CHAPTER 12

Making Stress Work for Me

Stress takes place all the time. In fact, a body without any stress is a dead body, and we don’t want that! You always want some stress—not so much that you feel you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, but enough to get the job done.

When you say, “I have a temperature,” it doesn’t mean you didn’t have one before. It means you have a higher than normal temperature.

“I’m feeling stressed” doesn’t mean you had no stress before. It means you have more than you want right now.

We’ll review how you can handle customer complaints and still not feel stressed.

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Stress Starts with a Decision

Janelle grew up with stress in her back pocket. It drove her life from an early age, resulting in heart disease, intense competitiveness, and ulcers. She was told that she wouldn’t live to thirty if she didn’t change her lifestyle. That caught her attention. She began exercising and studied psychology with an emphasis on personal development. She practiced yoga and meditation and slowly began to bring her intense personality under control, and her health improved.

In her early thirties, she suspected there were many other high achievers just like herself. She developed a stress management program, wrote an accompanying book, and offered the program to corporate clients. For years she taught others to be resilient in life. Now she applies the same ideas to be resilient when handling complaints.

Victoria lives in a high-stress city, Mexico City. She moves around from one corporate client to another through massive traffic jams. She manages her thriving business and is highly involved with her family.

We both have had to make some personal decisions about not letting our lives take control over our mental and physical health. We both know that managing stress starts with the decision to have control over your stress reactions. You could say it’s a mindset.

Let’s start with your definition of stress.

LTIO: Describe what you think stress is. How do you know when you are stressed? Do you think you have any control over your stress?

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What Is Stress?

Simply put, stress is how your body responds to events around it. You can overrespond, underrespond, or respond at the right level. You can also hold on to your response for a longer time period than is necessary. For example, some people have a bad day at work, and at night they do not sleep well. They have a bad customer interaction, and they brood over it for the rest of the day. They get overwhelmed with all the calls coming in and take it out on their family that evening. Is this anything you do?

Stress can happen in the following circumstances:

• You have to act to save your life.

• You compete for a prize (especially if you win).

• You exercise or participate in sports.

• You get married or are promoted in your job.

Your body is built for stress. Your body, however, is not made for high levels of stress over a long period.

Positive stress can help you do the following:

• Master complex tasks more easily.

• Experience a heightened sense of stimulation about your life.

• Think more clearly because your brain makes quicker decisions.

• Have a better chance of saving your life in a dangerous situation.

Unfortunately, stress also happens in the following circumstances:

• You face an array of annoyances over a day.

• You regularly deal with tense people.

• You face demanding time schedules.

• You work with unclear and seemingly unresolvable problems.

LTIO: Do these last statements sound like your life in your role as a CSR? What is the challenge of living in this ongoing barrage of stress?

LEARNING POINT: You can decide to make your stress levels work for you—not against you.

Notes:

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When Do I Feel Stressed?

Everybody feels stressed under different circumstances. Some people do scary activities—such as climbing mountain peaks or jumping off them. Some people are excited about speaking in front of large audiences. Others would rather die than do that. We could go on with hundreds of such examples.

Some people can stand next to an angry customer who is yelling at them and remain cool as cucumbers. Others want to run away and never again take a job where customers feel justified to attack.

We are all different and have varied responses to events. We can all learn how to better tolerate events that cause us stress.

LTIO: In what situations do you feel stressed? Think of a mix of examples from work and your personal life.

In what situations does your stress stimulate you so your performance improves? Be as specific as you can. Use examples from your work and your personal life.

LEARNING POINT: You are unique in your stress response. No one is quite like you.

Notes:

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How Does Stress Affect My Performance?

One of the biggest prices we pay for mismanaged stress is poor performance. We’re sluggish, tired, unfocused, and perhaps restless, and we procrastinate about everything.

With hypostress, we have difficulty gearing ourselves up for a task. With hyperstress, it’s difficult to channel our nerves. In the latter, we forget things, have difficulty concentrating, make more mistakes, and get tired. We probably don’t feel good about ourselves either.

With optimum stress, we are exhilarated; we are able to process information quickly, we’re efficient, and our production levels are high. We don’t get exhausted from everything we do. This chart illustrates the relationship between stress and performance, where the highest level of performance operates in the middle of the curve.

LTIO: How much stress energy do you need to take care of your customers? In comparison, what kind of events would be on the hypo- or hyperstress sides?

On the chart below, indicate what activities you perform throughout your day, both at work and in your personal life. Arrange the tasks according to the energy necessary to accomplish them.

