Chapter 10

The Journal

Four hours later, Josh tipped his head back onto the headrest of the car, his heart pounding. So close, he thought.

It was over.

The prospect had been as big a deal as Josh had suspected. But in the end, if anything, he was too big.

What he wanted was something that no one in this area could provide. It simply couldn't be done. He'd told the man that, thanked him for his time, and now it was time to face reality: It was over. He'd landed a big fish, but he didn't have a boat big enough to get him to shore.

There was no way he'd make it into the top ranks now. That meant his job was gone, and if that were the case, then he couldn't see how paying the mortgage and car payments was going to happen, never mind the regular bills and day to day living expenses.

The negative voice was back. And? it asked.

If he was really honest with himself, he wasn't confident about what would happen with Kiera. He sighed. His whole body felt so heavy. He just wanted to go to sleep. He closed his eyes.

We get who we are being. It was as if Travis's deep southern drawl was right in his ear.

Josh opened his eyes. “I just fell for the Attraction Myth,” he said aloud. “I just told myself that I couldn't close a big deal. That I couldn't pay my bills. That I couldn't even make my marriage work.”

I'll be damned, he thought. What did Travis tell me to do? Change my focus or change my behavior.

“There must be some way to figure this out,” he said aloud, with far more enthusiasm than he felt. He looked in the mirror.

Were you expecting something to happen? the voice said.

“I guess not,” he sighed.

He was about to slip the car into drive when he caught something from the corner of his eye. It was the success journal from the sales seminar he'd been to the previous week. He vaguely remembered it being on the passenger seat on his drive back from the workshop. It slid to the floor when you hit the brakes at the Haltons' house that night, he recalled.

He picked it up from the floor, and was about to toss it on the passenger seat when he stopped. Change your behaviors, he thought, and opened it instead.

Inside the book was the list of goals Josh had carefully crafted over the course of the workshop. Some were lofty, others more tangible, but just in reading them he felt some of the enthusiasm flow back into him that he'd felt when he'd made them. Jotted all through the margins were tiny notes, most with exclamation points, stars, or smiley faces. Josh began to flip through the pages, surprised at how many ideas there were.

Wow, Josh thought. I was really on fire that weekend.

As he scanned the margins, one scrawled phrase caught his attention. It was darkly circled, as if he'd gone over and over it with his pen for emphasis. Josh had no recollection of writing it, but as he read the phrase, he remembered it had been just one more idea of many, triggered at the time by something happening in the room. What the trigger was, he had no idea, but as he read the words, he could feel his mind begin to shift into gear.

Josh went over the events of that weekend. He could almost feel it again, that energy of being in a room of like minded people; the clarity of letting go of the day to day chaos, and opening up to possibilities.

Maybe it wasn't a waste after all, he thought.

Josh looked at the idea again, turned it over in his mind. And then Wendy's words came back to him:

It's like we never even talk, never mind actually work together.

That's what she'd said. She'd been describing how lonely their profession was. Josh looked back again at his journal. Why couldn't it work?

Josh hesitated a moment more, then grabbed his phone. A now familiar voice answered. “Wendy,” he said. “It's Josh. Where are you?”

“At the office. Where you should be. We just had our weekly roundtable. Every agent is in. Now's not a good time to be missing meetings, Josh.”

“Forget about it. Can you get them all to stay?”

“Stay?”

“Yes. All of them. I'll explain when I get there. Just ask them for 15 minutes of their time. I'll be there in ten.” There was silence on the phone. Come on, Wendy, Josh pleaded silently.

“You got it, Josh. I'll put on more coffee and lock the doors if I have to.”

Josh exhaled.

“I'll see you in ten minutes.”

Josh pulled up in front of the building, shut off the engine, and then took a deep breath.

This had better fly.

He had 15 minutes with two dozen very busy people. He didn't want to screw it up. He had no desire to fail in front of all his colleagues.

Fail? a new voice said.

“Okay,” he said aloud. “I have no desire to make this a poignant learning moment on the road to success. That better?” Then he laughed, and felt the tension drain out of him.

Let's go, Josh. You can do this.

“I pretty much have to at this point,” he said to the empty car.

Then he stepped out, and headed for the door.

Josh left the meeting feeling cautiously optimistic. He'd at least convinced them to try. And that was something. But he'd have to make the damn thing work. And that meant he had just a few hours to hit three more brokerages, including Amy's, and convince them all to try. He took a deep breath. “Let's get going, then,” he said aloud, and put the car in gear.