tommy looks at Cora for an explanation, but she just stands and starts to put on her shoes.
CORA (CONT’D)
We need to go. Fish is at the hospital.
Tommy’s eyes widen.
INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM - DAY
Fish slumps in a chair, exhausted and wearing a scrubs top. Across from him sits Tessa, eyes red from crying.
Cecelia Evans and Raquel Rendón-Salazar, ‘DETECTIVE’ jackets over their dinner outfits, stand, looking back and forth between Fish and Tessa.
Cora and Tommy enter, both trying to hide their worry.
CORA
Fish? Are you hurt?
Fish shakes his head. Evans steps forward.
CORA
Yeah - what’s going on?
(to Fish)
Why are you wearing scrubs?
RENDÓN-SALAZAR
He’s alright ma’am. We just needed his shirt for evidence.
TOMMY
Evidence?
EVANS
(to Cora)
There was an incident last night at the apartment of Tessa Rettano and Avery Jordan. Shots fired. Ms. Rettano was not home, but your nephew and Ms. Jordan were.
Cora glances at Fish who does not meet her or Tommy’s gaze.
RENDÓN-SALAZAR
Ms. Jordan was alive when officers arrived but she didn’t make it through surgery.
Tommy looks up from Fish, to Tessa, to the cops, to Cora. Tommy then looks back at Fish, watching his brother’s distress, before taking a step back. No one notices.
EVANS
We’re still working on getting to the bottom of this. So far no weapon has been recovered.
RENDÓN-SALAZAR
We already took your nephew’s statement, but we may need to speak with him again.
CORA
Wait, you think Fish had something to do with this?
Tommy moves back towards the elevators, his eyes fixed on his brother who doesn’t look up. Again, no one notices Tommy.
RENDÓN-SALAZAR
Ma’am, it’s just standard procedure. He’s a witness.
by the elevators, scans a guide to the different floors of the hospital. Before he can decide where to go, Wruck silently appears and presses the down button.
Tommy reads Wruck’s name tag: MEDICAL EXAMINER.
Wruck enters the elevator. The doors close and Tommy watches as the floors listed above the elevator glow until the basement button illuminates.
Tommy looks at the guide and sees the words, “Basement, authorized personnel only.”
ON CORA:
CORA
Yeah. Right. Of course. Thank you, Detectives.
(to Fish)
Fish, are you okay?
Fish shakes his head, numbly. Tessa sniffles and Fish looks conflicted whether to comfort her or just let her be.
Looking around, Tommy sees the understaffed nurses’ station. A NURSE answers phones, digging through files, stressed.
His jacket hangs off the back of his chair. Tommy snatches his ID off the lapel.
CORA (CONT’D)
(to Fish)
Let’s just get you home. You need to rest, get some sleep. I’ll call your boss. You’re not going to work.
(to Tessa)
Either of you.
The elevator arrives and Tommy slips in.
Evans sits next to Tessa who starts to cry again. Cora puts her arm around Fish to help him stand. She looks around for Tommy to help her, and realizes he’s gone.
CORA (CONT’D)
Tommy?
INT. HOSPITAL, MORGUE - DAY
Wruck picks up a few files and places them in his briefcase. Three bodies, including AJ’s, are visible, not yet having been assigned drawers. Wruck’s eyes rest on the three faces before he turns and exits.
Tommy appears in the window of the door before he pushes into the morgue. He shivers, approaching the bodies. Grabbing the toe tags, Tommy reads them, nervous.
The first reads “RACHEL DAWSON,” the second, “ELISHA THOMAS,” and the third “AVERY JORDAN.”
Tommy studies AJ’s very dead face before taking her hand, his breath audible and weighed.
TOMMY
Wake up. Please wake up.
Nothing happens. The room is still. And then, in an
instant, AJ’s eyes fly open as she gasps back to life.
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT ONE
If you compare each scene description from the outline with the actual scene in the script, you will see that they match in terms of what happens. But note, Miruna’s made some minor changes. She’s changed the scene where Tommy’s mother comes to life from a hospital to a hospice. Makes sense. You should feel free to make these minor tweaks at the script stage, as long as you’re not making huge changes. As you can see, the scene is brought to life much more vividly by the dialogue. Notice that the dialogue is casual and relaxed, even in the scenes where there is tension, such as on the beach with Fish and Tommy . This is because that’s how people talk in real life, especially in a tense situation.
Also, take note of the fact that Miruna has completed the first four scenes in her outline in less than 3 pages. Bravo! Miruna’s pacing is terrific, as it keeps her story moving. In your own script, beware of scenes that go longer than 2 pages. While occasionally, you might go over that amount, use it as a benchmark. Three pages is the absolute longest scene you should write and only do that when you absolutely, positively have to. Remember, we are a fast-paced society and we are visually stimulated all day long. Therefore a scene in one location for more than a couple of minutes will feel draggy.
One last thing I want to point out about Miruna’s pages. Look how much we know in a short amount of time. We know as a kid, Tommy’s mother died. We know when he told her he loved her and asked her to wake up, she did. We know that when Tommy’s mother woke up, her cancer was completely gone. Apparently so is her memory, as she doesn’t recognize her family. We know there is no medical explanation for what happened. We know that Tommy can resurrect people. We know that he’s a good-hearted kid — because he wants to bring the dead person on the beach back to life. We know Tommy’s older brother, Fish, is aware of Tommy’s power and he’s worried that one of these days it’s going to get Tommy into big trouble. We also know that Tommy is conflicted about his power. All of that information, delivered in three short pages. Wow! Now, think of all of the things we don’t know. Think of all the questions Miruna has raised so far.
The reason I am bringing this up is that in a comedy script, you need to get all of the information out quickly. Drama is just the opposite. You don’t want to give away the keys to the candy store in the first act. With a drama script, you want to give viewers story information but not all at once. This can be a tad tricky because it’s sometimes hard to know when to reveal what. As you are writing your own script, think about how Miruna laid out her first three pages. While she gave us a lot of information, there is obviously a ton of stuff she hasn’t revealed. For example, we technically don’t know how Tommy resurrected his mother. Was it when he told her he loved her, or was it when he asked her to wake up? The scene on the beach hints that Tommy is going to get himself into trouble with his power. So, Miruna is giving information that raises questions. By doing that, the audience is likely to stick around to get the answers to those questions. This is exactly what you should be shooting for in your own script. As Miruna takes us forward from page 3, look at how she sprinkles in bits and pieces of Tommy’s power of resurrection. There’s the bird, there’s the dog. And, leading up to the Act Break, there’s the big dilemma: there’s a dead girl and Tommy’s brother, Fish, is a suspect. Tommy knows if he resurrects the girl, his brother can’t be charged with murder. Only everyone, including the cops, knows the girl is dead. But Tommy brings her to life anyway. Bam! End of act! Perfectly executed.