CHAPTER TEN

Life Aligning Question Two
THE FOCUS QUESTION

ELEANOR SAID, “I understand from Coach that both of you also feel frustrated because you never get it all done. You’re looking for better professional-personal life balance, and you want a method to bridge the gap between what you really want and your here-and-now actions. Is that right?”

“That’s right,” said Carol. “When we got married, we dreamed about spending a lot of time together. Now that we have two kids, of course, we need to spend time with them. There is always too much to do and we never get it all done. Eleanor, I’m especially interested in hearing a woman’s point of view since you are the primary caregiver for your two children and have a career as the CEO of your own business.

“Answering the purpose question—even in writing— was not an immediate solution for me. To go straight from my written life purpose to doing my next most important action seems like an impossible jump. I feel I need something in between. Plus, I get a lot of little to-do’s each day. How do I fit those in when I’m supposed to be focusing on my life purpose?”

Responding to Carol’s concerns, Eleanor opened her file folder and pulled out another card. “Excellent questions,” she said. “This leads us to the Life Aligning Focus Question.” She passed the card to Carol and Ray.

Eleanor continued, “The answer to this question is one of the easiest and most powerful Aligned Thinking tools I know. However, many people don’t get the full value because they make one or more of five mistakes. It’s sad, too, because each mistake is easy to overcome.”

“Five mistakes?” Carol repeated. “I’m afraid to ask what they are because I might have made all five. But I really need to know what they are.”

“As I said,” Eleanor reiterated, “each mistake is easy to overcome with the Aligned Thinking tools. It begins with a gift to yourself.”

“A gift to yourself—what do you mean by that?” asked Ray.

“The gift to yourself is a regular focus period. You have been given 168 hours in a week to do as you choose. To make the other 167 hours richer, more satisfying, and more productive, it seems smart to set aside 1 hour a week for focus periods. This means about fifteen minutes on the weekend and about five minutes at the beginning of each day to focus on where you want to go and to plan the route. Not giving yourself a regular focus period is mistake number one.”

“What’s mistake number two?” Carol asked.

“Not reviewing your professional and personal life purpose daily,” Eleanor replied.

“Why is that?” Ray asked.

“Life Aligning Question Two, the focus question, is, With the many options I have, how do I stay focused on what I really want? The people who are successful in getting what they really want keep this question uppermost in their mind. Remember the definition of the Aligned Thinker? ‘What you really want drives every action, and every action takes you back to what you really want.’ If you don’t review what you really want regularly, it’s hard to see how your true purpose will motivate your every action.”

“When you put it that way,” Ray said, “it seems like more common sense. What’s the third mistake?”

“The third common mistake,” Eleanor said, “is using a to-do list!”

Taken aback, Carol blurted, “I thought having a to-do list was a good thing.”

“I’d be lost without my to-do list,” Ray added.

Eleanor smiled and said, “Let me ask you this: When you work hard all day and have more on your to-do list at the end of the day than you had at the beginning, how does that make you feel?”

Ray was quick to answer. “Annoyed! Like I didn’t accomplish much.” The anguish was clear in his voice. “That’s what started me on this journey in the first place. One night on the train home, my life looked as black as the tunnel under the Hudson River outside,” Ray summarized his under-the-Hudson frustration.

“Classic to-do list frustration symptoms,” Eleanor said. “If you like acronyms, you can call it the TODLIF virus. The ‘to-do list frustration virus’ is that hopeless feeling you get at the end of the day when you’ve worked hard for long hours and you go back to your to-do list and discover it’s longer than it was at the beginning of the day. You feel like—well, you know what it feels like.”

“We sure do,” Carol said with a sigh.

“You can get rid of that feeling now—immediately and forever—by using a couple of Aligned Thinking tools,” Eleanor said with confidence. “First, you need to distinguish between a to-do list and a priority list with a holding pen.

“Using a to-do list to keep track of what needs to be done is better than nothing. Yet nothing can be more frustrating than a to-do list.” Eleanor stopped to let them think about that.

“With the to-do list,” she continued, “you’re working with a contradiction. You want to be creative, and most people are. So as soon as you think of something that needs to be done, you save it on your to-do list. Great! But at the same time, you’re hurrying to do all the things listed by the day’s end. Thus the contradiction! Add more, and hurry more to get it all done. It’s almost impossible to get a sense of completion.”

“Exactly, and very frustrating at times,” said Ray.

Eleanor continued, “Enter the holding pen, as simple as a pad of paper or as elegant as the most expensive electronic pad. Every time you think of something that needs to be done, put it in the holding pen. During your focus period at the beginning of the day or week, you’ll get your priorities for that time from the holding pen, after you review what you really want.

“Here’s the real difference. You put on your priority list only those items that you can reasonably complete this day or this week. You plan to make yourself a successful person each day by making a list of priorities that you can accomplish. The way many people plan—especially people who use a to-do list—absolutely ensures they’ll have to-do list frustration at day’s end.”

“Guilty as charged,” Carol said with a small smile.

“A lot of this seems to be common sense when you explain it, Eleanor,” Ray said, “although I’ve never thought of it this way before.”

“Remember Coach’s insight,” Eleanor responded. “There’s no such thing as common sense, just good sense that is not too common. This is good sense, and it’s not too common.”

“Yeah,” Ray interjected. “I also remember Coach told us our challenge is to implement that uncommon good sense as soon as possible.”