Tasks that belong on the left-hand side require minimal effort. Tasks on the right-hand side are those that cause you to feel hyperstressed. Which tasks do you perform that are in the optimum stress portion of this chart? These tasks require effort and concentration but not excessive energy. You can do this type of task for extended periods of time. You find these tasks energizing and stimulating, but they do not overload you. Your highest level of performance operates in the middle of this curve.

Complaint-handling tasks that leave me in the hypostress zone:

I need more stress to perform well at these tasks. One way I can do that is to set deadlines or quality standards that require me to put in more effort.

Complaint-handling tasks where I perform at an optimal level:

It would be great if I could learn to spend most of my day at work here!

Complaint-handling tasks that put me in the hyperstress zone:

I need to relax a bit to perform well at these tasks. I can do that by learning new complaint-handling techniques or taking short breaks when I become overwhelmed or stressed.

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Stress Signals

Taking care of complaining customers is not easy. To have the energy and strength to do this, we need to take care of ourselves so we are in peak form.

What is difficult about stress is that we must have enough stimulation to make us productive but not so much pressure that it paralyzes us or takes us to the breaking point, a state called burnout. Too much stress can wreak havoc not only on our bodies but also on our relationships.

Our bodies are intelligent. They send us signals when we are getting to the burnout state. There are four types of signals:

• Physical—Headaches, back pain, upset stomach, diarrhea, nausea, skin rashes, elevated pulse, insomnia, unexplained acute pain, ongoing fatigue, difficulty breathing, ulcers, clenched jaw, tense muscles, sweaty palms, dark circles under the eyes, or frequent minor illnesses, such as flu or colds.

• Mental—Forgetfulness, inability to concentrate, mistake prone, confusion, spacing out, less rational thinking, poor judgment, decreased performance.

• Emotional—Mood swings, depression, apathy, unexplained sudden anger or sadness, nonspecific anxiety, panic attacks, feeling overwhelmed, nervous laughter, or verbal tics.

• Behavioral—Excessive use of alcohol or smoking, eating a lot or not eating, yelling, fidgeting, being easily irritated, talking too much, starting nervous habits such as nail-biting, insomnia, avoidance behaviors, or compulsive behaviors such as shopping or cleaning.

It may seem as if these are four long lists of signals. In reality, these signals are just a few of the multiple ways humans show stress.

LTIO: Write down your own signals in the chart below. You can start with the lists above and then write any additional ones you know are your stress signals.

Notes:

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What Are My Stress Signals?

LTIO: Show your list from activity 86 to someone you know well and ask if you have any other signals you might not be aware of but that they can see. For example, your face might turn red, and you haven’t noticed that. Or perhaps you bite your knuckles or fingernails when you are stressed.

Choose two examples from each type of signal that you will pay particular attention to and write the below. Perhaps you can highlight them so they will stand out on this page. Remember, these stress signals are your friends. In some way, it’s your body complaining to you and giving you a gift.

Whenever you notice one of your signals, stop, and say to yourself, “Is this going to help whatever I am doing?” For example, is biting your fingernails going to help you talk with an upset complaining customer? Probably not.

Tell yourself to stop engaging in that behavior. By bringing your signals to awareness, you have a chance to stop doing them.

Notes:

Physical: ________________________________________________

Mental: _________________________________________________

Emotional: ______________________________________________

Behavioral: ______________________________________________

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What Are My Stressors?

Stressors are the things happening around us that cause us to respond. These can be social, economic, political, family, and interpersonal. There are hundreds of events that cause us to respond. We will look at just one category of stressors: our job and career stressors. You will find on our web page a document that has a complete list of all the other hundreds of stressors: www.ciag.online/88. Use that list to identify any of your other stressors.

LTIO: Put a check beside the job and career stressors that you know affect you. Then highlight the most important ones for you.

Communication misunderstandings

Hostile customers

High expectations of management

Time wasters such as meaningless forms that must be filled out

Lack of appreciation for your work

Boredom

Not enough breaks

Low compensation

Responsibility without control

Incompetent coworkers

Too many meetings

Physical environment

Customers who swear

Lack of job training

Customers waiting on hold for you

Equipment failures

Conflicts with coworkers

Office politics

Personal failures

Add any others below:

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Burnout—Is This Me?

Since first described almost fifty years ago, burnout has become a widely used term. Sociologists and psychologists originally used the term to refer to those who had careers in health care, psychological counseling, or childcare.

In today’s economy, burnout has been applied to essential workers. It’s caused by the stress that comes from serving other people— especially under tight deadlines. It’s easy to see how burnout can affect complaint handlers.

It’s a syndrome that includes exhaustion, cynicism, and loss of motivation. People who are burned out feel emotionally exhausted. When that happens, they think they can no longer help others. And we all know how much emotions are intertwined with complaint handling.

