Make Sure You Have a Plan for Your Exit Before You Are Laid Off

Martha I. Finney

Almost every unexpectedly concluding job commences the shutdown process with a long walk by you down a hall to a room with a closed door. You pretty much know who’s behind that door—your boss and maybe someone from HR. You know you want to handle the meeting with as much dignity as possible, but you’re afraid you’re going to lose it. In fact, just thinking about the possibility that you might lose it takes you that much closer to actually showing more emotion than you’d prefer. It’s going to hurt. You just know that going in.

That walk from your desk to that door is your last chance to regroup and prepare. If you don’t have a theme song already queued up on your emotional iPod, Libby Gill, author and speaker, has some suggestions on how you can square your shoulders, lift your chin, and call up your inner hero—or jazzman—for that hard moment when you hear the inevitable words.

Remember What’s Important to You

Yes, your immediate livelihood is important. But there are bigger things in life that are even more important: your family, your lifelong career, your reputation, your chances of landing a terrific new job. You need these people who are about to lay you off in your corner. You need great letters of recommendation from them. When you remember what’s really important to you, you’ll summon your dignity and professionalism that will keep this last meeting as stately as possible. You won’t be the only person in the room who will exhale relief.

Have a Mantra

Chants didn’t just start in the modern, woo-woo New Age era. Humanity has known them to work since the beginning of time. Find one short word or a quick phrase that you can focus on, such as “My family comes first” or “I’m okay.” And repeat that message all the way down the hall—preferably silently. By the time you take your seat, you may not be okay, but at least you’ll be calm. And you might even notice how weird it is that that mundane expression, “Have a seat,” may be the last order you take from your boss. (Ironically, it was probably also the first instruction you followed when you were interviewing for that job you’re about to lose. Amazing how three little words can bookend a job so tidily.)

Go in knowing that you are okay for now. Whether you have three months’ or six months’ expenses socked away, or whether you just have enough to last you through your severance package, you are okay right now. You can return to thinking about your personal money issues in the privacy of your own car. Don’t start doing it now.

Go to your happy place. This might sound silly, but doing whatever you need to do to keep your composure is imperative, even if it means resorting to everything short of bringing in a security blanket. No one needs to know what’s going on in your mind that lends you a serene, relaxed, even somewhat detached demeanor as you’re listening to the company’s plans to systematically dismantle your world. Call up the memory of that time on the beach on Maui. Or the smell of sun-block by the sea at Rehoboth, or the satisfying way your goggles clung to your face at the top of that ski trail at Squaw Valley, or the homey, familiar smell of your child’s canister of Play-Doh. Or chocolate chip cookies. Or even just the vanilla. Or the texture of margarita salt on the tip of your tongue. Something in your buzzing brain is bound to comfort you if you find it and lasso it in.

Life is still full of sensory memories of great stuff. Now is the perfect time to put them to good use. Even if it’s only in your mind.

Oh. So you blew it? You can still clean up the mess. Okay, so you’ve just discovered something about yourself. You don’t have superhuman control over your emotions after all. And something popped out of your head, heart, and then your mouth before you had the chance to zip it.

So now, on top of the devastation to discover you have been laid off through no fault of your own, you owe an apology to the very people who took your job away! Could anything be more unjust in this world? Most certainly. But right now it doesn’t feel like it.

Gill says that before you do anything else, calm down and try to objectively assess the memory that’s making you cringe. Was it really all that bad? Or are you just feeling super-sensitive right now? Crying isn’t bad. Asking why isn’t bad. Going into what Oprah Winfrey calls “the ugly cry” and wailing “Whyyyyyy?” like you’re Lucille Ball...that might be a memory you’ll wish you could rewind and then erase. Too late. It’s done. Still, no big deal. You’re only human, after all.

It’s when you have discovered to your cringing toes-deep regret that you called your boss a name that consisted of only four letters or reminded her of a certain moment at a party a couple of years ago (remember? That was the moment you promised her you’d tell no one) that might require some cleaning up on your part. Ugh. How do you apologize for the absolutely unforgiveable? You just do, that’s all.

Gill says that when you apologize, cop to the thing that makes you cringe the most. Start with, “Oh, my gosh, I was such a jerk; I can’t believe I said that. I sure hope you can find a way to accept my apology.”

It might be difficult, and it might even feel pointless—you’ve lost your job anyway; what good will an apology do? Even if your totally over-the-top behavior didn’t negatively affect your termination terms, apologizing is simply the right thing to do. Plus, says Gill, it’s good for you.

“There’s something really powerful in taking responsibility for being wrong,” she says. “Your apology may not be accepted. Your former boss may not want to give you the chance to express your remorse. Your colleagues might turn their backs on you. But at least you know in your heart that you tried to do the right thing. You will have more confidence when you have to reenter that group in the future—like an industry conference. You will at least know that you did all you could.”

Once you’ve done the apologizing you need to do, Gill says there’s one more step in the clean-up process: Move on.

“You’ve assessed it, you’ve cleaned it up as best you can, and now you’ve got to move forward,” she says. “Otherwise, you’re just giving yourself one more excuse to beat yourself up and hold yourself back. You can’t do that because now’s the time [for] you to stay strong, focused, and back in control so you can find your next job.”

The best thing you can do:

Remember you’re only human.

The worst thing you can do:

Stress yourself out so much that you lose control.

The first thing you should do:

Take a ruthless look at your finances. Find fat that you can trim. A big step toward taking control of your life is clearly understanding your financial situation!