CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Overcoming Stress in a Huge Crisis

THE FIRST funday for purpose in September was Ray’s treat. He found a wonderful restaurant on the east side of the Hudson overlooking the Tappan Zee Bridge. After he and Carol reviewed and refined their purpose for working and living, they enjoyed a delicious meal while watching the sunset across the river, which at that point in time was a three-mile red sea.

“If every day were as peaceful as this one,” Carol said as she gazed at the setting sun across the water, “it would be easy to fulfill my new goal of reducing stress at work and at home.”

“You work on reducing stress and keeping your blood pressure down, and I’ll work on my new goal of serving our community,” said Ray.

As summer turned to fall, Ray took a big step toward fulfilling his goal by running for his town’s board of finance. Just a month before the elections, his business sent him to China.

During an overseas phone call he asked Carol, “How’s it going?”

“It’s a little tight,” she said candidly. “I’ve made big strides at work, but as a result I have a lot of new responsibilities. Without you here I have to make sure that Tammy gets where she needs to go for field hockey and all her other activities. Keeping in touch with Jamie is a new challenge. In the evenings, I’m chief taxi driver. During the day, I’m chief transportation coordinator. Plus, I’m working on getting your campaign material out. Thankfully, I’ve learned to let the things in my holding pen just sit there.”

“Keep up the good work,” said Ray. “I really miss you and the kids. But as you know, I’m doing my MIN aligned with what I really want—creating an above-average lifestyle for us.”

A week later Carol woke to storm clouds and strong winds. She’d planned to get Ray’s campaign literature into the mail that day, but by noon the winds had turned to gales and the rain was coming down in torrents. It was very rare for hurricanes to come as far north as their town, but by afternoon, hurricane warnings were being broadcast on every channel.

I’m not going to view this hurricane as an interruption, thought Carol, I’m going to see it as an opportunity. She took the time at home to catch up on some work from her briefcase. It took two full days for the weather to clear. By that time Carol was behind on sending out Ray’s campaign flyers.

What actions could I take to make up for lost time? Carol asked herself. With just two weeks until the elections, she gathered a group of friends together to help stuff campaign envelopes.

As they stuffed and chatted, Jamie, home for the weekend, popped his head into the den. “Mom, it’s for you,” he called in a routine manner.

But the phone call was not routine. Carol listened in shocked silence as she learned that Ray’s mother had just passed away. Ray was an only child. Her thoughts instantly went to her husband in China.

For the next few minutes, Carol’s thoughts raced and her blood pressure shot up. I need to call the family, she thought. I need to find Ray. What about the funeral? I need to let my people at work know I have an emergency. What about Ray’s campaign?I need to cancel some meetings.

She felt herself going into a tizzy and suddenly recognized that she’d been hit by the fear that she could never get done all that she needed to do. She remembered Coach saying that being motivated to do too many things at once is a frequent cause of stress. Carol took a deep breath and thought, What’s my MIN, related to what I really want?

She took a piece of paper and made a holding pen list. Then she selected her MIN, Most Important Now. She knew that the first thing she wanted was to find Ray. For the moment everything else was a non-MIN. As she focused on finding Ray, she could feel her blood pressure coming down.

It was four in the morning in China. She could do nothing about that for four hours. She took the rest of her list and added names of friends that she would ask to help. Some of the friends who were helping stuff Ray’s campaign literature agreed to take items from her holding pen.

She delegated the campaign work to one friend. She delegated the funeral arrangements to another friend, instructing that they be delayed until Ray got home. With each action, she felt herself growing calmer.

It took twenty-four hours to locate Ray and two days to get him home. Carol had to grieve the loss of a wonderful mother-in-law as well as support Ray in his grief. Again and again she used the MIN Secret, “What’s my MIN, related to what I really want?”

She reviewed her holding pen list frequently, refusing to let her priority list get too long. She continued to stay focused on her MIN. Jamie stepped up to be the taxi driver for his sister. Even Tammy helped, dropping the “heated discussions” with her brother. Channeling her stress into action, Carol moved from MIN to MIN, focusing all her energy on one thing at a time.

Two weeks later, the crisis was behind them. Ray was elected to the board of finance, and he and Carol spent the evening celebrating with friends at a postelection party. After the last guest headed home, Ray put his arm around his wife. Carol responded with a kiss.

“You’re a winner,” she said.

“Thanks to you. I don’t know how you pulled all this off,” he said appreciatively. “You had to deal with a hurricane, Mom’s death, finding me in China, getting me home, and the election. How did you do it without a major stress attack?”

“I applied everything we learned from Coach Eric,” Carol replied. “The bottom line is I could only do one thing at a time. The MIN Secret was the critical key. Once I made a list of things to do and asked, What’s my MIN? I realized I’d have to get help with the rest. Fortunately, we have great friends and kids who picked up the non-MIN duties. Finding you was my first MIN. When I did that, I went to my next MIN. I focused all my mental and psychic energy on my MIN. I didn’t allow any extra mental energy to let the stress build up. I’m not going to say that it was perfectly stress free. Losing your mother while you were away in China was definitely stressful. But I didn’t allow the stress to take over. My MIN and I were in control!”

“Congratulations,” said Ray, “I think you’re the real winner tonight.”