There are generally three strong recognized signals of burnout. The chart below shows additional signals, but three are serious signals: (1) lack of motivation, (2) fatigue that doesn’t go away, and (3) a cynical attitude about things that matter. It’s easy to see how these signals will affect your performance.

It’s also easy to see how burnout can become almost commonplace—especially in fields where interaction with people is intense. When this happens, CSRs readily become angry and might shout, “I’m not taking this anymore. I quit.” That’s not a fun place to be, and quitting was probably far from their minds when they first became a CSR.

Burnout doesn’t occur after one tough day. That’s just a high-stress day. You go home in the evening (or get off your computer at home), and by the next morning you are ready to go again. We’ve all had days like that. Burnout is caused by a number of these days, one after another, perhaps week after week, and no relief in sight.

LTIO: In the following table, put a checkmark by any of the burnout signals that apply to you.

Burnout is caused by chronic workplace stress and begins to show up in many ways. The following self-assessment will enable you to see where you are on the burnout scale.

Where do you fall on a scale from 1 to 5?

1 = “This isn’t me at all.”

2 = “This is me—rarely.”

3 = “Occasionally I experience this factor.”

4 = “A good description of me quite a bit of the time.”

5 = “This pretty well describes me all the time.”

Interpret your score:

10–20: low stress

21–30: manageable

31–40: high stress

41–50: burnout

If you scored as having high stress, it’s important to lower your stress. We will talk about some techniques to achieve that in the following pages. If your score is above forty, we suggest you contact health services in your organization.

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Short Relaxation Techniques

Sometimes stress feels like a constant force, as if our brains have gone haywire. Stress may feel unstoppable. This type of stress is best brought under control with small, quick techniques. It’s true that at times we need to take an extended period of relaxation to bring our stress under control. Other times, small breaks can work miracles; in fact, they may work better than extended meditation. The next two exercises described below are examples of short, quick techniques that can be done multiple times throughout the day.

Circuit Breakers

You can do circuit breakers throughout the day. The technique helps break the circuit of stress, and then you can move on with your day with less stress. On the following web page you will find two videos where Janelle explains what they are: www.ciag.online/90.

LTIO: After watching the two videos, what did you learn?

LTIO: What circuit breakers will you use? Please choose five circuit breaker cues. Whenever you notice your cue, take in a deep breath of air and say, “I am relaxed.” Then continue on with your day. You can track your use of circuit breaker cues on the chart below.

Neck Relaxation

In addition to your shoulders getting stiff, when you are seated for long periods of time, your neck is probably getting tight as well.

This exercise takes less than a minute to do, and if done whenever you notice your neck getting tight or on a regular basis a couple of times a day, you will experience much looser neck muscles. This exercise can be done while you are talking on the phone—no special equipment required.

LTIO: Count numbers with your nose. Sit in a comfortable position. Your eyes can be open or closed, depending on your activity. Some people say they get dizzy if they do this exercise with their eyes closed, so decide what’s best for you.

1. Draw the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0 in the air with your nose.

2. Draw the numbers large and make your movements slow.

3. Don’t strain. Be careful not to pull against tight muscles or to force your head too far backwards.

This activity takes about a minute to do and can be done several times a day. Most people who practice with that kind of regularity report a marked reduction in shoulder and neck tension. Some people even report a lessening or elimination of tension headaches.

This technique will work for any joint in your body. For example, some soccer players draw numbers in the air with their ankles to loosen their ankle joints. If you move slowly, you can do the same thing with your pelvis, and you’ll find your lower back will loosen. Put your hands against a wall, lean with your body, and make the number movements with your hips.

Notes:

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Mindfulness and the Raisin Technique

Mindfulness is one of the latest buzzwords in organizations. It has to do with being fully present and placing focused awareness on your body and surroundings while quieting down distractions that might overwhelm you. It’s a proven way to achieve these six results when handling complaints.

1. Less stress—To decrease stress is one of the primary reasons why people practice mindfulness.

2. Focus—By really listening and being aware of your own emotions, you can be objective and focus on what the customer needs or wants instead of your internal dialogue.

3. Empathy—By paying attention to your own space, you can develop a greater understanding of what the customer needs.

4. More creativity—Cookie-cutter solutions can’t solve all problems. Sometimes you need to look outside the box for solutions. Mindfulness increases creative capacity.

5. Improved memory—By being completely in the present, you can help remember more of what customers tell you.

6. Better health—As we have seen, less stress means that your brain and body work in a better, healthier way. Consistently practicing mindfulness over a period of time improves your brain’s ability to process information, make decisions, form memories, and improve attention.

