Chapter 40.
Lead With Language

The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.

—Max DePree, Business Consultant/Author

We once worked with a group of managers who managed various teams in a company plagued with low morale. The teams were grumbling, and exulting in victim language.

But once we suggested different words and language for the managers to use in team meetings, everything began to change. Their people became more self-motivated.

As the psychological turnaround advanced, the managers began to open their meetings by asking who had an acknowledgment—“Who would like to acknowledge someone else right now?”—and the talk began to swing to appreciation, instead of to complaint and criticism. And all of a sudden, the mood of the meetings changed.

Instead of focusing on problems, and getting stuck there, the leaders would learn to say, “What opportunities do you see?” And just by saying that enough times, a different kind of energy would emerge. Different than the low-morale days when the leaders used to say, “What are the problems? What do we have to get through? Who’s to blame?”

When managers asked, “What can we get from this?” results changed faster.

“We had a tough week last week. Let’s go around the table. What can we learn from that? What are some new systems we might put in? If that comes up again, what would be a great way of dealing with it? How can we have fun with this in the future?”

The managers got the victim language out of their systems. They got stronger by using, “What do we want? What’s our intention? What’s our goal? What outcome would we love to see?” Every time victim language was replaced by the language of intention, different results occurred. Some of the most dramatic results:

1. Turnover decreased.

2. Absenteeism decreased.

3. Spirit and morale improved.

4. Productivity increased.

And all that happened with language.

Words mean things. Words that form thoughts create things. Ancient scriptures say, “In the beginning, there was the word.” And there’s a lot of modern-day truth to that. Words start things going. Change a single word in what you say, and you can scare a child. One scary word can make a child shake and cry. Change that word back, and the child is fine. Words communicate pictures, energy, emotions, possibilities, and fears.

Words can scare an employee, too.

Sometimes victims try to be leaders, but can’t. That’s because they think they ought to do it. But the leadership spirit is not accessed that way. It’s a graceful spirit, not a heavy burden.

This type of language won’t get you there: “I should be more of a leader.”

Any time a victim finds out about leadership language, and then says, “You know, I really should be more of a leader,” that’s simply more victim language! That drives the person deeper down into victim feelings.

Why should you be more of a leader?

“Well, I guess people would like me more. They would approve of me more.”

Who cares what other people think? What do you want?

Leadership is based on personal, internal intention. It’s living a life that has clarity of purpose at the center of it. Victimization is not based on intention. Victimization is based on being a victim of circumstance and other people’s opinion. The victim is constantly obsessed with what other people think.

“Well, what would my wife think if I did that? What would my kids think? What would my boss think? What would the people think if they saw me singing in my car? If a person pulls up next to me, what’s he gonna think?”

Obsessing about what other people think throughout the day is the fastest way to lose your enthusiasm for life. It’s the fastest way to lose that basic energy that gets everything done that you’ve ever been proud of. You notice that children don’t seem to have that worry. Most children, when they’re in the middle of something they really love, seem to forget that anybody is watching them, and even forget that there’s a world out there. They just get swept away. Good leaders do the same thing.