“Maybe this will help,” Eleanor said. “Let me share one of Coach’s stories that made it easier for me to live this not-too-common sense. Consider the story of two committed people who have equal talent and who work equally hard, Mr. To-Do-List Frustration, also known as Mr. Todlif, and Mr. Satisfied.

“At the beginning of the day, Mr. Todlif had thirty things on his to-do list. During the day, he picked up four more. He worked hard all day and even put in an hour extra. At the day’s end he checked off the three things he’d accomplished, but he now had thirty-one left to do. As he walked to his car, was he more aware of the three things accomplished or the thirty-one not done?”

“If he’s anything like me,” said Ray, “he’s frustrated about the thirty-one incomplete items.”

“That’s the way most people answer,” said Eleanor. “Yes, Mr. Todlif was frustrated. He was experiencing to-do list frustration. On the other hand, at the beginning of the day, Mr. Satisfied had a holding pen of thirty things to do. He reviewed the list and selected the three priorities he thought he could complete during the day. As coincidence would have it, he selected the exact same three things Mr. Todlif selected. He put them on his priority list.

“During the day, Mr. Satisfied added four more items to his holding pen. At the day’s end, he checked the three things off his priority list. He had accomplished his entire priority list. As he walked to his car, he felt great. It was another day that 100 percent of his priority list had been completed.”

Eleanor pulled a card from the file. “This card shows Mr. Todlif’s to-do list and Mr. Satisfied’s priority list and how they differed at the end of the day. It’s pretty obvious who was more satisfied.

“At the bottom, take a look at the formula for satisfaction. Satisfaction does not equal just accomplishment. It equals accomplishment as it relates to your expectations,” said Eleanor.

“A very simple step you can take to overcome the TODLIF virus is to create a holding pen and priority list,” she continued. “When you determine the few most important things to do for the week or day, put them on the priority list. This gives you a smaller list to focus on. When you do this, you will be controlling your expectations. You set priorities to make yourself a winner each day. The benefit is more satisfaction.”

Eleanor passed the card to Carol and Ray.

“I think I get it,” said Carol. “If I focus on just my priorities, I’ll be more aligned with the important things in my life. By using a holding pen, I’ll never lose something, but I won’t necessarily be focusing on it today.”

Mr. Todlif’s To-Do List

1. _______	6. _______	11. _______
2. _______	7. _______	12. _______
3. _______	8. _______	13. _______
4. _______	9. _______	14. _______
5. _______	10. _______	15. _______
16. _______	21. _______	26. _______
17. _______	22. _______	27. _______
18. _______	23. _______	28. _______
19. _______	24. _______	29. _______
20. _______	25. _______	30. _______
31 (New)
32 (New
33 (New
34 (New

3/31 < 10%

A Formula for
Satisfaction

?

Satisfaction =
Accomplishment

Mr. Satisfied’s Priority List

1. _______

11. _______

21. _______

3/3 = 100%

Mr. Satisfied’s Holding Pen

	6. _______
2. _______	7. _______	12. _______
3. _______	8. _______	13. _______
4. _______	9. _______	14. _______
5. _______	10. _______	15. _______
16. _______		26. _______
17. _______	22. _______	27. _______
18. _______	23. _______	28. _______
19. _______	24. _______	29. _______
20. _______	25. _______	30. _______
31 (New)
32 (New
33 (New
34 (New

“Exactly,” said Eleanor. “You’ll get a triple benefit. You’ll achieve more, achieve more of the important things, and feel more satisfied.”

“Overcoming to-do list frustration sounds like a dream come true,” Ray said with enthusiasm. “The holding pen– priority list is something I want to put into practice immediately.”

“You’re going to love it,” said Eleanor. “All right, let’s go on to mistake number four. It’s the ‘business priorities only virus.’ When my husband, Louie, was still living, both of us were totally involved in the business, and we started to drift away from each other. We were on course to create two very successful business careers and one divorce. The simplest of Aligned Thinking tools derailed the divorce train.”

Carol nodded. “At times, Ray and I feel like we’re drifting apart. So what is this simplest of tools?”

“When you set your priorities for the day or week to come, be sure to include several personal priorities, like time for each other. When Louie and I began to do this, we rebuilt our failing relationship. When our kids came, we scheduled weekly time for each other and with the kids. Now that Louie is gone, it is doubly important I make scheduling time with the kids a priority. As they got older, they needed to schedule time for me. Because we include time for each other, the last few years with the kids have been great ones.”

Ray shook his head. “If I really value my wife and kids, which I do, this is just common sense—common sense that I have never used.”

“This is certainly a tool Ray and I will use immediately,” Carol added.

Eleanor continued, “This brings us to the fifth mistake many—even most—people make. Coach said you two are not only very creative but also very motivated. This means you’re probably violating the ‘be honest in the morning or frustrated in the evening’ principle.”

“Uh-oh,” said Ray jokingly. “What are we not being honest about?”

“In the morning, be honest about how much you can actually accomplish in one day, or be frustrated at the end of the day when you regularly plan too much and rarely get everything done,” Eleanor replied. “I found the best way to admit the truth is to actually guesstimate how long each priority activity will take. When I first began using this principle, I discovered I always overplanned.

“Today, I will still occasionally misjudge a task, but I’m much better. Most of my days—because I go through the process of guesstimating how long each task will take—I complete most of my priorities. I’m a more satisfied person.”

The three of them lapsed into a thoughtful silence. The sun was long gone.

“It’s getting late,” Ray said.

“Before you go,” said Eleanor as she handed Ray a card, “take this. It will help you make these tools your common practice on your journey to discover the MIN Secret.”