If you could improve yourself in the above six areas, wouldn’t it be worth your time to spend ten minutes or so a day just sitting quietly and paying attention to your breathing and your body?

LEARNING POINT: Mindfulness isn’t something magical. It’s being in the here and now—a place most of us don’t spend a lot of time!

We recommend trying the following raisin technique used by many mindfulness trainers.¹ It involves all the senses and will give you a good introduction to mindfulness.

LTIO: Before this exercise, wash your hands. Sit in a comfortable chair with no distractions. Put a plate with a few raisins on it next to you. If you don’t like raisins, you can use any small, dried fruit or nut.

1. Put one raisin in your hand and close your eyes.

2. Feel the raisin in your hand, noticing the texture, the crevices, the size, and how it moves in your hand.

3. Put the raisin next to your ear and listen for any sounds when you squeeze it lightly. Concentrate on the raisin.

4. Put the raisin next to your nostrils. How does the raisin smell? Take a deep breath and smell the raisin again. How would you describe that smell?

5. Put the raisin in your mouth. Play with it by moving it around. See if the flavor changes as you put it in different parts of your mouth. Don’t bite it; play with it until it starts falling apart. Enjoy the flavor.

6. As you swallow the raisin, imagine the journey from your mouth to your stomach. When it gets to your stomach, picture it glowing. Sense how the light makes you feel good, relaxed, and calm. Sit still for a minute or two, and then open your eyes.

How do you feel? More relaxed? If not, try it with another raisin or a nut. This time you can use the following to guide you through the exercise as you relax with your eyes closed: www.ciag.online/91.

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The Power of Gratitude

Psychology studies tell us that showing gratitude benefits our mental health. When expressed, showing gratitude helps reduce our stress levels. It also helps in supporting solid relationships. When you say “Thank you,” your body secretes endorphins that make you feel good. Even if the other person says nothing in response, you feel better by showing gratitude.

We can even be grateful when we are faced with an aggressive complainer. To help you stop your judgments that naturally arise when confronting hostility, one of the best steps to take is to distract yourself by instead focusing on the information being given to you. Consider the banana. To eat a banana, you need to take the peel off. The peel is bitter and hard to swallow. The same thing happens with complaints. We must look underneath any bitterness and examine the gift we are being given.

LTIO: What are you thankful for? Write down all the things you feel grateful for when they happen. Here are a few prompts to get you started:

I’m grateful when a customer complains, even if they are hostile, because ______________________________________________

When I receive personal feedback because __________________

When someone corrects me because _______________________

For my family and friends because ________________________

Showing gratitude costs nothing, and it is one of the most valuable ways to enrich the lives of yourself and others. Say your gratitude out loud so others hear it.

LTIO: Who isn’t hearing from you, “I’m grateful for you being in my life?” Is there anybody you should tell how grateful you are for knowing them?

Notes:

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Apps and Other Online Resources

There are many apps you can use to help reduce your stress levels. Most of these apps are free or include a free trial.

LTIO: We encourage you to try different ones until you find the one that works best for you.

• Happify—This brain-training app is based on research showing that activity can help you combat negativity, anxiety, and stress to foster positive traits like gratitude and empathy.

• The Mindfulness App—This app has five guided meditations, with options for listening to calming music or nature sounds.

• Headspace—This app offers a series of guided meditation sessions and mindfulness training.

• Breathe2Relax—This app helps you breathe better, especially focusing on diaphragmatic breathing, which can help lower stress. It also has interesting information about the effects of stress on the body.

• My Mood Tracker—This app helps you become more aware of what you’re feeling during different events. As you track your emotions, you can manage them better.

• Pacifica—This app helps you through guided deep breathing and muscle relaxation exercises; it also has a mood tracker. You can record your thoughts and map out your thinking patterns.

• GPS for the Soul—Created by Deepak Chopra and Arianna Huffington, this app uses biofeedback to help you measure your level of stress and monitor how you can relax by using meditation tools, calming music, and pictures.

• Stress Doctor—This app has a heart-rate monitor to measure the effects of calming breathing exercises in real time.

• Pocket Yoga—This app offers yoga poses and routines and includes many levels of difficulty.

• Pay It Forward—This app shows the link between generosity and reduced stress. You can program daily acts of kindness.

SELF-CHECK: Making Stress Work for Me

Why is it important for you to track your stress levels throughout the day?

Which of these stress management ideas worked best for you? Are you willing to try to go back and find the ones you didn’t do and try them now?

What are your most important stress signals to track as you perform your work as a CSR?